Carinval Glory - NYC to New England... A Memoir

[Delta Hotel]

Our big happy family heads downstairs for dinner. It’s formal night, so they have these photographers set up at strategic locations throughout the lobby, hallways, and on the way to the MDR. This usually causes a traffic jam of people waiting to get pictures and the people trying to get to dinner, which are stuck behind them. We skirt our way around the crowds of standing-still people and break free.

Onward to the MDR! We enter the MDR and make our way to the table, and seat ourselves. Years ago, I taught Wifey to wait for me to pull out her seat at dinner. I also taught her to let me open the car (and other) doors for her. To this day, if she goes to grab a door handle when I’m standing next to her, I’ll smack her hand lightly and take the door handle. It’s a light-hearted kind of thing we do; more chivalrous than chauvinistic… but so what if it is… she’s MY WIFE.

Wifey stands and waits for me to pull her seat out, but I started with Daughter #2, then Daughter #1, which left Wifey waiting a few seconds longer than usual. I normally pull out Wifey’s chair first and help her get seated, and by then, the girls have seated themselves.

Tonight’s service is much better than the first night, but still not up to the standards that we’re used to – which were set by Carnival on other ships. I’m not comparing Carnival to any other cruise line here, just to itself. This ship’s service is not as good as the other ships we’ve been on.

Nenand (Nenard, like Leonard) came by immediately to place napkins for the girls and Wifey. I always place my own napkin when I sit down. The first few times I had a waiter place my napkin in my lap, it was a little awkward, so I started placing my own napkin. I’ve never heard anyone say that it’s proper etiquette to sit and wait for another man to lay a napkin in your lap. Like I’ve said, I’m no social guru, but I’d rather just do it myself anyway – problem solved. Wifey, however, likes the napkin to be placed. I think it gives her a little bit of a princess feeling. Whatever… good for her.

Nenand proceeds to hand us menus for dinner, and fills our water glasses. In case you were wondering, Nenand is less sweaty tonight. He’s still covered in perspiration, but a lot less than last night… it’s not dripping off of his chin or nose tonight. Things were looking good. Immediately after Nenand leaves, the second assistant waiter comes by to offer us bread. I politely decline the bread, and he moves onto everyone else. Both daughters enjoy bread-shopping in the basket. We make sure that they know not to touch anything, but they do point at the piece they want.

Dinner is off to a good start. I order the Greek Salad for an appetizer, and the lobster and shrimp for my entrée. At some point, Sentil comes by and reminds me that I have my Indian entrée waiting, as well. He tells me that he’ll wait for me to finish my salad, and bring it over with my lobster. I am so excited by the idea of having something that’s off-menu. I have no idea what it’s going to be. All I know is that it’s supposed to be an authentic Indian dish, and it’s supposed to be non-vegetarian. Imagine going to the MDR for dinner, having no idea what’s on the menu that night, and they just bring you some random dish. Ok, I could see how many people wouldn’t like that – but it’s a fun feeling for me.

It works for me, because I’ll eat just about anything… once. I like spicy food, which I’ve already mentioned. My brother and I used to play a little game while growing up. My brother is 4 years older than me, and I was about 8 or 9 years old. My father grew hot peppers in the garden, and would eat at least one pepper with dinner each night. Specifically, these were the Thai Birds Eye Chili peppers, not like those so-weak-that-babies-can-use-them-for-binkies Jalapeño peppers.

 

When he wasn’t around, my brother and I would take one of these peppers and see who could eat the bigger piece of pepper. I can’t remember, but it was usually a draw, as we’d both be red in the face and crying, and mutually agree to stop the game. I’m sure that some level of taste-bud sensitivity is missing from my mouth.

In my teen years, and some of my twenties, and maybe early thirties, I would be challenged by some unknowing fool to a hot-pepper eating contest of one kind or another. I have never lost. Not only have I never lost, I normally end up feeling bad for the other guy. It’s ALWAYS a guy, too. They’ll turn red, start crying, try to hold it in “like a man” and end up nearly wetting their pants as they run out of the room to get something to soothe the burn. This is odd advice, and I realize the paradox contained within the advice, but here goes:

Never enter into a hot-pepper eating contest with a person whose immediate response to the challenge is, “Sure! What do I get when I win?”

On top of my tolerance for spicy foods, I have a terribly bad sense of taste. I mean, I can’t really tell the difference between adjacent levels of food quality. I’ll illustrate. Here’s a simple food taste/quality chart:

+4 Amazing food

+3 Great food

+2 Good food

+1 OK food

+0 Edible food

-1 Edible, but wouldn’t choose to eat again food

-2 Barely edible food

-3 “Can’t swallow it, please-get-me-a-napkin” food

-4 “I’m not even going to touch the fork that’s holding that” food

Now that we’ve established a simplified scale of taste – here’s what I mean. Here is MY food scale:

+2 “Yeah, I’ve had that before, and I think I liked it” food

+1 “Can’t remember if I’ve had that before, but I’ll try anything once” food

0 “I’ve had that and it kept me from going hungry” food

-1 “Oh, I think I had that once and almost died. Sure, I’ll try it again, but only a little bite” food

See the slight difference? It’s subtle, but if you read it again, I’m sure you’ll catch it this time.

