Completely Depressed & Frustrated...HELP!

[Gathina]

Well, as a consultant (what I do also) you can file a grievance against that person or enocurage someone within to file a consultant. I'd inform my superior about it.

Why they do it: Easy. Unresolved inner mental crap, and usually years and years of it.

I would tell them "I'd love to accept your offer and I could be a good fit for your company yada yada yada, but I've observed person X...etc. etc..and I am not sure if I can work in such a hostile environment. that is the only reason why I am hestitating"

[quote name='smoothdancer']Nothing terribly personal in nature so I think it would be fine here. I will try to outline this the best I can.

I have had a pretty successful career as first a controller and then CFO. 3 years ago I left these positions and went with a consulting firm where my level of responsibility decreased quite a bit, no longer a management role. I got burnt pretty bad at my last position prior to the change and that for the most part drove my decision to go the consulting route, that and it gave me more time to concentrate on our competition dancing.

So now it is coming up on a year I have been consutling with the same company. The controller was moved to a new position in the company and I was pushed to take on the controller role, still as a consultant. The controller was happy with his move and me moving into the position, we work well as a team. Initially I fought against taking on this role and then recently decided to do it. I did a pretty large reorganization of the finance dept, have had some really great touch downs with the company. In the end I found I did miss this role, I can handle the stress again. think I am happy. Lately I have found that I dont have the same drive for dance and as I back away from competition dancing this could fill the void that may soon creep into my life. Here is the problem.

There is one employee at the company that is very verbally abusive to many employees, on occasion has become physically abusive with others (shoving, pushing). If she does not get her way I have seen her break into a sweat, turned red faced. I would call this employee a workplace bully, and she is very good at it. She usually gets what she wants from all of the employees because the are afraid of her and would rather do what she wants than take this verbal lashing. Now she is very very angry with me, feels that she should of been offered this position and is very angry at the level of authority and decision power given to me, not even being an employee, while she has been with the company 10 years.

I just dont know how to deal with this gal or protect the employees that I am responsible for against her actions. So far I always address her in a professional manner no matter how she treats me, I dont back down at all which is something she is not use to, which of course angers her even more. Lately my method has been to carry on like she does not exsist at all. She is a business analysist and has control over a lot of my systems so cant totally ignore her. Finally, upper mgmt knows of the problem and they too do nothing about it. The CFO tells me to be patient that this is complicated but he is working behind the scenes to resolve the situation. The CFO is very passiave and I dont think he is going to do as he says.

So my questions are a few...
What makes a person behave like this? Does this sound like a person that is not stable and could potentially be dangerous? Is in fact there any way to resolve this?
How do I work with this type of personality, how do I help the staff who is constanlty upset about this situation. They spend a lot of time talking about this among themselves. Is this good or should I be stopping these type of conversations.

I have not accepted this position on a permanent basis. I think it would be a shame to walk away from something I want and get past the last job I got burnt at, but I dont know that I am going to be able to resolve the situation.... At a loss, really. Looking forward to your thoughts on this.[/quote]

[happysinglemom]

Geeez smooth...what a PITA! :(

I like M's advice...management needs to give you some kind of time frame as to when this will be resolved. I hope it works out - it sounds like something you really want. Good luck!

Leslie - have you seen your fella again? How's that going?

M - any word? Has he called?

[Gathina]

The beauty of being a consultant is you don't have to deal with the office crap!!

Ok.private eye update..today got nixed..he had a major car malfunction..and didn't rent a car due to the timing of everything. So he felt bad and we talked for many hour last night on the phone.

Long story short, said that he adores me ..and shocked me with a few other things he said...LOL..and wants to take things VERY slow with me..given both of our unique situations we have come out of..and wants to focus on building a really, really, good friendship first before there is anything else, but he feels all the conditions are there that, with time, we could become "something else".

This is all new to me...I have NEVER had a man come out and be so honest like this..we've been hanging out since late January, about 6 weeks "post Dogboy"..

Help?? In some ways, i am relieved to hear this and it takes a LOT of pressure off. But, we both agreed due to our crazy work schedules we have to make a commitment to spend time to build our friendship.


[quote name='happysinglemom']Geeez smooth...what a PITA! :(

I like M's advice...management needs to give you some kind of time frame as to when this will be resolved. I hope it works out - it sounds like something you really want. Good luck![/quote]

[happysinglemom]

[quote name='Gathina']Help?? In some ways, i am relieved to hear this and it takes a LOT of pressure off. But, we both agreed due to our crazy work schedules we have to make a commitment to spend time to build our friendship.[/quote]

Wow. This really sounds cool. For a guy to tell you how nuts he is about you, and then tell you he wants to take things slowly, well that does not happen often. I think it's a very very positive sign, about him, and about your friendship with him. Very nice M!

