Break Up Before or After Long Planned Cruise?

[Cactuscruise]

My adult son no longer gets along very well with his girlfriend yet they booked a Caribbean cruise on Carnival a few months ago for this summer. Though it's paid for now, he is wondering if he should break up with her before the trip and go on his own, making it clear she owes nothing, or go along and hope the have a good time and then break up with her when they get home. He has NOT met anyone else; they just don't seem to have anything in common and bicker a lot over differences.

 

I said I think he should break the news right now but my daughter told her brother why not go on the trip? Daughter's logic is that her brother and his girlfriend might enjoy themselves and get along and he might not end up wanting to break up after all.

 

I realize this is pretty off-topic other than that the trip is on Carnival, but any advice out there? Like I said, I advised to break up now and for him to go alone or with a friend and let the girl make her own plans. Does anyone have any opinions on how to handle this?

 

 

This really isn't your problem. Let your "adult" son make his own decisions. Cruise Critic posters should certainly keep their noses out this.

[babyher]

Sounds like he is asking for advice, no one should be chastised for seeking advice. I am 51 and often wish my mother, who has passed away, was around to help me with it. I will make the decision but even at 50 i don't have all the answers...so looking for advice is not a sign of weakness but of wisdom....IMHO

 

That said, I would advise my son to never drag a lady along if he is sure she is "not the one". Life is too short to just kill time in a bad situation.

 

 

 

What a nice post :)

 

You are absolutely right.

 

Everyone needs a little advice or just an ear to listen every once in a while.

 

It doesn't mean the son needs his mothers approval or can't think for himself. Sometimes you just need another point of view.

[Rapunzel41]

Not for nothing, but I was just saying to my mom this morning, "Is it wrong that I'm 37 years old and there are days when I still need my mommy?!?!"

 

She replied, "I"m 61 years old and there are days when *I* still need *MY* mommy!!!"

 

I am fully capable of and willing to make my own decisions, but there's nothing wrong with asking for advice and opinions. The OP *was* asked for advice / opinion, and she in turn asked us.

 

Y'all need to just chill out! LOL!

[kelz66]

Dump the girlfriend, take a buddy and meet a few cougars who will buy them drinks.

 

:cool:

[babyher]

This really isn't your problem. Let your "adult" son make his own decisions. Cruise Critic posters should certainly keep their noses out this.

 

 

 

My best friends mother was infamous for saying all his life

 

"Your over 18, fight your own battles, make your own decisions. It's your problem not my problem be an adult and solve it yourself"

 

So last week at 46 he made a decision. He figured it was HER stroke, not his so he put her in a nursing home. Problem solved

[SoutFloridaCruiser]

PHEWWW...Good luck with that one....

 

I would try to look at it as all of the awkward moments he will be having. For example on elegant nights, photos, dinner etc. Either you are posing for pictures that will eventually get burned or just trying trying to find a way to get out of them (she will know something is up by then).

 

Someone else posted that they found "the one" on there cruise...There ARE single women on board. It reminds of that time....umm i better not get into the specifics :D.......

 

The point of the cruise for me is relaxation, pleasure and complete detachment from the motherland. lol. How can you enjoy yourself intentionally putting yourself in a disadvantageous situation?

[Carolin]

Every cruise I hear or see some couple who had a big blow up and someone gets "kicked" out of thier cabin and is trying to find another space to bunk. Vacations in general can be stressful or very relaxing depending on who your with. Its the same when people break up after Christmas because they don't want to spend the holiday alone but they are miserable. I hope he makes a decision that makes him happy and has no regrets. Its just money either way. I'd go solo and be a happy camper.

[UpstateCruizer]

If my adult son asked me for advice on this.......I would tell him that only he himself knows what is best for him.........

 

I was reading along hoping that at least one person was going to think this too. My youngest son went through a rough patch with his gf awhile back. I told him that before he started talking negative about her to keep one thing in mind.... whatever he shared with me or his/friends etc would be remembered long after they broke up, got back together broke up etc. I listened to him and offered him emotional support and no advice on what he should or shouldn't do. It can bite you in the butt in the end when they listen and make up their mind based on the advice of others. Part of growing up is making these choices and making some mistakes along the way. Ultimately it's their lives and relationships unless they are abusive should be between the two people involved.

 

Good luck Op :)

[UpstateCruizer]

My best friends mother was infamous for saying all his life

 

"Your over 18, fight your own battles, make your own decisions. It's your problem not my problem be an adult and solve it yourself"

 

So last week at 46 he made a decision. He figured it was HER stroke, not his so he put her in a nursing home. Problem solved

 

 

Yikes! While I won't make choices for my adult children I will offer any support that they need in making those choices. There's a big difference in saying "Tough crap you are on your own now" and allowing an adult child to learn to handle things as an adult and supporting them in those choices.

[nealstuber]

He's the one who wants to break up! Why doesn't he just break up with her and let her go on the cruise! Sounds like she's the one who is going to need a vacation. She can take a friend or family member with her and get away from it all. I don't even know the girl and I feel sorry for her!

 

Sounds like what a gentleman would do - surprised it took this long for someone to post it.

[CRUZBUDS]

We met a couple on a cruise that didn't have the best of relationships. They hadn't know each other very long and somehow had booked this cruise. It didn't work out - he slept out on deck most nights.

 

Those cabins are way too small for anything but best friends. (which I'm very happy to say my wife and I are). If they're bickering over small things now, putting them in a confined space isn't likely to help.

 

Plus it really is unfair to string anyone along. If it's over it's over

[Guest JJWW]

I think it should be the sons decision.

