Break Up Before or After Long Planned Cruise?

[36kruzes]

My adult son no longer gets along very well with his girlfriend yet they booked a Caribbean cruise on Carnival a few months ago for this summer. Though it's paid for now, he is wondering if he should break up with her before the trip and go on his own, making it clear she owes nothing, or go along and hope the have a good time and then break up with her when they get home. He has NOT met anyone else; they just don't seem to have anything in common and bicker a lot over differences.

 

I said I think he should break the news right now but my daughter told her brother why not go on the trip? Daughter's logic is that her brother and his girlfriend might enjoy themselves and get along and he might not end up wanting to break up after all.

 

I realize this is pretty off-topic other than that the trip is on Carnival, but any advice out there? Like I said, I advised to break up now and for him to go alone or with a friend and let the girl make her own plans. Does anyone have any opinions on how to handle this?

[FlaKrznNubie]

Did you post this with Ann Landers ?? :rolleyes:

[firefly333]

Unless they have a 1A on Carnival, your son will still owe for two people. He cant cancel her at this point or he would owe even more, they would charge him the solo supplement on top of the rate that is already paid.

 

If its 7 days before, more than likely you can get back the money other than the deposit on the g/fs fare, but you are probably better off, having her as a no show. Depends on which cruise rate you have.

 

Well, come to think of it, if he didnt book early saver with Carnival, he can probably pay $50 and change to another friend to bring.

 

Why are you pushing for him to break up, Id let my son make the decision.

[SummerXU]

I was actually in this same situation earlier this year with a cruise I had booked on NCL. I was unhappy in the relationship and decided that it was just money. (We had split the cost and I was going to be out $700.) You can't put a price on happiness and to me it just wasn't worth it. Plus, I decided, why would I want to go and spend 7 days on a cruise with someone who I didn't really want to be with? To me, that sounded like the worst vacation ever!

[Alibaster McGillicutty]

Does the GF have any idea of how bad the relationship is and wouldn't be surprised of a breakup?

 

Don't play with someone's feelings. If you're not sure then you're not sure.

 

Before Ali McG got married, Ali asked himself a very selfish question. What does Ali McG want? And the anwer was, Ali McG wanted to spend the rest of Ali's life with Mrs Ali McG (wasn't McG at the time but you get the point.)

 

I hate to be this blunt but a GF and BF on a cruise, almost definitely means S-E-X will be involved and that does not make a relationship. Sure helps but their relationship has to be able to survive without that.

 

Ali "Ann Landers" McG

[36kruzes]

He would easily cover the costs if girlfriend does not take the cruise.

 

But I am not trying to have them break up at all; I wish they got along better -- HE is not sure what to do and my daughter says "go and try to have fun and break up later if you still want to." I think that sounds cruel and cowardly, frankly.

 

If he is serious about breaking up with the girlfriend (who I really like, BTW), I think he should give her the courtesy of telling her now and letting her get past this. Breaking up with her soon after the trip would be pretty transparent, don't you think?

 

Unless they have a 1A on Carnival, your son will still owe for two people. He cant cancel her at this point or he would owe even more, they would charge him the solo supplement on top of the rate that is already paid.

 

If its 7 days before, more than likely you can get back the money other than the deposit on the g/fs fare, but you are probably better off, having her as a no show. Depends on which cruise rate you have.

 

Well, come to think of it, if he didnt book early saver with Carnival, he can probably pay $50 and change to another friend to bring.

 

Why are you pushing for him to break up, Id let my son make the decision.

[Megnolia]

If he wants to break up with her, he should do it now.

 

My ex bf told his mom about a similar situation - she suggested he wait until we finished University to break up (it was two months away). He decided to do it before. Two weeks later I met the man who I am now married to, and wouldn't have met him if I'd still been with the ex.

 

He needs to do it now. Don't waste her time if he knows it's over.

[steveNcindy]

Worst case is they go together, she gets pregnant, they get home and he still wants to break up. Now there is the baby to consider.

 

Just throwing out the worst case to consider.

 

Hope it all works out.

