Break Up Before or After Long Planned Cruise?

[Kurbanfan]

If my adult son asked me for advice on this.......I would tell him that only he himself knows what is best for him.........

[salty dingo]

Break up during the cruise.

[flag fan]

There may be a worse idea than going on a cruise with someone you don't like being around, but I can't think of one.

 

Obviously, it's your son's decision, but there are a lot of reasons to break up first: (1) to not do so would be leading her along (unfair to her), (2) it would probably be very uncomfortable for him, even if he didn't let on his true feelings until after the cruise), (3) it could come out during the cruise how unhappy he is and then they are stuck on a boat with no where to go, (4) the odds that they will have such a good time that they will get back together are pretty long; real-life is not a cruise and if there is some reason that they are incompatible when not on vacation, even a really enjoyable vacation won't change that, and (5) it will prevent him from getting on with his life and meeting someone more compatible (before or during the cruise).

 

The fallback position is he should be honest with her and tell her about his problems with the relationship so they can work on it together (before, during, or after the cruise) or to give her the option of moving on sooner rather than later. (But I would be leery about going on a cruise together, even if they both want to try to work things out; vacations can be stressful and a cruise with no way to leave each other would be particularly high pressure and very difficult if things didn't work out.)

 

Hope it all works out.

[Kudos2Fly]

I have a question, maybe it was already asked. But didn't see it. Did she pay for any of the cruise? If she did she probably doesn't want to walk away from the money she put in to the cruise. Unless he is willing to pay for her portion of the cruise.

 

She still may want to go also.. If both of them don't want to give up the cruise, if decides to split up with her before the cruise he may also have a fit on his hands. If she took time off from work and put money it to the cruise she may not want to walk away so easily.

 

Never had any problems like that, thank god.. :eek:

 

Good Luck

[*CruiseFan*]

Break up during the cruise.

 

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

 

I'm laughing out loud right now, literally. LMFAO.

[Milaandra]

Just out of curiosity...why not break up with her then let her decide if she still wants to come on the cruise or not. You can separate the beds for sleeping and spend time apart on the ship. Or, she may opt not to go at all. At least in this case he's not tossing her a double whammy.

 

My thoughts exactly!

[nccruiser24]

He's the one who wants to break up! Why doesn't he just break up with her and let her go on the cruise! Sounds like she's the one who is going to need a vacation. She can take a friend or family member with her and get away from it all. I don't even know the girl and I feel sorry for her!

[36kruzes]

Yes, that other poster's advice to "break up during the cruise" was kind of amusing, I must admit -- at least for a minute. I cannot imagine either of these two doing that -- they don't have big "fights," it's just grown clear over time that they may not be well suited to each other; I suspect both will be respectful of each other if they break up.

 

Thanks to all of you for your words of wisdom, your humor and your own stories -- my son is pondering this aloud with our immediate family and that's why I offered my "better break up now" opinion but I see there are many options to consider.

 

He and his girlfriend were going to split cruise costs but the cruise is booked in his name -- girlfriend may very well want to go anyway after any break-up, as "friends" -- who knows? But after hearing how some of you met future mates right away, even on board, after similar break-ups, that may be enough to convince him to break up now if he remains so inclined.

 

I'll tell him what I see as all of his options but I'm NOT going to tell him I've found many of them on Cruise Critic -- he might never speak to me again! :(

 

 

 

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

 

I'm laughing out loud right now, literally. LMFAO.

[36kruzes]

As mom of the guy who may break up with his girlfriend before or after a Carnival cruise this summer, I agree it sounds like his girlfriend is in the dark about everything but that is really not the case. She is very friendly with my daughter, as well, and has made a few comments over the past month or so that things "aren't going all that well."

 

I suspect BOTH my son and his girlfriend know something is amiss. Who knows, she may actually be relieved if he breaks up with her -- I'm only hearing one side of the story, really. In fact, SHE could break up with HIM!

 

But he is a gentleman so if he breaks up with her and goes on the cruise himself or with another buddy, I KNOW he would give her the money for a vacation of her own. He's a good guy - which is one reason why he is ruminating so much over this situation.

 

 

He's the one who wants to break up! Why doesn't he just break up with her and let her go on the cruise! Sounds like she's the one who is going to need a vacation. She can take a friend or family member with her and get away from it all. I don't even know the girl and I feel sorry for her!

[FantasyLineAddict]

Break up during the cruise.

 

Those are the people sleeping on the lounge chairs on Lido at 6 am covered up with beach towels :p

[cathyoo]

My sister's first cruise (about 30 years ago) was with 4 couples. One of the guys gambled all the money a day or two into the cruise. His wife threw all his stuff out into the hallway and would not let him back in the room for the rest of the cruise.

[TahoeBob]

My adult son no longer gets along very well with his girlfriend yet they booked a Caribbean cruise on Carnival .........

 

Does anyone have any opinions on how to handle this?

My opinion on how to handle this is for you to stay out of his business. he is a adult. did he ask you for advise?

