Do you like surprises?

[Scottee25]

You shouldn't beat yourself up about this, but it did not sound like a good idea to me.

But then I am not all that keen on surprises.

I am sure she appreciates that you tried.

Sometimes our loved ones screwing up makes us love them all the more. :)

 

Yeah I am finding more and more people now that are admitting it may not have been the best of ideas. Some suggested that I should have run the idea of a trip by my wife first without giving her all details about it. Just pretty much then when so she can plan accourdingly but the rest of the details could be obscured from her so there is still a surprise element. I was just bummed because the initial reaction was not what I had hoped for.

[Scottee25]

You just broke my heart OP.

 

Yeah, it broke my heart too. Hoping we still have fun on the trip tho. I really went all out for it. I even got her an Aft Wrap on the Freedom.

[HeatherC430]

I'm the one who does all the cruise preparations for my husband & I. For that reason, I'd be thrilled if he planned a cruise for me as a surprise! However, I would want at least a few days notice to pack. Normally I start gathering new outfits & packing months before our cruises leave! I agree with the other posters that I'd be scared what he'd pack for me (probably only ONE swimsuit - not ONE per day like I do).

 

I'd be bummed if I were you (going through the process of keeping it a surprise, paying for everything, etc) only to find that she wasn't overjoyed by your gesture!

 

I have a 40th birthday cruise planned for my husband (next year). He knows I'm planning a cruise for his birthday, just doesn't know where to. And as always, he lets me do all the planning! I'll probably tell him where we're going a month beforehand.

[Scottee25]

Thanks for the all the replies guys! One thing I did learn is that I will never try something like this again.

[jetteh22]

I would LOVE it and I would love to do it for my significant other but it would be impossible as we both make the schedule for our respective jobs :P So he couldn't coordinate my schedule with my 'boss' because I am the person who actually makes the schedule and vice versa. Oh well - maybe one day!

[asalligo]

My Wife does not appreciate travel surprises. The anticipation and prep is a great deal of the trip. I used to surprise her with things like this until she let me know that I was robbing her of half the fun.

[Karmalady]

Oh my goodness, OP what a sweet guy you are. :D What speaks to me is the loving thought behind it all. I don't think you will let this minor disappointment spoil future surprises because I'm guessing it is part of your creative gifts that need to be expressed. I recognize this because I'm the one with this in my marriage. ;) I would absolutely love it if my DH ever even thought of such a thing as it is the IDEA and intention that is the gift. But I'm content that is something I bring to the equation because he balances me out in so many other ways. I love doing things like this; it's the creative process that also excites me along the way.

 

I'm thinking that although the surprise is out of the bag for the cruise, I bet you still are thinking of a little surprise for her on the ship. !!!!! Ahhh come on, don't stop now. We need more merry makers in life; that's what it's all about! Enjoy your cruise!

[laumicmah]

I would be afraid of my husband packing for me...:eek:

This, but I'd love it and I am a stay at home, so my DH could easily do it. I just would prefer he let me in on it the night before the cruise, so I could pack myself...but hope he would have dogs and house cleaning taken care of and mail stopped...maybe I could live without the house being cleaned before we left. My DH could not pull all that off.

[westview1]

I would be afraid of my husband packing for me...:eek:

 

Same here, but I would love the surprise so would just go with it. :D

[Pinkfloydfan]

I would be so touched if my fiance (another Scottie) did something like that. You've more than just booked a cruise; you have attended to every tiny detail. The fact that you have been so conscientous and put so much thought and effort into this surprise is absolutely wonderful. If my Scottie pulled something like this off, he would be up for the Hubby-of-the-Year Award.

alligirl78, Wouldn't your Scottie be up for Fiance-of-the-Year-Award? Pink

[okgirl]

I feel badly for the response you got from your wife, but I understand her reaction. I would probably have responded the same way. I also understand her concern about asking for the time off from her boss without her knowledge.

 

I just retired from a large corporation and I was in a supervisory position for most of my career. In today's competitive work environment having a spouse "call in for" or in anyother way attempt to represent and negotiate on behalf of the actual employee is not very professional. When I had a spouse call in sick for one of my employee's I always asked to have the employee call me as soon as they could. I can't take a spouses word for whether or not an employee wants to code a sick day or a vacation day, much less even get started on the FMLA paperwork.

