Leaving the kids at home

[Marina222]

Okay, I'll take the "Bad Mom" Award. I left both my kids when they were about two months old with my parents. After two difficult pregnancies I needed to regroup. The reward was they both slept through the night when I returned. It is also fortunate that my mother adores babies.

 

My kids are now 15 and 8. We still take an independant vacation from them once a year and try to take a weekend away also. Thank heavens for our parents. (Who, by the way, always took vacations away by themselves.) We also take several family vacations.

 

IMHO the fun you have on vacation as a family is different from the fun you have together as a couple. Maintaining the couple relationship is difficult on a day to day basis because real life intrudes. You know the drill: soccer, ballet, karate, homework, projects etc....

 

My DH an I are both lawyers. He does a lot of divorce work. We both agree that a happy marriage makes happy children makes a happy family. It is a grave mistake to let the couple relationship fall by the wayside. I think it is a balance.

 

We just took our summer cruise with the kids but I am so looking forward to Martinis in the Viking Crown with my DH. There will be no food to cut, No showers to tend to, no leaving a show early because kids club is letting out, no waiting up for the older one to come in.....oh and no cartoon network.

[PVDCruiser]

PVD Cruiser: I am glad your parents are like me!! :)

 

Hey, I'm glad they bring me along, too! :D :p

 

Good for you for taking the kids. My cruises have perhaps been the most relaxing weeks of my life and they were also a good chance for me to take on new responsibilities. (I think that counts as my Deep Thought of the day :D)

[happysinglemom]

IMHO the fun you have on vacation as a family is different from the fun you have together as a couple. Maintaining the couple relationship is difficult on a day to day basis because real life intrudes. You know the drill: soccer, ballet, karate, homework, projects etc....

 

My DH an I are both lawyers. He does a lot of divorce work. We both agree that a happy marriage makes happy children makes a happy family. It is a grave mistake to let the couple relationship fall by the wayside. I think it is a balance.

 

What works for you is not neccessarily what works for everyone. :cool: I am a single mom, but I can assure you that taking family vacations did nothing but enrich us as a family. We had plenty of "couple time", but we preferred to vacation as a family. Nothing "fell by the wayside" due to our vacations...divorce goes much deeper than that - you should know that.

[Clarkk W Griswald]

I don't understand all who say "we would never cruise without our kids, we ALWAYS bring them on vacation. And then they dump them in the kid's club for the day. Or they want some stranger, whom they've never met, to watch their kids for a couple hours in their cabin while they enjoy a romantic dinner. Oh, I know, some will be saying "but my kids love the kids club, we can't drag them out. Well so much for the "family time vacation". IMHO, younger kids are better off left at home, in familar surroundings, cared for people they know.

We've vacationed with and without our kids. And you know what? They are growing up just fine. No harm done. To bring or not bring the kids is a decision you alone will have to make. As you can see, there are many opinons on this subject. Make the decision that feels right for you and your kids and enjoy your cruise!

[PVDCruiser]

I don't understand all who say "we would never cruise without our kids, we ALWAYS bring them on vacation. And then they dump them in the kid's club for the day. Or they want some stranger, whom they've never met, to watch their kids for a couple hours in their cabin while they enjoy a romantic dinner. Oh, I know, some will be saying "but my kids love the kids club, we can't drag them out. Well so much for the "family time vacation". IMHO, younger kids are better off left at home, in familar surroundings, cared for people they know.

We've vacationed with and without our kids. And you know what? They are growing up just fine. No harm done. To bring or not bring the kids is a decision you alone will have to make. As you can see, there are many opinons on this subject. Make the decision that feels right for you and your kids and enjoy your cruise!

 

I can understand that a bit more. I think it's a tad different for me since I'm 16 and can do more on my own than younger children.

[Clarkk W Griswald]

I can understand that a bit more. I think it's a tad different for me since I'm 16 and can do more on my own than younger children.

 

I was talking about the really young ones, the OP was talking about a 1 and 4 year old. I think cruising with teens is the best.

[Merion_Mom]

Methinks that the separation anxiety is more likely to be on the PARENTAL side than the children's side..............;)

[Clarkk W Griswald]

Methinks that the separation anxiety is more likely to be on the PARENTAL side than the children's side..............;)

 

Haha! I agree on that one. I remember taking my oldest to her first day of nursery school. She cried, hung on my leg, and really made me feel guilty for leaving. I felt horrible! But you know what? As soon as I left the room, she stop crying. I peaked in from the hallway and she was already playing with new friends. It was me who had the hard time, not her!

