Sailing Sunday, Grandmother died today

[cruisinsforme]

First, let me express my condolences. I know you are torn, but if your Grandmother was a well traveled lady, she would understand. Going on this trip does not mean you love her any less. My grandmother died when my parents were in Alaska and they flew home from the funeral and then flew back at a cost of thousands of dollars. As another poster said, funerals are for the living which is why your mother wants you there. Say your goodbyes to Grandma on Saturday and enjoy your trip. Your mother will get over it.

[flauer1112]

stargazertechie,

 

I am so sorry for you loss.

i too lost my grandmother before my first cruise. I cared for her and for 32 years, she was like my mother. I had to face that same hard decision you are facing now.

 

I knew my gmom would have wanted me to go and get away from all the stresses and come back to my new life. So i chose to go. For me, it was easier to handle what had just happened, when i came back. And for you, having 4 deaths in 6 months,...i think you should go. you deserve and need to just getaway from it, for a little bit.

 

Enjoy it.

[mkad1109]

People deal with loss in so many different ways. One more vote to GO! I will never forget a neighbor coming up to me the year my Dad passed away in August to tell me how happy she was to see that I decorated for the holidays... I was a little confused-we have four children and have and had always decorated in a big way... I guess in certain cultures people do not decorate for Xmas the year a loved one dies... For us it was never a consideration-no one could possibly have loved Christmas more than my Dad!

 

Go with an easy heart and enjoy yourself. Your Mom will get over it.. She may just be concerned with your Dad and making sure he has as much support as possible...... His wishes are what should drive you.

[jaja]

so sorry for your loss...

 

you have gotten some good advice here...hope it all helps..

[LynneL]

So sorry for your loss. I agree with your Dad & say go on the cruise. On the night of the burial you can take a moment go out on deck, look up to the stars in the sky & wish grandma a beautiful voyage too. Make your cruise a happy one in her honor.

 

Sometimes mothers get caught up in the "how will it look the the family/friends....", even if they won't admit it. In reality, most people may not even ask where you are - people get so caught up in gabbing with people they haven't seen in a while they forget there's a body up front in a coffin, no less who is not there - lol. If they ask, I think they'll tell your mom it was good you went, didn't lose your money & disappoint whomever you were traveling with. And for those that don't agree...who cares!!! If they're ever faced with the same decision they can stay home & you won't judge them for making a decision you didn't agree with. Go with what's in your heart and you'll be fine.

 

Have a wonderful time, and know that any grandma - especially one who liked to travel - would be sorely disappointed to think that your were standing by a grave crying rather than smiling up at her and toasting her life while on an adventure. I know that's what I would I want.

[bethaniesmom]

this happened to my mother two weeks before she went on a cruise many years ago. she lost her mother and thought about what people would say if she went so soon afterwards. then she thought what her mother would have told her had she been able to give her opinion. my mother went on her trip!

do what feels right to you!

 

Beverly

[Vyhanek]

My Grandfather passed last year. In a way I almost wish I didn't go to the funeral. All of my happy memories seem to be over shadowed by my vision of how he looked laying there in that casket. I can't get that vision out of my head, even if I let myself recall a happy memory.

 

Go have a great time on your cruise. Toast your Grandmother. I'm sure she would probably love to be on that cruise with you enjoying it together. Go enjoy it for the both of you!!

[RWFrye5]

I'd like to add my sympathies to all of those that have already been extended. My feeling is that whatever you do next week is not as important as what you did last week, last month, or last year. It;s the time that you gave while your grandmother was alive that is important. I think your grandmother would be disappointed if you don't go so you should honor her meory and not only go - but go and have a great time in her memory! Because you won't be there to cry over her casket does not mean that you won't be thinking of her next week! You will be amazed at how many times you will feel her presence in your heart while you are away - when you see the first sunset at sea, or perhaps the beautiful flowers you will see in Bermuda - there will be MANY times that you will remember your grandmother while you are gone - in ways that no one who will attend her funeral will.

 

Go and have fun - that's what your grandmother would want!

 

(I think we have the same mother!!)

[JLC@SD]

My grandmother passed away yesterday afternoon. My dad (her son) is totally fine with me missing the funeral and going on the trip, my grandmother was a well-traveled old lady after all.

