Completely Depressed & Frustrated...HELP!

[happysinglemom]

Leslie, the way I see it is why not enjoy the attention and company of the younger man. Have to admit, hanging out with my model friend, even though he's a pal, does something in terms of making you feel younger and beautiful! And I have to admit, even though Dollbaby fizzled, it was nice staring at him for the times I did see hiim. And I admit,when I've been with either man I've had some envious looks from other women (and hateful ones from the one's their age!)

 

I leave in 2 weeks so we'll see what happens when I'm gone for the month with PI. I think it'll either make us flip or fly.

 

Happy: 2 dates?? Hmm..so what direction to you think this is going in ??

 

 

I agree! I have no problem with a younger man...MOST of the men I have dated have been younger than me...some MUCH younger!! :p

 

M, I really don't know, but it is very clear that he enjoys my company, as I do his. Yanno, his profile had stated that he was looking for someone just for "dating"...which is quite different than my stated goal (a LTR). But we discussed what each of us was looking for, and he said that he only had *hopes* of finding someone to go to the movies with...eat out occasionally...that sort of thing. He did not anticapate *this*...so I don't think he really knows where it's headed either, but I think we both are at least on the same path, for now anyway.

[Gathina]

It seems consistently, that, the younger men I know and meet say they do not like the 20 something women in their age brack because so many of them are unsettled in many areas (I am saying paraphrasing this in a kind manner) so they prefer the older women for other reasons.

 

European men that I have known say that they want a "woman" not a girl, and a fit, attractive older woman is confident and appreciates what a man can offer them.

 

Face it, men are men like women that act like women, behave like ladies, and LOOK like women. Hard to argue that point. The ones I know that feel otherwise have always consistently had some sort of weird problem. A doctor that I knew who made a TON of more money than I did demanded I pay for my own lunch on a date once and blamed the economy and that in this day and age there was no reason for him to pay.

 

 

I agree! I have no problem with a younger man...MOST of the men I have dated have been younger than me...some MUCH younger!! :p

 

M, I really don't know, but it is very clear that he enjoys my company, as I do his. Yanno, his profile had stated that he was looking for someone just for "dating"...which is quite different than my stated goal (a LTR). But we discussed what each of us was looking for, and he said that he only had *hopes* of finding someone to go to the movies with...eat out occasionally...that sort of thing. He did not anticapate *this*...so I don't think he really knows where it's headed either, but I think we both are at least on the same path, for now anyway.

[Gathina]

P.I. called me this morning and we ended up talking about "us". Long story short he wants things to go even slower between us..I explained how I don't feel 3 dates in 8 weeks is slow at all, etc. ..we basically reached an impasse and I told him I was going to move on. Not in an angry way. He said he's fallen for me, sees the big picture of how it could be between us but he isn't ready for that and didn't feel it would have happened when we first met and he doesn't know what to do. He identified some of his baggage that was interfering..it wasn't nothing major, just a classic case of how some idiot woman screwed up another good man..talked about how hard it is with all the passion between us etc. So I said becuase we are at an impasse we either have to stay frustrated friends and stuck, or move on and take it day by day. He agreed with me but still couldn't decide to go forward but didn't want to remain stuck. So I told him that I felt it was best that I move on, that I would not contact him again and any future contact would be entirely up to him, that I was not mad, nobody did anything wrong, it wasn't good or bad, it just "is".

 

Ugh..I have been crying all morning. Why, I don't know! LOL

[Chigirlcruzin]

He wants things to go slower? I don't understand how that's possible?! I think you did the right thing, and you're right that there's no reason to be mad. It just is. Sometimes two people aren't in the right place at the right time...which stinks, but it's life. Hang in there!

 

As for me, I've been crying on and off since yesterday, and I'm not sure why. My job is starting to get the best of me. Part of me feels like a jerk for complaining when I have a very well-paying, pretty secure job, but I spend more and more commutes to and from in tears. I haven't been happy for over a year. I've been in this position for 2 years. I wanted to give it a year. Of course, when the year hit, that's when you know what hit the fan, and I didn't feel I was in position to say anything. I still don't know if I should say anything, but I'm miserable. I would be happier if they moved me to a different assignment within my current role. There's about 40 of us. They just did a lot of reshuffling, and I knew it was coming. I told my boss that I was very open to getting moved, but it didn't happen. I know they like me, and I know they like me in this role, but I don't know how much longer I can take this.