As for types of food, I have very few limits on animal type, animal’s living habits prior to death, or animal’s diet prior to death. Only in recent years has Wifey convinced me not to eat certain animals based on the animal’s intelligence level (or potential intelligence level) prior to death. This pretty much only applies to squid, octopus, and cuttlefish. They’re wicked smart, don’t cha know!

[theaterjunkie1976]

Now it

[Delta Hotel]

I was mostly raised by my grandmother. If you think that this memoir about a cruise is an interesting read, the story of my grandmother will make you quit work, sit at home with a 5 gallon bucket for a latrine, and start thinking things like “eh, I don’t think a shower every week is really necessary” and “I don’t know what they’re crying about, those kids really didn’t need me after all – see? They’re not dead yet”. Here’s a really short version of my grandmother’s story – all true.

 

My grandmother now lives in southern Maryland, but she came from south Vietnam. She had 8 children, was a midwife in the village, and when the war rolled into town, she turned her large home into a brothel and became a Madame.

 

When we were kids and got dirty, she’d take us out back and wash us with gasoline. Hey, you’d be amazed what you can get off of a kid with gasoline and a Scotch Brite scouring pad (not the green and yellow, just the green ones).

 

She’s been bitten by so many Vietnamese mosquitoes that now, the American mosquitoes don’t even attempt to bite her. That sounds silly, I know. But I’ve seen it – we’re outside and everyone’s getting eaten up, but she doesn’t have a single one land on her. It’s a little thing our family does for fun now.

 

When the communists came into her town and took her home, they “evicted” her from her house, and told the family to leave the property with nothing but the clothes on their backs. Now, in the States, she never leaves the house with any less than $10K in gold and diamonds on her body, just in case she comes home one day and the government has taken her home again.

 

She’s about 70 years old, and still works everyday as a laundry woman for a local hotel. She never gets sick, and chops down small trees with a cleaver. I’ve seen it, it was impressive when I was a child, and it’s still impressive today. I really think that she’s going to out-live her grandchildren (that would be me).

 

 

 

It wasn’t until later in life that I found out that she had multiples of these cleavers, and didn’t use the same one for cutting trees as she did for cooking or as her dinner utensil. They all looked alike to me.

 

Along with her day job, she has a successful side business of buying highly collectible art from Vietnam through old friends that are still in-country, and re-selling them in the States to collectors.

 

There’s a lot more to her story, but like I said, that’s the short version. The point of this whole grandmother thing was actually very small – she taught me to eat anything, and be happy with it. She never used the line “… because there are starving children in China”. She said things more along the lines of, “You’d better eat fast, because there’s not enough for everyone, and two of you are going to be hungry.”

 

Back to my modern-day gluttony! Nenand brings out my Greek Salad and places it in front of me. As he lays it down, he says, [Macedonian accent] “Back home, we eat this salad every day… this Greek salad.” If you don’t have a Macedonian accent in your head, for the purposes of this memoir, a Romanian or even soft Russian accent will do. He said this with such enthusiastic nostalgia, that I felt compelled to say something back… but I was caught off guard and just blurted out, “do you call it Greek salad in Macedonia?”

 

He laughed a little and said, “No, we don’t call it Greek salad. We call it [some word I don’t know in a language I don’t speak and can’t remember]. It is like how you call ‘farmers salad’.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tonight, I requested a bottle of wine from Sentil, and received it. My wife was pleased at this. I zipped through my salad, and one of the waiters swooped in like a hawk to take it away. Within a minute, my lobster and shrimp dinner had arrived. I picked up my fork and knife to begin separating my lobster from its no-longer-necessary exoskeleton.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As I begin cutting, I notice that Sentil is coming up behind me with more plates. I look up and see that he has my Indian food! Woo HOO!

Edited July 16, 2011 by Delta Hotel

[spcopps]

During this time, my lovely wife takes a trip down to our room with some of the luggage. Normally, the whole family would enter the hotel room or cabin, and no one is allowed to touch anything. The kids and I stand in the room until my wife “clears” the chair or couch. Once the chair or couch are declared bed-bug free and a reasonable level of clean, the kids sit down and wait while the rest of the room is cleared. During this time, I’m dragging luggage into the room and also trying not to touch anything.

