.......idle jottings

[ho-hum]

To be honest, Hum asked himself why it wasn't the young Polish long in the leg female dance artist on the ladder instead?! :D

 

With the dance artist on the ladder, Hum would have done this job during the whole cruise. ;)

 

Everyone onboard looks this way whenever hum passes by ... :eek::D

 

Have a save trip and a calm sea while crossing, old chum! :)

 

Sie sind unverbesserlich GCMV!

(You are incorrigible GCMV!)

Thanks for your kind wishes old chap.

[kathyanddanny]

Enjoy the crossing Ho Hum and Blondie!

 

Safe travels! 💗

[Jim Avery]

Your "Tales of the Toilet" sound almost as bad as the Desert Rat, whilst relieving himself in the desert, backed into a Cholla.:eek: Cholla, sometimes referred to as "Jumping Cactus". Well.......You figure it out.:eek: Bon Voyage to the Hums.:D

[TrapperZimmy]

Oh and they placed the toilet roll holder on the opposite side of the wall!

So after.....well you know, you look either side for the toilet roll holder and there on the opposite side from you is the ruddy toilet roll as you waddle across in a crouched position with trousers round your ankles and then with the same contorted body position... do it again but backwards from whence you came. And as you waddle back, head moving side to side, you smack your head against the basin and become concussed lurching forward and landing open mouthed onto the toilet roll now stuffed down your throat!

 

This is definitely an image :eek: that will take some time to remove from my head. Our next two cruises are on SDI, so by the time we see ho-hum again I expect (and hope) that I will have forgotten this way too graphic description.

 

A couple of years ago we stayed at the Trump Hotel in Panama City (won't be doing that again, there or anywhere else) which had a free standing bath tub in the middle of the bedroom. At least it had a ring of lights in the floor around it, thereby preventing a hyoooge disaster.

 

Zimmy and I wish all those on the crossings smooth sailings. 31 days until we board SDI. Can't wait.

[BeignetBoy]

We look forward to hearing what your comments are after your stay at the Olive. We can't imagine having a Toilet without a door. Nope... not for us. Perhaps we are part British, but we tend to like "toilets" as you describe them. One person on TripAdvisor.com commented on the glass shower -- depending on the guests, that could be interesting. Perhaps we will consider it on our next trip to San Juan, but that greatly depends on your critical review of it.

 

We are staying at a much more standard (and boring) hotel -- The Sheraton in Old San Juan. It certainly isn't in the boutique category. Other than the ease to get to SD by walking across the street, other reasons for staying there is the proximity to our two favorite restaurants and the bar that I mentioned earlier. I suggest that you check the restaurants out, as they both have very good ratings. Actually, Marmalade was recommended to us by the Guest Service person at El Convento when we stayed there on our first trip to San Juan, and we have gone back several times since then. And we stumbled across Carli's on an earlier trip, and will probably sit at the bar, have dinner, and enjoy the music.

 

See you & Blondie in a few days.

[ho-hum]

Just time to cram in a small wine tasting and evening social before flying out to Atlanta the next day where we are meeting up with some SD chums.

The event was hosted by our posh travel agents and supported by the Sea Dream UK sales manager who arranged for the lady wine "honcho" to come over from Oslo for a tutored tasting of four wines.

Nice to meet up with people, our glorious TAs and the SD brigade.

The venue was the Mandarin Oriental Hotel on Hyde Park (London), a classic hotel with a beautiful outside terrace overlooking the Park below: how ruddy marvellous is that.

A few snifters in the bar first where Hum spied a famous but retired news anchor with a blonde lady.

Then off to the wines. After a disappointing start where Cava was offered on entry, the wines dramatically improved to include "Old World" classics.

Hum often hears of SD promotions in the US giving discounts to those attending for cruises: none offered in "Ol' Blighty"! Shame.

Hum takes the opportunity to quiz the lady wine "honcho" if she is in charge of wine buying.

She influences wine buying.

The wine list is something out of a men's club of the 1970's: too reliant on Bordeaux and Burgundy (which Hum loves by the way).

Hum pleads with her to buy some affordable Provencal Rose too. They are too expensive on SD: well if you are buying 2 bottles a day on a 7 day voyage it is.

Let's see if Hum's jewels of wisdom are finally adopted.

Yeah right!

Well you cant say Hum doesn't try.

