Straights attending FOD meetings

[bdjam]

bdjam! long time no chat. I am finally sailing a Princess ship again with RSVP and hoping to come away with the warm fuzzies you have for Princess... since I did not get them on Diamond. Psyched that eventhough it's a charter, they will let me accrue Captain's Circle....anyway...

Matt - hope you do enjoy Caribbean Princess and the RSVP cruise (that's the one, I assume). I've heard mixed reviews from reliable sources about the ship - some love it, some hate it - so I wish you the best of luck. I still maintain that the "warm-fuzzies" from Princess come from their smaller ships...but don't get me started as that's a whole different thread.

 

As for your coming out to your Mom story - I know it didn't seem it at the time, but the thought of her instantly vomiting is too funny! I'm sure she's gotten over all of that now. My parents had a very difficult time (I'm sure thoughts of the end of the genetic line were prevalent for them) but came around after a year or so...much later when I broke up with my ex after eight and half years, I think they were more upset than I was!!

[bdjam]

OK - in case anyone is wondering, the silly boards still aren't working right...

[MattInFLL]

Hey bdjam - yes it was horrifying at the time... but then as I retold it, I realized how hilarious it was. It did take them a few years, but they came around. Now when we go up to visit, I swear my family is more excited to see Ralph than me :)

[tnt-augusta]

I've never been to an FoD party, but I can't imagine why someone would want to exclude friendly non-gay folks from one. The possible exception that comes to mind is the possibilty of it being too crowded or not enough refreshments if too many hetero folks showed up. The impression I get reading this board, however, is that these events tend to be fairly small and I would hope "The More, The Merrier" would be how most people felt.

 

I'm guessing the get-togethers might be kinda like happy hour at a gay bar or something - and I've always been under the impression that friendly folks, gay or otherwise, are welcome at gay clubs. As for me, personally, I'm just as likely to hit it off with straight folks as I am to click with gay people.

[flag fan]

Blazerboy--I like your explanation of FOD and the reasons for keeping the phrase. I know a lot of younger GLBT people (younger than me, that is, LOL) do not like it because it is not as readily known by the 20s and 30s age group and seems like an acceptance of the closet, but I remember when I first heard the phrase and I thought it was great--a little secret code. Not everyone is out or is comfortable and I think out people (I am) should be sensitive to their concerns. Almost all gay people go through the coming out process at some time or another and we should be sensitive to those who are going through that period. For them, a notice in the ship's daily circular "Gays Meeting on the Lido Deck at 4:00" would be a sign to be nowhere near the Lido Deck; where a more discrete Friends of Dorothy meeting notice would be something they would be more comfortable with attending because the "straights" wouldn't know the nature of the meeting. (Although a lot of straigt people may.) It would be interesting to see if a Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender meeting would get more or fewer participants than a Friends of Dorothy meeting. Getting back to the original question, I don't know if that means its better or worse to have straight people attend FOD meetings. I am of mixed minds on the issue, for the reasons given by the posters in this thread; good arguments on both sides. I am comfortable in either setting--all gay or mixed.

[pnhmrk]

Well, what else is it?

 

I can't imagine why someone would want to exclude friendly non-gay folks from one.

 

Because FOD also acts a support Group. If you get lots of dedicated heterosexuals there you can't rely of everyone having been through the same experiences.

[aaerobear]

First of all, I do not need a "support group". Alchoholics need a support group, they meet to reinforce their sobriety.(hence "Friends of BillW) If I attend the FOD get together it is to socialize with other GLBT people AND other people that may have an afffiliation with some of the GLBT people on board.(maybe we should call them the FOFOD's)

 

As far as the name of the gathering, I do prefer FOD, but thats just me. I love to get people going on how the name started, there is always a heated debate on the origin of the term. I came out in the 50's and live in San Francisco (since 1977) so I have seen it all (well, most of it anyway, nobody has seen it all) Labels do not upset me in the least (although I do cringe at queer, but thats just me) whatever the community wants to call itself is fine with me.

 

Derf/Derfette you are welcome ANYTIME, you seem to have a real understanding of what the get together is all about.

