I feel like a horrible person

[Mr. Luckytoo]

My husband and I cruise every year or two, and we love it. We now always go alone, we get a table for two, we hole up on our aft balcony...but we do often meet people and have a lot of fun, so we aren't total hermits. We just like our privacy.

 

We have also cruised with friends and family in the past, and it's a whole different dynamic. We choose not to do it anymore...the only exception is when our grandkids are old enough we'll start taking them with us.

 

My problem, and the reason I feel terrible, is that my sister-in-law has no one to travel with anymore. She is our age (60), not married, no kids, lots of friends...but none that can really afford to cruise or that want to go to the same places she wants to go to. This shouldn't be OUR problem, right?

 

Well, we visited with her last week (she lives in another state) and she said something like "I'd LOVE to go on a cruise, and I want to go to Alaska...but no one wants to go with me"...well, GULP, we're sitting there with a cruise to Alaska booked for September.

 

We do NOT want to travel with her, or anyone. But yes her, specifically...she is ok in small doses but I really would go insane/be upset and angry all the time if I had to spend 10 days with her (or even a week). I'm not saying we're perfect...far from it...but as husband and wife we just get along, have our own rhythm, know what I mean? We didn't say we were going, but of course she's eventually going to know. I just said something generic like "oh, you'd hate traveling with us, we just hole up and don't want to talk to anyone when we travel"...but now I feel bad. And guilty. I really, really, really don't want to invite her, but my sense of family, obligation and kindness is rearing its ugly head.

 

Have you ever been in this position and what did you do?

 

I disagree - you ARE a horrible person. Leaving your poor sister-in-law out of your plans when it's obvious she has issues! Imagines if you go to Alaska without inviting her and she falls victim to a deep depression because, "...no one loves me :(" When you get back you find that she's been committed to the local sanitarium for attempted suicide :eek:. How would you feel then? :confused:

 

On the other hand, in my case, I'd invite her along to share the cabin with us....then one dark and stormy night take a walk on the lido deck and SPLASH!

 

SOLVED - No more guilt...no more problems with travel arrangements :D

 

[Note please insert HEAVY DOSE of sarcasm] :rolleyes:

Let's face it vacation time is YOU time to do as you please. It's a vacation not like donating a kidney or anything... Pretend you're Nike and just do it.

[Cruise-N-Arky]

Tell your sister-in-law to join the Red Hat Society. She will have many friends her age who love to do nothing but have fun. They go on cruises together sometimes. She can google the website and find a chapter in her home town.

[Us Two]

I agree with so many . tell her that you understand her position but you hope she will understand yours. You use this time to be by youselves and do not want to feel responsible for metting up with anyone , planning things etc. just like doing your own thing.

Tell her you actually just considered this cruise for your selves, for that time alone!!

[warmwinds]

My husband has said that he will be the one to deal with it, and she will not be coming with us. Not sure when or how he will tell her, as I said she lives in another state and while we do talk to her a couple of times a week he's not sure he wants to do it over the phone. It will probably turn out to be a non-issue, I hope.

 

Yes, my sil certainly does have options and it's up to her to take them. Her mentioning Alaska just came so out of the blue since that is what we had booked. Had we been sitting on a cruise to anywhere else I would not have had these guilt pangs. It will be ok.

 

Thanks for all the viewpoints.

[spamela]

Hi All, Not sure how to use this forum. Much easier a few years ago when I went on a singles cruise with princess line to western Carribean. My questions are: How much does an alcohol package cost & does anyone recommend certain side trips on the 14 day southern Caribbean cruise? I'm going with my son & his family on April 9th this year. Thanks in advance for any response. Pam

[celle]

My husband has said that he will be the one to deal with it, and she will not be coming with us. Not sure when or how he will tell her, as I said she lives in another state and while we do talk to her a couple of times a week he's not sure he wants to do it over the phone. It will probably turn out to be a non-issue, I hope.

 

Yes, my sil certainly does have options and it's up to her to take them. Her mentioning Alaska just came so out of the blue since that is what we had booked. Had we been sitting on a cruise to anywhere else I would not have had these guilt pangs. It will be ok.

 

Thanks for all the viewpoints.

 

So glad it seems to be working out for you. Your DH deserves a big hug for this!

 

I had been holding off posting, because I so disagreed with the people who advocated deception and not telling your SIL - that sort of thing always comes back to bite you later.

 

Alaska is beautiful - have a wonderful cruise.

[catty]

I offered to give money for bday and Christmas for a friend to go with the relatives. My husband and I like traveling alone or with daughter and sil only. Some people want to make you do what they like, but when you pay for your vacation you should be able to do what you want and not feel stressed as we did for many years...so I will help pay for a roommate to not feel guilty.

[cynbar]

Hi All, Not sure how to use this forum. Much easier a few years ago when I went on a singles cruise with princess line to western Carribean. My questions are: How much does an alcohol package cost & does anyone recommend certain side trips on the 14 day southern Caribbean cruise? I'm going with my son & his family on April 9th this year. Thanks in advance for any response. Pam

 

You'll probably want to start a new thread for this since it's not related to the problem under discussion. Just go back to the Celebrity home page and click on "New Thread." You also should go to the roll call for your particular cruise. You'll find it under the Celebrity Connections section of the roll calls,

 

http://boards.cruisecritic.com/forumdisplay.php?f=206

 

Lots of info there about shore excursions, etc!

[bellybutton530]

Listen to and learn from these folks' past experiences. I recently returned from a Caribbean cruise that I took (and paid for) with 3 girlfriends. Two of them had never cruised before.

