Unfriendly gays on cruises

[zitsky]

41 minutes ago, CruiseMsclDad said:

Trust me! I swear I not mad! I just suffer from RBF 🙂 Any help would be appreciated 🙂

I see your problem.  Do you have any pics with you smiling?  

[BigMattT]

This thread was a fascinating read.

 

Random thoughts:

 

1) My husband and I (now in our 40s) have been taking cruises for 15 years... sometimes we feel like socializing, sometimes we're trying to escape anything resembling an obligation. Over the years, we've had reasonably pleasant experiences meeting people at FoD/Pride/LGBTQ meetups when we've felt like going. There's always a couple or a solo traveller who comes to the meetup and sits off to the side or nervously lingers at the entrance... and while it's not anyone's responsibility... mindfully offering inclusion to stragglers is largely free of cost and feels wonderful. It's as easy as... "If you're here for the 5:30pm event, we'll be happy to pull up another chair when you're ready." I say be the person who does that if no one else is.

 

2) Attending the meetup definitely seems like it gives license for other attendees to act far more familiar with us than when we don't attend. Friendly greetings are fine... conversations if we see you on an excursion, at a show, or in a bar are of course fine... the very nature of those activities is gathering and being somewhat social...

 

3) We've definitely experienced people getting overly friendly in various ways. Let me read in peace. Let me sit in the spa in peace. Please ask permission before joining me at a table. Please take no for an answer to any advances.

 

4) I would FAR prefer someone to have RBF than to be masking and/or inauthentic. Some folks are even cute with a curmudgeonly grumpy face. My husband tells me that all the time 😉

 

5) Marriage doesn't mean monogamy, but enthusiastic consent is sexy and fairly obvious. The sauna is for sweating; your cabin is for canoodling; both are fun.

[CruiseMsclDad]

1 hour ago, BigMattT said:

This thread was a fascinating read.

 

Random thoughts:

 

1) My husband and I (now in our 40s) have been taking cruises for 15 years... sometimes we feel like socializing, sometimes we're trying to escape anything resembling an obligation. Over the years, we've had reasonably pleasant experiences meeting people at FoD/Pride/LGBTQ meetups when we've felt like going. There's always a couple or a solo traveller who comes to the meetup and sits off to the side or nervously lingers at the entrance... and while it's not anyone's responsibility... mindfully offering inclusion to stragglers is largely free of cost and feels wonderful. It's as easy as... "If you're here for the 5:30pm event, we'll be happy to pull up another chair when you're ready." I say be the person who does that if no one else is.

 

2) Attending the meetup definitely seems like it gives license for other attendees to act far more familiar with us than when we don't attend. Friendly greetings are fine... conversations if we see you on an excursion, at a show, or in a bar are of course fine... the very nature of those activities is gathering and being somewhat social...

 

3) We've definitely experienced people getting overly friendly in various ways. Let me read in peace. Let me sit in the spa in peace. Please ask permission before joining me at a table. Please take no for an answer to any advances.

 

4) I would FAR prefer someone to have RBF than to be masking and/or inauthentic. Some folks are even cute with a curmudgeonly grumpy face. My husband tells me that all the time 😉

 

5) Marriage doesn't mean monogamy, but enthusiastic consent is sexy and fairly obvious. The sauna is for sweating; your cabin is for canoodling; both are fun.

Your post brings back some memories of my first solo cruises years ago, finding a group of men at a bar and kind of lingering like you said, but there was always someone who was kind enough to welcome me in, I was a horrible conversationalist back then but these guys were for the most part very good at filling in awkward silences. Very kind of you to be so welcoming.

Your other point is equally valid some guys can misunderstand friendliness for something more, and they should be respectful, in the beginning of my solo cruises I ended up in a lot of cabins because I figured well this guy or these guys were so nice to me at the bar or at dinner or during an excursion, I probably should go back with them. (not usually a good time). Everyone should respect other people’s boundaries, and not assume anything. On recent cruises OMG the over sharing is rampant, I want to get to know you but I am not your therapist or life coach.

