How do you deal with rude people?

[jojo18]

Obviously, this "lady" with the scooter did not really need it! Could it possibly be that she is one of the many who exploits the need to have a "handicap" room? Call me cynical! We have done many cruises and I am afraid that the cases of people pushing in front of those in wheelchairs far exceed the number of situations that you have described. The number of times that we have had to wait for lengthy periods of time after returning to the ship while in ports is legend. The people with whom we travel and I often resort to the "we'll use the stairs and meet you" refrain but to no avail. I've come to the conclusion that there is so much abuse of the "handicapped" card that people are insensitive to the needs of those who really are "confined" to a wheelchair or unable to walk and rely on a scooter. SAD!

[Spikesgirl]

I have degenerative spondilolthesis. On good days, I can walk fairly normally, on bad days, it just doesn't behoove me to even try. On our last cruise (to the British Isles - I used a cane duirng the trip) I was amazed at how folks treated me and my DH, whom the Brits tagged as my caregiver. Doors were open, special lines offered, employees ushering me past lines of other patiencely (or not) waiting folks, etc. My only complaint, in France, I was called 'priviledged' instead of disabled. Gotta say, most days, I ain't feeling too priviledged! Still they seem to treat their disabled with a lot more dignity (and less hostility) than we get at home.

 

Cahrlei

[D&TTexasCruisers]

We had the same problem with the elevators on the ship. People would push past my husband who is on the heart transplant list and has a blockage in his leg which makes standing and walking painful and was pushing my son who is disabled and cannot walk. I finally got to where I wouild get in front of one elevator and when it came I would stand there and block everyone while my husband and son got on, it is really sad that people cant be anymore courteous than that. We actually had one of the pursers that helped us out she would come with us and when he elevator would come she would make people get out to let us in if that is what it took to get us where we were going. We would be more than happy to trade places with all those people!

[erasmus67]

we have found one way to deal with the elevator problem and overcrowding is to go in the opposite direction from most of the traffic. If most people are going down to the dining room, we, with wheelchair and/or scooter, go up to the top and then come down. As for rude people, there is nothing to be gained by challenging them and their attitude; that is the way they are and nothing you say or do is going to change that and may just lead to further unpleasantness. Life is too short with enough problems to let them get under our skin:)

 

Yes we do this regularly. Especially on the last day. Everyone is going down so we wait for an empty one going up. My husband can walk short distances so there are times I take the scooter down to the access deck and park it there the night before so we don't have to deal with it and the carry bags.

[CelticEyes]

I feel uncomfortable about the term AB being attached to anyone not using a type of mobility aid. Some of the people that are being judged have invisible disabilities.

 

I can walk short distances but not always. I will sit down and wait for the elevator to be clear or the line to be gone so that I may proceed. I will do this even though it may take 2 hours. Standing for more than about three minutes is very difficult. I can't do shopping unless the riding cart is available but to look at me you would never believe that anything was wrong and that maybe I am just lazy.

 

Please don't assume that everyone standing is AB.

Fran

 

Fran,

 

You posted just what I was thinking. My father passed away from mesothelioma. He was very healthy looking. The doctors, at the tumor board at Stanford, wrote that he appeared a good ten years younger than his age. My father fought using his placard and parking in HP spots untill he realized just how much he was missing out of his limited remaining time. I use to get so mad at the looks he would get. Just b/c someone looks AB it does not been they are in fact AB.

 

Hopefully, as more and more people become educated, some of the ignorant behaviour discussed on the board will cease.

 

Monica

[kitty9]

We just got off Constellation and I was amazed by how terrible people were on disembarking. Both mom and I were in wheelchairs in the terminal and I actually had to get out of my chair to protect my mom from the horrible people who were shoving her out of the way and hitting her with their luggage. It was an awful experience. Mom is only 4'9" and she weighs 90lbs, so she's really tiny, but there's still no excuse how animalistic those people behaved that day.

[jasm8449]

Kitty....would it not be easier for you and your mom to wait until the end of boarding, when most passengers are off the ship and have picked up their luggage, before leaving the ship yourselves? That's what I do. It makes a tremendous difference, and it's safer, too.

[franu]

I don't believe that most persons are being purposely rude to individuals with disabilities. They don't know how to behave and what is appropriate.

 

For many, many, years persons with disabilities were hidden away from public view. There is also some fear that this could be them. Different cultures have their own attitudes and beliefs and they are raised with these preconceived ideas. What they were taught was not correct.

