Completely Depressed & Frustrated...HELP!

[Chigirlcruzin]

Excellent post Smooth:)

 

I'm sitting at my sister's with her Maltese on my lap. My sister, BIL, and cutie-pie nephew are at my BIL's parents' house. My parents were supposed to drive down from Green Bay today, but due to bad weather in Green Bay, Sheboygan, Manitowoc, etc, they are holding off until tomorrow. I could have gone with my sister, but her in-laws have 2 pugs, and I'd be a mess within 5 minutes of those dogs even with allergy meds. I said I need to get a man so I'm not alone...can't rely on my folks and sister for the rest of my life lol! So while it sucks to be alone tonight, I can't complain too much. I have it pretty darn good. I'm very greatful for what I have, and I only hope and pray that things get better in 2009 for you all, and for our world in general. Merry Christmas!

[Chigirlcruzin]

Happy, isn't it great having a great kid! We had a rough spot with one DD but now they are both wonderful young ladies. We are having a small Christmas (gift wise) this year too. I am actually enjoying it. No shopping in overcrowded stores buying things no one really needs.

 

I've never been to NY. Someday I'd like to go. I've always wanted to go ice skating at Rockefeller center. What show did you see?

Kelly

 

 

I work for a retailer...I need you to buy things you don't really need;) Luckily, we're in pretty decent shape (still making money and growing), and we carry more "need to haves" than "want to haves."

 

The ONE good thing about this economic mess is that it's bringing families to focus on what's really important. Breaks my heart that this one good thing is being taken away from people that can't get to their families due to the weather causing flight cancellations, train cancellations, etc.

 

I went a little overboard buying gifts for the baby, but I could do it this year. I just look forward to spending all day tomorrow with him and his super sweet self. He's so fun. He likes to dance. I think he's going to be walking by 9 months. He's already walking along the furniture at 7 and a half months, and he's standing on his own for a couple seconds. Oh, and he looks at my sister and says "ma ma." It's not the babbling either (and he does plenty of that)...he looks straight at her and says it, and doesn't say it to anybody else. He's a little genius!

[bobandkelly]

Leslie, I hope your parents have safe travels today. The weather report looks good till later tonight! We are getting ready to go up to Ishpeming MI. That is where we are both from. Getting up there will not be a problem. I just hope we can get back on Saturday.

My youngest DD is leaving on Mon. She is moving to FL! I wouldn't go today but she is going to be busy with her BF's family and then her dad. So we thought we should still go and see my mom & DH's parents. We never know if this is the last Christmas. But really we never know that for any of us.

Keep enjoying that baby! they grow up so fast!

Kelly

[Gathina]

Smooth! That must have been some vacation..you've never waxed and wane this philisophical before!:)

 

I'm a pretty spiritual person and last night in church they were talking about how our words can be blessing and a curse, and then into that fell the whole thing of reaping and sowing. I don't want to sow something I will reap with regret..make sense? I don't want to curse with my words to him then have it boomerang back. So I think the best thing for me is to email him, say I am aware he is with someone else and inform him I am moving on. No explanations of how I know, etc. Let hm do the talking.

 

In short, I don't want to reap what I sow.

 

Store bought breasts, you say!

I was about to say…wait a minute, this is or was a long term relationships and sometimes lack of judgment occurs. Perhaps that is what this is, perhaps not, but if you go the Dear John Email route rather than a discussion of why you are ending the relationship, you and he will never know what happened, find closure. Some can find a way to get past it, forgive, others cannot. Both are fine, really, but only you know into what category you fall into...This situation though, joking aside, has nothing to do with the other girl at all, but is just between you and your boyfriend.

 

It is interesting that us here have pretty different opinions on what we would do if in your shoes. I strongly disagree with some opinions here as a result of my past life experiences, which surely are different from others here. So, are you getting close to giving us the whole story??? All we can do is throw out our opinions based on our own personal experiences and probably be of little help to you, not to mention perhaps even give bad advice. Ahhh, but I guess in the end who cares what we think or feel, it is your life and your heart after all, isn’t it!!