[ho-hum]

Laurent Perrier Grand Siecle! Lovely

 

[Jim Avery]

We are staying at a much more standard (and boring) hotel -- The Sheraton in Old San Juan. It certainly isn't in the boutique category. Other than the ease to get to SD by walking across the street, other reasons for staying there is the proximity to our two favorite restaurants and the bar that I mentioned earlier. I suggest that you check the restaurants out, as they both have very good ratings. Actually, Marmalade was recommended to us by the Guest Service person at El Convento when we stayed there on our first trip to San Juan, and we have gone back several times since then. And we stumbled across Carli's on an earlier trip, and will probably sit at the bar, have dinner, and enjoy the music.

 

See you & Blondie in a few days.

 

Hoping Y'all have a great trip BB. We are also booked in the Sheraton OSJ in December. Just can;t beat walking across the street to your ship! Only the Wyndham in San Diego is closer and then only by a few feet. Looking forward to your restaurant recommendations as rambling around Old San Juan from bar to bar is the norm for us while waiting on SeaDream. Again, Bon Voyage.:D

[ho-hum]

So Hum asks the lady in the British Airways restaurant (London, Heathrow) what is the "soup de jour".

It's "soup of the day" sir !

Whilst looking at Hum in mild dis-belief that he didn't know.

Stupid Hum!

No, Hum didn't have the heart to say he was enquiring about what the actual soup comprised of.

Her ignorance was dwarfed by her jolly nature and cheeriness.

Far more precious qualities don't you think?

Yes of course you do because you are all so jolly nice yourselves, letting Hum prattle on and only a rare word said, eh Cabbie, indeed!

Hum's a snob, that's true but this joyous innocence is priceless.

How Hum enjoys seeing her right now.

She goes from cubicle to cubicle dropping "joyous fairy dust" wherever she goes.

The smart executives with phones pressed 'gainst ears are oblivious.

In earnest conversations about stuff.

Sipping a few glasses of Grand Siecle, Hum is savouring this angel floating around.

And then!

There is a recognition that we met her in December last year, flying out to SD in the Caribbean!

We are old chums now.

It will be December again that we see this angel.

[ho-hum]

For those of you that have sailed with Dan Hodge, you're in for a treat! He joins the Crystal Esprit Saturday, sailing from Dubrovnik. He remembers being the 1st cruise director for the Seabourn Goddess 1, back in 2001. A real coup for Crystal Cruises!

 

I haven't seen any reports or comments yet, but the April 17th sailing was cancelled today. This is very last minute, I imagine that the maintenance situation has taken longer than expected.

I don't have information if any other itineraries will be modified as well, just wanted to give the heads up.

 

Poor Host Dan! Join us on the "crossing" (SDII: Puerto Rico to Malaga) instead!

 

Crystal Esprit was taken out of service on the 26 March and was supposed to be back on the 16 April.

What on earth could have gone wrong?

 

So sorry for all concerned, passengers, crew, Captain Thomas and cruise line itself.

Does anybody know how good (or not) Crystal is at notifying the public of these issues?

[southseas]

Dear Mr. Hum, we are now halfway through the cruise and with the most diligent of detective work we have finally identified your friends! Given the clue that they might need to be brought out of their shell I have terrorized every shy couple on board, forcing several of them to join us for drinks/dinner. Finally, in desperation I resorted to accosting every British passenger intil I ran across a gentleman named Paul, who promised to introduce us but warned that Russel was a short, ill-tempered fellow with an eye patch and a bad attitude. Today I again confronted Paul who said he feared to introduce us unless I left all my valuables in the safe and wore a chastity belt! Undaunted, I invoked the power of the hotel manager, Pierre, who promised an introduction. But lo and behold, Paul met us at lunch today and introduced us to the very couple we've been happily chatting with at dinner, poolside, etc. methinks the Hums perhaps have a different definition of shy??? But all is well, we've acquired any number of new friends, and we adore the crew of SDI.

[ho-hum]

Dear Mr. Hum, we are now halfway through the cruise and with the most diligent of detective work we have finally identified your friends! Given the clue that they might need to be brought out of their shell I have terrorized every shy couple on board, forcing several of them to join us for drinks/dinner. Finally, in desperation I resorted to accosting every British passenger intil I ran across a gentleman named Paul, who promised to introduce us but warned that Russel was a short, ill-tempered fellow with an eye patch and a bad attitude. Today I again confronted Paul who said he feared to introduce us unless I left all my valuables in the safe and wore a chastity belt! Undaunted, I invoked the power of the hotel manager, Pierre, who promised an introduction. But lo and behold, Paul met us at lunch today and introduced us to the very couple we've been happily chatting with at dinner, poolside, etc. methinks the Hums perhaps have a different definition of shy??? But all is well, we've acquired any number of new friends, and we adore the crew of SDI.

