Straights attending FOD meetings

[derf5585]

On the NCL Dawn the FOD meeting were held in "Champiane Charlies" led by a piano player who was (how should I say it) Stereotypical gay and very out. My questions are.

Does the leader of FOD meetings have to be gay?

Do cruise lines recruit gays so they can lead FOD meetings?

Do straight applicants lie so they can get a job on a cruise ship?

 

By the way in out roll call we had a gay couple and a single gay cruiser who's partner just passed away (he and his partner were with us on our last cruise a year ago). We saw them at "Champaine Charles" and Derfette and I sat with them. As the piano player ended his gig one of the woman came up to Derfette and said she is not a Leabian. I told Derfette that we had just crashed a FOD meeting.

My questions are

Since the "meeting" was held in the open was it ok to be there?

Why would the woman announce that she was not a lesbian?

Should we not have danced?

[robtx100]

Everyone is welcome as long as they aren't "disruptive" and there for a good time and meet other people. I don't know why anyone would go up to derfette and say that. I've seen some of your posts and you sound like you would be alot of fun to hang out with. Sorry we haven't been on any cruises together. Going on our 10th cruise next month.

[derf5585]

I've seen some of your posts and you sound like you would be alot of fun to hang out with. Sorry we haven't been on any cruises together. Going on our 10th cruise next month.

 

In person I am a shy introverted person. Derfette is the outgoing one. I am a regular "Jeckel and Hide" and I do hide from people.

[txflyer]

I've seen some of your posts and you sound like you would be alot of fun to hang out with. Sorry we haven't been on any cruises together.

 

I agree with RobTX100's comments. Derf and Derfette would be alot of fun to hang out with. Hopefully we will all be on the same ship some day.

 

I say the more the merrier...if you attend the FOD meeting and feel like dancing, then go ahead and dance. Its not like the gay community has some sort of clandestine secret society that requires a membership card.

 

The gay community has marched in the streets screaming for acceptance, so I really hope nobody would be...well.... UNaccepting... at an FOD meeting. ..>>jack

[Schplinky]

I agree with the above. It's Friends of Dorothy, not Members Only.

 

If someone is upset with straights attending, it's really their issue to deal with.

[derf5585]

Oh by the way there is a couple of pictures of the FOD meeting at

 

NCL Spirit CC'ers photos 10 Dec 2006

Miracle 17 Oct 2004 photos

http://community.webshots.com/user/derfette

[dcc617]

Two years ago, my partner and I were on a Celebrity cruise and had a wonderful table of six. One of the couples was straight couple from Chicago. When he announced he was a mechanic, the 4 of us all thought 'Oh no, here we go'. They were a hoot and some of the nicest, most accepting people we've ever met on a cruise. When we told them we were going to an FOD meeting, they wanted to know all about it. They were curious about the name and when we told them how it all started, their response was 'COOL! Can we come?'. The 2 of them were invited as honorary Totos. We still keep in touch with them.

[Seadragon813]

My first cruise was on Carnival Elation and there wasn't a FOD meeting. I didn't really know about them then. My partner and I will be on the Valor in april and hope to be able to attend one. I don't see a problem with straight people attending a FOD meeting as long as they are respectful to those at the meeting. I would actually like it to be in encouraged more, so if nothing they see that FOD are no different than them. (BTW Schplinky are you going to disney on the 19 of Jan? I'm taking my partner there that weekend for his birthday.)

[etoile]

Does the leader of FOD meetings have to be gay?

I have never been to a FOD meeting that had a "leader" at all. The closest I came was on Celebrity recently, when I was the one who had requested the FOD meeting be put in the schedule, so I was the one who got there first and said hi to everybody as they came in. Another person who might "lead" a FOD meeting is the cruise director. But there's not really a "leader" like there is with Bill W. meetings.

Do cruise lines recruit gays so they can lead FOD meetings?

Absolutely not! Mainstream cruise lines might advertise in gay publications (but usually I have only seen gay cruise companies there), but it would just be in general. It certainly has nothing to do with FOD meetings, which not all ships or sailings have anyway. If a mainstream cruise line advertises to gay people at all, it is just because they want more business. They might as well advertise to left-handed people if they wanted their business too!

Do straight applicants lie so they can get a job on a cruise ship?

I am utterly confused by this question. Do you have the impression that most cruise staff are gay?? This is certainly not the case. Remember, straight people are the majority. They would never have to lie to get a job on a cruise ship. I could only see it the other way around...if a gay person is in the closet and they don't want to come out to the recruiter, they might pretend they are straight. But no, straight people do not lie to get cruise ship jobs!

Since the "meeting" was held in the open was it ok to be there?

Yes, of course. You can be anywhere you like on the ship. FOD parties are just social events, they are not secret societies or anything like that. If you enjoy being around gay people, by all means go have fun at a FOD party. As long as you are friendly you will be welcome there just as anywhere else.

