Wedding or a 27 day dream trip?

[djcass4199]

Maybe bad phrasing on my part, but IMHO, weddings and funerals are huge money grabs designed to play on people's sentimentalities. The diamond companies still advertise the guy spending 2 months salary on the ring. Give me a break. Is he some kind of cheapskate to spend a grand or 2 on a ring then? Does he love her less? $20k only buys a moderate wedding these days and that's just a shame. To each their own, and if someone wants to spend that money on a wedding, I hope it's to make themselves happy and not for future bragging rights.

 

I have to LOL at this. My sister is wanting a $9,000 ring from her fiancee because "it's the two months salary custom!" My fiancee's ring was $499.00, 1/2 a carat, going to look amazing with her grandmom's diamond on one side and the solid white gold band on the other. She loves it. I love it. It was a wicked steal from Helzberg. So, I guess my point is, I agree with what Dan has said. Money doesn't buy happiness. And money shouldn't be used for bragging rights.

 

And if I'm the original poster, I'm spending $15,000 on the wedding, $2,000-$3,000 on a Caribbean cruise (7 days), and putting the rest in savings for a rainy day.

[djcass4199]

And I will add this too.............big fancy wedding........big fancy honeymoon..........all for it to be over in a day or a week.

 

It's kind of sad that people need to have these things in order to be happy. Why spend all this money for something that isn't going to last forever? It just seems like poor fiscal responsibility. I'm sure 80% of the people on here will disagree with me. And that is ok. This is just my humble opinion.

[kate59]

We got married 2 years ago - got married on mountain near us with just our kids and grandkids (second time around) and went out for dinner. Had party at home the next afternoon/evening and announced to our friends and rest of family we got married. This also minimised stress and gave us 2 days of partying. But kept our costs down.

 

Since then we have done one overseas trip, one cruise and looking forward to our 2nd cruise in May - 46 nights. Give me cruising than spending a lot of money on a wedding.

 

And no matter what you do someone will not be happy.:)

[beachchick]

Of course we really can't say which she will be happier about down the road, but here's what I/we would do: Take the trip! No question, no hesitation. Spend the money the groom set aside for the Mexico honeymoon and use it for a smaller, but beautiful wedding. It can still be a dream day on a smaller scale. Then take the $20,000 for that amazing trip/honeymoon. What a great way to start a marriage.

 

I know many women (and men too) have the whole dream wedding fantasy and see nothing wrong with spending many, many thousand dollars on that day. My DH and I had a very small wedding with family and close friends. We cut corners in many places (my dress cost $100, the flowers were purchased through an acquaintance wholesale and we made the arrangements, my best friend designed the invitation cover, etc.), but we splurged a bit where we thought it was more important (excellent food and wine at a sit down dinner, appetizers and beverages before the wedding--and champagne for the slightly nervous bride, etc.). Like Happy ks, we spent a fraction of what the "typical" wedding costs, yet it was a wonderful, memorable day for everyone. It was a party to celebrate the fact that we were going to be married. I guess what I really feel is that a wedding is a day, but it's the marriage that's important.

 

Whenever I see that typical weddings now cost $20,000 or more, all I can think is, "Wow. That's an amazing trip or a down payment on a house or a new car." OTOH, I don't have a traditional engagement ring, my wedding ring has only one ruby in it and no diamonds, and every time I say that I'd like an anniversary band of pink and red rubies to go with it, I end up deciding that the money would be much better spent on our travel fund or the house/car or something else because I just don't need an extra ring. I never wanted the huge wedding with 200+ people and a big wedding cake and professional photographer and fancy white gown and embossed invitations and all the rest. I mention these things in the interest of full disclosure. I'm a romantic at heart, but don't care for most of the superficial expressions of it. And again, that's just me--I do not look down on anyone who does love such things.

 

So the bottom line is that the bride and groom will have to decide for themselves what will make for better long-lasting memories. They should ask themselves if one thing or another will leave them with regrets.

 

beachchick

[Karysa]

Almost 19 years later we reminisce about our 16 day Caribbean Honeymoon more often then we do about our 6 hour wedding. Could not imagine giving up those 2 plus weeks together. Within 4 years of marriage we had a DD and DTwinD's and moved twice for my husbands career. I hope that your friends are as happy with the decision that they make.:)

[spongerob]

The thing about the fantasy wedding is that is has to be **perfect** in every way or it's a disaster. We're dealing with extremes here. IMO the stress and planning are so draining that it is very likely the bride will go through the entire event in a fog anyway. It will be over before they have a chance to even be able to appreciate the moment.

 

I'm entirely with beachchick on this. A moderate wedding that everyone can enjoy, followed by a fantastic trip that gives the couple a chance to build some memories together will be far more enjoyable.

[kathcoll]

I'm so over the idea of having to overspend on these symbolic things that are more for show than substance.

 

And the bills for the wedding last longer than the marriage.

I've never understood the angst and stress of a large party for everyone you know.

Though I respectfully acknowledge that my way is only right for ME and concur with the advice to be supportive and let the happy couple decide for themselves

(Interestingly the groom's perspective isn't mentioned much)

 

 

40 years ago my proposal came with the interesting option of a diamond ring or a Carribbean honeymoon. My plain platinum band is still on my hand though I did have to have it resized once. And the memories of my very first trip by air, to a destination more than 300 miles from home, palm tress, swimming in BLUE waters in February... those memories are still fresh and inspiring my travels!

