Adoption paperwork snafu nearly ruins family's cruise

[cyntil8ing]

I don't even have the words to comment about this. Family plans a big, exciting Disney cruise. They get turned away because they don't have the proper paperwork for their newly adopted infant son. No big deal, he's a baby and won't remember it anyway, right? They dump the kid with some friends and hop on the boat without him. Check out the blog of their 'incredible fun-filled Disney Cruise Vacation.'

 

http://www.karsonandbetsy.blogspot.com/2012/05/disney-cruise.html

[Kerry's Girls]

Good post to remember about not being able to trust what someone on the phone at the cruise line tells you about documentation - no one at the port will care what you were told on the phone.

 

I didn't read the entire blog, but glad they were able to have the baby stay with friends so they didn't lose the entire cost of their cruise and disappoint the older child. Thank goodness their friends were close by.

 

Best,

Mia

[EmiGirl826]

At least the baby got to spend some time with his aunt, uncle, and cousins! I bet that they don't get to see him very often! It had to be incredibly hard on his mom though. At least everything turned out well for everyone!

[6rugrats]

Disney's webpage clearly states documentation needed to cruise and states that it's the passenger's responsibility to bring this documentation. Immigration sets the law, not Disney. Have no idea why this family believed a customer service rep on the phone. You can find the information about documentation needed to board a closed loop cruise on many, many websites.

 

Lack of research and planning = spoiled vacation. I bet when this family left their child with a friend, they did not even leave a signed medical treatment authorization form.

 

I have no idea why people are commenting that Disney should give this family a free cruise. Why? It's the family's fault they didn't have the correct cruise documentation. Some people live in laa laa land.

[3KidsTravel]

Sounds like these were fairly unique circumstances but for those adopted parents who travel with children and read this thread, make sure you have all documentation you might possibly need. We are the adoptive parent of two children, who look nothing like either of us, and we have different last names. We carry passports for the children, copies of their birth certificate, and copies of our marriage license ( to avoid the "Are you the step parent and do you have authorization from the parent?" issue.) We have been asked for all of this - and none of this. Better safe than sorry.

[mcfam5]

Disney's webpage clearly states documentation needed to cruise and states that it's the passenger's responsibility to bring this documentation. Immigration sets the law, not Disney. Have no idea why this family believed a customer service rep on the phone. You can find the information about documentation needed to board a closed loop cruise on many, many websites.

 

Lack of research and planning = spoiled vacation. I bet when this family left their child with a friend, they did not even leave a signed medical treatment authorization form.

 

I have no idea why people are commenting that Disney should give this family a free cruise. Why? It's the family's fault they didn't have the correct cruise documentation. Some people live in laa laa land.

 

I totally agree. As unfortunate as the situation is, rules are the rules. The incident would have been surreal. If it were our family, I can't imagine I would have even thought of calling someone to come pick him up. We would have been back on a plane home or heading to Orlando for a land based Disney vacation! LOL

[6rugrats]

I note that I can no longer read this blog; appears the blogger has shut it down to those with invitations only.

[jdwmaw]

Sounds like these were fairly unique circumstances but for those adopted parents who travel with children and read this thread, make sure you have all documentation you might possibly need. We are the adoptive parent of two children, who look nothing like either of us, and we have different last names. We carry passports for the children, copies of their birth certificate, and copies of our marriage license ( to avoid the "Are you the step parent and do you have authorization from the parent?" issue.) We have been asked for all of this - and none of this. Better safe than sorry.

 

We have two boys, one adopted domestically and one from Russia, both have DH's last name, my last name is different. We all have passports. Read on here somewhere to bring a copy of our marriage certificate (more of a foreign country issue than a cruise issue). I am curious - why do they ask for the birth certificates if you have passports - is it because your last names are different? Am I correct in remembering that the passport has your home address? My dh thinks we'll be find because we have passports, and we all have the same address. Maybe, like you said, just bring the birth certificates, better safe than sorry. Thanks.