However if it were me I would break up while on the cruise.

Just watch your back,to many folks going overboard of late !

Well reading the forums of late ,seems everyone loves a little conflict.

 

 

:D

[TahoeBob]

A bit harsh.:cool:

 

Yes it is a bit harsh, but at the same time very true!

[36kruzes]

I am the original poster. If you'd read my posts you'd know my son has been agonizing over this dilemma and including our family in discussions. My response was to do what seems right but there are gray areas and many people here have offered up good sound advice. Many of us have witnessed problem relationships on our various vacations over time, or even been involved in something gone-wrong.

 

Yes, in the end it's up to my son and the girlfriend to figure out their own plight. But I'm not going to tell him 'tough luck kid -- you are totally on your own and I won't offer up any viewpoints.'

 

I find your post simplistic and yes, as several others said, "harsh," and it's clear you did not read everything I wrote. Why are you even reading posts on this topic if they are so bothersome to you?

 

 

Yes it is a bit harsh, but at the same time very true!

[TahoeBob]

I am the original poster. If you'd read my posts you'd know my son has been agonizing over this dilemma and including our family in discussions. My response was to do what seems right but there are gray areas and many people here have offered up good sound advice. Many of us have witnessed problem relationships on our various vacations over time, or even been involved in something gone-wrong.

 

Yes, in the end it's up to my son and the girlfriend to figure out their own plight. But I'm not going to tell him 'tough luck kid -- you are totally on your own and I won't offer up any viewpoints.'

 

I find your post simplistic and yes, as several others said, "harsh," and it's clear you did not read everything I wrote. Why are you even reading posts on this topic if they are so bothersome to you?

I understand what you are saying in regard to your son, but if he has ask what to do and how to do it there is a problem. Does he really need to be told to do the right thing? Is it fair to this girl to string her along by taking her on a cruise then break up with her.

 

If my son did that I would tell him to pull his head out of his a$$ and grow up and act like a man, not a little child. by even thinking of going on a cruise then break up, well that is what a teenage boy would do. Its time for him to step up and make adult choices!

[Upandadam]

I understand what you are saying in regard to your son, but if he has ask what to do and how to do it there is a problem. Does he really need to be told to do the right thing? Is it fair to this girl to string her along by taking her on a cruise then break up with her.

 

If my son did that I would tell him to pull his head out of his a$$ and grow up and act like a man, not a little child. by even thinking of going on a cruise then break up, well that is what a teenage boy would do. Its time for him to step up and make adult choices!

 

 

Oooo. Even harsher. lol

[Tailman]

When is the Cruise? I'm going solo, maybe he can pawn her off on me ... for a few days.

[PaddleAddict]

How sad. I'm sure that girl wouldn't choose a "pity vacation" followed by a breakup if she were asked. I know I wouldn't.

 

Also, I am sure she would be mortified if she knew that her boyfriend was discussing this with his family at great length. Again, I know I would be.

[TahoeBob]

posted in error

[TahoeBob]

I find your post simplistic and yes, as several others said, "harsh," and it's clear you did not read everything I wrote. Why are you even reading posts on this topic if they are so bothersome to you?

 

If you are unhappy with my answer, I always live by the saying, "IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE ANSWER YOU MIGHT GET, DON'T ASK THE QUESTION"

 

As for my response being simplistic, well sometimes a simple answer is the correct one.

 

It never ceases to amaze me that when someone asks a question, and when the person who asks the question gets a answer they don't like they get all bent out of shape.

 

 

Why are you even reading posts on this topic if they are so bothersome to you?

Could please show me where I said I was bothered by your question? You are putting words in my mouth that I never said!

[bobandkelly]

If they break up now perhaps she would want to go on the cruise with a friend of hers rather then him getting the cruise.

 

I was going to suggest this. He is the one who wants to break up. Why ruin her vacation.

[Upandadam]

I was going to suggest this. He is the one who wants to break up. Why ruin her vacation.

 

This is the one response he probably didn't want to hear. lol

[bobandkelly]

This is the one response he probably didn't want to hear. lol

 

You're right. Because he is thinking of himself.

Sometimes you have to put your wife/husband... before yourself for the relationship to work. Being with someone is not always easy. But you can't walk away every time it's hard.

I am not saying that is what this person is doing. But marriages/relationships seem to be disposable like everything else these days.

[Upandadam]

You're right. Because he is thinking of himself.

Sometimes you have to put your wife/husband... before yourself for the relationship to work. Being with someone is not always easy. But you can't walk away every time it's hard.

I am not saying that is what this person is doing. But marriages/relationships seem to be disposable like everything else these days.

 

Absolutely.

 

I still like to think that perhaps if they've been together this long, a nice romantic, low-stress vacation with lots of time to talk, reflect, and enjoy what attracted them to one another in the first place, may be what seals the realtionship and repairs whatever damage has been done.

 

But then again, I believe in the tooth fairy.

[babyher]

You're right. Because he is thinking of himself.

Sometimes you have to put your wife/husband... before yourself for the relationship to work. Being with someone is not always easy. But you can't walk away every time it's hard.

I am not saying that is what this person is doing. But marriages/relationships seem to be disposable like everything else these days.

 

 

Well here goes

 

On the topic of motherly advice. Some of the best advice my mom would give my sisters and I when we were all in our dating years and were having troubles with our S/Os

 

"Honey if they are giving you this much grief as a boyfriend/girlfriend , it'll be 10 times as bad when they are your husband/wife , a wedding ring isn't a labotomy , it won't change them in the slightest"