Completely Depressed & Frustrated...HELP!

[happysinglemom]

Well phooey. Yeah eye candy is always good for a picker-upper! :p

 

He still might call...you never know. He might have had something come up...so don't erase that number yet!

 

Yeah where the heck IS Brenda??? She was having some rough times there...sure would be good to hear from her. :confused:

 

I have a date Friday night. Feeling a little weird about it, so I have to explain (sorry this is so long...but hey, how often do I have a date????).

 

I went out last weekend...all by myself. I haven't done that in a long time...not since before my ex-SO...gosh almost 2 years probably. Anyway, there is this local band that I really used to enjoy, and I haven't heard them in at least 2 years. They mostly play venues across the water (it's a drive) as they all live up there. Well I was itching to do SOMETHING last weekend cuz match has just been a dead zone lately, and I hated to sit at home...so I checked the music calendar for the weekend, and saw that this band was playing on THIS side of the water, at a place that I would feel okay going to, alone. Mentioned it to my girlfriend, but knew she wouldn't go (I have several girlfirends, but every single one is either married or practically married!). So I decided to check it out by myself.

 

Got there late...probaby 10:30 (took me a while to really push myself out the door!) and once I walked in, and found the stage, I was fine. I just stood there listening, drinking my drink. Every so often I look around of course...just natural...and at some point, this guy comes walking by me...and you know how someone just catches your eye? Well he caught mine. He walked on by...I didn't think any more of it until a few minutes later and I realize he is standing beside me.

 

Well we started talking...and ended up kinda dancing around there at the stage...easy to get caught up in that music...and he seemed rather nice. We walked out on the deck on a break, and chatted. He has two grown boys, one getting married soon. He is here on a 4 year contract, 7 mos so far - a mechanical engineer - from Egypt of all places!!! He's pretty well travelled - he's been more places than I have (and I've been around! :p) and has an accent, but speaks excellent english. So yeah...he asked me out. And I said sure...hey it's just a date, right? He walked me to my car, didn't try anything, and that was that. That was Sat. night.

 

He called me Tuesday night...I didn't answer. He left a nice message, but I couldn't make myself call him back. Why you ask? For one thing, when we were hanging out in front of the stage, he put his arm around me at one point, and then he was kind of rubbing his hands on my hips...but nothing awful, just more than I would normally want someone to do that I just met. I didn't push him off, because...I don't know. I guess I was just having a good time...and I had a drink...and whatever...I just let it go.

So...I don't want him thinking I'm some tart or easy...or whatever. And then there is the whole culture thing...whether or not I even want to get into a relationship with a non-American male. Hope that doesn't sound bad, I don't mean it like that. There's just a lot of work in a relationship anyway...no need to add that sh*t. :rolleyes:

 

So he called me the next day, twice. And I thought and thought...and decided that if I did go out with him, I would only meet him somewhere of course, but also would talk to him about the "hands" thing. And if he takes offense, then fine. If he doesn't, then we'll see. Oh... and here's the kicker...he has a truly Egyptian name...you ready? You won't believe it.

 

Aladdin. Nope...I'm not kidding. :rolleyes:

[smoothdancer]

Sounds interesting to me happy!, as I sit in the safety of my office reading! Anyway, if you are in a public place it is worth a shot for happiness and freindship.

 

One should not ask about my mom, less I post another rant like the last one! Frankly though I am so perplexed as to what to do next. Well she had surgery and is recovering very well. But I guess at 83 or something for the first time I have seen that she is not thinking rational. For my mom her independence is key and she has felt she lost this. The Dr told her she could not drive for a month because if she got in an accident and damaged her ribs, which they break when the do the open heart surgery, they would never heel.... My other sister took her car and now my mom insists she have her car back so she can drive. She absolutley refuses to listen to any reason and refuses to talk to my sister until she gives her the car back.... Tonight I tried to talk to her and it was useless... I dont know if it was the right decision but we will give her the car back because she said she will rent a car if we do not. We made an appointment with a counsler for next week because clearly none of us can figure out what to do or how to reason with an elderly parent.In the meantime I hope we have made the right decision.

