Photo Review: H, a loyal CCL cruiser, tries Breakaway. Puppies! Babies! Applie Pie!

[ProfCruise]

It worked! My mom told me no one on the NCL board would be interested in hearing from a classless Carnival loyalist so I had to resort to a little creative marketing. Alas, there’s no apple pie (as it happens there IS apple pie available on the Breakaway, but I didn’t order it -- fruit doesn’t belong in dessert), puppies (if you fell for that one, please, for the love of your wallet, keep yourself out of cruise ship gift shops), or babies (that was so 2 ½ years ago – I’m going to wake up any day now with a hipster beard).

I should introduce myself. “H” here. I’m 3 (although my mother swears I’m her reincarnated 13 year old self). This was my 5th cruise – first on NCL (links to my previous Carnival reviews are available in my signature). Joining me on this swanky big boat were mom…

(Please excuse the sunglasses. She lost hers in a giant pile of seaweed [stay tuned] and, instead of taking advantage of the cheap and plentiful sunglasses available on literally every corner of the Bahamas, she stole mine. Because a) she’s cheap and b) she has no pride.)

…and dad (pretending to be a sea monster…I wasn’t scared, but mom jumped head first into a giant pile of seaweed).

 

 

Dad’s always telling mommy and I to “act like you’ve been there before.” Well it’s hard to act like you’ve been there before when you see cinnamon rolls that look like this:

 

 

(that’s me, by the way)

…and when, instead of wondering if you’re trapped in one of those “Extreme Spring Break” videos they used to sell on MTV in the ‘90’s (that would have been last year’s spring break cruise on the Carnival Sensation – I’m still washing barf out of my hair), you find yourself on a ship where your fellow passengers are sipping fine wine and wondering in French (it was spring break in Montreal) if “that dumb American is voting for Trump.” (Will he keep me in giant cinnamon rolls? Then, yes.)

If you’re new to my reviews, here’s what my loyal fans (Hi Grandma and Giggi!) have come to expect: I’ll start by covering the ship and ship activities (including dining venues, menus, food pics, and the UBP with drink pics), then port activities, and conclude with “the good, the bad, and the ugly.”

A few do’s and don’ts. Do’s: Chime in, introduce yourselves, ask questions, enthusiastically agree with everything I say, laugh at all my jokes, take me on your next cruise, and ask if my hot mom is single (she’s not – but she likes to be asked). Don’ts: Be a meanie.

So, let’s begin…

[ProfCruise]

Embarkation: It’s up to you New York, New York

 

 

If I ranked embarkation ports from “I’d rather go back to work than stand in this line for one more second” to “under an hour from the time I arrived at port to posting a Facebook photo of myself with a drink of the day in hand,” New York would land somewhere slightly behind Baltimore, but well ahead of Fort Lauderdale and Port Canaveral.

Our taxi car dropped us off around 10am. We gave the porters our bags (One felt extra light – turns out dad left half his clothes in the hotel closet. If you see someone walking around in a “Johnson Family Reunion” t-shirt who is clearly not a “Johnson,” you should ask for that back for dad) and got in line. We waited for about 10 minutes before we started moving. Once we did, we were checked in and seated in under 20 minutes. I spent the next half hour trying to get people to smile and wave at me as they passed by the window on their way off the ship. As it happens, people aren’t receptive to that kind of enthusiasm after having just turned back on their work phone and hearing “you have 659 new messages.” I’d understand that feeling in a week and, after being dragged kicking and screaming off the boat by security, would glare at the people waiting behind that same window. But for now, I was EXCITED!

Once they announced general boarding at noon, we were the 3rd group called and on the ship with a Bushwacker (If this were the Carnival board, I’d make a joke about that. But since you’re a more uptight, I mean sophisticated, audience, I’ll just clarify that a Bushwacker is a delicious frozen chocolaty cocktail) in hand by 12:15am.

