Inappropriate Behavior from Gem Crew Member

[Cruzin2paradise09]

[quote name='adlaistevenson']I'm assuming it matters to the guy being called a child molester who might lose his job. But that's just my assumption.[/quote]

Nope, the OP never said that. Maybe [I]you[/I] shouldn't assume things . . .

[quote name='suzyed']No one called him a child molester. The family thought that touching the child was inappropriate and acted accordingly.[/quote]

Thanks Suzy, you beat me to the punch.

[WinterSky]

[quote name='Sick of Snow']I thought that this was a forum where people came to share their experiences from the cruises that they have been on. I found this site prior to taking the trip we went on and gained a lot of valuable information here. I have read many reviews that other people have left of their shipboard experiences. This to me, fell into that category.

I am appalled that I have been called a liar and bad parent because in part I didn't handle the situation in a way that someone else deemed appropriate. Or perhaps it is even for being concerned about my daughters feeling and oh yes for over exaggerating the situation. I'm not really clear why people are feeling the need to be nasty. For me that rates right up there with the person who feels I should let my daughter have this "thrill" and leave the poor guy alone.

It's no wonder that so many woman do not report abusive situations. This is insane.[/quote]

You are right. You have demonstrated loving concern for your child and generosity toward other parents in sharing this experience. You do not deserve to be subjected to the verbal attacks evident on this thread. You don't need to hear any more negative responses.

Many of us have expressed our support, and I invite those supporters to join me in shutting down this thread.

Bye 'Sick of Snow'
See you on other threads!
WinterSky

[Sick of Snow]

Thank You. You and several other people have been very supportive which has been nice. I can understand not everyone agreeing with me, however to be called a liar and a bad parent really blew me away.

You make an excellent point, those are most likely the people I wouldn't let my children be around. There are people who will take away something positive from this and file it away for future reference. Even if that is to be a bit more aware of people you might not normally be.

I do happen to agree with what someone else has been saying that if I said this was a 30 something man or a middle age man with a pot belly vs an around 18 year old good looking guy that this would be something totally different.

The other thing that is funny is that it is other posters who have brought up the names such as child molester and not I. I never once said my daughter was molested. I do think this crew members actions were inappropriate and had a sexual overtone to them. To be done to any female is wrong.

[BeachBumMama]

[quote name='Sick of Snow']I do happen to agree with what someone else has been saying that if I said this was a 30 something man or a middle age man with a pot belly vs an around 18 year old good looking guy that this would be something totally different. [/quote]
Yes, I find it interesting that I think I've asked 3 times now and no one has bothered to respond.:rolleyes:

I for one thank you for bringing this to the board. It is something people should be aware of. Not so much this particular guy as hopefully he'll be re-trained and mend his ways, but it helps people to read things like this and to wonder what they would do if this were to happen to them. It is something to be aware of and even if it helps to remind parents to talk to their children and tell them immediately if something happens that makes them uncomfortable.

And don't worry about others passing judgment, that's been helpful too. As my signature says 'You are not anonymous, your words reveal exactly who you are'. Some of the things posted here has shown me what kind of people they are.;)

[TMLAalum]

In my line of work I am considered what is called a "mandated reporter" meaning that I must report to our local children's service bureau anything that suggests child abuse- be it physical, emotional, sexual or neglect. Once I make the report, it is up to Children's Service to investigate and decide if there is or is not any basis for action.

Sick of Snow has reported the incidents with her daughter to NCL management. They, not this board, will determine the appropriate course of action following their assessment of what occurred.

As a parent, and a professional who has worked with traumatized children (keeping in mind that unless we walk in a traumatized person's shoe, we cannot judge whether or not an event was traumatizing), I support Sick of Snow's decisions and her courage for sharing her concerns on this board.

[isles1]

Unless there was some type of blatent sexual advance or inappropriate sexual contact of some sort, perhaps this was just unprofessional on the part of the NCL employee. Or maybe this was a mere illustration of a cultural gap or just plain old stupidity? It is quite a jump from those lines to an accusation of an inappropriate sexual nature. I hope the OP will reflect on these possibilities before possibly causing someone undue hardship with a report alleging sexual conduct by an employee.

