Do you like surprises?

[StillPooh]

Is that sarcasm or are you serious?

Deadly serious. And my husband of 27 years is well aware, and would know better.

[Scottee25]

Just curious, but how long have you been married?

 

We have been married 11.5 years.

[CamaCama]

I feel bad you seem really sweet and had the BEST intentions! If she didn't change jobs her reaction may have been better, but don't feel bad about doing anything. There aren't many guys out there like you that would even think of all those details!

 

But I think once she changed jobs you should have told her then, then she could have decided if she could go being that she has this new job or you coul have worked a vacation out together with the least possible time off, etc.

 

I'm sure you'll have a great time though and she will appreciate it more once you're in that aft wrap!!! :)

[MrFunInTheSun]

You did good! It'll all work out well, as soon as you board the ship all doubts will be gone. Your wife's eyes will glow with excitement and things will be better than you both could have imagined.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk. Please excuse typographical errors.

[DG2007]

Sounds to me like she was just caught completely off guard and responded poorly as some people do. I think that's a normal reaction even if not positive or what you were hoping for. While many people may find it romantic or thoughtful in an hypothetical, no one really knows how they'd respond if it became reality. I'd like to think I'd love such a surprise but then I start worrying about what my husband would pack for me - that in itself is scary! I'd probably be in sweats and flip flops the whole trip. Lol

[alligirl78]

Janey, you make some very valid points. My wife and I are both professionals, and while I can completely agree with your take on a spouse calling in sick for the other (unless the employee is incapable of doing it for themselves due to their condition), I felt the vacation request was quite different. I understand your concerns which is why I asked rather than demanded of her employer. If her first employer had a problem with granting the time off, I would never have planned the trip. I do understand that it is an odd request and not something companies usually see. However, I am not sure I would necessarily consider it "unprofessional".

 

I am quite fortunate to have the skill set that I do. If my employer is not happy to have me, there are 30 other companies out there that would love to interview me for a position they have. As a result, I have a different perspective on the job market. While many people fight to have their job and will bend over backwards for their employer, people with my skills gravitate to companies that fight for our services and bend over for us. This typically grants us greater latitude in what we can ask for. If an employer stops meeting those needs, they generally start losing people like us. The last thing I would want to do is cost my wife her job, but I also think her employer should be as happy to have her work for them as she is happy to have the job. Still, I think her employer should have said NO if they were not willing to grant the time off. I never forced them to grant the time. I merely asked for it. The choice was still their's to make. If they reluctantly granted it because they were afraid of losing her if they didn't, then I say good. Employers should not hold all the power in the business world! :)

 

I agree with you completely. Her job switch was unplanned, unknown and once you've started putting money down, you have to try to save the trip! What in the world have we lost, as human beings, if a man can't call his wife's workplace aand ask to sweep her away on a vacation? I see nothing "unprofessional" about it. My boss would help in the planning and be touched to see someone care so much about me! Frankly, if I had the other kind of boss, I wouldn't want to work there. IMO..your family is more important than your job.

[Chelleum]

No, I would not like it. I would rarther plan the trip myself and pack my own clothes.

The thought is really sweet though, and I'm glad your wife came around. I probably would've reacted the same way if I had a new job, and my husband called my boss asking for unpaid leave to take a cruise. I feel you should have told her when she started her new job. That way it would've been up to her to make the decision to go or put the trip off for another time.

Have a wonderful cruise!!!

[Scottee25]

I agree with you completely. Her job switch was unplanned, unknown and once you've started putting money down, you have to try to save the trip! What in the world have we lost, as human beings, if a man can't call his wife's workplace aand ask to sweep her away on a vacation? I see nothing "unprofessional" about it. My boss would help in the planning and be touched to see someone care so much about me! Frankly, if I had the other kind of boss, I wouldn't want to work there. IMO..your family is more important than your job.

 

Alli, it seems like we think along some of the same lines. However, others are entitled to their opinion and we all have our preferences. Hindsight being 20/20, there are a hundred different ways I could have planned this for a better outcome. However, when I first sought to make these plans, I thought I was doing everything right. Had I even a slight idea that there could be such opposition to what I considered a heart felt present, I more than likely would have never pursued it. Just because I thought it to be a wonderful idea doesn't mean everyone else would share my thoughts :)

 

On top of all of that, I really don't know what to say about those that don't trust their husbands to do anything like this. Are they really as stupid as they are made out to be in commercials, TV, and movies? Really? Maybe I am just wired different. Maybe growing up with my dad made me more adept to handling domestic tasks as we didn't have a woman present. Who knows. But I am more than capable when it comes to cleaning or doing the laundry. I can fold my wife's clothes and I know how to pack my own :) I wish my wife would plan all of our trips and just tell me when and where I needed to be. I wish my wife would pay all the bills. I wish I lived in a household where I could walk around like I had a labotomy :D

[Name Of The Game]

Your idea went over like a lead balloon. If I ever marry I'll know not to pull a surprise cruise.