Why would the woman announce that she was not a lesbian?

I'm confused. Did the woman say she herself was not a lesbian, or that Derfette was not a lesbian? Either way, it probably was meant harmlessly. I can't read her mind of course but I don't think she was accusing anybody of anything.

Should we not have danced?

If you want to dance, dance! :)

[02143]

My mother calls herself a Rainbow Mom, God love her, and dragged her husband to the FOD meeting on a Princess Cruise to the Baltic last year. As I expected, she only got a little attention from most of the gay men, which is understandable as they weren't necessarily there to meet positive straight people. She understood and made friends with a lesbian couple from her home state. There just weren't many people, probably because the itinerary draws an older crowd. The last night, the captain or CD donated champagne to the FOD meeting, but few enough people showed that the my mother got to take the bottle back to her dining companions.

 

A problem we've observed on these boards is that occasionally straight people will wander into a FOD meeting hoping to mingle or simply by accident and are offended when they're brushed off. Honestly, I would never be deliberately rude to someone, but I'm a shy person who is more relaxed around other gays in environments like this and so I would probably come across as clannish and brusque. It's unfortunate and you don't want to hurt anyone with good intentions and good will. Very outgoing "fag hags" intimidate the hell out of me, but so do drag queens, so no one can call it heterophobia. :)

 

Anyway, this isn't the question you asked, but it had me thinking.

[geoherb]

At the last FOD meeting we went to a few years ago, a bi man and his girlfriend were there together. We haven't been to any meetings on our last several cruises. I thought about requesting one on our Christmas cruise last month on the Sun Princess, but the itinerary did not really lend itself to having one since we were in port most days except the last two--and by then, what would be the point.

 

We did see a few gay and lesbian couples on the ship but did not strike up friendships with any of them. We had fun with the accepting straight folks we met.

[dugknight]

(BTW Schplinky are you going to disney on the 19 of Jan? I'm taking my partner there that weekend for his birthday.)

 

Disneyland or Disney world? I'm going to Disney World the week of the 21st. Not sure if you really care or not but thought I'd share. lol

[Schplinky]

My first cruise was on Carnival Elation and there wasn't a FOD meeting. I didn't really know about them then. My partner and I will be on the Valor in april and hope to be able to attend one. I don't see a problem with straight people attending a FOD meeting as long as they are respectful to those at the meeting. I would actually like it to be in encouraged more, so if nothing they see that FOD are no different than them. (BTW Schplinky are you going to disney on the 19 of Jan? I'm taking my partner there that weekend for his birthday.)

 

We're gong to Disney world for one day only! We will be there the day of Jan 20th, doing the mad dash through two or three parks. I "think" we'll start in MGM, go over to Animal Kingdom and end in EPCOT. Poor Mike won't know what hit him and will need a cruise by the end. The next day, we drive to FLL for the cruise.

[dugknight]

Oh, I was just going to ask you if you would be around the next day to possibly get together for a drink but then you said you were driving that day! Oh well, have a great time!

[Schplinky]

Oh, I was just going to ask you if you would be around the next day to possibly get together for a drink but then you said you were driving that day! Oh well, have a great time!

 

That would have been fun but I doubt wild horses could keep us from being among the first to board.

 

One day we'll have to figure out how to do a group cruise for the gay CC posters.

[Seadragon813]

Dugknight that would be Disney World. Yeah were getting in on the 19th, doing disney on the 20th. It's his birthday so we're doing the park hopper. Try to hit Animal Kingdom and Magic Kingdom. We may get to them all. Going back to Tampa on the 21st. Hope you guys have a good time, and enjoy your cruise!

[shepp]

I personally don't have major problems with straights attending FODs meetings, but...

 

Way back in the seperatist '80s, I, a pro-feminist male, was offended by the existence of "womyn-only" spaces. But, older and, I hope, wiser, I now see their point. Men rule the world. Many oppress women. Even more Just Don't Get It. So if a group of women want to carve out a space just for themselves, that's their right. Even in these much more relaxed times, if there were an onboard meeting for "women travelers," I'd never think of showing up.

 

Hey, I'm about as out and at ease with myself as you can get, but I do find myself behaving somewhat differently in all-queer groups than mixed groups. And, while I like and relate well to many hets (and have very limited interest in going on an all-gay cruise), if I want to spend a small chunk of my time in a mostly-het situation hanging out in an all-queer ambiance, I view that as my..um, right.

 

There are plenty of opportunities for hets on cruises to hang with queers. I went on a cruise with my PFLAG mother, and after I went (alone) to the first FOD meeting of the cruise, a number of gay guys met her, and even went on a shore excursion with her while I was elsewhere. (Actually, I related better to the butch dyke and her slutty straight sister I met at trivia than I did to the more buttoned-down gay guys I met at the FOD meetings.) However, Mom didn't go to the 2nd FOD meeting, and I think she was right.