 

When my oldest son was having trouble with (he is 30) his GF, the mother of my granddaughter, he asked me what he should do. i told him remember how I tried to teach you when you were young to think for yourself. Well the same advice is still valid.

 

Its time to cut the apron strings!

[Casino Player]

My adult son no longer gets along very well with his girlfriend yet they booked a Caribbean cruise on Carnival a few months ago for this summer. Though it's paid for now, he is wondering if he should break up with her before the trip and go on his own, making it clear she owes nothing, or go along and hope the have a good time and then break up with her when they get home. He has NOT met anyone else; they just don't seem to have anything in common and bicker a lot over differences.

 

I said I think he should break the news right now but my daughter told her brother why not go on the trip? Daughter's logic is that her brother and his girlfriend might enjoy themselves and get along and he might not end up wanting to break up after all.

 

I realize this is pretty off-topic other than that the trip is on Carnival, but any advice out there? Like I said, I advised to break up now and for him to go alone or with a friend and let the girl make her own plans. Does anyone have any opinions on how to handle this?

 

First, this is their business and not that of anyone else. However, since you asked, if they really don't like each other anymore and fight a lot why put off the inevitable? Get it over with and they could both get along with their lives.

[MadManOfBethesda]

He's the one who wants to break up! Why doesn't he just break up with her and let her go on the cruise! Sounds like she's the one who is going to need a vacation. She can take a friend or family member with her and get away from it all. I don't even know the girl and I feel sorry for her!

 

I think that this is the best response on the thread. It definitely would be the most gentlemanly, classy, and unselfish thing to do.

[Ship Addict]

Tell him to try this. Grab a coin. Heads -- break up with her now. Tails -- break up with her after the cruise. Flip coin. Read result.

 

At this point, if the result is the wrong choice for him, he will know INSTANTLY in his gut. Then he should go with the other option.

[ron57nie]

Sounds like he is asking for advice, no one should be chastised for seeking advice. I am 51 and often wish my mother, who has passed away, was around to help me with it. I will make the decision but even at 50 i don't have all the answers...so looking for advice is not a sign of weakness but of wisdom....IMHO

 

That said, I would advise my son to never drag a lady along if he is sure she is "not the one". Life is too short to just kill time in a bad situation.

[Kudos2Fly]

Seems they both think things aren't going well with their relationship. If that the case, they should talk about it before the cruise and see how they want to handle it.

 

The cruise may be in his name, but she had any part in helping pay for it. I'm sure she will want some say in going or not. I know I would.

[tina257]

Maybe they need to communicate their feelings to each other. Has he told her he's having second (and third and fourth, etc) thoughts about this relationship? Maybe they need to discuss whether this is their final hurrah and then decide TOGETHER whether to go on the cruise together or break up now. I don't like dragging out the inevitable but I can see where she may have enough heartbreak without having the trip cancelled on her at the last minute too. The only two people that can really decide what the best course of action is would be your son and his girlfriend. Sounds they need to talk and then make some decisions. They could decide to break up now...or give it one last shot...or break up and take the cruise anyway and try to have a good time since it was planned. (that last one may not work out because it's hard to overlook feelings but this is probably not going to be pleasant no matter what...breakups seldom are...unless she wants to break up too)

[poobears]

I agree if they are adult enough to have a relationship they need to be adult enough to discuss these issues with each other. Why is breaking up the only option at this point? If neither are happy they need to sit down and be grown ups and get to the real issues. See if it's something they want to work out or not. If they decide together it's not going to work then they go their seperate ways. If they decide they want to keep working on it then that is what they do.

 

Real relationships are not an all or nothing thing. If it was no one woud stay together. Encourage your son to be a man and have a heart to heart with his SO. If he or she can't/won't do that then they are not ready for a serious relationship (nothing wrong with that, not everyone is) but there is no point in playing the when to break up game. That's not how adults should be handling their problems.

[dan40]

A friend of mine [since childhood] took his girlfriend on a cruise. He even paid for her sister to come along in a separate room [X2 single supp.] They [sHE] were having relationship problems, BUT he didn't know that! 2 days into the cruise she tells him they have NOTHING in common and moves in to her sisters room. Had to be a preplanned emotional and financial sting.

[Upandadam]

If my adult son asked me for advice on this.......I would tell him that only he himself knows what is best for him.........

 

Ditto.

[LemurCat]

My adult son no longer gets along very well with his girlfriend yet they booked a Caribbean cruise on Carnival a few months ago for this summer.

 

I have an easy solution to this. Give me your son's phone number. I'll even pick up the name change fee. ;)

[tef43]

Alsolutely no reason to take the XGF along. He should go alone or take along someone new.

[Upandadam]

My opinion on how to handle this is for you to stay out of his business. he is a adult. did he ask you for advise?

 

When my oldest son was having trouble with (he is 30) his GF, the mother of my granddaughter, he asked me what he should do. i told him remember how I tried to teach you when you were young to think for yourself. Well the same advice is still valid.

 

Its time to cut the apron strings!

 

A bit harsh.:cool:

[ginag]

Whatever happens, I wish them the best! :)