[BoardwalkBabe]

We talked about eloping and having a great honeymoon. We ended up with the wedding that everyone else wanted and barely had a honeymoon. Your wedding day should be about YOU and not everyone else. Fortunately, we've been taking great vacations ever since because we truly understand the value of having time away alone together.

 

Given the choice, I'd have a minimal wedding and go for the big honeymoon!

[Martini Mom]

You can pay for all your "friends" to have a nice evening on your dime or you can go away with your new spouse and have a great launch to your new married life. To me it's about deciding between the wedding or the marriage, if that makes sense.

[2SeaWithMe]

We had over 200 guests at our wedding, and while I'm glad we did our wedding our way, we don't even speak with at least half of those people not even 7 years later.

 

And even if one doesn't do much of a registry and requests cash, not only is that tacky, but people will give you whatever they feel like. With that big and varied a group, we got everything from lamps to a set of silver we never registered for.

 

If (God forbid) I ever did it again, I'd elope or just do a cake and champagne reception.

 

Not to mention..I'm friends with a lot of wedding photographers. Ask a photographer to do your grandparents retirement party...similar poses, same amount of time. Even in our area where things cost a bit, it would be less than $1,000 maximum. Ask for a wedding package, and you're looking at $7,000-$10,000. Prices are inflated because people will pay for it.

[Cattie]

I'd go for the vaca. I was married on a cruise and had a reception at home 3 weeks after. I wouldn't have it any other way, but I didn't want the big wedding. I didn't even want the reception but I lost that fight. Everyone that was there said it was the best reception by far they've ever attended. We where also in our 30's when we where married.

 

Really she has to decide if she wants the big frilly wedding. I personally didn't at this stage in my life. I'd rather spend the time traveling and enjoying myself before I have children, cause I know once they come around I'm gonna be broke!

[ithaca gal]

My first thought is definitely to go for the cruise! Many people have posted the same thoughts before me, but I agree that you are paying for all of your friends and family to have a big party on your dime -- that you won't remember a lot of the wedding because the time just flies by and you are in "la-la land" at the time.

 

You can have a nice wedding without spending tons. I don't know what time of year your friend is getting married, but I cut flowers from my father's garden and took them to the florist to be arrange for my bouquet (big savings), I paid for NO flowers at the church (had stands of greenery only -- who will remember what they saw during that half hour or so?), found a beautiful dress at a ridiculously low price, had a friend who is great at photography take hundreds of great photos (we paid for the developing and the "service" was her gift to us). Etc. etc. etc.

Oh! And there is no rule that you have to pay for lots of alcohol -- your true friends won't expect it if they know what you are using your money for -- know anyone who does beautiful cakes? Why spend hundreds on one if someone will make it their gift to you. Well, you get the idea now.

 

Go for the CRUISE!

[2SeaWithMe]

I agree with the previous poster...she'll love herself a little more in the months after if she doesn't spend that much...regardless of your net worth, it's just not always worth it.

 

I cut my costs by at least 75% by choosing an unpopular wedding date, ordering flowers and arranging them myself from an online florist, and making caterers bid against each other on an online catering site.

[greatam]

We talked about eloping and having a great honeymoon. We ended up with the wedding that everyone else wanted and barely had a honeymoon. Your wedding day should be about YOU and not everyone else.

 

I'm with you on this one. First wedding-the fancy, fancy wedding with the very expensive sit down dinner at the Huntington Sheraton in Pasadena, CA. This was truly for Mom and Grandmother-not something I wanted in the least. Over 1/2 the people there I had no idea who they were. And the honeymoon-X hubby FORGOT to make reservations at the hotel in San Diego. Spent 6 hours sitting in the lobby HOPING for a room (July 4) The entire day was skewed. The marriage lasted 6 months.

 

Second marriage-courthouse with the judge and his secretary in Linneus, MO, population 300.

Drove back to the town we lived in, bought a couple of cases of beer and some booze, rounded up our TRUE friends and had one heck of a party. Got in our semi the following day, delivered our load to NYC, spent 4 days in luxury hotels in NYC (we tried both the Plaza and the Waldorf), then loaded our truck to Wyoming and Montana and spent time in Yellowstone (I had always wanted to stay at Old Faithful Inn) and Glacier National Park. That was 27 years ago.

 

Money didn't make the second wedding. But the money was WELL SPENT doing all the FUN things we did. And those memories have lasted a long time.

[TroubleT]

My two cents...

 

1. I would never spend 20K on a party (I call it a party)

2. Just my own experience and observations: the more you spend on your wedding/party the less it lasts.

3. So go on a trip/cruise and enjoy. When your friend starts a family it will be a very long time until they will be able to go when they want (school, etc.) or where they want.

[genegri]

I think $20k is a lot for a wedding. My own wedding 5 years ago cost less than $1000, including rings, dress, suit, registration fee and reception.

 

On the other hand, 20k is actually a really good price for a 35-day exotic vacation. I don't know which cruiseline it is, but for that itinerary and that many days, it is a fantastic deal.

[ILoveScotland]

Several thoughts, most of which have been said in one way or another:

 

1. It's your friend's wedding, so the decision is ultimately that of the bride and groom. Helping process is a good thing, though, and especially a list of pros and cons and those sorts of things.

 

2. This is a cruising web site which means people who love to travel, so I'm not surprised lots of "go for the trip" responses.

 

3. I've never understood expensive weddings, so I wouldn't have an unbiased opinion about spending $20 k on a wedding.

 

4. I used to have the same attitude about having to wait to travel, but then I got there (here), and it ain't bad even at a later age. :D