[Scottee25]

When I booked the NOLA cruise, I could tell DH was annoyed. I've managed to use up most of HIS vacation time on my love of cruising. And this after I promised not to book anymore cruises. :( At least he didn't go ballistic on me and I've agreed to behave myself cruise-wise. :o

 

I understand your wife's initial response, though it would sure take the wind out of my sails.

 

Is your husband not a fan of crusies? My wife likes cruising very much. We was the one that actually booked our first cruise back in 2000. Until then I knew nothing about cruising. She got us started doing cruises, and the cruise I picked for this trip were ports we had yet to visit. 2 of them in particular are ones she voiced interest in visiting. I had her in mind for nearly everything I planned with this trip. I was definately putting her "wants" above my own. Or so I thought :)

[deedle7544]

I still think it was a wonderful surprise. I would be delighted.

 

As far as work goes, I work for a large corporation and I was involved with one of the wives of an exec planning a surprise trip to Napa Valley for his 50th birthday. All of us (including his boss) were thrilled to be involved in planning such a special occasion for him. And it was during one of our busiest times, but we do have lives outside of work, and a good company is concerned about the quality of their employees personal lives.

 

Just my $.02

[StillPooh]

On top of all of that, I really don't know what to say about those that don't trust their husbands to do anything like this.

It's not a matter of trust. Some people (myself included) really do hate surprises, and would also find this kind of thing to be incredibly controlling. I am not a barbie doll; I prefer to choose my own clothing. Not have someone tell me "this is what you are doing for a week!" and then expect me to be happy and grateful at being treated like a child. :rolleyes:

[Scottee25]

It's not a matter of trust. Some people (myself included) really do hate surprises, and would also find this kind of thing to be incredibly controlling. I am not a barbie doll; I prefer to choose my own clothing. Not have someone tell me "this is what you are doing for a week!" and then expect me to be happy and grateful at being treated like a child. :rolleyes:

 

I hear what your saying and I am sorry that you would feel like such. My intentions were to never treat my wife as a child or dictate what she could or could not wear. I get it, you hate surprises. I get it, there are others like yourself that also hate surprises. However, most of those that have responsed that they wouldn't like this was because they said they don't trust their husbands to pack for them. I guess what I don't understand is why such an idea would be construed as controlling. I understand that is my problem and not your's and that I need to own up that some will consider this controlling. Maybe with time I will gain a better understanding of why some may think like this. Still, I was going to give my wife an opportunity to go through the clothes before we left so she would have had a say in what clothes she took. I simply was going to make a best faith effort to pull out what I think SHE would like to wear. The final say would still have been her's to make.

[LittleJeanne]

I think what you did was wonderful! Ultimately the thought and consideration that wentinto the planning are the biggest part of the gift! aaaannnd in a way I'm very jealous.

 

However, after all the years hubby and I have been together, I know that I'm the planner. I love the looking into the possibilities and I love having a plan. I'm the one who spends time here watching for updates in CCL policy. I'm the one who investigates stuff to do in port. I'm the one who has an excel file for packing and plan my packing down to what undergarments and accessories to pack for each outfit. I'm the one who contacts the Players club each cruise about what comps we can get. I send in our proof of CCL stock for shareholders credit, process our Future Cruise certificate, call BonVoyage about liquor delivered to our room and pack soft drinks and Crystal light mixers. All those things are things that hubby brags to others about me taking care of, but I doubt he would think to get 1/2 the things taken care of and I shudder to think of what he'd dig out of my closet to pack for me.

 

I think your heart is in the right place and if she doesn't already see that, she will, in time. But it sounds like your wife is a lot like me and will end up being thankful. Its probably for the best that you let her know when you did. If you make any future vacation surprise plans be sure and make it part of your plans to let her in on some of the details while only making part of it "the surprise."

 

I really hope that you enjoy your cruise.

[cruzinlisa]

Man, I'd hate that. No time to get nice clothes, have my hair and nails done, diet, tan.... plus I can only imagine what my hubby would pack for me! I'd LOVE it if it was a surprise...at least 1 week prior to embarkation. :)

 

But you are a total sweetie for cooking up the idea.

 

 

I would love it and hate it both. At a minimum, I would at least want a day's notice, to pack my own stuff and get a pedicure.