[Gathina]

Ok, we need our Mother Smooth! :)

 

I've been crying all day too..first PI, then I am buried in work so I am overwhelmed..trying to get to the festival tonite, leave town in two weeks, etc. Now this PI thing.

 

Chi..maybe the same is true with your job..can you take a break for a few days to evaluate? I work mostly for myself than pt for a hospital. I am buried in work..people are beating each other and their kids at record rates it seems I have good job security too.

 

 

 

 

He wants things to go slower? I don't understand how that's possible?! I think you did the right thing, and you're right that there's no reason to be mad. It just is. Sometimes two people aren't in the right place at the right time...which stinks, but it's life. Hang in there!

 

As for me, I've been crying on and off since yesterday, and I'm not sure why. My job is starting to get the best of me. Part of me feels like a jerk for complaining when I have a very well-paying, pretty secure job, but I spend more and more commutes to and from in tears. I haven't been happy for over a year. I've been in this position for 2 years. I wanted to give it a year. Of course, when the year hit, that's when you know what hit the fan, and I didn't feel I was in position to say anything. I still don't know if I should say anything, but I'm miserable. I would be happier if they moved me to a different assignment within my current role. There's about 40 of us. They just did a lot of reshuffling, and I knew it was coming. I told my boss that I was very open to getting moved, but it didn't happen. I know they like me, and I know they like me in this role, but I don't know how much longer I can take this.

[happysinglemom]

Oh man...I'm sorry girls. I know what those crying jags feel like!! M, I think you did the right thing...I don't know how he could expect things to go slower. It sounds as if he has some rough baggage that he hasn't figured out how to deal with yet. :( For his sake, hopefully he will come to grips with it soon. Life is not for looking backwards and dreading what "may" happen.

 

Leslie, you need that vacation a little sooner than it's gonna be here, girl!! I agree with M, any way that you can take a couple of days off to get your self recharged? Jobs are not easy to come by these days...so take some time to ensure your own sanity...and make the daily grind more tolerable. What is it that you LIKE about your job right now...and focus on that, if you can.

 

Man...wouldn't it be cool if we lived closer and could actually have a little sanity-check night out???

 

I just got off the phone with the lawyer and we are going to a movie...meeting at 5:30. He ran a 8k this morning, and texted me when he was finished...he's been staying in pretty good touch for the last several days. Quite interesting, and different, this one.

[Chigirlcruzin]

Yes, I wish my vacation would be less than 28 days away. I did some looking online, and there's actually a decent amount of jobs in my field. However, the pay range varies dramatically, and I'm on the higher end of things. I started a conversation yesterday - I wish I had been able to finish it. I took a day off at the beginning of the month to try to regroup, and I took part of the day on Thur (though I had a migraine on Thur). I'm just down right now. I'll snap out of it.

[smoothdancer]

I can understand you crying G. It seemed to me that you were looking forward to building a relationship with PI and excited about it and your feelings towards him. So sure it was a disappointment when timing was not right and it did not happen. You made a good decision to end it now, this one sounded like it could bring a lot more heartache down the road if you kept on.

 

Chi, man I know how you are feeling... As I posted before I am having a similiar situation to you where I work. Ya know though I dont think you will "snap out of it" like you said. I mean you are crying back and forth to work so this is not like you are just having a bad day, it is an ongoing situation and only action on your part is going to make things better.

 

In my situation there were so many things about my position that I really liked and were positive I hesitated to be aggresive and insist managment take some action. I felt that I was willing to take this bullying abuse because of all of the other good. But then finally in the end like you it wa on my mind constantly, even when away from work and my feelings flipped. I did speak with mgmt and insist that if they wanted me to stay on they needed to address the issue. It is just not right to let a person get away with inappropriate behavior and it is mgmts responsibility to address it. Mgmt said they were taking action, gave me dates and when it did not happen I was right back in thier face addressing it again. LOL, now they are bringing in a HR coach to handle this at 10K a day.... I am like what is so hard about this, say "your fired", save 10K!!

 

Long story short, address your issues with your manager or HR, insist on action. Dont let this situation take advantage of you. Your sanity is more important than worrying about you rocking the boat during a tough economy... You have a right to fair treatment. Offer then up a transfer if they dont have the backbone to handle it. You say they are happy with your performance and if the underlying tone is that they may loose a good manager, this could make them react to your problem. BTW, I know the economy is tough but there still are jobs out there for Sr Managers. Your job search may take longer but you have time since you are employed, even if not in an ideal situation.