 

This year my husband and I decided not to exchange gifts because of a costly vacation I am still paying off.. Well. sure he breaks the agreement, buys me a gift. I had to scrabble to think of something clever and I decided on a digital picture frame for his office.

 

So last year at this time we were only home a few weeks from Mexico where I had the emergency surgery. Last year on this day I could not even walk from the living room to the kitchen table for X-Mas eve dinner without help. I remember thinking that I did not know if I was going to recover at all and my life would never be the same again. So now here I am a year later, looking at pictures to put in his frame, some from last year. A year later I am healthy, happy and even have fond memories right before the incident... At the time it seems your world is falling apart, I guess it is, but we get past it, move on, life goes on and we find happiness again. I truly understand your pain on a few fronts but I absolutely can say with confidence that a year from now it wont matter that much. You won’t forget it, but it will just be one of those things that make you who you are, even wiser and stronger….

Wishing everyone a great holiday.

[smoothdancer]

Bravo for you Gathina,

My 2 cents, excellent decision!

[smoothdancer]

And a funny follow-up!

So we exchange presents. My husband and I buy each other the exact same thing, a digital photo frame.... He picks almost all of the pictures to put on my frame that I picked to put on his... We are photo nuts and we have thousands of photos.

After a good laugh, we conclude, we just have been married to each other way too long!

[bobandkelly]

Smooth, how cute that you bought each other the same gift even picking out the same pics. It sounds like something DH & I would do!

 

 

Gathina, I think you are doing the right thing. The sermon you heard sounds like confirmation and guidence for you.

Kelly

[Gathina]

Kelly: Well, it sorta fits with Smooth's sermon..:)

 

Smooth: You never told me..how did u like Delray Beach??

 

Smooth, how cute that you bought each other the same gift even picking out the same pics. It sounds like something DH & I would do!

 

 

Gathina, I think you are doing the right thing. The sermon you heard sounds like confirmation and guidence for you.

Kelly

[Chigirlcruzin]

M, are you sure you want to end this relationship over email? You don't want to do it in person and get closure? And are you SURE you want to end things - there's no way you can work this out? Obviously, there's been a HUGE breach of trust, and there's issues to work through, but I know you love him...

 

I'm officially an old person. I'll be 32 next weekend (on the 4th), but I'm an old person...I yelled at teenagers at the mall tonight! A little brat threw a cup full of ice at my car as I was driving through the parking lot. I made her pick it up. I don't think I'm that scary, but the girl was shaking. I heard the kids making fun of me when I was walking in the mall and I started chuckling to myself...I've turned into my father:eek:

[smoothdancer]

Oh, did I not say.... we really enjoyed Delray, so glad you suggested it... It was really beautiful, and much more our style and taste than FLL.

 

Now Chi, dont make me get nasty again!.... 32 is hardly old, I have a good 20 years on you and I dont feel old at all... Just because you turn into one of your parents, which I have done as well, does not make you old, just wiser!!

 

So anyway, I am pretty sure that G's relationship will not end over Email.... Sure, this may be the method for her to tell him what she knows, giving him a time alone to relect, but I doubt he is then going to read this Email and then say... Well, Ok relationship is over and move on... Sometime Email sucks in that it takes away human contact but sometimes it works to begin conversations that otherwise can be uncomfortable in person.

 

I had a wonderful night... For many years now I have hosted a X-Mas eve party at my home for all of husbands family, and extended family... I picked up the tradition after his parents who did this for years passed away. I felt it was my calling and my gift to Nick to carry this on. Nick and I would begin baking about a month before the event, every single night. It kind of reminds me of a cruise, the wondeful displays we created followed by insane waste. Being a non meat tradition we spend so much money on lobster, shrimp and other expensive dishes.... Each year there was new place settings, that I waited until the sales went on a day before the event causing intense stress for me that I could pull together such a large table setting in such a short period of time....This event always ran us close to 1K.... Finally this year I said no more...