 

I am sorry for going on, but I just got home and I myself just needed to get this off of my chest.

[bobandkelly]

Happy, just be careful. I'm always overprotective so I won't say more. Though I am wanting to.

 

Smooth, it's hard having our parents age. I try to remember that someday this will be me. Hopefully she will just keep the car and not drive it. Sometimes knowing you can go someplace is enough. I know someone who's mom still has her car but hasn't driven in quite awhile. We have a neighbor that in the 9 years we've lived here I've seen her drive once. But she says she can if she has to and that's enough for her.

 

I to wonder where Brenda is. I hope life is good with her.

 

We decided to go out today for an early Valentines day. I had the most delicious martini, called pink panties. Made me think of vacation in the Caribbean. Dinner was good to but the drink was my favorite! I am probably way over on calories for today but that's ok. It was worth it.

 

Gathina, did you decide on Tampa for the weekend? I'd love to go somewhere. I think soon we'll have to do a weekend trip even if it's just to see DD or to my nieces.

Kelly

[venusbello1]

I just wanted to say what a nice group this is and how I can relate so much to what is going on in your lives--it's kind of weird! :confused:

 

SmoothDancer--so going through so many things that you are going through with your mother, although most of mine started a few year's ago when my father died! Has your mother agreed to going to counseling or is it just you and your sisters? I've been thinking of this myself???

 

And Happy, oh the whole dating scene, yikes! I just finished a relationship that was over a year and oddly enough we didn't break up because of feelings changing but because we had a distance thing involved and there was no resolution in sight! Who would of thought breaking up and still in love was harder than the other?

 

Wow I just shared with strangers... hope you all don't mind?

 

And where is Brenda (sorry, I've actually read the whole thread!).

 

Take care everyone and my apologies for again infiltrating your board! :o

 

VB1

[bobandkelly]

Come on in anytime VB1! Brenda is MIA. Her thread lives on though!

Hopefully she'll check in sometime.

 

Sometimes sharing with strangers is easier than sharing with people we are close to. And sometimes we become close even though we never meet in person.

Kelly

[Gathina]

Happy: You are talking to the woman who has dated the entire United Nations..go for it..but read up on the cultural stuff..I keep thinking of the sond "Walk Like an Egyptian"!!!!

 

Smooth: DO NOT let your mother drive. I worked on rehab unit for over a year..Saw this all the time...You take her credit cards, her license, and I believe you can notify the DMV somehow..at least in FLA I rememeber we did that somehow for a pt..You tell your mother you love her enough to tell her what she NEEDS to hear not what she WANTS to hear. And you LEARN to let go of your SELF IMPOSED GUILT that you are a BAD daughter!!!

 

Kelly: How's it up in Michigan these days?? It's been lovely here. You are such a great support!! Cant go to Tampa.I am trying to get caught up on work stuff, and then my childhood best friend has a layover next Fri night so will see her...then my "ex future MIL" (?) invited me to a breakfast thing next Sat and then Dogboy claims he's coming to town to talk to me.

 

Venus: We are a good bunch. They don't destroy me here like they do on the shipboardromance thread!!

 

Me: I am waxing and waning. My work week ends on Thu. so I am going out in a little bit..Smooth, maybe over to Delray Beach where you were..Dogboy called me early this a.m. all depressd about the whole mess that he's done, yada yada yada..YAWN..he is still in a tizzy because I have been crying and thats the first thing he asked me was if I cried myself to sleep again last night, if I only knew how horrible he felt, etc..but was I eating yet, did I sleep last night, etc. dunno here..