[Chigirlcruzin]

Smooth, I had a conversation with the woman that pulled that crap a few weeks ago as did my manager. Things are fine in that regard. I'm just not happy. I don't like what I'm doing because of the dynamics of the desk I'm on. It has more to do with me just not liking what I'm doing than anything else. It's hard to explain, but I don't feel my skills are being utilized, I'm bored, and I just plain don't like it. Add to that, management keeps changing their mind on the direction we should be going, it's driving me nuts.

[smoothdancer]

Hummm, that a tough one. I have always enjoyed what I do for a living, not always the people!!, but always my profession. Hard decision on that one, maybe after vacation when you can be removed and think it through you will know what to do... Hope so!

[Gathina]

I figured out what I was so angry about. ..about being thrown into the dump with all the "other women" who supposedly use men, abuse them, take their money, be vindictive, etc. I sent him an email explaining this, that I wasn't mad at him but that he had a right to what he wanted for his life as did I, and it was better for me to move on. I still feel like crap but am moving ahead one day at a time.

[smoothdancer]

Oh so you were not crying because you were sad, you were crying because you were mad!!

 

I wonder though, with PI feeling this way why did he start up a realtionship to begin with. I dont recall how you all met but it seems to me he should get over his issues before he begins another relationship with an attitude like that.

[happysinglemom]

Oh so you were not crying because you were sad, you were crying because you were mad!!

 

I wonder though, with PI feeling this way why did he start up a realtionship to begin with. I dont recall how you all met but it seems to me he should get over his issues before he begins another relationship with an attitude like that.

 

I SO agree! I wonder why they even go there feeling like that. Maybe they just don't realize it until they find someone...:confused:

[happysinglemom]

I figured out what I was so angry about. ..about being thrown into the dump with all the "other women" who supposedly use men, abuse them, take their money, be vindictive, etc. I sent him an email explaining this, that I wasn't mad at him but that he had a right to what he wanted for his life as did I, and it was better for me to move on. I still feel like crap but am moving ahead one day at a time.

 

 

Yep...very frustrating to have to take the rap for all the crap someone ELSE pulled. :mad:

 

Glad you are moving forward, M. Good girl.

[Gathina]

Hi Ladies..haven't had too many melt downs this week so far.but I am swamped in work and trying to get ready for the trip, plus unexpected family showed up for the weekend.

 

My friend that I am traveling to Nicargaua with booked a day for us at a fabulous 5 star resort on the pacific coast...OMG, the pictures! Her words: "We l lay by the pool and drink, then lay by the sea and drink, then we lay by the pool and drinks ome more"..LOL..I am not a drinker but told her I'd practice. From there we drive to Costa Rica for 3 days at her cousn's beach house, then her family has a big horseranch in the mountains back in NC so it's a full day there for a bbq and horse back riding.

 

I am dealing with the post PI crap ok..been talking to my "younger" friend about it a lot..he has been like a brother to me for a long time but last few convresatiosn have felt "weird"..like he suggested we take a bottle of wine to the beach on sunday night and then when I cried on his shoulder aobut the PI thing he offered me a massage and some chocolate and he is calling me a lot now..weird???

 

 

 

Yep...very frustrating to have to take the rap for all the crap someone ELSE pulled. :mad:

 

Glad you are moving forward, M. Good girl.

[happysinglemom]

Hi Ladies..haven't had too many melt downs this week so far.but I am swamped in work and trying to get ready for the trip, plus unexpected family showed up for the weekend.

 

My friend that I am traveling to Nicargaua with booked a day for us at a fabulous 5 star resort on the pacific coast...OMG, the pictures! Her words: "We l lay by the pool and drink, then lay by the sea and drink, then we lay by the pool and drinks ome more"..LOL..I am not a drinker but told her I'd practice. From there we drive to Costa Rica for 3 days at her cousn's beach house, then her family has a big horseranch in the mountains back in NC so it's a full day there for a bbq and horse back riding.

 

I am dealing with the post PI crap ok..been talking to my "younger" friend about it a lot..he has been like a brother to me for a long time but last few convresatiosn have felt "weird"..like he suggested we take a bottle of wine to the beach on sunday night and then when I cried on his shoulder aobut the PI thing he offered me a massage and some chocolate and he is calling me a lot now..weird???