[caribbeanmagick10]

I am posting this here as a heads up to those who may be on the Gem in the future with a teenager. There is a crewmember on the Gem who works in the giftshop (the one adjoining the jewelery store) who I just found out crossed the line of acceptable behavior with my 13 year old daughter on our cruise.

 

.

You just found out?? And you have been home 11 days now?? :confused: Anyway,sounds like you had lots of negative experiences:( ..hope the next one is better..

http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showpost.php?p=14155851&postcount=8

[newmexicoNita]

You just found out?? And you have been home 11 days now?? :confused: Anyway,sounds like you had lots of negative experiences:( ..hope the next one is better..

http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showpost.php?p=14155851&postcount=8

good for you; I am surprised others, including myself didn't pick up on this. I knew I had seen the name before but couldn't remember the details.

 

Nita

[flashdog_1]

Technically he is probably not an employee of NCL. I believe that employees such as the spa workers work for the spa, the employees in the stores work for the store etc.

 

But of course you have to start somewhere!

 

And as for it not really having been a sexual assault, it might have been terrifying to a 13 year old. Then again, perhaps she is very mature. But why the parents are just now learning about it says something, I'm not sure what. Was it a secret, or did the 13 year old not know how to describe what transpired? I'm confused on that point.

 

My 31 year old daughter is so aware of the possibility of this kind of behavior by "employees" that she never goes anywhere without me when we cruise together. She had a maitre D follow her from a bar to the dining room. She was spooked and didn't appreciate the attention, and in no way encouraged him. A teenager might not know how to give someone the cold shoulder. Tell your children, no matter what their ages, of this kind of possibility. And then again, it could have been a passenger, too, for which you'd have no recourse! Train first!

[lil buddy]

You just found out?? And you have been home 11 days now?? :confused: Anyway,sounds like you had lots of negative experiences:( ..hope the next one is better..

http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showpost.php?p=14155851&postcount=8[/quoteThe

 

Boy the word "rude" sure comes up alot.....you were really busy writing letters and complaining.

I stick by my former comments 100% .........Please address why you weren't perturbed with your MIL ?

[MrMate]

Technically he is probably not an employee of NCL. I believe that employees such as the spa workers work for the spa, the employees in the stores work for the store etc.

 

 

You're right and you're wrong ;) Spa and shop staff are hired through agencies, but when onboard they're on the crew list and under the rules of all fellow crewmembers. Any dicipline matters are handled through NCL.

 

I choose not to have any opinion on this specific matter. All I can say to the OP is that the episode is probably recorded on camera and tape and that the surveillance staff onboard can investigate what really happened, and from their conclusion make appropriate action.

[lil buddy]

:)

 

My 31 year old daughter.....Please say this is a typo...LOL

[isles1]

I thought that this was a forum where people came to share their experiences from the cruises that they have been on...I am appalled that I have been called a liar and bad parent because in part I didn't handle the situation in a way that someone else deemed appropriate. Or perhaps it is even for being concerned about my daughters feeling and oh yes for over exaggerating the situation...

When you read this post along side your trip report where just about everything went wrong, and take into account that your knowledge (or lack thereof) regarding what happened with your daughter is based on secondhand information, people are going to question your perception of the events.

 

With all due respect, only the NCL employee involved, your daughter, and maybe the camera know what did or did not happen. I sincerely hope this whole thing is just a misunderstanding and not some creepy incident directed towards your daughter.

[adlaistevenson]

First, let me say that I see little difference between calling someone "a person who inappropriately touched a minor in a sexual nature" and calling them "a child molester". The difference is semantic, and the implication is exactly the same.

 

Second, I haven't said anything to cast doubt on the OP's story. I just feel like statements that say "innocence doesn't matter" scare me, no matter what the crime alleged is. This story may be absolutely as the OP says, it may not. Even she admits that she doesn't have all the facts, for example, what was actually said.

