Cruise Joke (Easy on the eyes format)

[SnorkelBear]

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind.

 

A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"

 

"Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."

 

"But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.

 

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

[arlenez]

Good one! :)

[vpoopsy]

Love it. I had a hat experience in Cozumel. I had bought a cool hat in Grand Cayman and we were walking and the wind blew my hat off into a fountain. Well, I wasn't going to lose my hat, so I proceeded to hop into the fountain and get my hat!! It was even funnier because I had just finished off a large margarita at Carlos & Charlies so I wasn't too stable. My DH took a picture and has it on his desk at work.

[SDHALFAN]

Great joke, and oh how easy it was to read:D . Thanks!

 

Valerie:)

[hammybee]

Did you like my hat?

[Copper10-8]

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.

 

Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show: "Look, it's not the same hat" "Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table" "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"

 

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's parrot. One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course. They stared at each other with contempt, but did not utter a word. This went on for a days. After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. You got me on this one ... where's the boat?"

[kikiwik]

That Was Great!

[Krazy Kruizers]

You guys are so funny!!

[elmorejj]

You guys gave me a much needed giggle this afternoon........jean :cool:

[earl_m]

you should be in show business:D

[SDHALFAN]

John:

 

That one is priceless, thanks for a much-needed laugh.

 

Valerie:)

[Sunshine91]

After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. You got me on this one ... where's the boat?"

 

'Cause he made the boat disappear?

 

Sorry I'm so dense, but I'm SO not getting it. Blonde moment. My John has to explain jokes to me ALL the time. Please don't laugh. Oh all right, go ahead. I'm used to it. :)

 

For the first few years we were married, when I didn't get the "naughty" jokes, John was too shy, embarrased, whatever, to explain them to me. He always made me go ask my long time friend Mike. It got to a point where I could just look at him & he'd say go ask Mike, who, of course, never got tired of explaining them to me. :D

[scrapycruiser]

I love the jokes...I'm waiting for the next one !!! :D

[Lefty Bob]

lenmac.com; Leslie@roomservicehome.com

Subject: short and cute!

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and

decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to

take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads

her book.

 

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman

and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

 

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at

any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

 

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the

woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could

start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

 

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also

think.

[hammybee]

 

( Hammy) DAM right.

[Copper10-8]

Good one Lefty!:D

 

A young single guy is on a cruise ship, having the time of his life. On the second day of the cruise, the ship slams into an iceberg and begins to sink. Passengers around him are screaming, flailing, and drowning but our guy manages to grab on to a piece of driftwood and, using every last ounce of strength, swims a few miles through the shark-infested sea to a remote island.

 

Sprawled on the shore nearly passed out from exhaustion, he turns his head and sees a woman lying near him, unconscious, barely breathing. She's also managed to wash up on shore from the sinking ship. He makes his way to her, and with some mouth-to-mouth assistance he manages to get her breathing again. She looks up at him, wide-eyed and grateful and says, "My God, you saved my life!"

 

He suddenly realizes the woman is Cindy Crawford!

 

Days and weeks go by. Cindy and our guy are living on the island together. They've set up a hut, there's fruit on the trees, and they're in heaven. Cindy's fallen madly in love with our man, and they're making passionate love morning, noon and night.

 

Alas, one day she notices he's looking kind of glum.

"What's the matter, sweetheart?" she asks, "We have a wonderful life together, I'm in love with you. Is there something wrong? Is there anything I can do?"

 

He says, "Actually, Cindy, there is. Would you mind, putting on my shirt?"

 

"Sure," she says, "if it will help." He takes off his shirt and she puts it on.

 

"Now would you put on my pants?" he asks.

 

"Sure, honey, if it's really going to make you feel better," she says.

 

"Okay, would you put on my hat now, and draw a little mustache on your face?" he asks.

 

"Whatever you want, sweetie," she says, and does.

 

Then he says, "Now, would you start walking around the edge of the island?"

 

She starts walking around the perimeter of the island. He sets off in the other direction. They meet up half way around the island a few minutes later. He rushes up to her, grabs her by the shoulders, and says, "Dude! You'll never believe who I'm sleeping with!"

[BJHOOSER]

Loved them all. Keep them coming....lol. Abby:rolleyes:

[SnorkelBear]

There was some mix-up with a woman's room. The clerk (or whatever they are called on ships) was trying to remedy the situation. He asked, "Would you like an inside cabin or an outside cabin?" She replied, "Well, it looks like it might rain today. I'd better get an inside cabin."

[babyher]

A grandmother is at the beach with her young grandson when suddenly a giant wave crashes onto the shore picks up the little boy a sweeps him out to sea.

 

The Grandmother is frantic , she gets on her hands and knees and looks up to heaven and screams "Dear God , please spare this little boy, please he is only a baby , he has his whole life ahead of him. If you have to take anyone, take me, but please bring me back my Grandson "

 

Just a suddenly , another wave crashes on to shore placing the little boy back on the beach , no worse for the wear, not a hair out of place. safe and sound.

 

The grandmother looks at the boy, looks back up to heaven and says "He had a hat"

[Copper10-8]

The passengers on a HAL cruise ship were fascinated by the sight of a bedraggled, bearded man on a small island. The ship passed slowly by as he desparately shouted and waved his arms.

 

"Who is that person on the island?" one of the passengers asked a Dutch officer.

 

"I have no idea," mused the officer "but every year when we pass that island he goes crazy."

[7x5090g]

A first time cruise passenger walks up to the front desk to file a complaint.

"There seems to be a mixed up here. I reserved a oceanview cabin but I didn't get one"

"Sir, according to my computer, your cabin IS an oceanview"

"Well you better come with me to my room. Your computer must be wrong."

They arrive at the cabin and the passenger opens the door and points to the window. "Look outside, all I can see is a parking lot!!!":D

[RuthC]

Andy, that's a good one. :D And it's a new one on me, too. :)

Thanks for the laugh.

[HeatherInFlorida]

:D John .... I gotta tell 'ya ... you've been holding out on us!!!! ROTFLOL!!:D ('specially loved the delivery;))

[Copper10-8]

OK Heather, just for that (and in case you ever want to cruise Disney), 10 Reasons why Disney delayed launching their cruise line...

 

1. Pluto's "accident" on Deck 3

 

2. Room service using Aladdin was getting out of hand.

 

3. Exterminator killed off "rat" problem only to discover they were Mickey and Minnie's cousins.

 

4. Drunken dispute between Donald and The Mighty Ducks over who was mightier.

 

5. Charo kept showing up.

 

6. The Beast from "Beauty and the Beast" kept eating the midnight buffet.

 

7. The Seven Dwarfs vandalized the ship after failing to meet the "You Must Be This Tall to Ride This Ride" Requirements.

 

8. Stench of seawater and 101 Dalmations was too strong.

 

9. Tour guide Goofy goes into drunken rampage and uses Chip and Dale as Shuffleboard discs.

 

10. New hires Doc, Isaac and Gopher quit days before launch citing that this job is not as "exciting and new" as their last one on that "other" line that starts with a "P"

[HeatherInFlorida]

:D !!!!! And remember when we thought Pluto was a Planet??? Deep down, I knew he was really a dog doing you know what on Deck 3.

 

Okay! You can stop now! You're killing me:) .