Completely Depressed & Frustrated...HELP!

[bobandkelly]

Brenda STOP! don't undo everything you worked so hard for. I don't know what you're going through. I hope you have someone you can talk to that will encourage you to do what you need to do.

You can make changes, you already have made changes in your eating and exercise. Look how far you've come with that and gain strength from knowing that you have in it you to make other changes as well.

Kelly

[Brenda33]

Brenda STOP! don't undo everything you worked so hard for. I don't know what you're going through. I hope you have someone you can talk to that will encourage you to do what you need to do.

You can make changes, you already have made changes in your eating and exercise. Look how far you've come with that and gain strength from knowing that you have in it you to make other changes as well.

Kelly

Kelly, If I have the strength I sure don't know where it is at the moment. Its unfortunate, but there is really only one solution, but that solution brings on a ton of other problems.....that probably can't be fixed......so its a no win situation. I just have to pray for a miracle. Its funny, I thought all the stuff with my health and my daughter's accident, etc. were hard, but all that could be fixed. So far today I haven't eaten, so maybe I am at least controlling that now.

[bobandkelly]

Brenda, I really feel for you. You sound like you are struggling with something major. Along time ago (16 yrs) I was pretty messed up, depression, married to an alcoholic.... Even though I had friends to talk to they weren't always the best judges or voices of reason. I went to therapy and it helped me to sort out issues.

Life is hard but I've found that when it is that is when God is teaching me something or I am learning to lean on Him more.

What my DH (this is not the one I was married to above) and I are going through now is just that kind of a lesson. We are trusting Him but still have to go through the storm.

 

I wish there was something I could say or do for you. I'll continue to pray for strength & peace but I am also adding wisdom & guidence because it sounds like you need it right now.

Kelly

[smoothdancer]

Ya know Brenda,

Last week I clicked onto this thread and not knowing, I had clicked on the very early pages, thinking I was at the end... As I was reading I though, "wow, what happened to Brenda" before I realized what I was reading.

 

You have come so far, and after reading a few of thoes pages I knew you really did have a great inner strength. I have confidence that you will too figure this situation out, and rise above it, no matter how difficult. Hoping you a successful New Year.

[Brenda33]

Well I'm still here and I haven't given up yet.....so I guess that's a start. Just one time though, it would be nice to just have a miracle. I guess I am tough......although I don't feel I am at the moment. My mother tells me that God never hands you more than you can handle. I guess sometimes I wish I was weaker. :confused:

[bobandkelly]

Brenda, I almost wrote you the same thing about God not giving you more you can handle. I guess that is confirmation for you!

Kelly

[Gathina]

Well, Its my turn to wax and wane philisophical. Brenda, I can't imagine eating what you have eaten. I could just throw up thinking about it.

 

The key here, I think, is understanding why you do certain things. If you keep repeating a situation, a relationship, a habit, 99% of the time you are filling a void somewhere that you never had, trying to fulfill a need you may have had for many years. Women who continually get invovled in domestic violence relationships, for example..MANY, if not all of them, in my professioanl experience have an unmet need for security, a love they never received uncondtioanlly, etc. It's a long explanation, this is just the jist of what I want to say. With food: what pleasure do you get out of stuffing yourself silly, I mean, do you really ENJOY the taste of all that crap? Does it really make anythign better? No, it doesn't . You make yourself fatter, then you beat yourself up more, then you forfeit your right to complain. Many years ago, I said to a woman who had gotten into yet another DMV relationship, "Well, I can tell you enjoy getting beat up by a man because this is the third relationship you have where you let the man beat you up. Sorry, can't help you" Granted, it was a huge gamble to say that but she finally saw the light and started to focus on herself.

 

You cant' change people or situations. People have a right to be who they are whether we agree with them or not. So do you. So take care of you first. You have ar ight to be who you are, but you cant make someone take care of you. Only you can do that.

 

I've spent the afternoon sobbing and ripping my heart out. I am trying to start with a clean slate. I called two friends I had been unknd to and asked for their forgivness. Hell, why not?? I already feel like crap, might as well keep going. By the way..I had a 100% fruit smoothie with no sugar from Planet Smoothis. It tasted good.