 

I don't think anyone should jump on her and call her a liar. I don't think anyone should jump on the person accused and call him a criminal. I feel that you have to wait until all the facts are in, then make an informed judgment from there.

 

There's a reason why the American constitution calls for that.

[Cruzin2paradise09]

I am posting this here as a heads up to those who may be on the Gem in the future with a teenager. There is a crewmember on the Gem who works in the giftshop (the one adjoining the jewelery store) who I just found out crossed the line of acceptable behavior with my 13 year old daughter on our cruise.

 

We had seen him in the giftshop early on, we noticed him because frankly he is a nice looking kid (dark hair looks to be about 18 years old) He said some kind of comment to my daughter when she bought some stuff. I remember thinking that was rude and that she was not going to go in there without an adult. The day we went to the private island we stopped at the stand before getting to the tender to buy some bug spray. I was really sick that morning and could barely talk. There were 2 workers taking care of the sales. I was dealing with one of them, and while my head was down signing I heard the one we had seen previously say "She's staying here with me". the other adult with us made a comment to him and then said she is not going near him again. I said OK, because I hadn't appreciated the comment.

 

It wasn't until a few days ago that I found out that what actually happened while i was paying attention to my transaction. What took place is that the guy who made a comment in the gift shop was behind my daughter, reached his arm around her, grabbed her wrist, and pulled her into him while making the verbal comment.

 

I wish I had known of this while we were on board. I would have taken care of it immediately. However, I have written to NCL to report this after the fact so that they can be aware. I have not heard back from them yet, despite knowing that they have received my letter.

 

Like I said, a heads up from one parent who is angry beyond belief that some one put their hands on my daughter.

 

 

Ok people. Please re-read the OPs original post here. First, the OP NEVER suggests any type of sexual negligence or harrassment or anything of that nature. She says "crossed the line of acceptable behavior."

 

Next, she says "I wish I had known of this while we were on board. I would have taken care of it immediately." This is in regard to the 2nd incident at the private island when the employee touched the 13-year old. So, those of you accusing the OP of not doing anything right away, please re-read.

 

Finally, and the OP can correct me if I'm wrong, she doesn't necessarily want this guy strung up and stoned, she just wants the people in charge to be aware that maybe there is a cultural difference and he [the employee] should be talked to and explained the differences - he may not understand! She appears to be upset but not ready to have this guy fired.

 

So maybe, instead of throwing stones at this woman, cut her some slack. She found the behavior to be a bit inappropriate and was trying to be courteous to people here and just let them know what she encountered. That's it.

 

Sheesh.

[ZoneHPH]

so i'm bringing in the hose....

 

[lil buddy]

Next, she says "I wish I had known of this while we were on board. I would have taken care of it immediately.

Not throwing stones, just questioning why her MIL didn't think whatever happened was worth mentioning to the mother, especially, after the first "rude" ( there's that word again) comment

Please read her trip review and you will see a pattern.

[bobnatt]

Or allowed to work on a cruise ship. :rolleyes:

 

Actually this is a good point. Do any of us know what background checks are done on the crew members who are on board a ship. Do they check to make sure that the crew member has no criminal record? Do they drug test the crew member. Maybe this is done and that is good but if it is not done it is something that the cruiselines should be doing given the closed society nature of a cruise ship.

[Cruzin2paradise09]

Not throwing stones, just questioning why her MIL didn't think whatever happened was worth mentioning to the mother, especially, after the first "rude" ( there's that word again) comment

Please read her trip review and you will see a pattern.

 

Ok, I would agree with the MIL thing. I grant you that.

 

But the review she wrote is her opinions and if she felt the people were rude, then I guess that is her opinion, right? I don't know where the OP is from, but if she's not a New Yorker and lives in the south (or wherever), she may find the "gruffness" or "abrassiveness" of New Yorkers somewhat rude . . . let me also say, before I get slammed for this, I am a displaced New Yorker (grew up on Long Island, worked in Manhattan, now in the midwest - it is very different). I have been told that I can be abrassive - I think it's more of the fact that we tend to be more forward and that does come across as rude.