[Family Man]

It makes me wonder how many parents who "would never cruise or travel without their kids" will wake up one day after the kids are grown and gone, look at each other and ask, "Who are you?" I am not saying that will be the case all the time, but it is something to consider. Our time together and alone is invaluable to us. JMO, so no flames.

[mom3kids]

My husband and I took our first cruise in April to celebrate our 10 year anniversary. We have three kids, 5, 3, and 1, and it was the first time we left them all over night. We went on the three night Sovereign; we felt this was a good amount of time to try. We had a blast and the kids had a blast with their grandparents. The first day was hard, but after that I had a great time. I stay home with them and we are a very close family, but it is nice to have a break. We take family vacations twice a year, beach and mountains, but as long as we can afford it are planning on taking a cruise every year from now on just the two of us. We have a great marriage, always have, but I feel it is very important to connect just the two of us. My husband is my life partner and is my most important earthly relationship. The kids will have their own lives one day and while I do not want to not miss out on their childhood, I feel that a couple's only vacation is good for a marriage. When I had my first child, I never left her. For some reason I felt she couldn't survive without me. After I had my other two I do leave them more with their grandparents. My first child has always been terribly shy around others, while my other two are very outgoing.

 

To the OP: this is a decision that you have to make on your own. Everyone has different opinions. If you are unsure you could try a 3 night like we did. Speaking from experience, your children will survive without you.

[barbaragrace]

We've tried to take two vacations from the kids - a 4 day Los Cabos (Kids 3 and 4) and a 3 day Vegas (Kids 9 and 10). We didn't have a good time on either one because we kept wishing the kids were there. We just have a better time with the kids there, but that may just be our family.

 

Our girls are almost 18 and 10 and we've NEVER been on vacation without them. WE figure they are only young once and will only want to go on vacations with us when they are young. We can enjoy our alone time soon enough when they are grown up. We've been happily married for 23 years.:)

[pcur]

Pcur: CMurph made a comment explaining "couples need to remember their marriage is based on man and a woman" I was simply explaining that my husband and I do just that only the subject was taking the kids on vacation and I expressed my opinion that I never left my kids. Now your off the subject also aren't WE......

 

My statement:

 

Uh, no....he asked for our opinions. By describing our various situations, he can see how someone similar to he and his wife handled this. THEN, he makes up his own mind.

 

was in response to your statement:

 

I think the OP should just ask his wife how she feels and decide together, not listen to all of us here saying go without the kids or don't leave the kids.....don't you think?

 

not off-topic at all. Opinions, all opinions......and that's what he requested with his statement:

 

What does everyone else think???

[pcur]

Haha! I agree on that one. I remember taking my oldest to her first day of nursery school. She cried, hung on my leg, and really made me feel guilty for leaving. I felt horrible! But you know what? As soon as I left the room, she stop crying. I peaked in from the hallway and she was already playing with new friends. It was me who had the hard time, not her!

 

Ha!! My youngest shot out of that car the first day of kindergarten like he was a live cannonball! I had to call him back for a hug and a kiss!!

[QTMichele]

I am a stay at home mom of 2 girls ages 6 and 2 AND my husband and I are going on a cruise WITHOUT our girls. We are fortunate that we always have a family vacation and weekend getaways throughout the year that include our children; however, it IS healthy to spend one-on-one time as a couple to continue to explore each other's interests - it keeps OUR marriage healthy.

 

Our girls love the opportunity to stay with their grandparents for a few days (we've never left them longer than 4 days) AND the grandparents treasure the time they have with the kids - the ALONE time. Both kids and grandparents need that one-on-one bonding time without parents as well. The little things they "get away with" (staying up late, eating more junk, etc.) aren't harmful, but give the kids a break from the daily regime. It gives the parents a break too. Anyone who's ever gone on vacation with young children know that it is MUCH different than going without them. The "relaxing" part just isn't there (unless you have a nanny...). I'm not saying that you can't have a good time on a vacation with children - I wouldn't give up our vacations with our kids for the world! BUT... everyone needs a little down time once and a while.

 

On a "scientific" note... more studies are showing that we 'coddle' our kids and worry about their pysche too much. It IS possible that we can hurt our children with our "what's best for the kids and their emotional well-being" mentality.