 

 

I figured I should class it up a bit and try to fit in, so I chugged by drink and joined my French Canadian friends for a game of chess (I blamed the language barrier for all my illegal moves) before Muster.

 

[Kfamilycruise]

Off to a great start! So cute!

[KirkNC]

Thanks for the report!

[jewelmick]

Awesome start, can't wait to hear more.

[Bella213]

I'm loving this review, can't wait to read the rest! :)

[K1mmyD]

You have me hooked - I cant wait to read the rest.

[greatlakesgirl]

I always enjoy your reviews, H. You are one cute little cruiser!

[ProfCruise]

Muster…and Pirates.

Muster drill is one of those “this sucks, but it’s for your own good” situations that, no matter how many treats you promise to give me later if I just keep quiet, I’m still going to bring out my best “3” for. At least, unlike on Carnival, I wasn’t soaked in brine and packaged to eventually end up on someone’s pizza. On the Breakaway the muster drill was held indoors and we were able to sit down in relative comfort (we were assigned to the Manhattan dining room). Dad put on an episode of “Jake and the Neverland Pirates” (questionable choice as we learn about safety at sea, but whatever) oh his phone and we all survived. At least until dad had a heart attack upon receiving notification of $200 in cell roaming charges (seriously, be careful of this!). Mom was like, “For a half hour of peace? Totally worth it!”

Muster ended and we hit an upper deck for sail away. Bye New York (and dad’s clothes)!

 

 

 

[ProfCruise]

Room Without a View

 

Because the price of NCL is more than what we’re used to on Carnival, we (I should say mom – if I held the purse strings we’d be in a Haven suite) opted for a inside aft cabin.

 

 

Cabin’s on NCL are a bit smaller than Carnival with far less storage, but the size and layout of our room worked just fine. We had all the essentials:

 

 

I’m still sleeping in a crib at home (if mom has her way, I’ll be in that thing until I leave for collage) so mom requested a pack n play for me from our room steward (more about her in a second). It was set up next to mom and dad’s bed with our usual shower curtain “room divider” (shower curtain attaches to the ceiling with magnetic hooks).

 

 

Our room also came equipped with an awesome fort!

 

 

Carol was our room steward. She never learned our names (like we’re used to on Carnival) but was extremely nice and thorough. Because we ate dinner between 5 and 5:30pm each night and then headed back to our room so mom and dad could get to bed (because they’re, like, 85 years old), she was rarely able to complete the nighttime service. One night she got an early start and we arrived home to this:

 

 

And another night she was kind enough to come in and make this in front of me:

 

 

One little tip re: the Breakaway rooms. You need a card inserted in a slot by the door for the power to work. For the first day or so we thought the outlets were faulty because none of our gadgets would charge (how will we survive?!?!). You’d think mom would know by now that when something doesn’t work for her it’s likely (like, 100% likely) user error. To solve the problem, instead of using one of our key cards and taking it out when we left, we left another card (a AAA card, but any card will work) in there to keep the power on (just turn off the lights when you leave unless you want to end up in an Al Gore slideshow).

[ARI421]

I was on the same cruise! Loving your review so far!!

[cml4958]

Once they announced general boarding at noon, we were the 3rd group called and on the ship with a Bushwacker (If this were the Carnival board, I’d make a joke about that. But since you’re a more uptight, I mean sophisticated, audience, I’ll just clarify that a Bushwacker is a delicious frozen chocolaty cocktail) in hand by 12:15am.

We know Bushwackers! At least I do and some others I've seen on the boards do as well! Awesome drink, almost like an adult milkshake!

 

Great review!

[hlb76]

Yay another H review! I'm excited to see how you like NCL. We are too cheating on Carnival in the near future. I'm also taking notes along the way as our grandkids will be sailing with us in Oct (back to Carnival )- the oldest is turning 3 soon.

[Keith1010]

Enjoying your report.

 

Keith

[clarkg]

Loving the review, and I promise, I laughed in all the right places.