[Urban trekker]

"the crew member has no criminal record"

 

Well I guess that means that we never have to worry that either George Bush or Martha Stewart will ever work on a cruise ship.

 

Amen

 

Dennis

[peg013]

Ok people. Please re-read the OPs original post here. First, the OP NEVER suggests any type of sexual negligence or harrassment or anything of that nature. She says "crossed the line of acceptable behavior."

 

Next, she says "I wish I had known of this while we were on board. I would have taken care of it immediately." This is in regard to the 2nd incident at the private island when the employee touched the 13-year old. So, those of you accusing the OP of not doing anything right away, please re-read.

 

Finally, and the OP can correct me if I'm wrong, she doesn't necessarily want this guy strung up and stoned, she just wants the people in charge to be aware that maybe there is a cultural difference and he [the employee] should be talked to and explained the differences - he may not understand! She appears to be upset but not ready to have this guy fired.

 

So maybe, instead of throwing stones at this woman, cut her some slack. She found the behavior to be a bit inappropriate and was trying to be courteous to people here and just let them know what she encountered. That's it.

 

Sheesh.

 

Okay, I have re-read it numerous times. Here's what I see....Mom knew something happened but doesn't ask the "other adult" or her daughter what, especially knowing something transpired in the gift shop earlier. Daughter and other adult are so upset and uncomfortable that they don't even bring it up until after they are off the ship. In my opinion, they all blew it right there on the island. Any "responsible" adult would have looked into and taken care of the problem right there with all the witnesses in one spot.....Sorry Mom...YOU blew it.

[MrMate]

Actually this is a good point. Do any of us know what background checks are done on the crew members who are on board a ship. Do they check to make sure that the crew member has no criminal record? Do they drug test the crew member. Maybe this is done and that is good but if it is not done it is something that the cruiselines should be doing given the closed society nature of a cruise ship.

 

I guess I can tell you about this.

Yes, every crewmember who apply for a cruise line or agency goes through interviews, medical and drug testing. For some positions there are as well thorough psycological tests which last a full day.

With regards to your criminal record , it depends what position you're applying for (and from what agency or country you're doing it from).

 

I'm sure a person with a record of sexual harassment of any kind would never get a job on a cruise ship.

[cod]

Inappropriate? Probably..."IF" that's what actually happened.

Criminal? No.

 

I don't see the OP's point unless she is just out to get him fired. I guess he's to be her scapegoat for a vacation that she was less than thrilled with.

 

I really doubt he had any ulterior motive with her mother in earshot. It's not as if he was stalking her or following her around the ship. Were that the case I'd be for getting out the "plank".

 

Please, no flaming, but I think this is much ado about nothing.

[CruisnGram]

I've stated my opinion on this several times so no need to rehash. I understand the OP's feelings.

 

However, what I just can't get over is the part about her being upset by the rude comment by this employee to her daughter in the gift shop. She claims it was so rude that she wouldn't allow her daughter to go to the gift shop alone anymore after that. But she says on here she doesn't remember what it was? That makes absolutely no sense to me at all. Believe me, if someone makes a comment so bad to one of my kids, or grandkids, that is so bad I restrict them from having further contact with that person, you can darn well bet I'll remember what the comment was. It just doesn't add up!

[bobnatt]

With regards to your criminal record , it depends what position you're applying for (and from what agency or country you're doing it from).

 

I'm sure a person with a record of sexual harassment of any kind would never get a job on a cruise ship.

 

I don't exactly understand what you are saying. Are you suggesting that there are positions on a cruise line where it be ok for the cruise line to hire someone with a criminal record? Would it be ok if someone had been a convicted robber or had a non sexual assault or stole money? I would certainly hope that was not the case. Also how is the review done and how rigourous is the process?