I get the trying to read in peace. I can sneak off to a corner of the ship and just want to be in my own world for a bit. Spa stuff well, that is a whole other issue. Being a bodybuilder, I know when put a towel on some guys are going to notice and that can be cool until it’s not. If I am in the sauna reading my kindle and a guy or a couple walks in I will say hi comment on something about the day or the cruise and go back to my reading, the hint is if I am reading then I am just zoning out relaxing. Most guys get that, but man oh man there are some that cannot take a hint. Now on the other hand maybe I will put the book down, and say Hi. Spa stuff is Spa stuff it is its own world.

So much too depends on the ship, the cruise line, the itinerary and the length of the cruise. Shorter cruises, the vibe is more active, more party like, but for a lot of people this is like a special vacation, I don’t want ruin their time and I do not want my cruise time ruined either.

Mitch

[BigMattT]

1 hour ago, CruiseMsclDad said:

So much too depends on the ship, the cruise line, the itinerary and the length of the cruise.

Absolutely. HAL has been our goto for relaxed quiet ships. Nice spas. Well behaved kids. And only spring break out of FL has had any “awkward” situations with fellow passengers. Group cruises on Royal (but not buyouts) if we want a more lively time.

[zitsky]

8 hours ago, CruiseMsclDad said:

Your post brings back some memories of my first solo cruises years ago, finding a group of men at a bar and kind of lingering like you said, but there was always someone who was kind enough to welcome me in, I was a horrible conversationalist back then but these guys were for the most part very good at filling in awkward silences. Very kind of you to be so welcoming.

Your other point is equally valid some guys can misunderstand friendliness for something more, and they should be respectful, in the beginning of my solo cruises I ended up in a lot of cabins because I figured well this guy or these guys were so nice to me at the bar or at dinner or during an excursion, I probably should go back with them. (not usually a good time). Everyone should respect other people’s boundaries, and not assume anything. On recent cruises OMG the over sharing is rampant, I want to get to know you but I am not your therapist or life coach.

I get the trying to read in peace. I can sneak off to a corner of the ship and just want to be in my own world for a bit. Spa stuff well, that is a whole other issue. Being a bodybuilder, I know when put a towel on some guys are going to notice and that can be cool until it’s not. If I am in the sauna reading my kindle and a guy or a couple walks in I will say hi comment on something about the day or the cruise and go back to my reading, the hint is if I am reading then I am just zoning out relaxing. Most guys get that, but man oh man there are some that cannot take a hint. Now on the other hand maybe I will put the book down, and say Hi. Spa stuff is Spa stuff it is its own world.

So much too depends on the ship, the cruise line, the itinerary and the length of the cruise. Shorter cruises, the vibe is more active, more party like, but for a lot of people this is like a special vacation, I don’t want ruin their time and I do not want my cruise time ruined either.

Mitch

 

You went back to their room?  Were they considerate or did they make a pass at you?

 

And your Kindle is not bothered by the heat?  Would it be ok to take it into a steam room?

[CruiseMsclDad]

1 hour ago, zitsky said:

You went back to their room?  Were they considerate or did they make a pass at you?

 

And your Kindle is not bothered by the heat?  Would it be ok to take it into a steam room?

I was 18, very very trusting back then and totally clueless, email me me if you want to hear more about my first solo cruises without my family.

Mitch  cruisemscldad@proton.me
 

[phillygwm]

On 8/1/2023 at 9:20 PM, BigMattT said:

1) My husband and I (now in our 40s) have been taking cruises for 15 years... sometimes we feel like socializing, sometimes we're trying to escape anything resembling an obligation. Over the years, we've had reasonably pleasant experiences meeting people at FoD/Pride/LGBTQ meetups when we've felt like going. There's always a couple or a solo traveller who comes to the meetup and sits off to the side or nervously lingers at the entrance... and while it's not anyone's responsibility... mindfully offering inclusion to stragglers is largely free of cost and feels wonderful. It's as easy as... "If you're here for the 5:30pm event, we'll be happy to pull up another chair when you're ready." I say be the person who does that if no one else is.

 

This.  I tend to be "That Guy."  For that reason, I rarely go to bars etc. alone, though I often travel either solo or with people who would not be attending the LGBT meetup.   Trust me:  I'm not trying to be standoffish, I'm just thisclose to a panic attack.  If someone were to draw me into a group I'd have been eternally grateful.