 

With that said, I need to go start packing for my trip on the Dawn 2/05/2007. (like I really pack this early)

 

Ed/Aaero

[Schplinky]

A friend of mine actually uses "Canadian" as his code-word. As in, "doesn't that guy over there ever look Canadian?" I think it's hilarious but then I've been Canadian all my life, in both senses of the word.

 

In terms of the great Straights at the FOD Debate of 2007, I think my last words will be that folks are as comfortable with others as they are with themselves.

[MattInFLL]

After moving from the gay haven of West Hollywood to South Florida, I was amazed at the differences in being "out" even in "liberal" Broward County (that's what the rest of Fla. thinks). When I got to school, I was again amazed at the very conservative atmosphere. So I restarted the gay student group (which had been dormant)...and at our school, that meant pretty much I might as well have worn a sign on my forehead. I didn't care - I've been out of the closet way too long to care...but what I found interesting was how many of the straight students became curious and started asking me questions about being gay... having a partner, etc. I never ceased to be amazed by some of the questions...if someone has not been exposed to gay people (that they know of) they can have some pretty strange ideas in their heads...and I was happy to set them ...err.. straight. Our group gets a lot of support from the straight students now, and we've been able to have meaningful conversations about gay marriage, adoption etc. I'm just a firm believer that we do ourselves a better service by being as welcoming as possible...by "teaching" and showing people we're just like them. If someone is having trouble with the coming out process, I'm not sure an FOD meeting on a cruise ship is the best place for them to start, anyway.

[flipflop104]

At the risk of asking a stupid question, how does someone know where and when the FOD meetings are held on each ship?

 

Are the meetings posted in the daily activities notices?

 

I have seen Friends of Bill W. meetings posted on every single cruise I've been on, but never FOD meetings.

 

 

At the risk of asking an even more stoopid question, what are Friends of Bill W meetings, please? And thank you

[derf5585]

At the risk of asking an even more stoopid question, what are Friends of Bill W meetings, please? And thank you

 

Alcoholics anonymous

 

William Griffith Wilson (26 November 1895–24 January 1971) (commonly known as Bill Wilson or Bill W.), was a co-founder of the society Alcoholics Anonymous.

from

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_W.

[02143]

I think my last words will be that folks are as comfortable with others as they are with themselves.

 

If you included that sentiment in your letter to Olivia, I'm not surprised if you didn't hear back. ;)

 

I wish you and your partner the best, Schplinky.

[Schplinky]

If you included that sentiment in your letter to Olivia, I'm not surprised if you didn't hear back. ;)

 

I wish you and your partner the best, Schplinky.

 

Thanks for the wishes. I hope you have a great new year.

 

No, the question to them was briefly worded version of asking if men are welcomed. They never got back to me but have sent me three brochures. Not the most defnitive experience.

[Blazerboy]

A friend of mine actually uses "Canadian" as his code-word. As in, "doesn't that guy over there ever look Canadian?" I think it's hilarious but then I've been Canadian all my life, in both senses of the word.

LOL!!!!:D May have to start using that one myself! With Family spread out from Nova Scotia to Vancouver, and places inbetween, I guess I might seem a little "Canadian" to folks as well....:) ...and I don't even lisp!:eek:

 

Suzanne, I'm always leery of an explanation that relys solely on something like male and female hormones, as it only seems to reinforce the idea that Gay men aren't masculine enough, and, believe me, I know some folks on both sides of the fence that could be poster children for the other team!;) . My fear, too, in trying to pinpoint the "source" is that then there'll be an effort to "fix" it. For a film on this subject, rent "Twilight of the Golds" --- Brendon Frazier before I hated him!!!

 

My belief is that the "source" is mutli-faceted on the Nature side, and that Environment determines sometimes the degree to which the Nature side is expressed or hidden.

 

Cheers,

 

Andrew

[derf5585]

If you included that sentiment in your letter to Olivia, I'm not surprised if you didn't hear back. ;)

 

(tongue in cheek)

Would a man at an Olivia cruise be the same as a straight at a FOD meeting.