 

Please take the cruise and ENJOY it and your anniversary! If you decide to leave the kids at home, then please remember that they will BOND with their grandparents in a way that they may not have without all the time alone with them. Your kids will treasure their memories with their grandparents, especially when the time comes that they no longer have grandparents. If you bring the kids (is that an option?), then you'll enjoy that too! Just remember that it will be a "working" vacation and your little one won't be allowed in the pool.

 

Take care and good luck!

[bank1]

Methinks that the separation anxiety is more likely to be on the PARENTAL side than the children's side..............;)

Methinks you nailed it!

 

I'm glad I stumbled across this thread as we are faced with the same sense of guilt, and our cruise is still 5 months away. We have taken our son and daughter (7 and 8) on 4 cruises in the last 2 years (and 2 trips to disney etc etc). We didn't travel much when they were toddlers but have recently. Now we have been feeling guilty ever since we booked this d.... thing. We just got back from a cruise 2 weeks ago, and went in January (both with the kids). We decided on doing one during school, longer than a week (not as many kids on board). The kids really enjoy going, but we are always with them and thats the reason why we think we're gonna miss them so much. Even when we left them on the ship and went on an excursion or just had lunch in port we sometimes felt guilty and wished they were there with us. We are truly torn between missing them and wanting them to go, and wanting to go without having to be responsible for them. They had their own cabin on the last 2 cruises but you still have to put clothes out for them, get them dressed for formal nights, remind them to brush, bribe them to get in the shower, make sure we pick them up at the right times (kids programs usually close for breaks on sea days) etc etc. On the other hand, here at home, more often than not (especially now during summer) they come sleep on the couch in our bedroom, go everywhere with us, and are very attached to us (actually, we are more attached to them).

 

We tried this once before and ended up adding them about a month before the cruise. I guess we won't know until we try whether we will just miss them for a day or so, or keep missing them throughout the 2 weeks. We don't want to ruin a nice cruise over it either.

 

dang........

 

banker

(we really have been so double minded about this)

[azjacque]

I think the main point of all this is that everyone has different feelings on this subject and no one is wrong. Families are all different.

My DH and I take plenty of trips with our three kids and have a great time, but it's a family trip, it's hard to be romantic and re-connect when you have three kids sleeping in the other room ;). It's a whole different type of vacation when it's just DH and I. That's why I'm counting the days til our cruise in November!!

I don't drink much at all on our family vacations...without our kids I will feel so much more relaxed to let my hair down, have some drinks, and dance the nights away!

[Merion_Mom]

Methinks you nailed it!

 

I'm glad I stumbled across this thread as we are faced with the same sense of guilt, and our cruise is still 5 months away. We have taken our son and daughter (7 and 8) on 4 cruises in the last 2 years (and 2 trips to disney etc etc). We didn't travel much when they were toddlers but have recently. Now we have been feeling guilty ever since we booked this d.... thing. We just got back from a cruise 2 weeks ago, and went in January (both with the kids). We decided on doing one during school, longer than a week (not as many kids on board). The kids really enjoy going, but we are always with them and thats the reason why we think we're gonna miss them so much. Even when we left them on the ship and went on an excursion or just had lunch in port we sometimes felt guilty and wished they were there with us. We are truly torn between missing them and wanting them to go, and wanting to go without having to be responsible for them. They had their own cabin on the last 2 cruises but you still have to put clothes out for them, get them dressed for formal nights, remind them to brush, bribe them to get in the shower, make sure we pick them up at the right times (kids programs usually close for breaks on sea days) etc etc. On the other hand, here at home, more often than not (especially now during summer) they come sleep on the couch in our bedroom, go everywhere with us, and are very attached to us (actually, we are more attached to them).

 

We tried this once before and ended up adding them about a month before the cruise. I guess we won't know until we try whether we will just miss them for a day or so, or keep missing them throughout the 2 weeks. We don't want to ruin a nice cruise over it either.

 

dang........

 

banker

(we really have been so double minded about this)

E-mail me when you feel your resolve weakening...........I'll reinforce you! I'm on america online at this same name. :)

[happysinglemom]

I don't understand all who say "we would never cruise without our kids, we ALWAYS bring them on vacation. And then they dump them in the kid's club for the day. Or they want some stranger, whom they've never met, to watch their kids for a couple hours in their cabin while they enjoy a romantic dinner. Oh, I know, some will be saying "but my kids love the kids club, we can't drag them out. Well so much for the "family time vacation". IMHO, younger kids are better off left at home, in familar surroundings, cared for people they know.

