Death in Family - would you get off ship?

[kryos]

That brings to mind other questions though. How would HAL’s insurance protection handle this? Does their responsibility for covering a cancellation end when you board? If this were to occur halfway through a lengthy cruise would cancellation insurance compensate for the remainder? Does one policy provide coverage where another does not? Anyone know off the top of their head? I’m going to have to dig up the “fine print” and give it a read . . .

It's called "trip interruption," and yes, it is usually covered by insurance. That's one of the primary reasons I always insure my trips. Dad is 95 now and you just never know. Of course, I'm sure people wonder why I would cruise with him being that old, but it's a decision we both have made. I've offered to bring him along on every single cruise I've taken ... to pay his fare ... but he doesn't want to be on "no dammed boat." So, I make sure there are people to check up on him and contact me if there are any serious problems. And, in the event he were to take very ill, yes ... I would definitely cut my trip short and come home. In the event he were to die suddenly, I honestly don't know what I would do. I do have a brother and his family who could see to the burial ... and if he's already gone, there's really little I can do for him at that point anyway.

 

We had exactly this type of situation on my Hawaii/South Pacific cruise in January of 2006. A woman onboard had gotten word before we reached Hawaii that her mother had passed away. Her family told her to stay on the ship ... there was nothing she could do ... but she was making plans to leave the ship as soon as we hit Honolulu. In the interim (we had a couple of sea days left) ... people onboard talked to her ... I'm guessing the family she was traveling with, as well as other passengers she was friendly with ... and convinced her that she had saved for years for this cruise, and they were sure that her mother would want her to enjoy it. Another passenger got her into journaling ... writing letters to her mom from the ship ... which would memorialize both her cruise, and her relationship with her mother. In the end she decided to stay onboard and finish her cruise, and frankly I think she made a wise choice.

 

Again, if the loved one is ill ... that's one thing. There might be something you can do, and even if there is not, it will be comforting for both you and that loved one for you to get to share some more memories before they pass. But once that person has already died, I'm sorry ... call me cold hearted if you want ... but I just don't see any need to cut short an expensive cruise ... or one that you have really spent a long time planning/saving for ... when there really isn't much you can do once you get home.

 

Blue skies ...

 

--rita

[Pam in CA]

This is a very personal issue and there's no right or wrong. While it's true that there's nothing you can probably do for the deceased, your relationship with those left behind will have a lot to do with your decision. Sometimes, it comes down to respect and concern for them, and whether there's anything you can do for them. And, sometimes, just "being there" is all that's needed.

 

Everyone has a different opinion about what's right or what they'd do in similar circumstances but in reality, there is no absolute "right" thing to do. It's up to you.

 

Almost four years ago, I was on a 21-day cruise and after two weeks, I received a message that my step-father had just been diagnosed with a very fast-moving cancer, and he didn't have long. My sister and brother-in-law were on the cruise with me; they choose to disembark in Rome and spend our planned 3-day post-cruise stay there, I chose to fly home immediately after the cruise so I could talk to my Mom as she was having difficulty dealing with this and accepting his imminent death. I flew to FL as soon as I could to say, "Good bye" and my sister and BIL flew in a few days later to do the same. My step-father passed away a couple of days later. We both had a chance to say "Good-bye" but had different approaches that were right for each of us as we had different relationships with Mom.

[SqueakyDust]

My sincere sympathies Mudscraper.

 

To the OP my first question would be; how long is your cruise for?

If the cruise is a short one then I can't see what difference it would make you not being around for those few days. Unless you are responsible for sorting out arrangments or looking after family whilst others do etc.

 

I think talking to the person concerned (if appropriate) and/or your family to gage their thoughts is a great idea. But in the end, only you can make that decision when it happens. I hope it doesn't.

 

I'm a Brit and when we cruise it tends to be for 14 nights. My BiL & SiL cruised for her 40th birthday a few years back. SiL's mum suddenly died whilst they were away (Caribbean) and they tried desperately to get off the ship. Because of the islands, and needing to get to the UK, it wasn't possible. So by the time SiL got home her mum was buried. I thought it odd they didn't delay the funeral, but obviously it was discussed. The same year we did the same cruise and my mum had just started Radiotherapy for breast cancer. My folks insisted we still went and all would be fine. They were looking after our 2 kids (DS 4, DD 9 mnths). On our second week I called and mum admitted she was struggling. I enquired about getting home early, but also was told it wasn't possible (they did look into it over a couple of the ports)

As Brits we always have insurance for holidays abroad, but one of the new things popping up on the forms is a question about "pre existing conditions". My understanding of this is, and I've asked outright on the 'phone, do they even mean if our immediate family have ailments that could cause sudden illness/death? and the answer is yes! Hubby's mum is 81 and takes mediation for various things - as do both my parents who are in their 70's. So there is a chance that a sudden death/illness of our parents could be due to an existing ailment - and the Insurance would NOT cover any relocation costs. So, read your policy terms and conditions fully.