 

Unfortunately we are their teachers. Let us teach them with kindness and understanding so that others will not have the same behaviour.

Fran

[eigig]

Hi

My husband has progressive MS and now uses a scooter to navigate ships. We just returned from the QM2 and had a wonderful time. Never really had rudeness displayed. Lots of staring though.

 

I (as the AB partner) used to feel a bit self concious when others stared as some of you have remarked upon, and I do admit that it is disconcerting. However, I now try to look at it this way:

Perhaps (as someone on this thread mentioned) they are just curious. Sometimes I see a someone handling their disability well and are enjoying themselves and it is inspiring! I think to myself "well maybe I could do that too-they look like they are enjoying life despite the difficulties".

 

All of us have problems in our lives and some are just more visible than others! Maybe when others stare at us it is just because it is so obvious what our problems are. There are others on the same elevator or in the same room who have cardiac conditions or cancer etc etc etc. Their difficulties are not so obvious but are "felt" just as much. Watching us gives others food for thought.

 

I make it a point to smile and appear to be having a wonderful time (and for the great part it is not an act at all as we do have a wonderful time) and I think it helps others to maybe consider how they might handle such a situation.

We are all human after all!

 

Thanks again to Hugh (Leo and Hugh) who has given me such great advice. The scooter was great and the handicap room was great too. You suggested that we take the room to see what was available as things progressed and you were right! Many thanks!

 

Sometimes a perspective tranformation is needed by all.

Best to all!

Eileen

[kitty9]

Kitty....would it not be easier for you and your mom to wait until the end of boarding, when most passengers are off the ship and have picked up their luggage, before leaving the ship yourselves? That's what I do. It makes a tremendous difference, and it's safer, too.

 

 

Not when you're stuck with a flight that leaves earlier. Where we live, we don't have a lot of choices for flights, so we can't wait until nearly everyone is off the ship. Plus we don't want to have the expense of staying at a hotel just because we miss the flight.

[Tiiiigergirl]

I don't believe that most persons are being purposely rude to individuals with disabilities. They don't know how to behave and what is appropriate.

 

For many, many, years persons with disabilities were hidden away from public view. There is also some fear that this could be them. Different cultures have their own attitudes and beliefs and they are raised with these preconceived ideas. What they were taught was not correct.

 

Unfortunately we are their teachers. Let us teach them with kindness and understanding so that others will not have the same behaviour.

Fran

 

I agree. I also think that it is when people don't seem like they "should" be disabled that they garner the most looks. By that I mean too young, or have lost a limb etc. It causes cognitive dissonance meaning the reality and what people think should be reality don't match up. So they have to look a little longer to make sure that they are really seeing what they are seeing. So seeing an elderly person with a cane or in a wheelchair does not cause brain confusion but seeing a younger person does. Our family really catches some looks. I'm statistically too young and our son has a movement disorder that catches the eye. People have to try to make sense of what they are seeing. I don't think most people are trying to be rude.

 

How do I deal with rude people? I analyze things to death.

[sharonny]

It's not just those in wheelchairs. Add those using walkers/rollators. My mom gets stares, sneers and comments because she walks too slow or crooked. Most of the time we just ignore but when I see her biting her lips I know someone/something got to her and she's trying not to cry. I will usually put my hand on her hand and walk very very slowly beside her smiling and talking to her not allowing the commenting person behind us by. If they would just say "excuse me" we'd move. I have told people that I pray they never have to deal with mobility issues, some laugh at us, some hang there heads and walk away and yes, I've become a elevator blocker when necessary :eek: .

 

On a funny note this reminds me of the time when my DH and I went to Disney World with our 3 boys (2 in strollers). After a late night strolling at Downtown Disney we headed to the bus stop. We were the only ones there. We saw the bus coming and each of us picked up a sleeping child, folded the strollers and out of nowhere came the biggest crowd of teens. Needless to say the bus pulled away full with us still standing at the bus stop with our kids.

 

Smiles to all!

[Hebe]

I sometimes find that the we get a lot of questions about what it is like to travel with someone in a wheelchair. It appears that people have family or friends that are in a wheelchair. Sometimes these people think that traveling is not possible anymore. I will point them to this board for a true understanding of the plus and challenges.