 

Instead tonight I had a small gathering twith only his immediate small family.... The meal was simple, the place setting from prior years, go figure, local store day old deserrts. We all had a wonderful night, it was not the grand display after all, but just the family fellowship that makes the holidays so great!

[Chigirlcruzin]

LOL! Smooth, I know I'm not old, but I couldn't believe I was the one yelling at those "hoodlum youngsters!"

[Gathina]

Chi, you are a PUP!! LOL. When we went to the Christmas tree festival we saw a 5 year old kicking a huge ceramic santa clause. We screamed at him and begged him to stop as "you aren't supposed to kick Santa" and his father did nothing!! Yes, I want to end it. I know myself well enough to know I can't get beyond a trust thing like that. So, I guess I'll move onto the waiting list.

 

Smooth..so glad you enjoyed Delray..I just love it..they have a great "First Night" celebration new years ever, only 10.00 and they have tons of music venues all over the village you can walk to. I went in 2000.

 

You guys are really great! have a great day..M

 

 

M, are you sure you want to end this relationship over email? You don't want to do it in person and get closure? And are you SURE you want to end things - there's no way you can work this out? Obviously, there's been a HUGE breach of trust, and there's issues to work through, but I know you love him...

 

I'm officially an old person. I'll be 32 next weekend (on the 4th), but I'm an old person...I yelled at teenagers at the mall tonight! A little brat threw a cup full of ice at my car as I was driving through the parking lot. I made her pick it up. I don't think I'm that scary, but the girl was shaking. I heard the kids making fun of me when I was walking in the mall and I started chuckling to myself...I've turned into my father:eek:

[Brenda33]

Hi M.....Just wondering how you are doing? Anything new happen? Stay strong.

[Gathina]

Well, without going into detail, I am slowly lowering the bomb and it seems he may be making a "surprise" trip to Miami for New Years..so the poop is really going to hit the fan. Long story short is a friend duped him for me by making a "fake" profile for my space and now he's planning on coming here to "meet the friend"..although he has no idea she has helped me plot the whole thing. So now besides the woman I already know about, he thinks he is going to get it on with my friend who made the bogus profile and god knows who else.

 

I want nothing to do with this man. The sadistic side of me is enjoying watching this all unfold.

 

Hi M.....Just wondering how you are doing? Anything new happen? Stay strong.

[Brenda33]

M....too funny!!! That is exactly something I would have done. Enjoy your victory. However, remember that no matter how scummy he is that you will still hurt over the loss.

 

I have some very terrible stuff going on in my life too at the moment. However, its not something I want to type on this site. Certain people may read it and it could make it worse. Doubtful, but I don't want to take the chance. Weird but, even typing this much makes me feel like I am talking it through.......

[bobandkelly]

Brenda, I know what you mean about not giving out to many details on a public sight. I feel the same way. Especially after realizing how small this world can get. I was chatting with someone one night on here and found out I graduated from high school with her DH. Talk about weird!

Whatever it is you're going through I'll be praying that you are strengthened and have peace. We have a situation going on to and that is what I pray for us.

Kelly

[Brenda33]

Brenda, I know what you mean about not giving out to many details on a public sight. I feel the same way. Especially after realizing how small this world can get. I was chatting with someone one night on here and found out I graduated from high school with her DH. Talk about weird!

Whatever it is you're going through I'll be praying that you are strengthened and have peace. We have a situation going on to and that is what I pray for us.

Kelly

Thank you Kelly. I will pray for you also.

[Gathina]

Brenda: Whatever it is, remember, if it feels like a setback, it's really a setup for what your destiny is supposed to be. Believe me, I hang onto that thought constantly these days. And you dont want to reap what you sow. If anything, sow love even though it may kill you. My now ex future MIL has taught me that in doing so , "you heap burning coals on someone's head"..OUCH..love that idea!

 

 

Thank you Kelly. I will pray for you also.

[smoothdancer]

What a nice post, G. It sounds like you are finding good ways to deal with your situation.