[smoothdancer]

I know you are hurting G, but you continue to impress me. You again give good advise, help others in the middle of your heartbreak. You are wonderful!

 

I too thought about what you said the other day, that you are faking being fine. You know I have done that with my life so many times! When I first started my career I was one of the very few women in public accounting who were placed on high profile client, the token female.... Half the time I was in a room full of men and scared to death, but I never let it show. I did begin to believe my 'faking", and there came a day when it was real..... After that I used this same method in other areas of my life.... You are on the right track doing this.... Dont ask me why but I just had a desire to tell you this! You are going to get to where you want to wear thoes cute outfilts just for you, and honestly I dont have much doubt you are going to be just fine.

 

BTW, that BF of yours really is a sleez!, you deserve better.

[Brenda33]

Its really weird. I now know I deserve so much better. In the past things were even worse than they are now. For a long time I thought things were actually OK now because they were better than before. I'm not sure if that makes sense or not, but don't know what else I can say. In any case, I know what I do and do not deserve, but other circumstances prevent me from acting on this. There are many factors and things are not always as easy as they may seem. Most days I live "normally"....but then there are those days that just seem to rip me apart.......again, not sure if that is coming across clearly.

 

Regarding the eating. I know that is only a temporary set back. However, as sick as this may sound.......yes, I do enjoy eating like that!! I LOVE those foods and my stomach has always been a bottomless pit. I guess this is a reason its hard for me to live that healthy lifestyle. I enjoy the non-healthy lifestyle oh so much. Although, I also enjoy the healthy lifestyle. So even though I messed up and will probably mess up through the rest of the week, I have a plan of getting back on the wagon on Monday. Weird to set a day when I can do it now? Maybe....but for me that is the way it works. So I am allowing myself to do as I wish until then. Do I think it will be on the scale of an entire container of dip and chips, probably not........that was for comfort.....silly, but true.

 

Don't cry M..........he sucks!!!

[bobandkelly]

There are many factors and things are not always as easy as they may seem.

I know what you mean. I hope you find a way to get to where you need to be.

 

 

Gathina, I would have been one of those women if I had not gone to therapy and made changes in my life. My situation was not violent but emotional. I still look back and am so thankful that I did not choose another man like that one, like my father. Your right that we want to fill a hole. That unconditional love. While my DH now is great God is what keeps my hole filled.

I hope for you that your healing will continue and soon you will be feeling better.

Kelly

[Gathina]

Well, the fake it till I make it thing is hard. I purged my closet tonite. Some of the pretty lingerie when he first came back from Iraq. Some of my other things. I am packign them up to ship to Jamaica to some poor people there (not the lingerie!)

 

Brenda: Ok, if you MUST eat this garbage, then only eat HALF of it. Half the bag of chips, not the whole. Or ditch the chips and eat the carrots if you must have the dip. Half the cookies, not the entire bag. I can't fathom eating all this. I like those things too but I cant eat them even on a normal day without feeling sick as it's been so long.

 

I'm getting ready to go see a friend. I'm thinking of calling him at midnight when the ball drops and dropping my own ball..what do ya think?? :)

 

I know you are hurting G, but you continue to impress me. You again give good advise, help others in the middle of your heartbreak. You are wonderful!

 

I too thought about what you said the other day, that you are faking being fine. You know I have done that with my life so many times! When I first started my career I was one of the very few women in public accounting who were placed on high profile client, the token female.... Half the time I was in a room full of men and scared to death, but I never let it show. I did begin to believe my 'faking", and there came a day when it was real..... After that I used this same method in other areas of my life.... You are on the right track doing this.... Dont ask me why but I just had a desire to tell you this! You are going to get to where you want to wear thoes cute outfilts just for you, and honestly I dont have much doubt you are going to be just fine.

 

BTW, that BF of yours really is a sleez!, you deserve better.

[happysinglemom]

Wow. I go away for a few days and YEESH!