 

You also open a can of worms with other employee's about the unpaid time off. It's one thing to need it for somekind of family emergency, but for a vacation it's something that now her company will have to forever justify to every other employee when they too want unpaid leave.

 

Your heart was in the right place and you clearly wanted to make your wifes 40th very special....maybe in the future the surprise can be the details of the vacation and she can spend the time leading up to it excitedly discussing with her friends, family and coworkers what adventure you might be taking her on.........and trying to worm hints out of you.

[bythehex]

Thanks for the all the replies guys! One thing I did learn is that I will never try something like this again.

 

I'm so sorry your wife had the response that she did. I think you did the right thing, and she had the wrong reaction.

 

I would be very pleased and grateful if my husband was as thoughtful and surprised me with a cruise. Please don't beat yourself up about it, you wanted to do something nice for your wife. I'm very sorry it wasn't as appreciated as it should have been.

 

Obviously, she doesn't appreciate surprises and unfortunately, you learned that the hard way.

[Jenny in TX]

I would love the surprise of my DH booking the cruise and calling my work to ask for the time off, but I would want to know ahead of time so that I could pack myself. There is no way I would want my DH packing for me. I know that he would leave things out that I would want to bring. I need all my bathing suits and matching cover ups, my dresses and the zillion pairs of shoes that go with them plus all the jewelry I like to bring.

 

Your wife is going to love it and what a thoughtful DH you are!!

[maggieworkman]

OP, I'm sorry it didn't work out quite as you planned. The thought really was quite touching!

 

I am kind of torn on this issue. I would love it if my DH went to all this trouble for me. But I know that would NEVER happen. I also wouldn't like it to happen as I like to do the planning. But that doesn't appear to be the case for your wife.

 

It would have been ok in my mind IF you didn't have to ask for time off for your wife unpaid. Getting to that level is kind of being invasive. I work in a pretty laid back environment, so it probably wouldn't jeapordize my job. But I can imagine it would for some jobs. I know that I wouldn't be able to do this for DH because a lot of his work is time sensitive. And you can't predict it in advance. Too bad it didn't work out that you could have taken the trip earlier in the year so you didn't have to worry about the lack of vacation time + the other vacation that you took.

 

I also wouldn't want DH to pack for me. I don't even let DH pack for himself because he just picks the top 7 shirts from his drawer and the top 7 shorts from his drawer, etc. No thought involved!!! It was nice that you were going to let your wife pack the night before though. That is a little better. But what about all the other "stuff"? I pack lots of misc. stuff that I know DH wouldn't pack (cold medicine, advil, etc.) I also go to the bank and get cash for excursions and ones for tipping, etc.

 

I hope you have a great trip, though!!

 

For those thinking about this. Maybe you can agree with your significant other that you will take a trip X week and then you can make all the arrangements and surprise them with the destination. Not quite as nice, but ... Or maybe do a total surprise with just a weekend trip that wouldn't interfere with work???

 

Maggie

[alligirl78]

alligirl78, Wouldn't your Scottie be up for Fiance-of-the-Year-Award? Pink

 

By the time he could pull something like that off, we'd be hitched already..LOL

[Blueboss]

Personally, I would love to get a surprise like this. My husband wouldn't even try to do it on his own, he would have my sister in on the secret. All he would have to say is this is where I want to go, when I want to go, tell me when you need the money. She would even have us packed up! THAT would be ok with me.

[Warm Breezes]

I wouldn't like it because I am the vacation planner in our family and not being able to do that would take some of the joy out of it for me....having said that, DH would love it if I planned a surprise vacation for us. I have done smaller weekend trips as a surprise (sometimes with friends and sometimes without) for birthdays/Christmas gifts and he always enjoyed them.

[jonathansburden]

Honestly, I would have hated it too. Some people just don't like surprises at all, I'm an obcessive planner and having the trip out of my control would drive me batty. Plus I'd be peeved if my DH called my work, it is kinda invasive.

 

That being said, my dad does this for my mom every few years. My sister and I buy her new clothes (we're the same size) pack everything up, book excursions,and she LOVES IT...when they went to an AI in Jamaica last year he even had the butler unpack for her so she just walked off the plane and didn't have to think, plan, or stress anything until the plane landed back in RI. This year I'm kinda surprising DH, he knows we're going on vacation and what week, but that's it. I'm just going to set the gps for the port!