 

It might be awkward, but IMO, if hets want to meet queers on their cruise, they might either show up at an FOD meeting and simply ask everyone else if they minded their hanging around (and gracefully leaving if even one person seems hesitant) or - even better - showing up at the start of a meeting, saying, "Hey, we have a gay son" or "We really enjoy being around lesbians" or whatever and expressing the hope that they could get to know some of the attendees outside the FOD meetings. And then cheerfully go on their way.

[Cruise Arizona]

Oops, i posted on the wrong thread to start, But I caught it before it went up permanently.

 

I find that I have a lot in common with many of the FOD's.

 

I know I am totally stereo typing her, so please forgive me.

 

I used to do a lot of community theatre.

 

I love classical music, opera, and Jazz Standards.

 

So though I've never crashed an FOD meeting, I often find my self running into FOD's at other venues.

 

I have thought about stopping by and meeting some of the friends during an offical meeting, but I've never really done this. I guess it would be presumptive to assume that all FOD's and I have the same iterest.

 

Anyway, I am a married mother of 2, who had always enjoyed the coversation and common interest of other passengers who are often FOD's.

 

I am not sure what the purpose of this post is other than to say that when we do cross paths and find that we have many things in common, I thourougly enjoy the company of ya'll.

 

And my DH doesn't dance due to gout in the foot, so if you need a dance partner, I'm yours.

 

OK I am a total dork!!!

 

Happy crusing, and I look forward to meeting many of you some day.

[Nobbi]

I think anyone gay-positive is welcome. Often I have more fun with my straight friends than gay fellows.

 

The only time I have any "problem" with straight folk in gay venues is when I'm being overtly sexual. That's with women too (gay or straight.)

 

So since FOD meetings generally don't involve having sex (I assume this since I've only been on one cruise and it was an RSVP charter), I welcome anyone who wants to participate. :)

[pnhmrk]

I think that FOD meetings are really only for the gay (include all the other varieties in that description) community. They are not normally that much fun in themselves (with Cunard at any rate) but they are a way of meeting other people on your trip. There are lots of ways of meeting people in general (these boards being one) so I feel that FOD should be kept gay. Having said that I wouldn't object if there was the occasional non-gay person there although I do wonder why they would want to go.

[derf5585]

I think that FOD meetings are really only for the gay (include all the other varieties in that description) community. They are not normally that much fun in themselves (with Cunard at any rate) but they are a way of meeting other people on your trip. There are lots of ways of meeting people in general (these boards being one) so I feel that FOD should be kept gay. Having said that I wouldn't object if there was the occasional non-gay person there although I do wonder why they would want to go.

 

I am the original poster. Let me explain farther.

The FOD meeting was being held in a common area and when we arrived the only thing that was going on was the piano player singing. Not a meeting per say.

[derf5585]

I think that FOD meetings are really only for the gay (include all the other varieties in that description) community. They are not normally that much fun in themselves (with Cunard at any rate) but they are a way of meeting other people on your trip. There are lots of ways of meeting people in general (these boards being one) so I feel that FOD should be kept gay. Having said that I wouldn't object if there was the occasional non-gay person there although I do wonder why they would want to go.

 

I am the original poster. Let me explain farther.

The FOD meeting was being held in a common area (a bar) and when we arrived the only thing that was going on was the piano player singing. Not a meeting per say.

[Joe and Ivan]

I used to do a lot of community theatre.

 

I love classical music, opera, and Jazz Standards....

 

I am not sure what the purpose of this post is other than to say that when we do cross paths and find that we have many things in common, I thourougly enjoy the company of ya'll.

 

It's OK. You can say it! We are totally fabulous!! Even some of our churches in San Antonio are saying now, "God knows you're fabulous!" I think all fabulous people should feel welcome at a Friends of Dorothy meeting. The emphasis is on the "Friends" and not which specific alphabetical category you may place yourself in.

 

Ivan

[pnhmrk]

The FOD meeting was being held in a common area and when we arrived the only thing that was going on was the piano player singing. Not a meeting per say.

 

I said "I wouldn't object if there was the occasional non-gay person there". Every FOD gathering I've been to has been in one of the bars. I have no wish to hide my sexuality (or flaunt it for that matter), but can understand why some people may not feel as comfortable as me about it and would therefore prefer a more 'exclusive' gathering. If the FOD meeting is opened to invite everybody it stops being FOD but I don't have a problem with the odd non-gay person turning up occasionally.

[derf5585]

Let me attack it from another angle

FOB="Friends of Breeders" meetings

 

Would you consider the singles get togethers a FOB meeting. Would a "Gay/Lesbian" attend those