Completely Depressed & Frustrated...HELP!

[Chigirlcruzin]

It is very easy to SAY this is what I'd do in a situation, but you never really know until you're IN the situation. There's always going to be different circumstances and you never really know how you're going to feel until you've acually experienced something.

[Gathina]

Brenda, whatever it is you are dealing with, go see a therapist.

 

Kelly: I dunno. I thought I loved him. When I compared him to others there is only one man I can say I truly loved and he still calls from time to time and he lives near me. He even told me a few weeks ago when I ran into him he knows another woman will never love him the way I did.

 

I'm staying alone for awhile!

[bobandkelly]

Gathina, when I got divorced I said told my lawyer I was never getting married again. He said never say never and laughed. My divorce was finalized in Feb and in Dec I got married! It has been 15 years and I can truely say I am still happily married.

 

I know you didn't say never but it made me think of that. So don't close the door to tight on the whole being alone. You might miss out on someone wonderful.

Kelly

[Brenda33]

Brenda, whatever it is you are dealing with, go see a therapist.

 

Kelly: I dunno. I thought I loved him. When I compared him to others there is only one man I can say I truly loved and he still calls from time to time and he lives near me. He even told me a few weeks ago when I ran into him he knows another woman will never love him the way I did.

 

I'm staying alone for awhile!

I've been to therapy. A therapist is not going to fix my problems. I wish it was that easy.

[bobandkelly]

Brenda, your right that a therapist won't fix your problems. But from experience I know they can help to keep your thinking clear. Help to sort through desicions.

I hope that whatever you're going through you are safe. I'm guessing it's some marital issue. But I don't want to read to much into what you've shared. I have continued to pray for you as God brings you to my mind. Which considering we've never met in real life is pretty often in the last week.

Keep well,

Kelly

[smoothdancer]

Well that is the thing…. Simply, we really can’t help Brenda or even offer input when we know nothing about her situation. All we can do is give her space on the thread to post what she wants because that might help relieve some of her “situation stress”. For the more spiritual here, we can pray for her in a general way. (LOL, Brenda don’t count on me to do this for you)

 

But beyond that for us to second guess what she is going through is pretty senseless. I do hope however that Brenda knows that if she has a desire to speak with anyone here outside of a public message board, all she has to do is ask.

[Brenda33]

Actually, I saw several different therapists in my life. I did learn alot. I learned so much that I am able to see clearly what I am going through without rose colored glasses. I know nothing is my fault, etc. But knowing the facts and understanding why I fell into a bad pattern isn't helping to change the situation....that is why I said I don't want to see a therapist now. For the first time in my life I really have a clear head.......too little too late??? I do thank you all for allowing me to post my thoughts, vague or otherwise here on the boards and for all your support.

 

Kelly, thank you so much for thinking of me. You really put a smile on my face when I read that....that is something I have had very few of lately.

[Brenda33]

Forgot to mention that on a good note, I went back to the gym today. I worked out for one hour. I feel good about that!!!

[Chigirlcruzin]

Well that is the thing…. Simply, we really can’t help Brenda or even offer input when we know nothing about her situation. All we can do is give her space on the thread to post what she wants because that might help relieve some of her “situation stress”. For the more spiritual here, we can pray for her in a general way. (LOL, Brenda don’t count on me to do this for you)

 

But beyond that for us to second guess what she is going through is pretty senseless. I do hope however that Brenda knows that if she has a desire to speak with anyone here outside of a public message board, all she has to do is ask.

 

Once again you're coming up with stellar advice. I was going to post something similar, but you took care of it for me :)

[Gathina]

You are right. The good ones tell the pt. reality and the pt. usually doesnt want to face it so they drop out. If it's a bd therapist you keep going back unti you find one that works.

 

And the situation can't be changed. Only you can change.

 

Kelly: I was introduced to a nice man who works for Dept. of Defense. He seems pretty normal and he askd me to tea. Same age as me. I dunno, I am not even in the mood to meet a person for even tea.

 

I've been to therapy. A therapist is not going to fix my problems. I wish it was that easy.

[smoothdancer]

why dont you go??? Who knows it just might lift your spirits... I mean it is only a cup of tea!LoL

[bobandkelly]

I'm with Smooth, it's only tea, go & enjoy it!

Kelly

[Chigirlcruzin]

I'm with Smooth and Kelly. Go, it will do you some good to get out!

[Gathina]

Oh gawd, why did I listen to you guys! :)

 

You know my mantra "Look nice, show up, be nice, goodbye, go home". I went right from work so I put no effort into my appearance or anything.