 

Hmmm....well hopefully his offerings are made with good intentions, and not a hidden agenda...been there done that. :D

 

Costa Rica!!! That is on my list of places to go girl - I am SO jealous. I need a warm and sunny soon!! :(

 

My mom went in the hospital last Wed, and she was just released today after having an angioplasty that showed their diagnosis of intestinal ischemia was WRONG. :mad: Very annoying...so she is home, but we really don't know what caused the acute pain that sent her there. @#$!%$

I'll find out more tomorrow though.

 

I have a date with Lawyer tomorrow night...we are having dinner...and then back to his house. He wants me to stay over. I'd rather not...just because...I prefer to come home and sleep in my own bed darn it. But I'll stay...it's kinda nice that he wants me to I guess.

 

I am trying my damnedest to get below 140...my best, healthiest weight is really 130 something...and I've been sitting at 144-145 for months. At that weight, I would be very self-conscious in a bikini...so darn it I'm gonna do this. I hit 140 last weekend, but popped right back up. This morning I am 142.4, so we'll see what dinner tomorrow night does to me. This is the hard part about dating for me...I just can't hate eating in restaurants...most of them anyway. Just too fattening. Tomorrow we eat at a tapas place...I've been there before and it is really REALLY good...I'll just have to watch it!!

[Gathina]

Well, looks like my friend is joining me for my picnic on sunday night..have to try and figure out what is going on with him! He called me yesterday to remind me he's joining me....I cant go to the jazz thing with him this weekend as I have to work the entire time due to leaving Thu n ight..hmmm

 

Hmmm....well hopefully his offerings are made with good intentions, and not a hidden agenda...been there done that. :D

 

Costa Rica!!! That is on my list of places to go girl - I am SO jealous. I need a warm and sunny soon!! :(

 

My mom went in the hospital last Wed, and she was just released today after having an angioplasty that showed their diagnosis of intestinal ischemia was WRONG. :mad: Very annoying...so she is home, but we really don't know what caused the acute pain that sent her there. @#$!%$

I'll find out more tomorrow though.

 

I have a date with Lawyer tomorrow night...we are having dinner...and then back to his house. He wants me to stay over. I'd rather not...just because...I prefer to come home and sleep in my own bed darn it. But I'll stay...it's kinda nice that he wants me to I guess.

 

I am trying my damnedest to get below 140...my best, healthiest weight is really 130 something...and I've been sitting at 144-145 for months. At that weight, I would be very self-conscious in a bikini...so darn it I'm gonna do this. I hit 140 last weekend, but popped right back up. This morning I am 142.4, so we'll see what dinner tomorrow night does to me. This is the hard part about dating for me...I just can't hate eating in restaurants...most of them anyway. Just too fattening. Tomorrow we eat at a tapas place...I've been there before and it is really REALLY good...I'll just have to watch it!!

[happysinglemom]

Well, looks like my friend is joining me for my picnic on sunday night..have to try and figure out what is going on with him! He called me yesterday to remind me he's joining me....I cant go to the jazz thing with him this weekend as I have to work the entire time due to leaving Thu n ight..hmmm

 

Interesting....yes I'm curious to see how that goes too.

 

Dinner last night wasn't too bad...we ate at a Tapas place, and we each ordered 2 dishes - I finished neither, but had some of his fried kalimari. :rolleyes: I could have done without that!! Drinks were mojotos...my favorite as they are not just tasty, but very light on the calories too! Ah well, probably ate too much really, so I'll just have to buckle down the rest of the weekend. :o

[Gathina]

Ok..you do know that mojitos and the white rum that makes them have a lot of sugar, correct??

 

I am not sure what to think about tomorrow. I mean, a week ago I was crying on his shoulder about PI and advising me...and then yesterday he called me sweetheart on the phone (do pals do that??!!)..and the day before that he told me that he was going to miss me while I'm gone (my other friends haven't told me that...they just said to have fun). But then again, 2 weeks ago he said he wasn't looking for a relationship with anyone.

 

Am thinking I wont' address it until I come home from trip #1 on Easter. I'm home for only a week before we go to Jamaica too (moomie and I).

 

If you get a chance, check out www.barcelo.com and click on the link to Nicaragua and "montilimar beach" which is where we will be. Maria informed me we can bring back 6 bottles of rum. I'm going whole hog on this vacation. What the hell. I work like a dog, never spend any money on myself..It's all about Menina! LOL:D

 

Interesting....yes I'm curious to see how that goes too.