[SummerXU]

 

If he is serious about breaking up with the girlfriend (who I really like, BTW), I think he should give her the courtesy of telling her now and letting her get past this. Breaking up with her soon after the trip would be pretty transparent, don't you think?

 

You are absolutely right! It's not fair to drag something out and to delay the inevitable. He needs to let her move on as soon as possible and allow her a chance to find true happiness. A magical cruise vacation is not going to make the relationship work if it doesn't already work.

[penetangjudy]

If this were my adult child (I have a couple) I would advise them to break up before hand, go alone and have a wonderful time. It sounds like this path is inevitable, the trip will be time for some soul searching, seeing some beautiful places and maybe meeting some fun people to hang out with a bit while away. I think I would rather have the memory by myself than with this person that I 'know' I will be breaking up with in the very near future, if by chance they argue he might in the heat of anger let it out and end it.......which would not be good and make for a very uncomfortable time.

 

That's my 2 cents :)

[Upandadam]

Or maybe this trip would be what salvages their relationship.

 

Or not........

 

I think part of the decision is how sure is he that they won't work out, and how does she feel. Only your son knows that.

[cantwait2cruize]

How old is your son? How long have they been together? What are they fighting about? Do they live together? Maybe they are just both very stressed right now! Maybe a vacation will do wonders for there relationship:)

[weathergirl29]

I guess I am the minority, but man, think how awful that day would be for the poor girl!

 

"First, I don't want to be with you anymore, so we're breaking up. Oh, and that cruise you thought you were going on next week? Yep, not so much. I'm now going by myself or with a different person..."

 

Wowza. I once had a boyfriend break up with me right before a big fraternity party in college. One of those really big parties that I had to get a new (expensive) dress for and everything. I remember being heartbroken over the boy, and then being MAD that I wasn't going to party after all!

 

I say go on the cruise, but end it after that...my .02 cents...as a woman once dumped :)

[Upandadam]

I guess I am the minority, but man, think how awful that day would be for the poor girl!

 

"First, I don't want to be with you anymore, so we're breaking up. Oh, and that cruise you thought you were going on next week? Yep, not so much. I'm now going by myself or with a different person..."

 

Wowza. I once had a boyfriend break up with me right before a big fraternity party in college. One of those really big parties that I had to get a new (expensive) dress for and everything. I remember being heartbroken over the boy, and then being MAD that I wasn't going to party after all!

 

I say go on the cruise, but end it after that...my .02 cents...as a woman once dumped :)

 

Valid points...

[36kruzes]

Thank you! And thanks to all for responding -- none of this is up to me, of course, but I wondered how others would see it. I recall a plane trip I took to Europe with a co-worker back in the early 70's. I was not married yet.

 

A young unmarried couple was on board, all lovey-dovey. We all went our separate ways in Europe. When the charter flight returned to CA a month later (it was a college air charter at very low cost) the same couple was on board but not speaking -- the young woman sat at one end of the plane and he at the other. They looked miserable. It seemed so sad, really.

 

 

If he wants to break up with her, he should do it now.

 

My ex bf told his mom about a similar situation - she suggested he wait until we finished University to break up (it was two months away). He decided to do it before. Two weeks later I met the man who I am now married to, and wouldn't have met him if I'd still been with the ex.

 

He needs to do it now. Don't waste her time if he knows it's over.

[TamLaiSang]

If he isn't sure about breaking up...The cruise will certainly give him time to make up his mind.

 

If he is sure about breaking up...just not about the timing...I would recommend doing it sooner rather than later.

 

 

 

My adult son no longer gets along very well with his girlfriend yet they booked a Caribbean cruise on Carnival a few months ago for this summer. Though it's paid for now, he is wondering if he should break up with her before the trip and go on his own, making it clear she owes nothing, or go along and hope the have a good time and then break up with her when they get home. He has NOT met anyone else; they just don't seem to have anything in common and bicker a lot over differences.

 

I said I think he should break the news right now but my daughter told her brother why not go on the trip? Daughter's logic is that her brother and his girlfriend might enjoy themselves and get along and he might not end up wanting to break up after all.

 

I realize this is pretty off-topic other than that the trip is on Carnival, but any advice out there? Like I said, I advised to break up now and for him to go alone or with a friend and let the girl make her own plans. Does anyone have any opinions on how to handle this?