 

So we had tea..oh my is he a dollbaby. We had a lot in common but I felt so shy the entire time, like a little girl. I am thinking "this guy must think I am a total moron". He doesn't know my situation, my friend didn't tell him and he doesn't need to know. We are the same age, never married no kids. He did 10 years active duty (I know, another military guy) but seems to be real stable, his parents married over 40 years and I know the DOD doesn't hire schlepps.

 

So we hit it off and he asked me out for a "real" date. I'm focusing on me and just going to do the look nice show up thing again. I guess it can't hurt. My friend broke off her engagement when the guy cheated on her (and she was a model!) and met her now husband of 10 years about a month after she broke the engagement.

 

But I'm pulling way, way, back and not putting effort into this.

 

 

I'm with Smooth and Kelly. Go, it will do you some good to get out!

[bobandkelly]

Gathina, just enjoy the moment! Sharing good company is always nice and you deserve to have some fun.

I'm glad that you went. I've seen young women build some pretty stong walls around themselves. It's hard for any guy to break through them.

Again, just enjoy!

Kelly

[Gathina]

Well, I dont know that the walls are real thick, just tryijng to be careful. I have a ton of male friends already, so it's not like I need another "friend". We'll see..I've already heard from him. I think what I liked is that he is a deep thinker and can converse on many levels. Plus he is going to school for an MBA so that is impressive too. So we'll see.

 

Gathina, just enjoy the moment! Sharing good company is always nice and you deserve to have some fun.

I'm glad that you went. I've seen young women build some pretty stong walls around themselves. It's hard for any guy to break through them.

Again, just enjoy!

Kelly

[smoothdancer]

Certainly nothing wrong with being careful. Even the most self assured person after coming out of a relationship can have a bruised ego... I think this is great to fix that, and sure just go with the flow with no expectations.... Etiher way it sounds like a great diversion for you right now.

[Gathina]

Oh Smooth, you are starting to sound like my mom!! :)

 

He just phoned me to tell me he was sorry he couldn't call me during the day as he was so swamped (???!! what man does that??) and that he was going to be very busy tonite with homework and preparing for tomorrow and could he call me tomorrow night. I was polite and kind and upbeat and wished him a pleasent night. Talk about faking it till I make it!

 

The dog is still contacting my "alter ego". I am thinking now of just letting him and the entire situation evaporate. If I can't think of anything to say then maybe it's best I say nothing? Like I said, I don't want anything to boomerang back at me...

 

Wish Happy would check in..want to get her spin!

 

I finally worked out with the trainer this morning after the two week flu. We only walked 4.5 miles but my legs feel like scrambled eggs!!

 

Certainly nothing wrong with being careful. Even the most self assured person after coming out of a relationship can have a bruised ego... I think this is great to fix that, and sure just go with the flow with no expectations.... Etiher way it sounds like a great diversion for you right now.

[bobandkelly]

Hi Brenda, just want you to know I'm thinking about you. Hope things are ok.

 

Gathina, any news on the old boy? How about the new boy!

 

Hello to everyone else! Hope you're all having a good weekend.

Kelly

[Gathina]

Old boy..well he's in contact with "me"and the "alter ego"..I sorta havent dnoe anything..I still cant think of anything to say that won't boomerang back so I say nothing.

 

The new friend..we are supposed to get together tomorrow afternoon. We'll see if it transpires or not. I admit I'm very curious about him, but he has a demanding schedule that rivals mine..he works like 50 something hours per week plus is studying for an MBA..so I can cut hims ome slack.

 

Hi Brenda, just want you to know I'm thinking about you. Hope things are ok.

 

Gathina, any news on the old boy? How about the new boy!

 

Hello to everyone else! Hope you're all having a good weekend.

Kelly

[happysinglemom]

Thanks for the birthday wishes ladies! My head hurts though...I had a little too much fun last night lol!

 

I'm going to my sister's this afternoon, and then another dinner with my friends tonight. Back on the wagon tomorrow!

 

Sorry I missed sending Birthday wishes Leslie...hope you had a grand time!!

[happysinglemom]

Oh Smooth, you are starting to sound like my mom!! :)

 

He just phoned me to tell me he was sorry he couldn't call me during the day as he was so swamped (???!! what man does that??) and that he was going to be very busy tonite with homework and preparing for tomorrow and could he call me tomorrow night. I was polite and kind and upbeat and wished him a pleasent night. Talk about faking it till I make it!