 

My mother on the other hand keeps guilting me, telling me to cancel. I was stupid and didn't get trip insurance, and even if I had I probably wouldn't be canceling the trip. I've got the chance to go to the funeral parlor Saturday and say my goodbyes, and hop my Sunday morning flight to NYC.

 

2 weeks out of college, faced with my first major "adult" decision, and I've already got one parent hating me. The next 50+ years don't look so promising. :D;)

 

After 4 deaths in 6 months, I NEED a vacation.

 

Sorry, I just needed to vent.

 

My condolences to you and your family. Go on your cruise...there is nothing you can do about the timing.

 

My mother passed away in the middle of our last cruise in Europe. There was nothing we could do. The testimony you can give for your Grandmother is your relationship you had with her while she was alive and the memory and respect you will have for her in the years to come. Her son (your Dad) understands this.

[Kaboochi]

I too am sorry for your loss. Please take this trip as I think your grandmother would want that for you. Look up at the stars at night and think of her.

 

I am sure your mom loves you but she sounds like mine and is putting you through a guilt trip. Stand your ground now (respectfully) or it will get worse as years go by. Trust me, I have an 82 year old mom who has done this to me for over 30 years. Your dad is fine with your traveling - Go, GO GOOOOO!!!!!!

[DMH15]

I am so very sorry for your loss.

 

Pack a favorite picture of your grandmother and take it on the cruise with you. Say goodbye in your own way. Grieving is a process. It's what's in your heart. And i can tell yours is heavy with the tough decisions you have to make. What you envisioned about this cruise will definately be affected by your loss. Go, as a tribute to the great lady who I am sure will be with you in spirit.

 

For what ever reason your mother is reacting, it sounds like your dad will be there championing your decision to anyone who might inquire your wherabouts. I can just hear him say, "we insisted he continue with his plans, and his grandmother would have wanted him to as well."

 

Again, so very sorry for the tough year you've had.

[ParrothdJH]

My grandmother passed away yesterday afternoon. My dad (her son) is totally fine with me missing the funeral and going on the trip, my grandmother was a well-traveled old lady after all.

 

My mother on the other hand keeps guilting me, telling me to cancel. I was stupid and didn't get trip insurance, and even if I had I probably wouldn't be canceling the trip. I've got the chance to go to the funeral parlor Saturday and say my goodbyes, and hop my Sunday morning flight to NYC.

 

2 weeks out of college, faced with my first major "adult" decision, and I've already got one parent hating me. The next 50+ years don't look so promising. :D;)

 

After 4 deaths in 6 months, I NEED a vacation.

 

Sorry, I just needed to vent.

GO GO GO and enjoy. have a toast to Grandmother and enjoy your cruise....don't let someone else lay a guilt trip on you

[BikerAl]

First, my condolences. I am posting this without reading any other comments, so I am not influenced by them.

 

What would your Grandmother advise? Do that.

 

Al

[cheggy]

As a adult in training, 1st lesson. buy trip insurance in future . 2nd lesson .. you can't please everybody . nows a good time to realize that.

If you were the only living relation and had to make all the arrangements then it would be different.

A year from now when you think about this , are you going to be more upset because you went or stayed ?

[dlm615]

OP...go! Pay your respects today, and get on the ship tomorrow. Others posters are correct...funerals are for the living. I am sure that your mother just reacted...thinking of what others may think. She will reassess and get over it. Trust me...I am a mother of someone your age...we love unconditionally...sometimes we just react badly. Go out on deck one night, look up at the stars, and toast your Grandmothers life! If you are on the Dawn...I will be there also...Come to the M&G...you will have a lot of support! Debbie

[angeljt]

[quote name='terrymtex01']OP... I am very sorry for your loss.

Here is another word of advise. Funerals are for the living, not for the dead. When I was in college I worked part time for a funeral home. The one thing I learned is that a funeral is not for the dead, but it is a way for the living to begin to accept the loss, to start the process of moving on and to say thier farewells to the departed. Your chance to show the one you have lost how much you love them, the respect you have for them, etc, was while they were still living, not at a funeral. Find a way to say your good bye and really accept your loss. Maybe the trip will be your beginning of the process of moving on. Take it from someone much older than you.. one of the lessons I have learned in my life is I try every day to make sure those I love and care for know it, so that when Im gone or when they are gone, there are no questions. I don't have to wait for a funeral to show it and I get the feeling you don't either... 8-)[/quote]
I totally agree with Terry!
Your Grandmother is in your heart, not at the funeral home.
I'm sorry for your loss, and hope you have a great cruise without any guilt!