[travelhound]

jdwmaw,

 

The family in the blog was probably doing a closed loop cruise to and from the same US port. For those cruises you only need a birth certificate and not a passport (assuming you don't need to fly home from a foreign port). I don't think you need a birth certificate if you have a passport. We've never brought one in the past 27 cruises we've done.

[crusinmama06]

Darn - it's locked now. I would have love to have seen how they justified dropping the baby and continuing on without him.

[MissMichelle]

I tried too.... :(

[Mom2B&Z]

Darn - it's locked now. I would have love to have seen how they justified dropping the baby and continuing on without him.

 

Me too.

Just goes to show how much people trust what they are told. This is a sad comment, as you would think that a company representative would be able to give accurate information, but instead goes to show how you need to check (and double check) everything yourself.

[OnTheBrink]

We bring everything we MIGHT need. Why risk it?

My daughter was adopted when she was two. So we bring her adoption papers, birth certificate, and passport, as well as my late husband's death certificate. My daughter was born with his last name and now has our new last name. I want to be able to show the series of events.

We bring our marriage license, plus passports and birth certificates for the rest of us.

It might seem like overkill, but we never worry.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[3KidsTravel]

Passports do not list home address or parents so while they prove citizenship, and are necessary for foreign travel, they do not prove that the child is traveling with parents. We always take birth certificates so we can prove we are parents. For single parents, this is important to show that you adopted alone and there is no other parent that needs to authorize travel. As my children get older, the immigration officers usually just ask them if we are their parents. We have had long talks about how the immigration line is not the best time to be funny!

[6rugrats]

Darn - it's locked now. I would have love to have seen how they justified dropping the baby and continuing on without him.

Because they would have lost all their money. The mom really did not go into much detail about it. She called an old friend to come pick him up and then asked her SIL to take him. I think the entire story is crazy; it sounded as if this child really did not know these people at all.

 

Mom must have found out people were reading her blog. They didn't have passports as they were going to Mexico. They didn't have the child's BC. She said the Disney reps told her everything was fine with just the hospital BC, but they didn't even have that.

 

I understand her "crying" as the luggage was taken off the ship, and being upset that a Disney rep told her everything would be o.k., but Disney's webpage CLEARLY states documentation needed to cruise, and mom didn't have any of it for this child.

[crusinmama06]

Nevermind I am deleting my own comments ;) sometimes its just better that way. Lol

[mcfam5]

Nevermind I am deleting my own comments ;) sometimes its just better that way. Lol

 

 

LOL ~ I had a few things to say too, but thought it through and decided against it. :p

 

I did read the blog yesterday morning (she must have locked it shortly there after) and I agree it does sound like the baby was going with people he didn't know. What I thought was interesting, was based on the blog, it sounded like they never entertained the notion of just not going. I guess we all make parenting decisions every day that are different from one another.

[CeleBrat]

Darn - it's locked now. I would have love to have seen how they justified dropping the baby and continuing on without him.

 

I was able to take a look at the blog yesterday, before it got locked. It was an extended family trip (their family, their parents, another sibling with their kids), so it would've been a bigger deal for the family to miss the trip, rather than just the newly-adopted son.

 

What's amazing is that despite being so far away from their home, the Mom's best friend lived near the port, and the Moms' sister(?) lived an hour or so away. I can't imagine flying to California and having that kind of back-up care available.

 

CeleBrat

[dsrdsrdsr]

Without knowing all the details of the other child, it isn't possible to give definitive answers. But perhaps telling the older child "you've got a new baby brother and because of him we can't go on holiday this year" might have been worse for family harmony than what they did do?

 

Though from what I know of UK adoption afgencies, at least, advertising the fact on a blog is not sensible!

[TheCalicoCat]

I guess we all make parenting decisions every day that are different from one another.

 

Yes we do. My family, including 3.5 year old son, are going on an AK cruise in a month - people are still asking, "Are you bringing your son?"

[wagzz21]

I was able to take a look at the blog yesterday, before it got locked. It was an extended family trip (their family, their parents, another sibling with their kids), so it would've been a bigger deal for the family to miss the trip, rather than just the newly-adopted son.