[kazu]

remember you can buy trip cancellation insurance that will cover this (cheaper outside of HAL usually). Then, if you have, it you don't worry about the money. You just do what you feel is right. God Bless Jacqui

[susique333]

My father, 80 yrs old, is currently dying of lung and bone cancer. Was given 4-6 months to live and that was in Feb. He has instructed us that if he passes while we are away we are not to know about it until we get home. He is having no service and is being cremated. Having him tell me this was a HUGE relief as Ive been worrying what to do. Now if it was any of my kids....Id run on water to get back home.

[GarySuzy]

Back in the 80's DW and I were scheduled to go to Japan to visit her family the later part of March into April. Well in Feb. (On our anniversery) I got a call that my Mother had passed. We went to the funeral and my Dad was in bad shape he had been in a wheel chair or bed ridden for a couple of years. The doctors didn't think he would last long since my Mother had passed. Being stupid we were talking in front of my Dad with my Sisters discussing if we should cancel our trip to Japan. My Dad told us to go to Japan and enjoy it because we didn't know if we would ever get to go again. He said having us all home now was all he needed and he stated that a funeral is for the living not the person who had passed. We did go to Japan and as we returned my Dad passed exactly 10 weeks to the day from when my Mother did and on my older brothers anniversery.

 

All that said talk to your cousin and let them know how much you care for them and then take the cruise, life happens and you need to make the most of it.

[EbayCruiser]

Yes, this is a very personal choice. It happened to us on the Eurodam-NY Intro Cruise last year. I was so excited to be going to NY for the first time and cruising on the Eurodam (in a suite no less)!!

 

I had a dear aunt, 94 years old, who had been in a nursing home for almost a month. We were very close. She passed away about three days before our cruise. This aunt was my father's only sibling and my father passed away when I was a baby. There was NO WAY that I could go on this cruise.

 

My only other relatives that attended the funeral was one brother (I have four) and the "cousins" on the other side of the family that had been handling her affairs and seeing to her care after the passing of my uncle several years ago. I hardly knew the "cousins".

 

I went to the funeral and never even mentioned my cruise to the "cousins" but my sister-in-law thought I should not have cancelled my cruise.

 

I did book thru HAL and purchased the insurance so I did receive 90% of my money back. I also purchased insurance on the airfare and received a check from them.

 

Looking back ..... I would still handle it the same way. There was just no way I could miss her funeral. By the way, I was born on her birthday!! :)

[jhannah]

Yes, it would depend on many factors. Immediate family, of course, would have us getting back ASAP. Other than that, I'd just wait and provide support later ... after everyone else has gone, thus leaving the grieving all alone.

 

We did have a "close call" last year when we went on a Disney cruise with our kids and grandkids. My DW's sister was gravely ill. We were prepared to cancel (with insurance) and remain at her side, not willing to risk that she would pass while we were away. She expired about one week before the cruise, so we were able to go.

[VegasOrCruise]

A number of years ago, my then wife (now ex) and I, were attending a concert on a Friday night at Radio City, then staying at the airport Marriott, and flying to Florida for a week's vacation early the next morning.

 

After the concert, we got to the airport - and there was my SIL and BIL to tell us that my wife's mother had passed away. She was in the hospital, but not expected to die. We discussed, and since it was a small family, and the only other relative's lived in Rhode Island and wanted to come for the funeral, we delayed the funeral until the following Saturday, went to Florida, enjoyed our vacation, came back and had the funeral.

 

This might seem odd, or cold - but if you knew my ex-wife (lovely person, we're still friends) and her mother - not so much! They both had a wicked sense of humor, and her mother would have been livid if we'd canceled the vacation.

 

To directly answer the OP's question, as someone said earlier - it's ALL a matter of personal situation and judgement.

[wereready2cruise]

I have a couple of thoughts on this...