[Micchi]

[quote name='angeljt']
Your Grandmother is in your heart, not at the funeral home.
[/quote]

I couldn't agree more with this statement. I loved my grandparents more than I could ever express in words, but I don't like to visit their grave because to me, that's not where they are. If I was in the OP's situation, I know I'd go on the cruise, because it's what my grandma would have wanted. She'd probably tell me to have a few extra desserts for her as well :)

[SuiteTraveler]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Something special you could do, if you want, is to write a brief eulogy of your grandmother - it doesn't need to be long or elaborate, just say how you feel about her and ask your dad to give it to the officiant to read on your behalf at the funeral. The officiant will say something like, since (insert your name here) could not be here today, he/she asked that I read this on his/her behalf.

You could write about any of these subjects:

Your grandmother's love of travel
Hobbies the two of you had in common
How proud you are that she was your grandmother
How special she was to you
How much you loved her
Something special she used to do for you
Why you will never forget her

In this manner, although you will not be physically present, you can still be a part of the funeral and EVERYONE will know that you care.

[DMH15]

Stargaze...

One more thing I have learned from my many years of experience on this earth... (Not talking about your mother but other guests at the funeral, perhaps, or later), there will always be people who want to judge you and some might even be compelled to tell you what they think. I like to just smile and look right at them and say nothing. I think that probably drives them crazy.

[MISSYLOU]

I am sorry for your loss. I can tell you as a well traveled grandma I would not want my grand children to stay home for the funeral. Go and enjoy yourself. That is what she would want.

[Barb Nahoumi]

I am so sorry for your loss.

My mom passed last summer while my husband & I were away, celebrating our wedding anniversary. We came home early.

Your Gram was a traveler herself, and I'll bet that her spirit will be on the trip with you. Go, in her memory.

You'll have your private time with her and your parents the night before the funeral.

Barb

[debshomespun]

As the others have stated, go on the cruise. The funeral is for the living, and your father will be there to support your mother, even though it was his mother that passed away. I'll bet Granny will be watching you enjoy your time on the cruise. Be sure to have a drink for her, and give her a special prayer of thanks while looking out over the beautiful sunset you will see during your cruise.

This is what I would hope for my children and grandchildren when the time comes. Don't stop on account of me departing from this great earth. We will always be with our loved ones in spirit!

[angeljt]

I'm hoping the reason we haven't heard back from the OP is because she is on her cruise!
I didn't realize it was her honeymoon! I sure hope they went! I don't think her Grandmother wouldn't want her to cancel that!

[SuiteTraveler]

I hope that she is on her honeymoon as well and enjoying every minute of it.

[cykl]

[quote name='stargazertechie']My grandmother passed away yesterday afternoon. My dad (her son) is totally fine with me missing the funeral and going on the trip, my grandmother was a well-traveled old lady after all. [/quote]

I'm so sorry for your loss, and know how you are feeling. My husband's brother was killed in an accident last year four days before our Hawaiian cruise. To make matters worse, he was killed in the line of duty (he was a paramedic), and his funeral was a major event. We were willing to cancel our trip and consulted with the family, and they all encouraged us to go. We knew in our hearts that he would agree. We said our goodbyes to him the night before we left, and got on the plane still questioning if we were doing the right thing.

Our family called the morning of the funeral and gave us a blow-by-blow account of the processional and stayed on the line during the entire ceremony so we could hear everything. After hearing the "final call" from his agency we had ourselves a good cry. A few minutes later we parted the curtains on the hotel room and saw our ship pulling into port.

It was a bittersweet trip, and we memorialized him every chance we could - writing his name in the sand on many Hawaiian beaches and sharing a shot of Jack Daniels (his drink of choice) at the top of Haleakala.

As others have said, funerals are for the living. It's what you do to honor the memory of your loved one that really matters. We reflected a lot during that time away, and decided the best way to honor him was to join our local rescue squad and become EMT's ourselves. We know he's up there somewhere thinking that is pretty cool stuff.

We're coming up on the one-year anniversary of his death in about a month, and we haven't regretted for a minute taking that trip. I hope you were able to take yours. I'm sure your grandmother would be nothing but happy for you!