 

LOL I love ur wife's style. DH is always ordered to keep our kids and luggage out of the room until I have flipped and looked under each matress, side table, chairs and any removable art work from the wall. At Disney world he kind of gets embarassed when i asked the porters to just sit our luggage outside the door:D

[Delta Hotel]

I put down my fork and knife, and begin moving plates around to make space. The Indian dish came on two full size plates. One of the plates had oval bowls of “the wet stuff” and the other plate had “the dry stuff”.

 

 

 

 

 

I had requested non-vegetarian dishes, but these came out vegetarian, which is fine. It was excellent. I can’t tell you much about the taste, except it’s nothing like anything else on the Carnival dinner menu. Those peppers in the picture sitting on top of the orange-colored stuff, those are the larger variation of the Birds Eye Chili peppers that I used to eat. They’re also roasted peppers, which to me, seems to take away some of the heat, but adds a toasty flavor to the pepper.

 

The rice was really good. It was Jasmine rice, with peas and cilantro. The paper-thin tortilla-looking thing was very mild in flavor, like a saltine cracker without the salt. It was very delicate and almost shattered when it was bent or bitten. It almost dissolved in your mouth. The orange-sauce covered things are potatoes. The orange sauce is a medium-spice curry with mild, but good flavor. The mustard-yellow dish is some kind of a bean soup. The beans have been mashed up, so you don’t bite into any whole beans. The taste reminds me of several mung bean soups that I had growing up. Maybe a combination of soy and mung beans. Not sure. The third “wet” dish consisted of mostly mushroom, squash, tomatoes, and other little vegetables. If I remember correctly, this was the spiciest of them all.

 

The Indian dishes on the ship are good, just as good as any dish on the menu. If you’re interested in Indian food, or just an adventurous eater like me, I would definitely recommend that you try it at least once.

 

Here is an out-of-chronological-order picture of Mom’s appetizer. It’s the “Baked Stuffed White Mushrooms – spinach, Romano cheese, and fine herbs” thing. I had some of it… it wasn’t bad, but I can’t remember anything about it… but it didn’t kill me, pretty sure of that.

 

 

 

 

 

While we’re out-of-chronological-order, I just remembered that my Daughter #2, the 5-year-old, was brave enough to order the strawberry bisque for an appetizer. It wasn’t a really brave move, considering it’s really just melted strawberry ice-cream in a soup bowl… but she was excited to be a “big girl” and order something off of the adult menu. She followed up her strawberry bisque with her normal disgusting pizza. The fries underneath really aren’t that bad.

 

Daughter #1 also ordered from the adult menu, but I don’t remember what she ordered, and strangely enough I don’t seem to have a picture of it, either. Wifey ordered both girls a Shirley Temple, which they were very excited about. I’m glad they enjoyed it, but it costs just as much as an alcoholic beverage, without the alcohol. Maybe next time, I’ll ask them to make something with the alcohol on the side, and I can just take the shot and give the kids the Sprite.

[Delta Hotel]

Just out of curiosity... is anyone still reading this? Because my fingers are getting pretty tired. If you're still reading, I'll keep going. As a funny little factoid about me - this little story/memoir is by far the longest thing I've ever written. Even my college papers weren't this long, and I can't even plagiarize this stuff! If there's anyone still here, you're witnessing a milestone in my life. Thanks for sharing this moment with me. It really means a lot to me, and makes me feel loved. Hello?

[Princess123]

Please carry on, even though your fingers are probably shrinking from all the typing. But you have an engrossed audience and the review must go on.......

[VickiD59]

You stop now we'll kill ya!!! :cool: <-- this smiley face means- I know people that know people ;) <-- and this one means- Although I'm a NYer, none of that is true... maybe.

[suchaclassylady]

OMG! Yes we are reading! I have to spend my day in the office and after logging into my computer I raced to CC to see if you have updated the memoir. Please continue so I have something to do today!

[pe4all]

I have literally thrown my current paperback (The Lost Symbol, by Dan Brown) across the room in my rush to get back on the computer this a.m. Loved your levels of food ranking. ROFLMAO! I will pass on the Indian food in the DR, however. Don't like the smell or the spice. But I would kill for the stuffed mushroom appy - that is one of my absolute favorites on the menu, and I literally lick my plate clean, and my dh's and both my dd's. You would understand this: if I ordered 2 of my own, I would be a pig. But if I pick off theirs, it is okay! And I love the grandma story!

[cv322]

well, if it makes you feel better (or adds to your ego), my Anita Shreve novel is laying on the floor untouched as I anxiously await your next post!

 

My Jonathan Kellerman is languishing. This is a fabulous read (er, review!) ;)!

[njmomof2]

Absolutely enjoying your review. Please don't stop writing...even if you need to type by tapping on the keys with something.