 

I hope you guys have a great trip anyway!¡

[StillPooh]

Some of you may remember (or maybe you won't) but last year I came here asking for people's opinions on a surprise trip for my wife's 40th birthday. After a lot of research and gathering thoughts and opinions from other's, I decided to book a cruise with Carnival. The plan was to arrange with her work to have the days we are on the cruise off from work. I intended to take the day before the cruise off (though make it appear that I was still going to work) to get everything packed so that when my wife got home, I would sweep her away to the airport to begin the vacation. Those that I polled seemed to like the idea and said they would love it if their significant other had done this for them. How would you feel if your significant other did something like this for you?

I am a control freak. I would respond by completely melting down, threatening divorce, and refusing to go.

 

YMMV. :p

[Mara Suung]

Nope, wouldn't like it. Months of anticipation and time-wasting on the forums is part of the fun.

 

 

My sentiments as well!. Miss months of hitting these boards every day??

[Scottee25]

I feel badly for the response you got from your wife, but I understand her reaction. I would probably have responded the same way. I also understand her concern about asking for the time off from her boss without her knowledge.

 

I just retired from a large corporation and I was in a supervisory position for most of my career. In today's competitive work environment having a spouse "call in for" or in anyother way attempt to represent and negotiate on behalf of the actual employee is not very professional. When I had a spouse call in sick for one of my employee's I always asked to have the employee call me as soon as they could. I can't take a spouses word for whether or not an employee wants to code a sick day or a vacation day, much less even get started on the FMLA paperwork.

 

You also open a can of worms with other employee's about the unpaid time off. It's one thing to need it for somekind of family emergency, but for a vacation it's something that now her company will have to forever justify to every other employee when they too want unpaid leave.

 

Your heart was in the right place and you clearly wanted to make your wifes 40th very special....maybe in the future the surprise can be the details of the vacation and she can spend the time leading up to it excitedly discussing with her friends, family and coworkers what adventure you might be taking her on.........and trying to worm hints out of you.

 

Janey, you make some very valid points. My wife and I are both professionals, and while I can completely agree with your take on a spouse calling in sick for the other (unless the employee is incapable of doing it for themselves due to their condition), I felt the vacation request was quite different. I understand your concerns which is why I asked rather than demanded of her employer. If her first employer had a problem with granting the time off, I would never have planned the trip. I do understand that it is an odd request and not something companies usually see. However, I am not sure I would necessarily consider it "unprofessional".

 

I am quite fortunate to have the skill set that I do. If my employer is not happy to have me, there are 30 other companies out there that would love to interview me for a position they have. As a result, I have a different perspective on the job market. While many people fight to have their job and will bend over backwards for their employer, people with my skills gravitate to companies that fight for our services and bend over for us. This typically grants us greater latitude in what we can ask for. If an employer stops meeting those needs, they generally start losing people like us. The last thing I would want to do is cost my wife her job, but I also think her employer should be as happy to have her work for them as she is happy to have the job. Still, I think her employer should have said NO if they were not willing to grant the time off. I never forced them to grant the time. I merely asked for it. The choice was still their's to make. If they reluctantly granted it because they were afraid of losing her if they didn't, then I say good. Employers should not hold all the power in the business world! :)

[Scottee25]

I am a control freak. I would respond by completely melting down, threatening divorce, and refusing to go.

 

YMMV. :p

 

Is that sarcasm or are you serious?

[Scottee25]

Honestly, I would have hated it too. Some people just don't like surprises at all, I'm an obcessive planner and having the trip out of my control would drive me batty. Plus I'd be peeved if my DH called my work, it is kinda invasive.

 

Yes, some people have told me now that contacting her work was a bit invasive even if my heart was in the right place. My question is, where were all you people when I asked some of these questions over a year ago?:)

[StillPooh]

The last thing I would want to do is cost my wife her job, but I also think her employer should be as happy to have her work for them as she is happy to have the job. Still, I think her employer should have said NO if they were not willing to grant the time off. I never forced them to grant the time. I merely asked for it. The choice was still their's to make. If they reluctantly granted it because they were afraid of losing her if they didn't, then I say good. Employers should not hold all the power in the business world!

I posted my response before reading the whole thread, and learning how you interfered with her employment for your little 'surprise'.

 

If my husband had the nerve to do such a thing, I'd go completely nuclear on him.

 

Just curious, but how long have you been married?

[mondello]

Is that sarcasm or are you serious?

Serious as a heart attack. Men can only pretend to ever understand women. Heck, they even made a movie about What Women Want.