 

 

 

 

I just wanted to say what a nice group this is and how I can relate so much to what is going on in your lives--it's kind of weird! :confused:

 

SmoothDancer--so going through so many things that you are going through with your mother, although most of mine started a few year's ago when my father died! Has your mother agreed to going to counseling or is it just you and your sisters? I've been thinking of this myself???

 

And Happy, oh the whole dating scene, yikes! I just finished a relationship that was over a year and oddly enough we didn't break up because of feelings changing but because we had a distance thing involved and there was no resolution in sight! Who would of thought breaking up and still in love was harder than the other?

 

Wow I just shared with strangers... hope you all don't mind?

 

And where is Brenda (sorry, I've actually read the whole thread!).

 

Take care everyone and my apologies for again infiltrating your board! :o

 

VB1

[venusbello1]

Gathina,

 

This got me "And you LEARN to let go of your SELF IMPOSED GUILT that you are a BAD daughter!!!" On our last mother-daughter cruise in December, everyone was telling my mom how lucky she was to have a daughter like me, and the more strangers said that the more "nasty" she became to me! :( It's just really hard dealing with elderly parents!

 

And yes, no one is really very nice at the shipboard romance board... I just think it's because everyone wants the perfect answer and no one gets it! :rolleyes: I still say no matter where you meet the man, you take a chance and if it works it works, if it doesn't you just have to move on... I know you are going through your stuff with your ex-man, but you will get through it! :D You know the old cliche, when God closes a door, he opens a window somewhere! :)

 

Thanks again ladies--what an amazing group of women you all are!

 

Mia

[happysinglemom]

Venus, welcome! As Kelly said, Brenda hasn't been around lately, but the torch is still lit! :D

 

Kelly - you are so right. It really is easier sometimes to share with our group here...than with our close friends from home. And I will be careful on the date...you can be sure of that. I'm meeting him down at the beach...a very nice, but very busy club...so lots of people around, and lots to look at if I get bored. ;) He called tonight...he's still in D.C - had to go up there today for a meeting, but he is returning tomorrow afternoon, so we are meeting around 9:30.

 

Gathina you cracked me up with the United Nations thing!! By the way, I used to live in Delray Beach when I was a kid! GO. Enjoy. Get your mind off things. Hang in there girl!

 

Smooth...I know how elderly parents can be. My mom and dad are still very self-sufficient, for the most part, but sometimes, they really test my patience. I can only imagine how rough that is for your mom...I would probably be every bit as annoying if that happened to me. Hopefully she will realize that this is for her own good.

 

Weather was gorgeous today...I went to the gym at lunch and did my cardio, and went tonight with my son and did my strength training. I have been really slacking lately with my snacking (always my worst failing) and have been carrying about 3 extra pounds beyond the 10 that I always seem to be trying to lose. So I am really kicking my own butt and getting serious about getting to where I feel I should be. I switched my son over to Gold's, and now he wants to go 3 times a week...so that's cool with me!!

[smoothdancer]

Well this thread has moved years away from where it started but I am so glad you are all here. It helps me so much to talk to people removed from it all. I need to not be strong now and then and just say "poor me"... How selfish I know, feeling sorry for myself but it is the honest truth... So tonight I gave myself some time to let loose of the pretend that I am strong, I am really not, in the AM I will be ready to do it again.

 

This has been so hard. I love my mother dearly and am at a loss... Ya know I remember when my son was going through drug issues... I sought out and got advise from professionals that had expereince in drug addiction. I then knew just what to do. It was a tough love issue and I was able to do it because I knew it was the only thing that would save him. I knew how to say no yet somehow with my mother I just cant figure it out or do it. I cant even put into words how my heart is breaking geez, the surgery was easy compared to this... I feel like I am loosing her, her logic is gone. She is so unhappy, so then so am I.