 

Dinner last night wasn't too bad...we ate at a Tapas place, and we each ordered 2 dishes - I finished neither, but had some of his fried kalimari. :rolleyes: I could have done without that!! Drinks were mojotos...my favorite as they are not just tasty, but very light on the calories too! Ah well, probably ate too much really, so I'll just have to buckle down the rest of the weekend. :o

[happysinglemom]

Ok..you do know that mojitos and the white rum that makes them have a lot of sugar, correct??

 

I am not sure what to think about tomorrow. I mean, a week ago I was crying on his shoulder about PI and advising me...and then yesterday he called me sweetheart on the phone (do pals do that??!!)..and the day before that he told me that he was going to miss me while I'm gone (my other friends haven't told me that...they just said to have fun). But then again, 2 weeks ago he said he wasn't looking for a relationship with anyone.

 

Am thinking I wont' address it until I come home from trip #1 on Easter. I'm home for only a week before we go to Jamaica too (moomie and I).

 

If you get a chance, check out www.barcelo.com and click on the link to Nicaragua and "montilimar beach" which is where we will be. Maria informed me we can bring back 6 bottles of rum. I'm going whole hog on this vacation. What the hell. I work like a dog, never spend any money on myself..It's all about Menina! LOL:D

 

 

Yes they have sugar...but the total calories is way less that most anything else I could drink (and like!) I'm a rum gal...and I don't see that changing. :D

 

Damn straight girl! Enjoy yourself...that's what vacations are all about!!! That is a beautiful beach!!!

[wwaggone]

Don't get frustrated. I you only loose 1 pound a week, that's a whopping 30 pounds before your cruise :D.

[smoothdancer]

I got so spoiled on a QMary cruise, first time I tried a mojito. They used a mallet to crush the ice and mint and they were not sweet, just wonderful... Every time I have ordered them afterwards they are just regular ice cubes with some kind of mix and way to sweet.... Funny I loved the dancing on Cunard but after 2 cruises I decided that was about all I liked on this "cough" luxury line, so I dont think we will go back just for the great drinks!!

 

New stuff, or same 'ol I dont know with me... We leave on Thursday for the national competition and I am getting excited about it. I think I might have told you all that Nick for a few years now has suffered with arthritis in his hip and got so bad this past 6 months that while dancing he was always in intense pain but would not give it up. I have been talking , well *%$#$$ (fill in blanks)at him to go to a sports Dr and if we have to stop dancing so be it.... He finally did and they started him on medication to reduce the swelling... I was so happy for him last night when he came home from work and said look, he was jumping and bending all over, no pain. He told me he has lived with this pain everyday of his life for 2 years now and he cannot beleive that for once in many years he does not hurt... He tld me if it ony last a day he is happy to have it I know it is only a temp.fix but really what I want is a great competition for him, end it on a high note.... Exciting huh???

[happysinglemom]

That sounds great Smooth! Give him a high-five from me!! :D You had mentioned earlier that you might be backing off from BR...was his pain playing a part in that, or are you still feeling that way? Whatever the case, great news!

 

Mojitos, properly made, are soooo refreshing, limey and minty, and a little sweet. The best one I've ever had was at the Hotel Del Coronado 2 years ago - it was the most perfect drink I've ever had. The place we went Sat night also used to make a good one, but no more I guess. The bartender was not the same...and the drink was too tart.

 

I am 142.4 this morning...won't hit my goal of 140 by 3/31 darn it. Oh well...I'm keeping at it!

[smoothdancer]

Yes, his pain is most of the reason for backing off from dance. I seem to be more worrried about it then him though! Will see how next week end goes, reassess.

[Gathina]

Ok..what's the spin on this one. Male model friend worked as a photog last night at a big event in Miami, was going to the beach with me later. I knew the event would end after 11 so I just went to bed. No phone call, this morning got a frantic phone call from him, he'd left the phone somewhere and finally got it back...but he was all worried that I'd be mad at him, then RELIEVED I wasn't. I just said "Well, why would I be mad about that, I knew you were working No big deal." So then he proposed that he make it up to me tonite..dinner at his place and a bottle of wine...

 

I dunno..this is feeling kinda weird..he's called a couple more times to tell me he realizes I am not like other women because I don't get upset easy at simple stuff.

 

Dogboy called today to ask me about my trips..YAWN..I should have rubbed it in I was hanging with a male model but didn't.