We've vacationed with and without our kids. And you know what? They are growing up just fine. No harm done. To bring or not bring the kids is a decision you alone will have to make. As you can see, there are many opinons on this subject. Make the decision that feels right for you and your kids and enjoy your cruise!

 

Agreed. When we went on vacation - it was always a family affair. We enjoyed everything as a family. And since it has just been me and my son, our vacations are extra special events. Our first cruise together last year consisted of excursions that we did together every single day. We barely made it back to the ship in time one day!! Many different solutions for many different family situations. Do what works for you.

[Dawn414]

In reading all the posts, I can certainly see and understand both sides of the coin. I recently filled out one of those surveys that friends often send giving insight to an individual and their personality. One of the questions was, "What is your favorite sound"? My response was hearing my children laugh (I have 3-year old twins). They bring me more joy than I could have ever imagined possible. (I will now probably contradict myself.) Next Saturday is my DH's and my anniversary. I wanted to do something really nice for him and debated on several things including Vegas, Myrtle Beach & a 3-night cruise. I decided on the 3-night cruise. The kids are staying at home and I didn't wrestle with that decision to leave them at home. Here's why. We are fortunate that we are able to take at least 1-2 family vacations (even mini-vacations) and absolutely cherish the time we have with them. I'll say that we are also fortunate in that both DH and I LOVE kid-related activities (for those of you with small children, my favorite show is currently Fairly Odd Parents) and I think there are times that I enjoy going to Sesame Place more than them! But while I enjoy and cherish every moment with them and in certain circumstances couldn't picture NOT having them with me (like Myrtle Beach where we've ALWAYS had them with us), I would say that at the end of the day, we have very little together time. I can't even tell you the last time we saw a movie together that wasn't cartoon related. We both saw Pirates of the Caribbean...at different times. I am absolutely not complaining, but I think that's why I am excited and very much looking forward to the 3 nights where as another individual said, I don't have to cut food, ask if someone needs to go 'potty' and can just sit, hold my husband's hand and do nothing for a time. So, at the end of the day...Will we have a good time recharging ourselves? Absolutely. Will I miss the kids? Absolutely. Will we spend a good amount of time talking ABOUT the kids? Absolutely. Will I do it again if we deem appropriate? Absolutely.

 

Thanks for 'reading' my thoughts/opinions...Good luck in your decision.

 

Dawn McG

 

PS. We ARE taking the kids on the Disney Magic next year...Very excited about that too!

[Harley-Davidson_Family]

Our girls are almost 18 and 10 and we've NEVER been on vacation without them. WE figure they are only young once and will only want to go on vacations with us when they are young. We can enjoy our alone time soon enough when they are grown up. We've been happily married for 23 years.:)

 

I think that this issue brings a lot of ideas on each side. There are folks who would consider this and people who would never consider this.

 

We are a home school family and for most of our kids lives they have had both of us home during the day because we are self employed. That is a luxury I will never trade for any amount of money. Our kids have gone on every vacation with us. They have been to Disney 8 times, a cruise another one coming up next month, and Hawaii twice. When we told people the kids were going to Hawaii with us they were surprised. I wouldn't even think about leaving them. They may never get to go when they are older. Why should we deny them the exploration?

 

And, before anyone jumps all over me about home school kids, they are perfectly well ajusted and function just fine with other kids. They do spend a good bit of time in the kids club but that is by their choice.

 

I just think everyone is different and I don't think anyone is right or wrong. It's totally personal.

[2boxers]

Two of our three completed cruises have included our kids, they were 14 & 12 the first time and had a great time in the AO. The last cruise they were older and not much going on in the AO for their ages. Not sure what to expect next week when we go. But my DH and I try to get away for a few days when we can. And in Feb., we will be going alone for my 40th birthday and as much as we enjoy our kids and want to give them great memories, we have ourselves to take care of, and I can not wait for the feb. 07 trip. There is still a level of concern, for me, even though mine are teens, now 16 & almost 18, how late should they be out, should they walk outside on the decks, we still meet them and walk them back to the cabin late at night......just basic caution, but to be carefree for a few days is amazing! Now our problem is my DH thinks they will be ok to be home alone this time, we'll only be gone three nights, and they tell us about all the parties they will plan.....blah, blah, I really do trust my kids, and though I am not nieve (sp?), I have realistic expectations for how they will behave, just not sure if they are old enough to be home alone yet? Both are still in high school and will need to get themselves there two days. I am sure this may start a whole new conversation, at least I would like to here other peoples opinion on this. Grandparents and other relatives are in the same town but they do not want to stay, and not sure the grandparents have time for them.