[hockeyluver]

Since we no longer get the local newspaper this is just perfect to read with my coffee and bagel :D

[loohoo1]

Just out of curiosity... is anyone still reading this? Because my fingers are getting pretty tired. If you're still reading, I'll keep going. As a funny little factoid about me - this little story/memoir is by far the longest thing I've ever written. Even my college papers weren't this long, and I can't even plagiarize this stuff! If there's anyone still here, you're witnessing a milestone in my life. Thanks for sharing this moment with me. It really means a lot to me, and makes me feel loved. Hello?

 

 

 

PLEASE continue!!! My DS (17) and I cannot stop reading. We are each on our own laptop and are cracking up!!!!! We go on the same itinerary next Saturday (7/25) and I'm sure we will be laughing then, too, as we remember some of your funny situations!

[Pheton]

I am sailing on the Glory next Thursday. This is, by far, the most informative, interesting and entertaining review. Thanks!

[SnowWhiteNYC]

I cannot tell you when I have thoroughly enjoyed a read more! Please keep it coming!

[Delta Hotel]

Informative? are you sure? did you post on the wrong thread by accident, perhaps? I was just talking to Mrs. Beef last night about how incredibly inconsequential the Glory is to my memoir - it's really just the ship where my memories take place. By the way, Mrs. Beef hates it when I call her "Mrs. Beef". She likes the name ShakyBeef, but "Mrs. Beef" seems to conjure up images and feelings that she doesn’t want associated with her.

 

Thank you everyone for responding and letting me know that you’re still there. I kept having these thoughts of posting page after page, and everyone had dropped off because it’s too long, too boring, too… something.

 

I’m going to take a shower now. I smell bad. I haven’t gone to work in days… I’m literally just “phoning it in”. I’ve almost finished my case of beer since starting this thing, and I feel like I’ve gotten a little sun burn on my face from my monitors. Wifey and I probably won’t get much done around the house or at work until this thing is finished, or I just crap out on you guys.

 

The show must go on! Right after I wash my armpits. They’re really pretty bad. Really.

 

Sincerely, your DH (ya like that? DH... get it? because I'm not your DH? Except you, Beef....)

Edited July 16, 2011 by Delta Hotel

[galawdog]

Yeah, we're not reading. Pack it in. Resume your inactivity. And tend to your hygenic needs. MORE!!!

[Kerryman50]

Get in the tub have Shaky make you a PBJ sandwich and have a cold ML and then get back to the keyboard and finish this Memoir.:D:p

[ShakyBeef]

Get in the tub have Shaky make you a PBJ sandwich and have a cold ML and then get back to the keyboard and finish this Memoir.:D:p

 

 

Our tub isn't a Whirlpool tub.:rolleyes: So he wouldn't be interested.

 

No, he'll stand under the shower until he uses all the hot water. Then I'll have none to wash dishes or laundry, so I might as well sit here on my but reading CC all day.:cool:

[ShakyBeef]

Absolutely enjoying your review. Please don't stop writing...even if you need to type by tapping on the keys with something.

 

 

I can picture him now... with his dead, useless arms hanging limply at his sides, he pounds away at the keyboard with his face. In between the smacking of his face against the keys, you can hear him moan, "Must (SMACK) finish (SMACK) memoir. (SMACK) People want to (SMACK) know what (SMACK)colour socks I wore in Halifax." (SMACK):eek::p

[Kerryman50]

no, he'll stand under the shower until he uses all the hot water. Then i'll have none to wash dishes or laundry, so i might as well sit here on my but reading cc all day.:cool:

Toooooo funny Shaky, LMAO. Edited July 16, 2011 by Kerryman50

[ShakyBeef]

Our tub isn't a Whirlpool tub.:rolleyes: So he wouldn't be interested.

 

No, he'll stand under the shower until he uses all the hot water. Then I'll have none to wash dishes or laundry, so I might as well sit here on my but reading CC all day.:cool:

 

Wow, I spelled butt wrong.:o Pretty scary that I'm the one proof-reading his memoir posts.:eek:

[Catrin]

Delta and Shaky,

 

Ok.. here I am on a Saturday afternoon. I told my own DH that we needed to go to Kohl's over an hour ago.

He is watching the British Open on TV, although I can hear nothing but his loud snores every 30 seconds or so.

 

And.. I find myself engrossed in your review/memoir/diary/lovefestforallthings... truly enjoyable!

 

I wanted to make time this weekend to sit out on my deck and read a novel, but this is an awesome alternative!

 

We did this same cruise last year, and we have 31 days until our next. You are reliving one cruise on one hand, and getting me excited for our next!

 

Thank you for the laughs!

Catrin

[Kerryman50]

Wow, I spelled butt wrong.:o Pretty scary that I'm the one proof-reading his memoir posts.:eek:

We'll give The Editor a MULLIGAN this time.:p:)