 

Menina, I feel your pain girl...and I do the "depression diet" too...been there done that. Hell I actually get physically nauseous. It just amazes me what control our emotions have over our body. Stay steady...you've made the right decisions and you'll get through this

 

Brenda...I don't know your situation, but after how far you have come, all the successes, I know you have what it takes inside, to deal with whatever it is.

 

BobandKelly, Smooth, Chi, M, and Bren...everyone...I hope the New Year is bright for all of you....best wishes for a safe and happy 2009!!!

[Brenda33]

M.....Did you call him at midnight?

 

Happy New Year to you all.

[Gathina]

No, am going to do it today. I went to the cheescake factory last night with friends and had a cup of tea, a mojito and a glass of champagne only..can you believe it??!!

 

M.....Did you call him at midnight?

 

Happy New Year to you all.

[Brenda33]

No, am going to do it today. I went to the cheescake factory last night with friends and had a cup of tea, a mojito and a glass of champagne only..can you believe it??!!

Well I ate for you!!!! Actually it will sound like alot, but I honestly cut down alot .... tried everything, but at least I am no longer eating EVERYTHING. LOL I had stuffed mushrooms, caesar salad, eggplant rollatini, linguine and champagne. The night turned out ok. I decided to just enjoy my little guy. My oldest were out with their significant others. So last night the little one and I sat up in my room, closed door, watching the ball drop together. He had a hat and noise makers so he was happy. He truly is the one who keeps me living.

 

I hope everything works out for you today. I'll be checking in in case you need to talk.

[Brenda33]

I'm smiling a bit. My daughter and her boyfriend are taking me out to dinner tonight.....just because. I'm really looking forward to it.....just relaxing and laughing.

 

Hope all is well with you all.

[smoothdancer]

Nice Brenda,

I love going out to dinner with my son, we always have such a great time. Usually I dont share him with my husband, just him and me (LOL)

[Brenda33]

Nice Brenda,

I love going out to dinner with my son, we always have such a great time. Usually I dont share him with my husband, just him and me (LOL)

I had the best time!!! We had a 3 hour dinner!!! It was so nice to laugh and enjoy life for awhile. Food was great too......but I could have ate SH_t on a shingle and it would have been great because it was all about the company.

[bobandkelly]

Brenda, glad you had a good time! I had to laugh when you said sh_t on a shingle. When we were kids and we'd ask my mom what was for dinner that was her favorite saying!

Kelly

[Brenda33]

Brenda, glad you had a good time! I had to laugh when you said sh_t on a shingle. When we were kids and we'd ask my mom what was for dinner that was her favorite saying!

Kelly

yeah I got that from my dad!

[Gathina]

Cool mom! I haven't done anything with "the situation" yet but I heard from the dog yesterday. I've gone from the depression diet to the flu/laryngitis diet so I had no motivation or cares. I was evasive. I crawled out to "Field of Greens" (a make your own salad type of place) and had..get this..a roast beef sandwich with horseradish cream to clear my nose..it was actually pretty good.

 

 

Brenda, glad you had a good time! I had to laugh when you said sh_t on a shingle. When we were kids and we'd ask my mom what was for dinner that was her favorite saying!

Kelly

[bobandkelly]

Gathina, I hope you feel better soon. I was sick last weekend. Not alot of fun.

Kelly

[ssatterly]

So with out reading the whole thread how is your weight loss going?

[bobandkelly]

In case Brenda doesn't check in. I'm going to say go ahead and read the whole post. She really is inspiring how she continued on her journey to a healthier and thinner self. It shows that with work and determination you can reach your goals. Go Brenda!

And Go ssatterly, you can do this too!

Kelly

 

I'm also going to put a plug in for a site I like alot. myfitnesspal.com An easy place to track your food & exercise and meet a bunch of people who are on their way to being healthier and love to encourage others on the journey.

[happysinglemom]

I had the best time!!! We had a 3 hour dinner!!! It was so nice to laugh and enjoy life for awhile. Food was great too......but I could have ate SH_t on a shingle and it would have been great because it was all about the company.

 

HA!!! Okay that made me snort!! Too funny! :D:D

 

So glad you had a good time Brenda!