 

I know I would never have this issue. My husband would never surprise me with a cruise. :(

 

I agree with those that say they would not want their husband to pack for them. I would end up on a 7 day cruise with 3 pairs of shorts (two of them would probably not fit) a couple pairs of jeans (which you SOOOOO Need in the carribean during the spring- right), a few shirts that don't match anything, two pairs of undies and the shoes on my feet.

DH is not even allowed to pack for himself. :D

[Scottee25]

I still think it was a wonderful surprise. I would be delighted.

 

As far as work goes, I work for a large corporation and I was involved with one of the wives of an exec planning a surprise trip to Napa Valley for his 50th birthday. All of us (including his boss) were thrilled to be involved in planning such a special occasion for him. And it was during one of our busiest times, but we do have lives outside of work, and a good company is concerned about the quality of their employees personal lives.

 

Just my $.02

 

One think I always look at when considering a new job is how the current employer treats not only its employees, but also the employee's families. One of my former employers would do a lot of things for its employee's children. Breakfast with Santa, pictures with the Easter Bunny, Trick or Treating at Holloween. Christmas party for the employees in December and a summer picnic in June or July. They would send us home early the day before a holiday. They really believed in the work/life balance.

 

Another manager I had at yet a different job told me one day that health and family ALWAYS come first. You can always find another job and you should never sacrifice your family or your health to keep a job.

 

There are some companies out there that do believe in putting their employees first. The company you were describing sounds like one of those. The company I currently work for also seems to be such a company.

[alligirl78]

Alli, it seems like we think along some of the same lines. However, others are entitled to their opinion and we all have our preferences. Hindsight being 20/20, there are a hundred different ways I could have planned this for a better outcome. However, when I first sought to make these plans, I thought I was doing everything right. Had I even a slight idea that there could be such opposition to what I considered a heart felt present, I more than likely would have never pursued it. Just because I thought it to be a wonderful idea doesn't mean everyone else would share my thoughts :)

 

On top of all of that, I really don't know what to say about those that don't trust their husbands to do anything like this. Are they really as stupid as they are made out to be in commercials, TV, and movies? Really? Maybe I am just wired different. Maybe growing up with my dad made me more adept to handling domestic tasks as we didn't have a woman present. Who knows. But I am more than capable when it comes to cleaning or doing the laundry. I can fold my wife's clothes and I know how to pack my own :) I wish my wife would plan all of our trips and just tell me when and where I needed to be. I wish my wife would pay all the bills. I wish I lived in a household where I could walk around like I had a labotomy :D

 

 

For me..in my personal life..marriage is a partnership. If I wanted complete control of every aspect of MY life, I wouldn't be engaged. I would stay single. On the contrary, when I marry my Scottie, my life becomes OUR life. If I didn't trust him to not have my best interest at heart, I wouldn't marry him. Compromise is essential for any relationship and for pete's sake..it's not like you suprised her with another woman in the bedroom and asked her to "compromise"...:p IMO, you weren't disrespectful or disregarding of her feelings. You were trying to make her happy, which is something lots of hubbies forget to do after the first couple of years.

 

Luckily though, it sounds like she's calming down and I BET there will be a moment on your cruise, maybe on a beach, or under the stars walking hand in hand on deck...where she looks at you and says "thank you..this was a wonderful idea". This is my hope for you :)

[cruzinlisa]

Personally, I would love to get a surprise like this. My husband wouldn't even try to do it on his own, he would have my sister in on the secret. All he would have to say is this is where I want to go, when I want to go, tell me when you need the money. She would even have us packed up! THAT would be ok with me.

 

If it were this kind of situation, or that my husband would actually pack the right things, research ports and take care of ALL of the details, then I would LOVE it too. But unfortunately I know my husband. He is the guy that was asking me ON THE WAY to NOLA what kind of things I had planned for each port. He probably would have been asking me which ports we were going to if: 1. I had not talked to him constantly about the ports and possible activities and 2. people had not specifically asked him about where he was going. Of course I would still want atleast enough time (a hour or two) to look over the suitcase to see if anything was missing and to get a pedicure before we leave. :D

[alligirl78]

It's not a matter of trust. Some people (myself included) really do hate surprises, and would also find this kind of thing to be incredibly controlling. I am not a barbie doll; I prefer to choose my own clothing. Not have someone tell me "this is what you are doing for a week!" and then expect me to be happy and grateful at being treated like a child. :rolleyes:

 

 

But he wasn't trying to dress her to force her into what HE wants her to wear or control her or interfere with her job. And he already said he was planning things so she'd have time to pack her own stuff. He didn't treat her like a child and say "go to your room"; he bought her a vacation and she LIKES cruising. He's not a stalker..he's her husband.