[Gathina]

I know..but man..I've never gone this route before!!

[quote name='happysinglemom']Wow. This really sounds cool. For a guy to tell you how nuts he is about you, and then tell you he wants to take things slowly, well that does not happen often. I think it's a very very positive sign, about him, and about your friendship with him. Very nice M![/quote]

[happysinglemom]

[quote name='Gathina']I know..but man..I've never gone this route before!![/quote]

Well, sounds like it's time for a change. ;)

I just met someone I've been talking to online. Met him Friday night and had such a nice time we went out again last night. He's different from anyone I've dated before - an attorney. Very busy schedule as well, so we'll see how it goes.

[Gathina]

Well, remember they are all different..what kind of law does he practice? most of my best friends are lawyers!

Like I said, I am humbled by everything Private Eye said to me..but somehow I have a suspicion this start is the way it is "supposed" to happen with someone. Both of us agreed we'd rather work on having a really, really, good friendship and then everything else will happen naturally. But it helps being told I am "intoxicating and that I make him dizzy sometimes" LOL


[quote name='happysinglemom']Well, sounds like it's time for a change. ;)

I just met someone I've been talking to online. Met him Friday night and had such a nice time we went out again last night. He's different from anyone I've dated before - an attorney. Very busy schedule as well, so we'll see how it goes.[/quote]

[happysinglemom]

[quote name='Gathina']Well, remember they are all different..what kind of law does he practice? most of my best friends are lawyers!

Like I said, I am humbled by everything Private Eye said to me..but somehow I have a suspicion this start is the way it is "supposed" to happen with someone. Both of us agreed we'd rather work on having a really, really, good friendship and then everything else will happen naturally. But it helps being told I am "intoxicating and that I make him dizzy sometimes" LOL[/quote]

He owns his own practice, and his specialty is bankruptcy law - I think business is good right now. :o Never dated a lawyer...but he seems very genuine. It was comforting at least being able to verify a public persona for him. Many of the guys online are one step above a charlatan - though I've met many nice ones that way.

Yeah...slow and steady really IS the best way....but usually I don't do it that way either!! :p Sounds like he is HOOKED girl!!

[Gathina]

A guy I almost married many years ago was a bankruptcy lawyer..out of all the lawyers I've met, those are usuallly the most HONEST and compassioante ones..and not idiots.

[quote name='happysinglemom']He owns his own practice, and his specialty is bankruptcy law - I think business is good right now. :o Never dated a lawyer...but he seems very genuine. It was comforting at least being able to verify a public persona for him. Many of the guys online are one step above a charlatan - though I've met many nice ones that way.

Yeah...slow and steady really IS the best way....but usually I don't do it that way either!! :p Sounds like he is HOOKED girl!![/quote]

[smoothdancer]

Well G that sounds wonderful... You need a man that can be honest with his feeling and honest with you and know how tro communicate it......after all that happened to you. I am truly happy for you....

And, well this could be a new expereince for you too. You said you said you only suspect this is the way a relationship starts... When I first met my husband, and by the way after only a few months of a nasty divorce, we became friends, we were in the same field, with no intention of a romantic involvement at all.... After a time our friendship turned into more and it was just a very natural progression.... I still remember the day we were getting married and I thought to myself what are you doing, much later he told me he felt the same.... 20 years later, it still works!!

Regarding my situation, There are consultants and then thier are consultants... For the past 3 years most of my projects have been one a quarter and you are right, you do your thing, deliver the product, no bull****, leave.... Still after a year with a company the committment is much larger and you are veiwed as a employee, behave like an employee and the only difference is where you paycheck comes from.... No worries though, I will figure this out, and also figure out why after all these years I have lost my passion for dance, absoultely a part of my life and me....Strangly, I am not worried or upset about it, just what it is, another chapter I guess... Geez, my budget will love it!! AHHH, life goes on.

[Brenda33]

Hi all.....

So, regarding weight......I have been maintaining anywhere between 122 and 125....I go up and down. I thought I was going to get below the 122 because I have been doing personal training and I was on a roll....but then, as usual, something happened. This time I had a cyst that burst inside of me and at the same time the doc decided because she found out about my high blood pressure incident that I couldn't take the pill anymore....so my body is freaking out a bit. I am hoping to get back to the gym this week so I don't destroy all the results I am making....even if the weight didn't go down that much, I was getting a little definition in my stomach!! But since the cyst thing I looked like I was 3 months pregnant...like I said, my body is freaking out.