I was wondering if the realtionship with your Ex- future MIL has to end. I know you really enjoy this relationship. Not quite the same but after I divorced I did continue a realtionship with my MIL.

 

Seniding warm thoughts to Kelly and Brenda.

[Gathina]

Oh Smooth, I am truly in "fake it till I make it" mode. I feel like I am back in high school and I just got dissed by the head cheerleader.

 

She still has no idea what is going on. I can't do anythign until I deal with him first. When in doubt, do nothing. I have my plan in place, just need to do it. I think it will be soon.

 

What a nice post, G. It sounds like you are finding good ways to deal with your situation.

I was wondering if the realtionship with your Ex- future MIL has to end. I know you really enjoy this relationship. Not quite the same but after I divorced I did continue a realtionship with my MIL.

 

Seniding warm thoughts to Kelly and Brenda.

[Brenda33]

Brenda: Whatever it is, remember, if it feels like a setback, it's really a setup for what your destiny is supposed to be. Believe me, I hang onto that thought constantly these days. And you dont want to reap what you sow. If anything, sow love even though it may kill you. My now ex future MIL has taught me that in doing so , "you heap burning coals on someone's head"..OUCH..love that idea!

I pray you are right. I don't know how much longer I can live in this misery. I just want to give up sometimes.

[Chigirlcruzin]

I pray you are right. I don't know how much longer I can live in this misery. I just want to give up sometimes.

 

OK, that's some really scary talk here Brenda. You will not give up. You WILL get through whatever is going on. Stay strong, hang in there :)

[Chigirlcruzin]

Well, without going into detail, I am slowly lowering the bomb and it seems he may be making a "surprise" trip to Miami for New Years..so the poop is really going to hit the fan. Long story short is a friend duped him for me by making a "fake" profile for my space and now he's planning on coming here to "meet the friend"..although he has no idea she has helped me plot the whole thing. So now besides the woman I already know about, he thinks he is going to get it on with my friend who made the bogus profile and god knows who else.

 

I want nothing to do with this man. The sadistic side of me is enjoying watching this all unfold.

 

 

OMG!!! Are you serious?!? What a dog! Apparently, like Smooth' ex, this guy has no idea what faithful means. You are so much better off without him, and you're lucky you found out before you got married, as much as it sucks now.

[Gathina]

Yep...exactly it. I am taking a break from men for a long, long, time.

 

Brenda..I have no idea what you are going through, but whatever it is, you will get through it. Think about the worst thing in your life you never thought you'd get through, and you got through it didn't you? Same here.

 

Well I'm down about 5 lbs from this depression diet. I eat, then it comes up an hour later. I dont feel like eating so I dont then it's just as bad. Right now I'm drinking ginger ale. I was going to go to whole foods tonite for some soup and bang..flat tire in my driveway. A friend is coming over to fix it. Yuck. What a way to ring in the new year. I purged my closet tonite and got rid of some old clothes. I about burst into tears when I saw all my cute clothes I used to wear for him. Oh crap.

 

OMG!!! Are you serious?!? What a dog! Apparently, like Smooth' ex, this guy has no idea what faithful means. You are so much better off without him, and you're lucky you found out before you got married, as much as it sucks now.

[Brenda33]

Yeah, somehow we always do get through the worst things, however, is it really worth it? I mean if life is so terrible and the same patterns happen to you again and again and again.......and you can't change it.....then why? I'm trying to figure this out and its not easy.

 

M.....you are losing weight and I am sure I am gaining quickly. I have eaten an entire container of onion dip and a bag of chips, eggnog ice cream, popcorn, and then a whole box of mac and cheese, pizza yesterday too. I can't seem to stop!!!

 

M...You WILL wear those clothes again....for YOURSELF. You know YOU look great in them.....that's what counts. You will get through this.....you were hurt mentally and you are strong mentally. I'm so glad for you that it was not physical.

 

Oh, Happy New Year to you all. Anyone have any good plans?