 

Oops Hum was just "pulling your leg" about R&L being shy!

Say hello to them and to Paul, wishing him well, his wife and family whom he may be meeting up with in Lisbon.

So pleased you are having a good time.

[May B]

So Hum asks the lady in the British Airways restaurant (London, Heathrow) what is the "soup de jour".

It's "soup of the day" sir !

Whilst looking at Hum in mild dis-belief that he didn't know.

Stupid Hum!

No, Hum didn't have the heart to say he was enquiring about what the actual soup comprised of.

Her ignorance was dwarfed by her jolly nature and cheeriness.

Far more precious qualities don't you think?

Yes of course you do because you are all so jolly nice yourselves, letting Hum prattle on and only a rare word said, eh Cabbie, indeed!

Hum's a snob, that's true but this joyous innocence is priceless.

How Hum enjoys seeing her right now.

She goes from cubicle to cubicle dropping "joyous fairy dust" wherever she goes.

The smart executives with phones pressed 'gainst ears are oblivious.

In earnest conversations about stuff.

Sipping a few glasses of Grand Siecle, Hum is savouring this angel floating around.

And then!

There is a recognition that we met her in December last year, flying out to SD in the Caribbean!

We are old chums now.

It will be December again that we see this angel.

 

For us Yanks, it might've gone:

 

Me: What's the soup of the day?

Lady: I don't know, but we have it every day.

[ho-hum]

For us Yanks, it might've gone:

 

Me: What's the soup of the day?

Lady: I don't know, but we have it every day.

 

Haha, good one May B

 

Well talking about soup and Yanks, last night in Atlanta, Blondie and Hum went out with SD chums (and long time, dear chums of Jim too, by the way) for a meal at an Italian restaurant. Their home state is Alabama and the chums from that state are utterly charming gentlemen.

Thanks Jim for passing on the "Roll Tide" cry by which Hum was greeted!

 

Hum chose the peasant dish of red lentil puree soup with sausage and it was divine accompanied by an extremely rich Montalcino d'Abbruzzio wine. Penne pasta followed. A great time had by all.

We began with a bottle of champagne at their home which was a former hunting lodge built in the late 1800's. High open vaulted ceilings clad in white painted timber with walnut and oak narrow boarded floors and beautiful American period furniture: a magnificent and charming abode.

 

The pass through time from leaving plane at Atlanta airport to being collected by driver: 30 minutes!

And the airport staff and security checks were friendly.

Processing could have been even quicker as security checks only had 20% of officers staffing the cubicles so there were lines after automated processing which was a bit silly.

 

Worry today is the time the TSA are taking to process passengers through security with Atlanta being cited as one of the worst in the US. A case of grin and bear it: it's gotta be done.

 

Today we head for the refurbished Olive Boutique Hotel, San Juan with shower-room properly enclosed and hopefully a door to the toilet!

[ho-hum]

In case you wished to know about the Crystal Esprit latest and missed the "News" on Cruise Critic, here is the link:

 

http://www.cruisecritic.com/news/news.cfm?ID=68

 

Seems Crystal have been very honourable in this very unfortunate matter involving extensive problems with the A/C onboard.

[Jim Avery]

Safe travels Ho. BTW, just got another email from SD about the Sea, Sky, Safari package. Wonder how it is selling? If we had a spare $250,000 laying about, I might take them up on it as a Boeing 757 configured for only 52 passengers must be nice. But then, for that kind of dough, I could probably rent The Donald's even better 757!:eek::D

[TrulyBlonde]

Safe travels Ho. BTW, just got another email from SD about the Sea, Sky, Safari package. Wonder how it is selling? If we had a spare $250,000 laying about, I might take them up on it as a Boeing 757 configured for only 52 passengers must be nice. But then, for that kind of dough, I could probably rent The Donald's even better 757!:eek::D

 

Yes, but you had better be voting for him or buying a few delegates ;-)) You would never want the rath of Donald.

[TrapperZimmy]

Got the email and the brochure about the Sea, Ski, Safari. We won't be doing it either. Can't spare the time (or the quarter mil either). But wonder if SD is selling the rest of the ship. Hate to be spending that kind of money and having to spend a week with the likes of us.

[Jim Avery]

Yes, but you had better be voting for him or buying a few delegates ;-)) You would never want the rath of Donald.