Overall though, I have learned so much that I feel I have the tools to continue on this path forever. I do have a goal this year that I would like to reach....115.....but my body will decide if it is possible. All I can do is the best I can. I just have to live my life and understand that if I choose to cheat, I must pay the consequence, etc. I really think I'm doing a great job. It has been over a year and many people would have put all that weight that I lost back on......so I think that I deserve a gold star!! LOL

[bobandkelly]

If I knew how to do cool stuff on the computer I'd give you that gold star! I'm glad to hear you are ok and doing better.
Are you on facebook? my name is Kelly LaFountain. I feel better about putting my name here than my email. I always end up on someones email list and end up with a mess. I've ended up changing my account so many times.
Kelly

[Brenda33]

[quote name='bobandkelly']If I knew how to do cool stuff on the computer I'd give you that gold star! I'm glad to hear you are ok and doing better.
Are you on facebook? my name is Kelly LaFountain. I feel better about putting my name here than my email. I always end up on someones email list and end up with a mess. I've ended up changing my account so many times.
Kelly[/quote]
Funny, that's me too...I never want to put my email. I am not on facebook....I hated it. LOL I'll try this in code and hopefully I won't get too many emails....lol But it starts with star.....then there is the number 33....then its wish......after that, well most of us have aol, right? So if you want give me an email and put in the caption that it is you!!

[bobandkelly]

ok I'm not getting it.

[Brenda33]

[quote name='bobandkelly']ok I'm not getting it.[/quote]
Kelly, you are too funny. I spell it out...every word I say just put together and add aol.com at the end. First I say star, then I say the number 33, then I say wish, then add aol at the end. lol

[Bispham Boo]

Gathinka
the lovely man I marry next week wanted to take it really slow, so we did. I mean SLOW! he has 2 sons and was concerned about that. Lots of reasons, long story, best shared over a glass of wine, but it took us over 18months to get to where we are. And worth every moment. Really hope it works out for you.

[Gathina]

We HAVE to take it slow..I just got out of a very long relationship and believe me, slow is good.

How slow was it?? LOL


[quote name='Bispham Boo']Gathinka
the lovely man I marry next week wanted to take it really slow, so we did. I mean SLOW! he has 2 sons and was concerned about that. Lots of reasons, long story, best shared over a glass of wine, but it took us over 18months to get to where we are. And worth every moment. Really hope it works out for you.[/quote]

[smoothdancer]

Wow, where did all the time go?. I had to go back to Brendas first post and sure enough it was a year ago. Glad to hear you are doing so well, Brenda.

[Chigirlcruzin]

M, the guy from college and I are doing the same thing. Friendship first, then see what happens. I'm not working tomorrow, so I'm on my way over there. He's picking up wine, I'm getting some beer, and then we're going to order food when I get there.

[Gathina]

Chi, that sounds like a perfect sunday night!!

I am starting to see how this whole concept takes the pressure off..and I am liking it. I was a little overwhelmed with what he said yesterday and it was so lovely but I had a hard time sleeping thinking about it!

I still have dollbaby to gawk at LOL

[quote name='Chigirlcruzin']M, the guy from college and I are doing the same thing. Friendship first, then see what happens. I'm not working tomorrow, so I'm on my way over there. He's picking up wine, I'm getting some beer, and then we're going to order food when I get there.[/quote]

[Chigirlcruzin]

[quote name='Gathina']Chi, that sounds like a perfect sunday night!!

I am starting to see how this whole concept takes the pressure off..and I am liking it. I was a little overwhelmed with what he said yesterday and it was so lovely but I had a hard time sleeping thinking about it!

I still have dollbaby to gawk at LOL[/quote]

Oh crap...the taking things slow is out the window. A few glasses of wine, two people attracted to each other...I ended up spending the night.

[Gathina]

LOL..how long did you hold out for.....2 months??

[quote name='Chigirlcruzin']Oh crap...the taking things slow is out the window. A few glasses of wine, two people attracted to each other...I ended up spending the night.[/quote]

[happysinglemom]

[quote name='Chigirlcruzin']Oh crap...the taking things slow is out the window. A few glasses of wine, two people attracted to each other...I ended up spending the night.[/quote]


[url=http://www.freesmileys.org][img]http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-laughing025.gif[/img][/url]


Sorry....that was just too damn funny!! Been there, so I know how it is LOL!

[Gathina]

Well, the important thing here, Chi, is to NOT go into freak out mode..that'll do the damage control!

Look who's talking!! LOL

[quote name='happysinglemom'][URL="http://www.freesmileys.org"][IMG]http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-laughing025.gif[/IMG][/URL]


Sorry....that was just too damn funny!! Been there, so I know how it is LOL![/quote]

[Chigirlcruzin]

I'm glad you guys are amused :)

No, I'm not freaking out at all. It's all good. Just a surprising turn of events.