 

The irony is my job is fundamentally sales so I meet new people, speak to groups, etc. all the time.  I suppose it's because I know my s*** professionally (at least I think so!) so I'm comfortable/confident.  In a purely social setting it's entirely different.  There's nothing I despise more than attending a client event where there's a cocktail hour.  I time my arrival for 5-10 minutes before dinner seating and, if I don't see a familiar face, spend that time in a corner, pretending to check email.

Edited August 12, 2023 by phillygwm

[leishirsute]

Gay couple here that has started taking cruises and have had a wonderful experience meeting straight and gay people.  It seems everyone was out to enjoy their cruise which includes making it a pleasant experience for others as well.  We experienced no alienation or exclusion.  We enjoy everyone's company but it's always fun to learn that another gay person is on the cruise, though it's not that big a deal.  In fact, we tend to congregate with fun straight couples on the cruises.

[CDNPolar]

41 minutes ago, phillygwm said:

This.  I tend to be "That Guy."  For that reason, I rarely go to bars etc. alone, though I often travel either solo or with people who would not be attending the LGBT meetup.   Trust me:  I'm not trying to be standoffish, I'm just thisclose to a panic attack.  If someone were to draw me into a group I'd have been eternally grateful.

 

The irony is my job is fundamentally sales so I meet new people, speak to groups, etc. all the time.  I suppose it's because I know my s*** professionally (at least I think so!) so I'm comfortable/confident.  In a purely social setting it's entirely different.  There's nothing I despise more than attending a client event where there's a cocktail hour.  I time my arrival for 5-10 minutes before dinner seating and, if I don't see a familiar face, spend that time in a corner, pretending to check email.

 

I completely understand you and your situation that in the professional situation it is easier, but in the social situation, I tend to stand down.

[zitsky]

3 hours ago, leishirsute said:

Gay couple here that has started taking cruises and have had a wonderful experience meeting straight and gay people.  It seems everyone was out to enjoy their cruise which includes making it a pleasant experience for others as well.  We experienced no alienation or exclusion.  We enjoy everyone's company but it's always fun to learn that another gay person is on the cruise, though it's not that big a deal.  In fact, we tend to congregate with fun straight couples on the cruises.

These cruise companies are not doing a good job marketing if there are only two of you on a cruise.  🙂

Edited August 12, 2023 by zitsky

[CDNPolar]

14 hours ago, zitsky said:

These cruise companies are not doing a good job marketing if there are only two of you on a cruise.  🙂

 

Well, I don't think that our cruise line of choice is marketing directly into the gay community, but if you watch PBS or Downton Abbey you will certainly get your share of advertisements from them.

 

Other gay friends and couples that I have talked to about cruising always refer to the big ships and the party ships and the gay themed cruises.  Most of the men that I have known that have cruised in the past have not been interested in the smaller ships that we prefer.  I am not trying to stereotype, this is just my experience.

 

I wish that there were more friendly gay couples on the cruises we go on so that we are not the token gay couple!  Haha.

[leishirsute]

5 hours ago, CDNPolar said:

 

Well, I don't think that our cruise line of choice is marketing directly into the gay community, but if you watch PBS or Downton Abbey you will certainly get your share of advertisements from them.

 

Other gay friends and couples that I have talked to about cruising always refer to the big ships and the party ships and the gay themed cruises.  Most of the men that I have known that have cruised in the past have not been interested in the smaller ships that we prefer.  I am not trying to stereotype, this is just my experience.

 

I wish that there were more friendly gay couples on the cruises we go on so that we are not the token gay couple!  Haha.

We also prefer the small ships. More interested in the port excursions than the casinos, buffets, and on board entertainment.  Can you tell I'm older?  LOL

[CDNPolar]

8 minutes ago, leishirsute said:

We also prefer the small ships. More interested in the port excursions than the casinos, buffets, and on board entertainment.  Can you tell I'm older?  LOL

 

What are all those reels and video shorts....

"Tell me you are older without telling me you are older..."

 

Yep - quiet, sedate, no confusion, 4 o'clock tea in the lounge.... bed after the show!