 

Then there is the issue of the trust fund. My sisters and I are equal partners in a trust fund that my parents set up for us many years ago. This fund right now is in excess of 1M dollars... My mother controls this fund and reverts to us in equal parts at her death... A few of my sisters want to pursue control of the fund now, she is not logical... Yea sure... I am the trustee admin of the fund and I am the ony one that can exercise control over the fund.... Tongiht I said said no, she is still alive..... I am not the most popular sis now !!

[Gathina]

Happy: Go have a good time..remember the Menina Mantra "Look nice, smell nice, show up, be nice, goodbye, go home" :)

 

Smooth: It's so hard..it's like we expect our parents to always be our parents, then one day we realize WE are the parent. But try to iron out any loose ends legally, etc for the day when she does die. My mum died in 2003 within 4 months of a cancer diagnosis. All our ducks were in a row and when hospice finally came, and all the many friends that came to say goodbye, we had more time to remenicse and nobody fought! You know there is false guilt and true guilt. True guilt is when a diabetic eats a box of cookies and they shouldn't, false guilt is guilt that others try to make you feel..based on NOTHING. You rock!

 

I bought some new clothes this week..Styles and shapes and Fabrics are HORRIBLE..everything is stretch!! I have ALWAYS consistently been a 10, and eeked up to a 12 on rare occasions..so the Calvin Klein jeans I wore a 14, INC label (my fav) a 10, Tommy Hilfiger a 12, Ralph Lauren a 10, wht's up with that??!!

 

 

 

Well this thread has moved years away from where it started but I am so glad you are all here. It helps me so much to talk to people removed from it all. I need to not be strong now and then and just say "poor me"... How selfish I know, feeling sorry for myself but it is the honest truth... So tonight I gave myself some time to let loose of the pretend that I am strong, I am really not, in the AM I will be ready to do it again.

 

This has been so hard. I love my mother dearly and am at a loss... Ya know I remember when my son was going through drug issues... I sought out and got advise from professionals that had expereince in drug addiction. I then knew just what to do. It was a tough love issue and I was able to do it because I knew it was the only thing that would save him. I knew how to say no yet somehow with my mother I just cant figure it out or do it. I cant even put into words how my heart is breaking geez, the surgery was easy compared to this... I feel like I am loosing her, her logic is gone. She is so unhappy, so then so am I.

 

Then there is the issue of the trust fund. My sisters and I are equal partners in a trust fund that my parents set up for us many years ago. This fund right now is in excess of 1M dollars... My mother controls this fund and reverts to us in equal parts at her death... A few of my sisters want to pursue control of the fund now, she is not logical... Yea sure... I am the trustee admin of the fund and I am the ony one that can exercise control over the fund.... Tongiht I said said no, she is still alive..... I am not the most popular sis now !!

[happysinglemom]

Smooth, I don't blame you a bit for your decision. I would have done the same. We have not really talked to much about when that day comes...though my mom tries to!! :p My dad just will not discuss it (he hates being his age and talking about death), but I am the executrix of the will...even though I really don't know what my responsibilites will be. I guess I should look into it. I don't anticipate any fighting between us siblings, but you just never know.

 

M, I promise I will adhere to your guidelines! :p As far as the clothes, heck...I have, in my closet right now, clothing that goes from a size 2 all the way up to a 12...and every dang one of them fits. Go figure. :rolleyes:

 

I love INC too!!! But I've not bought any new clothes in, gosh...quite some time. After my retirement and college funds took such a hit (hated to look but couldn't avoid the year-end statements :eek:) I decided I needed to put a lot more away...into something much safer. So expenditures on clothing have definitely taken a hit!! :(

[smoothdancer]

I never thought there we be any issues with my sisters either. Money can do funny things. We have actually spent a lot of time to set up these trust funds to protect my mothers assets. When my dad passed away we used an elder attorney and tax advisors to set it all up. The initial fear was that should at some point if she had to go into a nursing home the state would take all of her assets that she worked so hard for. This actually happened to one of her sisters. It was a horrible thing. I am ready to take control over the funds if I feel that she cannot handle her finances, we are just no where near that point.