 

OK..you hate surprises vehemently. Point taken. But give the man some credit here. He's not some DB man who is trying to dominate his wife...he's a loving husband trying to do something sweet.

 

The world could use more men like him. It'd be a much nicer place.

[Scottee25]

For me..in my personal life..marriage is a partnership. If I wanted complete control of every aspect of MY life, I wouldn't be engaged. I would stay single. On the contrary, when I marry my Scottie, my life becomes OUR life. If I didn't trust him to not have my best interest at heart, I wouldn't marry him. Compromise is essential for any relationship and for pete's sake..it's not like you suprised her with another woman in the bedroom and asked her to "compromise"...:p IMO, you weren't disrespectful or disregarding of her feelings. You were trying to make her happy, which is something lots of hubbies forget to do after the first couple of years.

 

Luckily though, it sounds like she's calming down and I BET there will be a moment on your cruise, maybe on a beach, or under the stars walking hand in hand on deck...where she looks at you and says "thank you..this was a wonderful idea". This is my hope for you :)

 

Her happiness for was forthmost in my mind during all my planning for this. I hope you're right about her "epiphany" :) Good luck with your Scottie!

[Mekamax]

So VERY sweet of you to go through all the thought and effort! Glad she is now behind you. We haven't ever surprised each other with a cruise and I'm not sure how hubby would do it as when we finally decide to go he just tells me "book it" and not knowing that then I have to also book insurance, parking etc... I'm not sure I trust his packing for me BUT with all the details you went through I think you could pack very well for your wife. It sounds VERY romantic.. So glad she is now behind it. :) I think you did very well as no matter what she will remember all the thought and effort behind it and realize how much you must love her - it says alot what you did.

[Scottee25]

If it were this kind of situation, or that my husband would actually pack the right things, research ports and take care of ALL of the details, then I would LOVE it too. But unfortunately I know my husband. He is the guy that was asking me ON THE WAY to NOLA what kind of things I had planned for each port. He probably would have been asking me which ports we were going to if: 1. I had not talked to him constantly about the ports and possible activities and 2. people had not specifically asked him about where he was going. Of course I would still want atleast enough time (a hour or two) to look over the suitcase to see if anything was missing and to get a pedicure before we leave. :D

 

My wife has rather recently accused me of overplanning our trips. I am very detail oriented and when time is limited, I like to plan things as closely as possible to maximize full usage of our allotted time. She never said anything until we took a trip to Cincinnati a few months ago. We only had like a day and a half in Cinci before we were driving to Chicago for the 2nd leg of the trip. There was a handful of things we wanted to do in that time and I developed a rather detailed plan complete with start and end times for each attraction so that we could see what we planned to see. I agree, a bit anal, but based on what I do for a living, this attention to detail is to be expected. She finally broke down and told me she wished we would just be more laid back on our vacations and stop treating them like work. If we didn't happen to get up one morning until 10AM, then so be it. If we didn't get to see a site we wanted, oh well, it gives us a reason to come back some other time. So now I need to work on not planning so much and take a more relaxed approach to our trips. Research is fine, but not every minute of every day needs to be planned out.

 

And believe it or not, my greatest concern was that my wife would be upset she didn't have a chance to get her nails done. That is why I had every intention of sending her to the spa to have that done once we were aboard. I was planning on having her completely pampered to her heart's content!

[facepirte]

i tried to sneak a cruise onto my wife for our anniversary... it was all going well til she saw a booking confirmation in my email... what a snoop! but she was happy happy and is only mad that i booked it for our anniversary next year, not this year

[mark13]

Not only would I love it, but wife's 40th is in February and I have to get to planning.

[Blueboss]

If it were this kind of situation, or that my husband would actually pack the right things, research ports and take care of ALL of the details, then I would LOVE it too. But unfortunately I know my husband. He is the guy that was asking me ON THE WAY to NOLA what kind of things I had planned for each port. He probably would have been asking me which ports we were going to if: 1. I had not talked to him constantly about the ports and possible activities and 2. people had not specifically asked him about where he was going. Of course I would still want atleast enough time (a hour or two) to look over the suitcase to see if anything was missing and to get a pedicure before we leave. :D

 

My husband could handle all aspects of planning this, it's just easier to let my sister deal with it since she knows what she is doing AND has more time to get all the details right. However, my husband will never live down the one time he packed for me. My mom was in the hospital, 200 miles from my house and near death, when I got the call to get there ASAP! I left with my coat and purse. DH drove down that afternoon with ALL of my clothes in duffle bags and kitchen trash bags. Said he didn't know what I wanted to wear or how long I would be staying with my sister. I should have known something was up when my son texted me to say, he had seen people move with less stuff than they were bringing down. :eek: DH is not allowed to pack for me since that time!