 

They belly-ached the entire time. They were very unhappy with the world of cruising, and could hardly wait to get home. Their table manners were terrible; they never got accustomed to people waiting on them; they participated in nothing; they snacked at the buffet all day and missed dinner at night; I hosted CC parties on the veranda (PH) and they disappeared.

 

Never again.... Not for friends. Not for family. Pay your own way; and find your own travel companion.

 

I almost let these deadheads ruin my vacation....:eek:

 

 

[nmuller328]

We just got back from a cruise on the eclipse and there was an over 40 singles group there- booked through "vacations to go"- they help set up roommates if you don't have a cabin mate or you can book a single cabin (yes a higher fee) The group has planned activities in addition to those on the standard ship schedule- the ages were from 39 to 80+ they seem to have a great time. You ,ay want to suggest this to your SIL.

Enjoy

[24butterfly]

My husband and I cruise every year or two, and we love it. We now always go alone, we get a table for two, we hole up on our aft balcony...but we do often meet people and have a lot of fun, so we aren't total hermits. We just like our privacy.

 

We have also cruised with friends and family in the past, and it's a whole different dynamic. We choose not to do it anymore...the only exception is when our grandkids are old enough we'll start taking them with us.

 

My problem, and the reason I feel terrible, is that my sister-in-law has no one to travel with anymore. She is our age (60), not married, no kids, lots of friends...but none that can really afford to cruise or that want to go to the same places she wants to go to. This shouldn't be OUR problem, right?

 

Well, we visited with her last week (she lives in another state) and she said something like "I'd LOVE to go on a cruise, and I want to go to Alaska...but no one wants to go with me"...well, GULP, we're sitting there with a cruise to Alaska booked for September.

 

We do NOT want to travel with her, or anyone. But yes her, specifically...she is ok in small doses but I really would go insane/be upset and angry all the time if I had to spend 10 days with her (or even a week). I'm not saying we're perfect...far from it...but as husband and wife we just get along, have our own rhythm, know what I mean? We didn't say we were going, but of course she's eventually going to know. I just said something generic like "oh, you'd hate traveling with us, we just hole up and don't want to talk to anyone when we travel"...but now I feel bad. And guilty. I really, really, really don't want to invite her, but my sense of family, obligation and kindness is rearing its ugly head.

 

Have you ever been in this position and what did you do?

 

If she has lots of friends, then let her travel with one of them (I know what you posted). We travelled with friends to Alaska several years ago, and while we had a good time, Alaska was not our first choice. Other friends of these friends knew it was probably his last voyage and they didn't go. We froze in Alaska. Anyway--you are paying for a good time to be with your husband, so go and do it. You shouldn't have to dread having anyone along you'd rather not travel with--it's a vacation!

[CleoV]

It doesn't sound like she's asked to go with you, so it doesn't seem like there's any real problem on her end. My husband and I travel for a living and friends and relatives are always saying, "Oh, I wish I could go with you." Never once have we even considered inviting anyone along and unless we wanted to, we never would.

 

Doesn't seem like there's anything to feel guilty about. She's a big girl, she can sort it out if she wants to cruise to Alaska. Just because you're going somewhere she also wants to go doesn't mean she even wants to go WITH you.

 

If you feel guilty about having a cruise she doesn't know about, maybe tell her you did a great deal of research for your Alaskan cruise, pass on some info on how she can book her own cruise at a good price and on a different date, and let her decide what to do from there.

[fleckle]

We have an elderly friend who traveled all over the world with a group called Elderhostle (sp). They have an entire brochure of trips of all types and I'm pretty sure it included cruises. They offered both single accommodations or would pair you up with a roommate. This may be an option for your sil.

 

Mary Lou

Great idea! It is Elderhostel, an educational travel organization for people over 50 that is now using the name Road Scholar.

 

They provide a friendly, protected environment where women feel safe traveling alone and meeting others in similar situations. They will either pair single people up with a roommate of the same gender, or you can pay a single supplement to get a private room for yourself. My late mother attended a number of their programs after she was widowed and loved them.

 

They put out different catalogs for their different types of programs. Alaska cruises are offered as part of their ship program, called Adventures Afloat. Their programs are expensive, but all inclusive (meals, tips, excursions, lectures, entertainment included). They provide the type of "hand holding" that you don't get by booking a cruise on your own.

 

Here is a link to the 4 types of upcoming Alaska cruises they will be offering.

Road Scholar: Alaska Cruises

 

You can call them toll free at

 

(877) 426 - 8056

 

and ask them to send you a copy of their printed "Adventures Afloat" catalog. Then when you get it, you could show it to your SIL and tell her how you thought of her as soon as you saw it because it looks like something she would really enjoy.

[Redtravel]

I am a very social person. I love traveling with just my spouse. We have traveled with groups of friends and extended family. I prefer just the 2 of us. It is more relaxed. When I travel with the crowd, everyone looks to me for the "PLAN" for the day. I appreciate that everyone enjoys my attention, but it is very stressful. I have to be careful to let everyone know what's going on. I become the CD...and I don't really enjoy it. In order to get a vacation for 2, I have to book quietly and not let anyone know my exact plans. If it leaks out, I usually find I have a group going with me. I should be flattered, but I'm worn out. So, keep that Alaska cruise a secret. Only let people know shortly before you leave....say it was a last minute decision...and go alone...just the 2 of you. Enjoy! If you do get stuck with the crowd, set up some ground rules about when you will meet. I like the people who only want to share dinner.....not every moment.

[Cruising from Vegas]

I think Alis 154 has the best advice. As I was reading I couldn't help but think, Be up front and honest with her. If you tell her you enjoy your time alone and maybe hook her up on CC - maybe she can meet people through here. If she doesn't want to meet to your conditions, at least you offered