 

I too have cut back on my spending, it is just too scary and uncertain what the future will bring. I think this is the first year since I can remember that we have no vacations planned.

[Gathina]

I have succesfully screwed off the entire day. I just had lunch with a friend at Boston's on the Beach in Delray, drank and looked at the ocean..now I am at starbucks messing around..then the gym...tonite am going to a Brazilian friend's house for caiparhina's..he makes the best..tomorrow I am spending the day with "the ex future mother in law" (there has to be a better name for her!!) It's 80 here today, the beach is croweded and I intend to blow off the rest of the weekend.

 

I am feeling better now about things with Dogboy. He didn't call today but did yesterday and kept apologizing again. I am wondering what the other chickypoo is up to..I can't imagine the shock and horror she must be feeling too. He just kept saying "Let's not talk about what she did when she found out". He keeps telling me how horrible he feels, how he's ready to quit the USMC and just move back to the Islands because of what he's done and that he keeps worrying about me because I told him I've been crying myself to sleep everynight and not sleeping at all.

[smoothdancer]

Sound like the chickypoo did not take it well and gave him what he deserved. Ladies all take this thing different. Some will try to work through it, salvage it, others just dont have any ability to move forward with it,forgive and forget. It sounds like she felt the same way you did. Well I dont feel sorry for him at all.

 

It sounds like you have a nice week-end plan. I sure wish it was that warm here. We are doing a benefit tommorrow night. I have Monday off and I think I am going to grab mom and take her out for a nice lunch.

[Gathina]

ROAD TRIP!!!

 

My gal pal Maria called me at midnight last night, she lives here but is orignally from Nicaragua and is building a second home there. She was all excited because she found rt tix for 184.00 for the end of March/first of April..so it's a bargain, the dollar will go far, and it'll cost me next to nothing. So we bought tickets, and wll fly to her home for a couple days then drive to Costa Rica!! I am SO excited.

 

Then, I get home and the same weekend my sis and beau are coming for a week. Then I have a week alone then two weeks in Jamaica!!

 

I have NEVER taken this much time off or travled so much in one year..but all these trips cost me basically only my airfare and spending money. I don't eat out much, get my nails done much, or do anything much for ME, ever...:)so April is officially declared "National Menina Month" LOL!!

 

Sound like the chickypoo did not take it well and gave him what he deserved. Ladies all take this thing different. Some will try to work through it, salvage it, others just dont have any ability to move forward with it,forgive and forget. It sounds like she felt the same way you did. Well I dont feel sorry for him at all.

 

It sounds like you have a nice week-end plan. I sure wish it was that warm here. We are doing a benefit tommorrow night. I have Monday off and I think I am going to grab mom and take her out for a nice lunch.

[happysinglemom]

I hope everyone had a nice V-Day!! Mine was spend being a sloth I'm afraid. My son gave me a really sweet card, and a big heart-shaped box of chocolates! :eek: He laughed cuz he KNOWS I don't need that junk! He said "But mom, they don't make anything heart-shaped except for candy!" Ha. I made him his favorite dinner - good old southern chicken & pastry...just like grandma makes it. He was a happy camper. :D

 

I then went to see a movie, all by myself. Couldn't talk my son into seeing it - but don't blame him - truly a chick-flick.

 

Okay...the date last night. Well, he really is an interesting person, I have to say. He actually graduated from the same university that I did, one year later...small world, huh?? He has worked all over Europe, with American firms. His family is in Egypt, and he loves to travel. His current position is with NASA. But, he is not divorced, just separated - and I have a policy of not dating guys that are still married, period. And I talked to him about the hands/affection thing, and he seemed fine with that, but he still was too kissy hands kissy cheek, touchy-touchy...just too damn much. He walked me to my car...and went in for a kiss....I gave him a quick peck, but had to push him back and say something (nicely) to get through to him. He's not dumb, he told me he would wait for me to call him, he hoped I would see him again....hell even wants me to go to Egypt for his son's wedding. :eek: So...while I find him fascinating, I don't plan on seeing him again. But, nothing ventured nothing gained, eh?