First is back in 92 we were going on a cruise with my mother, stepdad and 14 other family members and some friends - mom & SD were paying for family. Well 4 days before leaving my Dad passed away - massive heart attack, I didn't know what to do until my grandmother called and told me to go on the cruise and enjoy. As she said there was nothing I could do and that my Dad would want me to enjoy life.

My Mom & SD are both getting older both are in good health but you never know what could happen. They both love to cruise and go on at least one a year, the last 2 years they went on a cruise that was 24 days. Anyway we have talked about this as a family - 3 sisters and 1 brother, and my parents have told us all in no uncertain terms that if we are on a vacation of any kind they don't want us to know until we get back. They don't want a Service they will be creamated - they want us to have a party. My mother already has a list of what she wants to happend.

Cathy

[mrsltg]

I wouldn't get off. As my husband said when we cruised and my grandmother was terminally ill, "If she dies she'll still be dead when we get home. You're not a doctor and there is nothing you can do for her." Of course, we were on the cruise because our son had recently passed away and we needed to get away. I do think he'd say the same thing today, though.

[shankiko]

I just read a sad story on the Princess boards about a guy who got a call just after boarding and his brother had died. Of course he had to get off - brother had teenage kids, etc. Very sad story. Princess was very helpful to the guy and hopefully he can rebook for next week.

 

I thought about this just before our recent Eurodam cruise since I have a very sick cousin. What would I do if the day before departure she passed on?

 

So, I ask - you have awaited this cruise for a long time and you need it bad! You get on board and you get a call that your cousin died. Do you:

 

A. Have them round up your luggage and get off the ship (in tears)

B. Call your cousin's spouse and express sympathy and tell them you will visit in a week

C. Not answer your phone within 48 hours of departure

 

Assume you are fairly close to the cousin, not one of this distant ones you hadn't seen in 42 years.

 

What would you do? :confused:

As the saying goes,"your first instinct is the right one". So if you find yourself in this awful situation go with your first thoughts. I have a 94 year old grandma whose health is going down hill slowly but we have NEVER been close at all. When she passes I will not be attending for the above reason AND the fact there will be no service of any kind taking place. Cremation is immediate with no funeral or memorial. I will of course speak with my dad and aunt but that will be all. They do know this and are in agreement. But this is just my family. Yours of course may be entirely much closer than we. But your first instinct or thought is the best one to go with. Good luck and I pray you have no problems on your cruise.

Shankiko

[DFD1]

This is a fascinating and really worthwhile thread. Thank you all for sharing your thoughts about these important issues.

[madelinerose]

What would you do? :confused:

 

 

If this situation should ever occur, you will know what to do. Intuition will never steer you wrong. ;)

[docksider21]

There is nothing you can do for the deceased so the question is can you render some assistance to the kin that no one else can. As a general answer I think it is best that no one tells the traveler and they complete the trip.

 

 

While I was in Turkey, my grandmother past. My Mom decided not to call.

Told my TA, just let him complete his trip with no worries. I learned when I

called home from Frankfurt with a layover. It was a surprise, but ok. It really

would have been difficult to get home, and also difficult to finish the tour with

that on one's mind.

[JimVrhovac]

The answer is "It depends on who it was..."

I have some relatives that I would walk to a 7-11 to buy a bottle of Arizona Ice Tea (which I hate) before I would take the time to go to their funeral.

There are others that we would cancel the cruise and go to them to spend their last days with them..

Just two peoples opinion....

Ruth & Jim

[kryos]

[quote name='JimVrhovac']The answer is "It depends on who it was..."

I have some relatives that I would walk to a 7-11 to buy a bottle of Arizona Ice Tea (which I hate) before I would take the time to go to their funeral.
[/QUOTE]
LOL ... you certainly have a way of cutting through the crap, Jim. Yeah, I was gonna pretty much say the same thing, but just didn't know how to word it ... but you did just great! :)

Blue skies ...

--rita

[JoKen1]

Well I sort of had something like this happen. I was set to go on a cruise and two days before I was leaving I found out my brother had a stroke. I quickly cancelled the cruise. Was lucky that I had insurance so I could still go later but it would not have mattered.

If it was a brother or sister, mother or father I would get off the ship and not give it a 2nd thought. However for my cousin, no I would still go. Not that I don't love my cousin. It's just that there isn't anything I could do by staying that I couldn't do by going. I really only have one cousin that I'm super close to but she doesn't have a husband and her son is grown up and has his own family. I'm not close to him. So I would not be there to comfort anyone or help out with anything.