 

A college instructor once told me, your marriage was (usually) there long before your kids, and you need to take care of that first and everything else with be great. Now for the real Bad Mom Award, about four years ago, and after taking three years to get my nerves up and get over the guilt, I went away for a weekend ALONE! No DH, no DD, no DS. They survived, I survived and I highly recommend it. After being CEO, CFO, cook, seamstress, florist, decorator, couselor, peacekeeper, on and on and on, I was the one that the whole family came to for problem solving, which is very complimentary, but it drags ya down after so many years. So I took care of myself for three days, shopped, ate out, siteseeing, sleeping late. I am planning it again this fall, only this time, I am going out on a solo 9 hour driving trip! Am planning the CD's now, mapping out the places I want to see. Sorry if this is off the subject, but you need to do what makes ya happy!

[tamilyn]

I read or heard somewhere that the best gift a child can have is for their parents to have a loving relationship. I truly believe this, and one way my husband and I keep our relationship fresh is to take occasional trips (cruises and non-cruises) without our children. We have been married 26 years (yesterday, in fact). We have done this since they were fairly young, maybe 4, 5 or 6 (they are now 18 and 21). It has always worked out well for us as well as for them. They always stay with our parents, and I have never felt one bit guilty about it. The way I see it, our parents raised us pretty well, and I trust them to watch my kids for at least a few days. We always take a family vacation sometime during the year, which is getting harder and harder to do since they kids are older and their schedules are more hectic, but we don't ever feel we are depriving them of anything just because we are taking a vacation without them, especially when it is in celebration of a wedding anniversary. I say go and have a wonderful time. The children will be fine, and probably better off with Grandma than on a cruise. But, if you feel uncomfortable with it, go ahead and take them along - whatever floats your boat!

[QTMichele]

And, before anyone jumps all over me about home school kids, they are perfectly well ajusted and function just fine with other kids. They do spend a good bit of time in the kids club but that is by their choice.

 

With a background in education, I know how much time and talent it takes to educate kids - and how home-schooling is perceived by many. However, I think it takes a very special person to home-school their kids and I APPLAUD you for making that choice for your family. (This is said by a former public school, secondary education teacher - who is PROUD of the choice I made, but know that everyone must do what is right for their family!)

[dfgf]

I became a stay-at-home mom when I was 25 years old. We went on two cruises since then, leaving our little one behind with both sets of grandparents. In 2 months, we'll be leaving our 1-year-old and our 3-year-old at home with the grandparents.

 

I'm not sure how I would feel about it if I worked outside the home. However, even if I take a 7-night cruise I'll end-up spending more time with the kids that month then mommies who work full-time who are there for 30 nights that month.

 

I can tell you two definites:

1. I need a break from the kids

2. The kids need a break from ME !

[KandMGIn]

We have cruised without our children and with our children. We actually went on Carnival...yuk...so that our nearly 3 year old could be in the kids program. While the kids had fun, we were constantly checking our watches when they were not with us because the play room is always opening and closing. They were not in there a lot, but whenever they were we always had to be VERY aware of the time. That really soured the vacation for me. I like vacation to be more relaxing. I found myself always scanning the enviorment for possible dangers to our 2 and 4 year old. The beach, the pool, dinner time, walking around town, etc.. There were not very many "fully relaxing" moments. This of course is inherent in being a parent. We go to our Myrtle Beach timeshare with the kids for a week each year and take several "mini road trips" (mostly to pick up good ebay finds :rolleyes: ) with them.

 

I do not think that kids under 7 truely appreciate being in a foreign land and on a crusie ship. Most will get the same satisfaction from taking trips with the fam that do not cost as much and do not require a flight.

 

Balance out your Family trips and your Married Couple trips and your Alone trips.

 

REASON: A woman needs to be a woman, then a wife, then a mother. You cannot truely be all of those things without experiancing those things seperate from each other. (Same for a man of course)

 

REMEDY: Go out with women and only women a couple of times a month. Go out as a married, sexual, sensual couple a couple of times a month. Be an active parent all other times....

 

What are you teaching your kids when you show them that your not a person with a life besides them? I think that never spending a night away from them sets a very bad example.

 

But hey....it's just my opinion right! ;)