 

 

I'm probably going to get bashed for this, but here goes:

 

We just finalized the adoption of our son last week. He will be 6 months NEXT week, and we have never ever been one day away from him (we were there at his birth). There is something incredibly special about the birth/raising of ANY child... but from personal experience, I can state with certainty that, when you adopt a child, you go through an enormously difficult and sometimes long and painful journey to parenthood and the one thing most important to you in the world is BEING parents to a child (or children). There is not one single part of me that can understand going through all of that to become a parent to a child, looking forward to bringing that child on his/her first vacation, and then "dumping" the child with ANYONE - whether known to the child or not - so that we could continue on a vacation without him, other family going or not.. I would have not thought twice to say, "I'm sorry. I guess we're going to miss this one..." and taken the hit on the money. If I were concerned about my other child being bummed, I would have maybe found a family member GOING on the trip who was willing to take that child with them, OR, as one poster mentioned, changing plans and doing something land-based as a newly complete family. I would NEVER have left my newly adopted child behind...

[Onessa]

I've never left my DD (now 16YO) with someone else so I could vacation. She's did the occassional overnight with gma/gpa and before they passed away, we regularly invited/took them with us and they were kind enough to babysit so DH and I could do some more "adult" type activities. DD liked going to the kids programs when she was a kid and that was pleanty of time for DH and I to take in a show or dance or whatever. As she has gotten older, she's done camps and other stuff -- so it is not like she can't be away from us.

 

But I do have friends who do it all the time (BFF and her DH have taken the week of their anniversary off "alone" every year since they were married - their kids now have kids and appear no worse for the wear; my co-worker and her husband left their 3MO with his parents for a week-and-a-half to go to one of those beach island places) I cannot pretend to understand, but it is their "thing". Another co-worker announces in front of her two kids that she and her DH have to "get away from the kids" -- THAT I find disturbing, it is one thing to go off to re-connect, it is another to tell your kids that you want to go away because of them!

 

My parents went off on vacations without my sister and I when I was young. Sometimes we'd get diviv'ed up between relatives, when sis was older, she'd be "in charge" (15YO and parents off in the Bahamas and you are home with your 8.5YO sister -- no fun for her, not much for me either). I volunteer a lot with kids stuff BBBS, GSA, other stuff -- and find that most kids do feel a bit confused and left out when their parents go off without them -- even if Gma or auntie or whomever is "fun to be with" you can see a real difference in most of them during these times. Some of the teachers will warn me when I do volunteer reading tutoring that a particular child's parents are in Hawaii and he's feeling a little low.

 

I'm sure some kids are fine with it, but IMHO childhood is way way way too short and I want to make my kid's childhood great, and I really cannot bear to miss any of it. But that is me, and my kid -- everyone really needs to do what is right for them and their kid(s), but yes what "works" for you may not for your kid (or vice versa) and I think when they are young, what works for them really needs to be a priority.

[Onessa]

. . . . There is not one single part of me that can understand going through all of that to become a parent to a child, looking forward to bringing that child on his/her first vacation, and then "dumping" the child with ANYONE - whether known to the child or not - so that we could continue on a vacation without him, other family going or not. . .

My mother had complications after my birth. As a consequence I came home and she was in the hospital for another 2+ weeks. My closest relatives either were working full-time (G'ma) or had newborns of their own, so a neighbor woman with five kids (from age 4 to 12) took me in for the first four weeks of my life.

 

It was a necessity but I still cannot imagine taking on a newborn! I have SO much respect for foster parents because this is a situation many of them choose to take on regularly.