I think she would want me to go on my trip.

Now if there was family or small children involved I may stay behind in order to help out where I could.

It is hard to say and it's all up to each person to know what the right thing to do would be.

[babyher]

[quote name='kryos']LOL ... you certainly have a way of cutting through the crap, Jim. Yeah, I was gonna pretty much say the same thing, but just didn't know how to word it ... but you did just great! :)

Blue skies ...

--rita[/quote]

Rita ,

I have to say I loved your posts on this subject. I feel the same as you do. Through many of your posts I know you have a wonderful relationship with your dad and have wonderful times with him. As you did with your mom. You are so blessed to still have him . (I lost my dad when I was 21) Enjoy everyday you have with him. That is more important than sitting in a funeral home or at a gravesite.

[babyher]

[quote name='JimVrhovac']The answer is "It depends on who it was..."

I have some relatives that I would walk to a 7-11 to buy a bottle of Arizona Ice Tea (which I hate) before I would take the time to go to their funeral.

There are others that we would cancel the cruise and go to them to spend their last days with them..

Just two peoples opinion....

Ruth & Jim[/quote]


*LOL* I happen to like Arizona Iced Tea. But I would rather go to 7-11 for a Red Bull( :( BLEEEEECH )than cancel a cruise for my oldest sister (and trust me the feeling is mutual for her.

Whats the old joke? You can pick your friends , you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your relatives :)

[DFD1]

Tell us what you really think, Jim.

[lazey1]

My personal experience

DH and I had planned and saved for over 5 years for our 26 day Baltic/Voyage of the Vikings cruise last summer on the Eurodam to celebrate our 50th anniversary.
My 99 year old mother who lived in an assisted living facility in another state was having some swelling in her legs asnd shortness of breath but nothing she hadn't had several times in the past so we left on our cruise planning to call her daily, not realizing how difficult it would be with time changes and satelite telephone.
We were able to connect with her several times finding out after several days that she was in the hospital.
She had given very specific instructions to both the assisted living and the hospital that we were to be told she was "doing just fine" as she wanted us to enjoy out cruise.
She was discharges from the hospital to the nursing home and seemed to be doing well for a couple of days then developed a severe hospital related infection and died two days after this new diagnosis.
We were notified of her death the first day out of 3 sea days out of Greenland unable to get off ship until we reached Newfoundland.
HAL was wonderful about arranging flights for us to her home etc. Hal cancelled all of our prepaid excursions and activities crediting our onboard account with the full amount.The flights were very expensive and charged to our credit card.
We had HAL platinum insurance and we eventually recieved a settlement of the entire amount of the flights hom and the daily amount for the 6 days that we were unable to continue on the cruise. We were not reimbursed for the rental car to get us from her home to our home.
Emotionally we found it very difficult staying on the ship the 3 days before we could get off. I had delegated my poa to my son prior to leaving on our cruise however the powers that be wouldn't recognize my son who is the only grandchild as poa therefore I had to try to make funeral arrangements as much as possible while still aboard ship. My telephone bill alone was over $1500.00. This was not covered by the insurance.
I hope this isn't to disjointed but I tried to address several issues at once. Jane

[Typhoon1]

If it was a matter of urgency, they could keep the body on ice until I returned.

Cremate the body, hold the service when I return.

[JimVrhovac]

If I told you what I really think they would erase it from the boards.

I am too old, too tired, and too damm stubboorn to worry about the feeling of people that I do not like or care to be around. I think it is my redneck herritage. Besides life is too short to worry about being politically correct around people you despise....

From some of the posts it seems that we are not the only ones that feel that way either. Like one person said:

You can pick your friends, or your nose, but you can't pick your relatives. THAT IS SO TRUE...

Ruth & Jim

[babyher]

[quote name='JimVrhovac']If I told you what I really think they would erase it from the boards.

I am too old, too tired, and too damm stubboorn to worry about the feeling of people that I do not like or care to be around. I think it is my redneck herritage. Besides life is too short to worry about being politically correct around people you despise....

From some of the posts it seems that we are not the only ones that feel that way either. Like one person said:

You can pick your friends, or your nose, but you can't pick your relatives. THAT IS SO TRUE...

Ruth & Jim[/quote]

I wanna be you when I grow up Jim *LOL* I couldn't agree more