 

I do understand not everyone with a challenge uses some type of mobility device, but I am still strong that sometimes these people do not need a wheelchair assessable room. A regular room (with a shower chair or raised toilet seat) may also work. I saw one person attack someone on our roll call who was in a wheelchair assessable room that he had wait-listed. He said he can get a wheelchair room because his wife did not have 20/20 vision. He then when on to brag about home many people he could fit in the bathroom on a previous cruise.

 

It also appears that we now also have people who are fluffy thinking that they should book the wheelchair assessable room because they want the larger showers.

 

I think the abuse of booking these cabins are increasing as some of the newer ships are finally putting some of the wheelchair assessable rooms in some very nice locations on the ships. For example the mid aft cabins on the Celebrity Millie ships and the RCL balcony rooms mid ship are some of the nicest rooms on the ship. We do get these rooms because our travel agents know when the cruises are going to open and he will books in the room before it is released. If we do not book then, these rooms will be gone during the first month. I must say normally, I never find another wheelchair in any of these rooms.

[Quampapetet]

On my cruise, one of my new friends in the group I was with uses a wheelchair for distances and when she walks, you can tell she has mobility problems. However, one time on the cruise I was in an elevator and a man (in his 70s or 80s, I'm guessing) said, in an implying tone, "I saw your friend. The one in the wheelchair. She was walking really well." If I hadn't been so shocked by his comment, I would've responded, but I just couldn't think of anything to say before getting off at the next floor. Especially from somebody who is prob'ly just a few short years from having mobility problems himself (from old age). Some people!!

 

Also, a lady in our group said to me, "If it wasn't for your dog, I wouldn't know you were disabled." So I said, "Well, then, I guess she's doing her job!"

[PennyAgain]

One thing that gets me is that people assume a younger person has an injury that will get better so should be trying harder to do so.

 

I'm 60 and am still asked if I have a knee injury and perhaps replacement that make it get better. I try very hard to be polite.

 

Very!

 

My leg is damaged. It is not going to get better and I don't need a knee replacement!

 

As I get older people are a little less rude, but still willing to offer advice. No thanks!

[franu]

I cannot feel anyone else's pain and do not know by looking at anyone whether or not they have disabilities. Unfortunately some people abuse the system. To those people I would say "I am so glad that you managed to get the WC accessible room because you must really need it. So many individuals abuse the system and deny the persons who must have it in order to travel."

Fran

[cruisindarryl]

Hi all,

 

I have cruised 12 times with my sis who is a quad. She uses a motorized chair onboard and a manual on shore ex.

 

Even tho I am her younger brother, I am very protective. I try not to give back rude comments for rude behavior but.... I do love when an elevator full of ABs opens up to see the look on their faces, as they notice my sweet sister sitting there patiently waiting. It's like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar! :D But I have to watch it or I just glare at them and usually since no one even offers to get off to make room for her, I say, loudly, "No wonder people gain weight on a cruise, it's from swallowing all that consideration" or something to that effect. But normally, we just smile at them.

 

My sister feels, that if you just let rude, unhappy people live their life, that is the worst thing you can do to them.

 

Side note: One thing I can say about any person we have met that lives in the Caribbean, they treat my sister as lovingly special and boy do they give her good deals in the shops!! :-)

 

As far as the other side of the coin - for every great person that is in a WC, there's others that you would like to just tip over. Of course, be it in a chair or out, you never know what people are dealing with in their lives, even on a cruise.

 

I appreciate those of you who said you would be a protector and/or run interference for people in WCs. I'll use your help anytime.

 

and Juke...I hope to meet you on board some day. It would be a blast. I want to see your array of horns!!

 

Y'all take care,

 

Cruisindarryl

 

ps. pic of Linda in modified cabin on the Summit 12/05

[Three Rings]

I do love when an elevator full of ABs opens up to see the look on their faces, as they notice my sweet sister sitting there patiently waiting. It's like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar! :D But I have to watch it or I just glare at them and usually since no one even offers to get off to make room for her, I say, loudly, "No wonder people gain weight on a cruise, it's from swallowing all that consideration" or something to that effect. But normally, we just smile at them.

 

I may be misreading or misunderstanding.....

 

I don't understand this line of thinking. Are you saying able bodied people should feel *guilty* for using an elevator? Elevators aren't for the exclusive use of disabled people. I don't believe that being in a wheelchair means you should be able to displace people who are already on the elevator, or cut in line when people are waiting for an elevator.