 

Me and The Donald, we be mates. :eek::D

[Jim Avery]

Hate to be spending that kind of money and having to spend a week with the likes of us.

 

Scary........

[ho-hum]

We are driven from the soul-less concrete and tarmac jungle surrounding our hotel in Atlanta to the airport (the leafy suburbs are delightful though) by a friendly former Ethiopian who detects our English accents and begins chatting enthusiastically.

He claims to love the British.

Yes probably a gratuity enhancement ruse.

Oh what's got into you Hum? You've become such a cynic!

Life. That's whats got into HH.

 

He won a lottery offered to 50,000 Africans each year (applied for by millions!) to come to the US and gain citizenship.

Should Hum tell President Donald this?

He asks whether we know of Ethiopia.

We avoid talk of the former war in Eritrea which separated from Ethiopia in which thousands were killed, we ignore the wide spread famine that often occurs in the country killing thousands of people (again) and we avoid the highly addictive drug (kat) that is imported by Ethiopians into Britain which was recently banned thus causing violent protests on the streets of the capital which they audaciously claimed as a "cultural" to their people!

Maybe they have a point, the Rastafarians idolise Haille Sallasse (former king of Ethiopia) and they are "stoned" most of the time.

 

So we reply we do know of Ethiopia (from the smaller pool that remains as we sift for far less contentious subject matter also; quite a challenge).

 

So Hum "splurts" on about Ethiopia's amazing runners and how the vast majority of Ethiopia has maintained the longest line of gnostic Christianity in the world (a far cry from the crass, dumbed down, narrow minded, Evangelical form proselytised in some parts of the World today).

We even possess an Ethiopian Coptic Christian processional crucifix in our home: a beautiful work of art that has pride of place.

Oh and Blondie's brother works a month each year in the country having set up a school for blind children about 100 miles north of the capItal, Addis Abbaba.

The driver has begun to weave all over the road as we notice his shoulders are rising and falling as he holds back tears as well as some stifled joyous laughter!

Hum catches his eyes in the mirror and sees tears then begin to roll down his cheeks: nice skin by the way.

There is silence for a while.

A little later he tells Hum how much he likes English football.

The usual stuff of conversation 'tween an English male passenger and foreign taxi driver has surfaced as he regained his composure and he drives within one lane at a time now, thankfully.

He hugs us both as we say goodbye which prompts Hum to offer another 5 dollar note as tip!

 

The TSA queue at Atlanta was 20-30 minutes: well that's what the sign read.

We were somehow ushered into a TSA pre-check line for some odd reason which we didn't understand why.

The Delta flight was OK but our supposed haven on the plane (supposedly away from the common riff-raff) had turned into a noisy, creche for one particularly un-happy baby and a brood of three older children equipped with enough electronic gaming equipment emitting disconcerting sounds that resembled a low life, juvenile, gaming centre!

 

Hum immersed himself into a stupid family movie (just to put on the noise cancelling headphones) and to his surprise, really enjoyed it (Will Ferrel and Mark Walberg: great Thespians of the low budget comedy dross art form).

Hum forsook the fare on offer; one of which was a large slab of over thick, glutinous, lasagne which comprised of dull grey gloop around the off white surround: yuk!

Hum settled for glasses of G&T (their "champagne" was some sparkling stuff) refills for which came along regularly and often, much to Hum's restrained delight. Hum didn't want to appear even suspiciously inebriated in case the stewardess should suddenly "turn" and become all offended by........well anything (well you hear such stories of people being taken away by police on arrival at airports for apparent drunken behaviour and the like).

A short "thanks" and half smile was proffered each time to exhibit the appearance of a man in control of his drinking and behaviour (a perfected art by Hum: just enough social acknowledgement and a modicum of civilised appreciation to ward off concerns. Oh and "ham up" the posh English accent too: Yanks go for that kind of thing strangely).

The gin was cheap with a metallic quality but it served its purpose just fine.

 

Oh that's another thing, you cannot look on open-mouthed and in horror at the appalling behaviour of the "little monsters" in case of incurring the wrath of the protective parents (oh Hum can tell you stories about those times!) neither can you (as a guy) look on at children for more than a few seconds in case they think you are a .... well you know.

So you have to disport the manner of "Oh there are children. Silly me I never noticed!" whilst all the time praying to the God of "keep those blessed monsters away from me"!

 

So out of San Juan airport in 15 minutes!

It gets better and better!