[bus man]

I'm probably going to get bashed for this, but here goes:

 

We just finalized the adoption of our son last week. He will be 6 months NEXT week, and we have never ever been one day away from him (we were there at his birth). There is something incredibly special about the birth/raising of ANY child... but from personal experience, I can state with certainty that, when you adopt a child, you go through an enormously difficult and sometimes long and painful journey to parenthood and the one thing most important to you in the world is BEING parents to a child (or children). There is not one single part of me that can understand going through all of that to become a parent to a child, looking forward to bringing that child on his/her first vacation, and then "dumping" the child with ANYONE - whether known to the child or not - so that we could continue on a vacation without him, other family going or not.. I would have not thought twice to say, "I'm sorry. I guess we're going to miss this one..." and taken the hit on the money. If I were concerned about my other child being bummed, I would have maybe found a family member GOING on the trip who was willing to take that child with them, OR, as one poster mentioned, changing plans and doing something land-based as a newly complete family. I would NEVER have left my newly adopted child behind...

 

No bashing from me. I understand your point of view and respect you for it.

 

However, I can also understand the POV of the family described in the original post. Maybe part of it was the money; we all can't just shrug off a loss of thousands of dollars, and this may well have been the only shot at a vacation that this family would have had for awhile.

 

But more than that, I can see them not wanting to disappoint their other child. Can you imagine the months-long buildup to the cruise, only to have to miss it at the last minute? Can you imagine the resentment that the other child might have felt? "That new baby made me miss my cruise!" Now obviously, it was the parents' fault, not the baby's; but I can easily see a child blaming the new addition for the missed trip.

 

I don't know this family, and I wasn't there, so anything I say is speculation only. But it's entirely possible that they decided that it would be better for long-term inter-sibling harmony if they went ahead with the cruise.

 

In any case, the parents made the best decision FOR THEM. And that's what parents do: make the best decisions for themselves, their children, and their family as a whole.

[wagzz21]

No bashing from me. I understand your point of view and respect you for it.

 

However, I can also understand the POV of the family described in the original post. Maybe part of it was the money; we all can't just shrug off a loss of thousands of dollars, and this may well have been the only shot at a vacation that this family would have had for awhile.

 

But more than that, I can see them not wanting to disappoint their other child. Can you imagine the months-long buildup to the cruise, only to have to miss it at the last minute? Can you imagine the resentment that the other child might have felt? "That new baby made me miss my cruise!" Now obviously, it was the parents' fault, not the baby's; but I can easily see a child blaming the new addition for the missed trip.

 

I don't know this family, and I wasn't there, so anything I say is speculation only. But it's entirely possible that they decided that it would be better for long-term inter-sibling harmony if they went ahead with the cruise.

 

In any case, the parents made the best decision FOR THEM. And that's what parents do: make the best decisions for themselves, their children, and their family as a whole.

 

Oh, I understand that we all have to do what is best for our individual families under the circumstances. I guess my point was that, in no way am I discounting what others go through to become parents "naturally" or through surrogacy, but in an adoptive situation, I *know* from personal experience the heartache, time investment, monetary investment, and most importantly, the emotional investment that goes along with becoming a parent via adoption... I would never change what we went through to become parents, but I also cherish every single moment with my son as a result of it... and I, personally, cannot fathom, after going through everything we did to adopt, choosing to leave him behind to take a vacation, under ANY circumstances, let alone something like this. I agree - foregoing thousands of dollars spent on a vacation is easier said than done, but money isn't going to replace 7 days with a brand new child that you're going to miss. Maybe the baby won't remember it, but you would... I also understand doing things in the interest of sibling harmony and having to "pad" the waters a little for an older sibling when bringing a new one, especially via adoption, into the family. You don't want them to feel left out, forgotten, or like they are "losing" anything because of the new baby. But, in my opinion, LEAVING the baby to take the older one on a vacation without the baby doesn't necessarily send the right message to that older child, either, about how this baby IS in fact a part of the family now. Yes, these people had to make a quick decision based upon what they thought was best for them and, yes, my statements clearly are judging them in a not-so-positive light, but I, PERSONALLY, after having been through an adoption and knowing how much I love this little boy and want to spend every conceivable bit of my time with him because we waited so long for him to become a part of our family, cannot even BEGIN to imagine making the decision that they did. Like I said, I would give up the vacation and find something else "fun" to do with the other child landbased before I would ever have considered leaving my newly-joined member of the family behind. Just my personal opinion, though. I understand that we all vary on them. :)