 

I am not "disabled" but have a very difficult time with stairs. My DH is wheelchairbound, and cannot take stairs at all, but would never make anyone else feel badly for using an elevator! I think the only time when disabled people should get priority on elevators is during an emergency.

[DesrtDrmr]

We do find rude people on ships. We also find rude people everywhere else we go, but mostly we find caring, compassionate people.

The worst, and best, spot is in an elevator on a ship. Sometimes they are full and people just push in front of us. I usually try to go wherever I am going earlier than necessary to avoid the rush. Many times, on an elevator, people will mention that some family member, a friend, or even themselves could really use a scooter to improve their independence in life and want to know about my scooter. They want to know if the ship has them available, where to rent them, where to buy them, etc. They are usually nice people and we enjoy running into them at different times during a cruise.

I do agree that people that do not need them, should not book handicapped accessible cabins.................but I place the blame on the cruise line along with those inconsiderate people. I know they are not allowed to make people have doctors forms, etc, but there ought to be some way to determine if someone needs that cabin or not. I think the most wonderful thing would be to have ALL the cabin doors wider, the toilets higher, and bars and shower stalls in all the bathrooms. So many more of us could use those cabins, even without all the extra room. I could take my scooter apart and put the pieces in the room. I could fold my folding wheelchair and put it along the wall somewhere. Those folks with the power chairs that cannot disassemble or fold could use the larger rooms.

[PDX3Wheeler]

Thanks to all of you for the insight and inspiration in your postings. I have a 'license' plate of flames on the back of my scooter basket which tells you something of my sense of humor. I also have a 2" PVC pipe attached to hold my cane which I am never without.

 

I cannot tell you how many times I have stopped within an inch of hitting someone who walked (or ran) right in front of me. I, too, resort to doing the opposite flow on the elevators...sometimes it is the only way.

 

My husband is not the most tactful person when it comes to people cutting in line and he will voice out loud that the line begins behind us.

 

We aren't going to change rude people...but we should be careful we don't change into rude people.

 

Roz

[AmyDawne]

I'll announce in a loud voice, "Hoeny, I'll walk up the stairs and meet you."

Oceanwench I thought I was the only one :)

[Three Rings]

We aren't going to change rude people...but we should be careful we don't change into rude people.

 

VERY well said!

[klauer]

I may be misreading or misunderstanding.....

 

I don't understand this line of thinking. Are you saying able bodied people should feel *guilty* for using an elevator? Elevators aren't for the exclusive use of disabled people. I don't believe that being in a wheelchair means you should be able to displace people who are already on the elevator, or cut in line when people are waiting for an elevator.

 

I am not "disabled" but have a very difficult time with stairs. My DH is wheelchairbound, and cannot take stairs at all, but would never make anyone else feel badly for using an elevator! I think the only time when disabled people should get priority on elevators is during an emergency.

 

 

I'm wondering about this issue too. I take the stairs most of the time, but I do take the elevator occasionally, and don't think that I should feel guilty about it. I think it is polite to let a disabled person into or out of the elevator first, but I've never felt that I needed to get off the elevator to let someone else on. Is this attitude considered rude?

[Shebbieal]

I use a powerchair and I would NEVER allow someone the option to exit the elavator for me to get on, when they were planning to stay in the elvator. I do not want or need anything special. To me sometimes the 'rude' person can be h/c or AB.

 

A smile or a simple please/thank you goes a long way. Someone being 'rude' is a minor problem, life is way too short to get mired by someone else.

 

JMO

Sherry

[Quampapetet]

You guys are right - elevators are not just for disabled ppl (or ppl who look disabled). If the elevator is full, wait for the next one just like everybody else does (hmm, that sounds like equal treatment to me, LOL!). It is when ppl go in front of you, cut in line, etc. that they are being rude.

 

Just like handicapped stalls are usually not just for disabled ppl (they count as one of the stalls the place is legally required to have as per the number of ppl the place can occupy, so normally they are not an extra stall [a few places might have done that, but not many]), but it would be horrible for an able-bodied person to enter one when there's a disabled person waiting (if you don't look it, you may have to make your need known - "I'm waiting for the accessible stall") or for an able-bodied person to take a long time in it (i.e. apply makeup, change clothes, have multiple kids using the toilet, etc.) especially without checking if somebody needs the stall.