[kathi316]

Just out of curiosity...why not break up with her then let her decide if she still wants to come on the cruise or not. You can separate the beds for sleeping and spend time apart on the ship. Or, she may opt not to go at all. At least in this case he's not tossing her a double whammy.

[penetangjudy]

While 'weathergirl' has very valid points.....most of us women have been dumped and I think, personally, while being dumped before something is bad, being dumped after knowing it was all fake during is even worse....pity feelings, sympathy feelings......whatever you want to call them....knowing none of it was real. IMO would be worse for her.

[FantasyLineAddict]

The thought of going on a cruise with a future ex does not sound like very much fun to me.

[36kruzes]

It's true -- if my son (he and girlfriend are both 25, met while in college) and his girlfriend go on the cruise as planned, they will both have the opportunity to see if they can stop bickering and have a good time. They often act like some old unhappily married couples I've seen over time -- or those old married retirees most of us have seen arguing in supermarkets. Maybe it IS stress; who knows? I try not to get too involved. There are points to be made for breaking up now and not traveling together, and for taking the cruise and waiting to see how it goes.

 

Either way, it sounds dicey to me. Guess we'll just see what happens but it's interesting to see so many viewpoints out there -- all of them have merit, for sure. It's not just black and white.

 

If he isn't sure about breaking up...The cruise will certainly give him time to make up his mind.

 

If he is sure about breaking up...just not about the timing...I would recommend doing it sooner rather than later.

[*CruiseFan*]

He should end it before the cruise. I don't think he should wait until the cruise.

[DjVyrus69]

Here are his options:

 

1. Break up with her now, cruise by himself or pay $50 and change the name to a friend of his and make it a guys cruise.

 

2. Break up with her now, go by himself and be Mr **** Daddy on the ship cruising solo.

 

3. Break up with her now, offer to still go on the cruise together as friends and still try to have a good time.

 

4. Break up with her after a cruise and it may make it worse because she will probably think going on vacation together strengthend the relationship and they are more together than ever, yadda yadda.

 

He's definately better off ending it now and not dragging this out.

[Texarribean Chick]

11 years ago, I was a single mother (age 32) that had been in a relationship with a man for about 8 months when we booked a cruise together. About 3 months before the cruise, I was terribly unhappy and in the same boat (no pun intended). I decided to end the relationship and take a girlfriend in his place. When I boarded the Sensation - I met my future husband at the Lido deck bar. We have been together ever since and will be celebrating our anniversary Saturday on the Liberty. Meanwhile, my current DH (before meeting me) was in a year long relationship that he was unhappy in.................he cruised without her; but did not break up with her before the cruise - he just went without her. He was sorry that he made that decision, especially after meeting me and falling in love with me. One of the most difficult things he ever had to do, he says, was go home and tell this woman that he had fallen in love with someone else.

 

My advice - break up with her now. Don't go on a vacation hoping for the best.

If the relationship was "meant to be" it "will be" - if not - it won't.

 

Best of luck.

 

Chick.

[boowaaccaa]

If they break up now perhaps she would want to go on the cruise with a friend of hers rather then him getting the cruise.

[Amerikaner83]

Here are his options:

 

1. Break up with her now, cruise by himself or pay $50 and change the name to a friend of his and make it a guys cruise.

 

2. Break up with her now, go by himself and be Mr **** Daddy on the ship cruising solo.

 

3. Break up with her now, offer to still go on the cruise together as friends and still try to have a good time.

 

4. Break up with her after a cruise and it may make it worse because she will probably think going on vacation together strengthend the relationship and they are more together than ever, yadda yadda.

 

He's definately better off ending it now and not dragging this out.

 

AGREED 100% - and if they DO go together and they end up breaking up, then that could be "stringing her along", and that ain't right.

 

I was in a similar situation, planning a nice camping trip with my girlfriend at the time. We ended up breaking up before the trip, she didnt' go, I took a buddy of mine, it worked out great! I could not imagine sleeping in the same room with and spending a cruise with someone whom you're thinking of breaking up with...