 

M...hope you are having a blast!!

[Chigirlcruzin]

Wow, sounds interesting Happy. Brenda is alive! She posted on the Carnival board. I encouraged her to report in here because we're worried about her.

 

I'm meeting up with the college ex tonight. I'm going to follow M's advice - look nice, show up, go home, but I'm soooo nervous. I never get nervous before "dates."

[happysinglemom]

Wow, sounds interesting Happy. Brenda is alive! She posted on the Carnival board. I encouraged her to report in here because we're worried about her.

 

I'm meeting up with the college ex tonight. I'm going to follow M's advice - look nice, show up, go home, but I'm soooo nervous. I never get nervous before "dates."

 

Hey Leslie - was wondering how you were. Now why are you nervous? Something different about this guy?

[bobandkelly]

Hi all, just had a nice breakfast with oldest DD & DSIL. They were in town on their way to a dr app. Nice to see them and spend alittle time with them.

 

Smooth already knows this from the meno board but I wanted to let you all know if I'm not around I'm at my moms. She is almost 82 and just found out she has breast cancer. She is meeting with the surgeon tomorrow so we'll find out when the surgery is. While I'm up at here house I don't have internet. She is 2 1/2 hrs away from were I live.

We did go up this past weekend and had a nice visit. Her spirits are up and she has a good attitude.

 

Happy, your date guy sounds alittle fast. First date and he's asking you to go to his sons wedding in Egypt. But at least you had a nice night out.

 

Leslie, I hope your night goes well. It's sometimes harder to meet someone you already know!

 

Hi Brenda if you check in here.

 

Gathina, I hope you have a wonderful time in all your travels! I like the idea of a national month for you. Maybe I'll take a trip then to help you celebrate!

Well, my day calls. Hope you all have a good Monday!

Kelly

[Chigirlcruzin]

Hey Leslie - was wondering how you were. Now why are you nervous? Something different about this guy?

 

 

Yes, I was absolutely crazy about him. It's been 13 years, so you just don't know how it's going to go. Wish me luck!

[Gathina]

Leslie, I am so over the moon for you..remember, "Look nice, smell nice, show up, be nice, goodbye, go home." LOL

 

I'm glad Brenda is ok..but I sure wish she'd check in over here..I really miss her!! I hope she didn't go off the wagon and is afraid we'll ream her out or something!

 

I am so excited about this trip. Maria told me tonite she is in man-hell also. She already called her friend in Costa Rica to arrange for us to stay at her house but then said there was some warning about the contras..so she said if that's the case we'll detour and go to Honduras instead (I guess you can detour somehow to there by car??!!) Can you imagine, two single gals driving through central america like that!! LOL She has dual citizenship and has the language thing taken care of, but I can't imagine how much fun this will be. She already scheduled a hiking trip around some kind of volcano thing and then this gig in Costa Rica!!!

 

 

Yes, I was absolutely crazy about him. It's been 13 years, so you just don't know how it's going to go. Wish me luck!

[Chigirlcruzin]

Last night was fun. I definitely want to see him again, and he said the same.

[Gathina]

So you must have smelled nice and looked nice and showed up! :)

 

Last night was fun. I definitely want to see him again, and he said the same.

[Gathina]

OMG, what a shock, I heard from dollbaby last night!! Everything is cool and we tallked for awhile, may hook up tonite.

 

Nothing like eyecandy to keep you on your fitness regime!

[bobandkelly]

OMG, what a shock, I heard from dollbaby last night!! Everything is cool and we tallked for awhile, may hook up tonite.

 

Nothing like eyecandy to keep you on your fitness regime!

 

YUM! have fun!