 

The dog is still contacting my "alter ego". I am thinking now of just letting him and the entire situation evaporate. If I can't think of anything to say then maybe it's best I say nothing? Like I said, I don't want anything to boomerang back at me...

 

Wish Happy would check in..want to get her spin!

 

I finally worked out with the trainer this morning after the two week flu. We only walked 4.5 miles but my legs feel like scrambled eggs!!

 

Hey girl. Sorry I've not been here as much recently. I think I'm having the blahs lately...and trying to keep myself busy. I was seeing a great guy for a couple of months...and 2 days before Christmas he tells me he's decided to try and reconcile with his girlfriend. And believe it or not, he told me with such grace and respect, I can't help but wish him well. But d@mnit to hell anyway. :cool: Ah well.

 

Okay...you have someone interested. And it sounds like he is quite interested!! ;) Calling you like he has...I think that sounds like he's at least respectful of your time - and that's a good thing. I agree you probably don't want to jump into anything too quickly, so the "not putting any effort into it" attitude is the right one, for now. But at the least, he will be a nice distraction for you, and you need that now.

 

The dog doesn't deserve to even hear your voice again, so I'd leave it at that. You sound like you're are handling things pretty well, in my book!!

And glad to hear you are feeling better. :)

[Gathina]

Well, we didn't get together. Never called me, and I kept telling myself all day "he was just a one time coffee and conversation thing" and no big deal. I left my phone off late today and to my surprise he left a message, very surprised I didn't pick up, and asked me to call him back. I did, said his mom came up for the day and spent it with him and he didn't want to call me until after she left. He was cooking for the week when he called me and asked if he could call me back later tonite but he just "wanted to check in".

 

I dunno..checking in ?? I feel like such a moron. I was kind and upbeat, and not punishing and just thanked him for the call and we chit chatted a bit. Isn't it something the woman who always knows what to say doesn't know what to say in this case?? LOL:rolleyes:

 

The dog..I'm going to let him evaoprate. I have a sense that when it's time, I'll know it. I am not one that thinks you have to bring closure with the other person, I feel like you have to bring it within yourself first and I think I'm kinda doing that. Its just I have this strong conviction thing about "not sowing words that are going to boomerang back at me"and cause a problem??

 

Happy: Odd to say, but I think that guy was a keeper...because he was honest with you and his feelings, and he did it with dignity. It's true, when you can end a relationship without a lot of drama or regret then you are in a better place for the next one (but what the hell do I know!!)

 

Hey girl. Sorry I've not been here as much recently. I think I'm having the blahs lately...and trying to keep myself busy. I was seeing a great guy for a couple of months...and 2 days before Christmas he tells me he's decided to try and reconcile with his girlfriend. And believe it or not, he told me with such grace and respect, I can't help but wish him well. But d@mnit to hell anyway. Ah well.

 

Okay...you have someone interested. And it sounds like he is quite interested!! ;) Calling you like he has...I think that sounds like he's at :cool:least respectful of your time - and that's a good thing. I agree you probably don't want to jump into anything too quickly, so the "not putting any effort into it" attitude is the right one, for now. But at the least, he will be a nice distraction for you, and you need that now.

 

The dog doesn't deserve to even hear your voice again, so I'd leave it at that. You sound like you're are handling things pretty well, in my book!!

And glad to hear you are feeling better. :)

[happysinglemom]

I dunno..checking in ?? I feel like such a moron. I was kind and upbeat, and not punishing and just thanked him for the call and we chit chatted a bit. Isn't it something the woman who always knows what to say doesn't know what to say in this case?? LOL:rolleyes:

 

Ha...so true. You're doing fine...nothing more is needed. Just see what sprouts. ;)

 

 

The dog..I'm going to let him evaoprate. I have a sense that when it's time, I'll know it. I am not one that thinks you have to bring closure with the other person, I feel like you have to bring it within yourself first and I think I'm kinda doing that. Its just I have this strong conviction thing about "not sowing words that are going to boomerang back at me"and cause a problem??

 

Man I SO agree with this. Seen that happen waaaay too many times!

 

Happy: Odd to say, but I think that guy was a keeper...

 

Yeah...he was. Just not destined for me, I'm afraid. :(

[Gathina]

I dunno..not sure if this one is going to sprout or not...

 

Dogboy called me last night, "hey baby how are you" in the message..I didn't answer!

 

 

 

Ha...so true. You're doing fine...nothing more is needed. Just see what sprouts. ;)

 

 

 

 

Man I SO agree with this. Seen that happen waaaay too many times!

 

 

 

Yeah...he was. Just not destined for me, I'm afraid. :(