How you have improved America! It puts British airports to shame now.

 

A young lady taxi driver who picks up our "groaning" bags with ease that would embarrass Hum if she saw how Hum handles them!

Arrive at that Olive Boutique Hotel at 16.55 hours (you know the one with former odd shower-rooms).

Leave that Olive Boutique Hotel at 17.55 hours!!!

We walk over the road to the Condado Vanderbilt hotel with two porters from the former hotel taking our bags plus the Hotel Manageress of former hotel who walks us up to Reception where a gormless and sullen youth in a suit processes our reservation (all "gratis").

The former hotel was just appalling!

At least the management recognised it and put us up at this top hotel (free of charge).

Blondie tells Hum that if Hum wasn't so obviously dismissive of the nincompoop at Reception, rolling his eyes every few seconds, that she could have got a better room. Possibly so but all Hum could do was restrain himself from strangling him or bludgeoning him to a messy pulp with his keyboard which he tapped away at for what seemed hours shaking his head frequently and mumbling incomprehensible nonsense!

We are taken to our room by a very friendly (way too friendly in fact) guy with our bags who chats banalities about how the hotel is so frigging wonderful and all the amenities it has to offer ad nauseam.

We enter the room and he forensically details the operating method for each piece of equipment! Hum swears he even tells us how to operate the light switches! "It's up for off and down for on. They all conveniently operate the same way". Finally Hum bundles him out the door saying we are very tired and stuffing dollars into his hand. He finally goes! We dont know how to operate the safe. We phone nincumpoop who sends bag guy and it all starts off again. Hum runs a bath, locks the door and let him and Blondie understand the complexities of the safe.

 

We eat miserable fare outside on the terrace of the hotel in a Mexican themed bar sipping the Hotels own "vin ordinaire", which they only sell by the glass at 14 dollars a drop deeming anyone who orders a whole bottle must be an alcoholic!

We look around at the other diners and see them all drinking concoctions of highly coloured, ice "schlurps" (Hum has no idea what their correct title is but that is the crescendo of sounds each one makes getting louder and louder as they reach the bottom of the their gigantic styrophone tubs!) but the weather is divine, their was a beautiful breeze, ocean just a few feet away and the moon and stars shone brightly.

So some beauty. Nay a lot of natural beauty as Hum struggles to ignore the cacophony from other over excited whooping guests.

SD soon.

And sanity.

Puerto Rico, sorry but we cannot wait to leave you.

We swear next time we will not stay overnight.

Must check with BeignetBoy of his experiences in PR but alas he is a more civilised and tolerant creature than irrascible Hum.

 

 

This long tome is dedicated to the dearest of dears, Abenaki.

Been far too long old chum.

Much love.

HH

[ho-hum]

Got the email and the brochure about the Sea, Ski, Safari. We won't be doing it either. Can't spare the time (or the quarter mil either). But wonder if SD is selling the rest of the ship. Hate to be spending that kind of money and having to spend a week with the likes of us.

 

Haha

Hum would gladly and readily pay extra to sail with you two wonderful people!!

You two are the best of the best.

[ho-hum]

Yes, but you had better be voting for him or buying a few delegates ;-)) You would never want the rath of Donald.

 

That Colarado thing was a bit shady wasnt it Potofionitaly?

What happened to democracy?

No, of course, its none of Hum's business but even so.

Hum knows a guy who recently moved to Colorado......shady character too.

Some connection Hum's guessing.

Never hear much from him these days.

Up to his neck on politcial corruption no doubt.

Used to be a really nice guy too.

Shame.

Hum will reach out to the sinner.

Well "who is without a sin" and all.

Yes Commander we all know, you are pretty well perfect and was recently "sinned" against by Hum in that reprehensible (gossamer thin) association as a purveyor of films for "adults" and as a person who loves showering excessively.

Apologies dear chum.

Three "Hail Marys" and two "Our Fathers" offered for divine forgiveness (no, not from You ! Him. Hum knows you only accept CASH!).

Mind you, you always smell kinda fresh (on account of all those showers no doubt!).

[TrapperZimmy]

Haha

Hum would gladly and readily pay extra to sail with you two wonderful people!!

You two are the best of the best.

 

And Zimmy and I love you and Blondie. So sorry you had such a bad time in San Juan. We weren't thrilled with it when we were there in January. Only good thing is that there are non-stop flights from Chicago. Have a great trip.

[ho-hum]

Me and The Donald, we be mates. :eek::D

 

 

Scary........

 

So true!