[mainecruiser25]

Great review! I love toddler humor so I'm in for the long haul.

[Megali]

Cutest review style! I may just have my guys do a review for their 1st cruise we're taking in December. I don't know - they might think of it as homework. They're 9 & 6 and while they might think they're too cool for school, they're definitely not too cool for the baby and toddler set. They'd likely try to entertain you the same way they do their youngest cousin - with silly faces and funny voices.

[Mtn2Sea]

H!!!! So glad you're back with another review. I'm very interested in your opinion of NCL. Were you able to hook up with any pretty girls?

[ProfCruise]

A Free Cruise for my Thoughts?

 

I’m getting to the age where people are starting to ask me what I want to be when I grow up. Easy: professional cruise reviewer! Or Batman, because it’s always good to have a backup plan.

 

 

This section will include a few general thoughts on the ship and some photos from those places I don’t plan on covering in detail later in the review.

 

Although mom lives the life of an elderly hermit (no offense to elderly hermits), her preferred style is contemporary. Me? What do I care? Is there ice cream and cheese? Anyway, mom loved the modern/clean/contemporary style of the ship. Although some areas are starting to show a bit of wear and tear (fading fabric, stains, etc.) and it’s more obvious when your eyes aren’t being blinded by neon lights (no offense to the Carnival Sensation) or naked statues (no offense to the Carnival Conquest), or actual naked people (again, no offense to the Carnival Sensation).

 

The thing mom loved most about the ship was The Waterfront on deck 8. The Waterfront includes outdoor seating for several of the specialty restaurants on one side (I can’t remember which side, but it’s either port or starboard if that helps) and comfy chairs and couches (a welcome spot for someone with an inside cabin to escape to with a good book – my current favorite is “Tugga Tugga Tugboat”) and outdoor bars on the other side.

 

The Waterfront

 

 

 

 

 

One other thing we really loved about the Breakaway: it’s easy to navigate. Meaning mom only got lost about a dozen times. While the ship is large (with something like 16 floors), it’s laid out very well and is easy to get around (with one exception – stay tuned). Also, the fish on the carpet swim toward the front of the ship, so you can always tell which direction you’re going (I guess there’s a similar trick on Carnival ships, but mom’s never been able to figure it out. They should hire mom to idiot test new ship designs).

 

To be continued. I have to pee. And after I do, I’ll yell loudly (as some of you on the Breakaway with us might recall), “I PEED ON THE POTTY!,” at which point I expect you to dance.

[LuCruise]

Subscribing... Great review so far, and your son is soooo adorable!

 

Sent from my ONE E1005 using Tapatalk

[daisyh]

Love this! Our only experience with Carnival was the Sensation. It was our 2nd cruise with our 1st being on the Disney Dream. We were just a little disappointed......

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Forums mobile app

Edited March 9, 2016 by daisyh

[ProfCruise]

I PEED ON THE POTTY! Why aren’t you dancing? While you Google how to properly perform the pee dance, I’ll cover my second favorite form of entertainment (second to watching adults humiliate themselves in the name of toddler contentment): SLOTS. For me, the great mystery of life is why an area full of flashing lights and colorful, fun games is off limits to children. My Gigi can’t wait until I’m legal so I can hunt down the cocktail server to refill her wine when she, and I quote, “can’t leave my spot because I’m about to hit a bonus.”

 

Anyway, we didn’t use the casino at all, even daddy -- except to take a photo of me (see below) for my Gigi and to freak out security and the responsible parents on board. The fact that daddy didn’t gamble actually bodes quite well for the ship – the man had floor seats to the Cavs’ (whom he’s obsessed with) home opener this year and “found himself a little bored.” The Breakaway actually kept him entertained, which makes mom want to get one for the living room.

 

 

[Samstress]

Love, love, love this review. And I too laughed in all the right places...as well as some wrong ones as well. ;)

[grandr1]

My little man

[hugocruiser]

Best review ever!!!