[bdjam]

(tongue in cheek)

Would a man at an Olivia cruise be the same as a straight at a FOD meeting.

Based on my experience trying to get a cruise out of Oliva for a fundraising event, much, much worse. I was told under no uncertain terms that awarding a prize of an Oliva cruise to a male was not a good idea at all...

[aaerobear]

Brian,

 

Same experience here with the charity thing. To many conditions.

 

Ed

[etoile]

Oh lord, does this have to turn into another thread about Olivia accepting or not accepting men? I'm not saying I support or don't support their choices...I just can't handle the drama from the last thread! :(

[Schplinky]

I think the Olivia thing was discussed to death and would plead with anyone who wants to discuss it to revive the other thread.

[etoile]

I am so with you on that one, Schplinky! *hugs*

[bdjam]

I think the Olivia thing was discussed to death and would plead with anyone who wants to discuss it to revive the other thread.

Simply answering the question based on my experience...that's all.

[iluvdoxies]

Like I said a few pages back in this thread, I find it hard to believe that people within a segment of society that for years has screamed for acceptance and understanding.... would become UNaccepting.

 

After 10+ years of superior job performance, I was told by a supervisor that I would go no further with that company....because I am gay. I soon left that company and made drastic changes in my career path. A few years ago a national fitness chain told me that my long-term significant other was not entitled to a "family" discount. I eventually took our membership elsewhere...to a place that agreed with our definition of "family."

 

I have strong feelings about unacceptance.... with this idea of being exclusionary with our social gatherings: Does a gay bar or dance club query sexual orientation upon entry? (no) Does a gay mens sauna query sexual orientation upon entry? (no) Are gay-oriented magazines only sold to gays? (no) Are some of the dissenters on this thread willing to ask those attending a FOD meeting if they are in fact, gay? (you tell me)

 

The idea that we would expect a "non-gay" to come to an FOD meeting, identify their orientation and request permission to attend is simply silly.

 

I dont understand what breeds some of these attitudes. I had mentioned earlier about a recent cruise we were on where the FOD gathering was paired with "Diva Night" in the disco. That evening, one of the gay guys there mentioned to me that he didnt like the idea that the cruise line was "type casting" us by featuring the music of Cher, Mariah Carey, Diana Ross, Madonna and Elton John. Typecasting?? I thought it was a way of reaching out to us.

 

It seems to me that its all about being social. Its all about making new friends. Its all about making friends that we may find secondary commonality with.... beyond our sexual orientation.

 

If CindyM64 is on a cruise and enjoys socializing with a room full of gay men and lesbians, they why shouldnt she be there? I certainly would enjoy her company as well as that of Derf and Derfette...and anyone else that wants to participate.

 

I enjoy the interaction with the straight people in this thread. I certainly hope that none of them are offended by some of the ideas related here. I really hope they can all realize that not all gays are exclusionary and unaccepting.... and in reality are warm, friendly people. I can confidently and happily say that the exclusionary types are a minority.

 

Ive read some recent Princess Patters and noticed the Friends of Dorothy Ggathering was now called a "Rainbow Gathering" Maybe this will eliminate some of the harsh exclusivity.

 

 

Very well put.

 

I used to work for USAIR. Lots of gays there. My best friend is gay.

 

My husband and I talked 3 of our gay friends into going on a cruise with us (one is a couple) and they all worked for USAIR. Well we had a blast, one of the best cruises ever.

[txflyer]

Very well put.

 

I used to work for USAIR. Lots of gays there. My best friend is gay.

 

My husband and I talked 3 of our gay friends into going on a cruise with us (one is a couple) and they all worked for USAIR. Well we had a blast, one of the best cruises ever.

 

Wow...its Victoria, right? We met on the Elation back in October.

[iluvdoxies]

Wow...its Victoria, right? We met on the Elation back in October.

 

 

 

Yep that's me. I remember you. how you been ?

[themnms]

After looking at this thread, all I can say is, I would have loved to meet Derf and Derfette at a FOD meeting:) .