What do you tell friends and family?

[DiannaInVA]

After reading this board I decided to go ahead and book a cruise for myself. My family and friends couldn't afford it or can't take the time off on such short notice. And frankly I really want to go by myself. I've had great vacations with friends, but I also enjoy doing things by myself without having to worry about what others want to do.

 

Anyway, when I do tell friends and relatives that I decided to go alone, they all look at me like I'm crazy!! I feel like I have to explain myself and convince them it's perfectly okay to go by myself...plus there are those people, whom I love, but don't really want to go with, so I feel bad when I tell them because I think they may be hurt that I'm not inviting them...

 

No one seems to understand, they either seem to think I'm going to meet someone that they don't know, or that there's something wrong/pathetic about going by myself. :(

[elodie]

I travel solo (both cruises and regular travel) all the time. I much prefer it, for the same reasons you mention: I like being able to do what I want when I want; I also enjoy having time to myself to think things over and rest.

 

My family and friends grudgingly accept that I do this, but I still get all manner of negative comments: "You're going ALONE?!" (said in a slightly horrified tone); "isn't that dangerous?" "Why don't you want company?"; "What will you do by yourself?"; "isn't that antisocial?"

 

My way of handling it is to smile, say "I need some time for myself" and leave it at that. I figure it's nobody's business if I want to travel alone, and that the only person I have to answer to is myself. There's nothing wrong or pathetic about it at all. :) I do send postcards back to people from my travels; they know I'm not shunning them but that I just want to have my time solo.

[flag fan]

Don't try to explain. Most people have a difficult time understanding how someone might enjoy something that they wouldn't, so they will look on in wonder or pity. Just say how much you are looking forward to it. For those who might be hurt because you didn't ask them, just say (only if they ask) that you just wanted to try something new and get off by your own or (perhaps less honestly) that you didn't think they would be interested and you really wanted to go so you decided to just go alone. (Of course, that's assuming you are single; if you are in a couple or have kids, you really do need to explain yourself before you take off alone for a week.) Don't worry about other people's reactions. If you find you like cruising solo and do it a few more times they will just get used to it as something you do. If you never do it again, so be it; you say you tried it and didn't like it and everyone can think (but, hopefully, not say) "I told you so." Enjoy.

[rubyrosedreamer]

I'm with both flag fan and elodie on this. You're not required to go into detail as to why you choose to do this. You're choosing to be good to yourself and there are no apologies or deep discussions as to why necessary. We all need time to rejuvenate and find contentment with in ourselves. I can understand peoples concern for your safety, just assure them that you're taking all necessary precautions and are quite able to make smart judgements.

I went through the same thing last September. I took my first cruise, actually my first solo trip anywhere. After doing some research, I determined that this would actually be one of the safest things I could do. My husband had passed away earlier in the year and I was devastated. I was in desperate need of something peaceful and happy. It allowed me to see new things in life and come to terms with the fact that although he wasn't physically with me, he would always be by my side. I couldn't have been happier with with my choice. We all need different things in life to allow us to go on and be the best person possible. Don't allow others to bring doubt into your life.

Relax, smile and enjoy every minute. These opportunities don't always come around.

Be well.

[PaulfromPA]

No one seems to understand, they either seem to think I'm going to meet someone that they don't know, or that there's something wrong/pathetic about going by myself. :(

 

Hey Dianna:

 

You know the old saying "If you can't beat them, join them." I think it is not only perfectly apropos in this case, it is something you can use to your advantage. I mean the people in your life have basically given you two options: 1) You have planned a clandestine rendezvous with a mysterious stranger. 2) You don't have such a plan, so you are just pathetic. Personally, I like those options. I would simply choose one and play it to the hilt.

 

Let's say you choose option 2: the "pathetic" solo cruiser. Okay, so why not maximize your patheticness to garner all kinds of sympathy? If you play your cards right, you could probably weasel a bunch of pre-cruise gifts. And if you are a really great actor, you could show the people around you that you are ONLY happy when you are cruising, and therefore they should all chip in and pay for your next cruise. The possibilities of turning sympathy for a completely "pathetic" you into tangible fringe benefits are endless!

 

On the other hand, I do like option 1, and believe it or not, I recently had someone accuse me of the same thing. Although the idea of turning sympathy into gifts is highly appealing, I like this option for the sheer excitement it can reap if played just right. What I am I suggesting? That you have all kinds of fun manufacturing false evidence that yes, you are in fact planning a tawdry rendezvous with a stranger. Imagine this scenario ... while someone is in another room but still within listening distance, you pick up the phone and say the following things to your dial tone: Hi. (pause, then giggle, then pause again.) Yes, me too. (another pause) Ooooh, yes. (another giggle) No, they have no idea. (another pause) Ok, I will. Count on it. (another very long pause.) Bye. (mischievious giggle.)

 

If you really want to play this up, you can: 1) Buy something at Victoria's secret and leave the shopping bag lying on your kitchen counter for others to see. 2) Hum little songs like "strangers in the night" in the company of your suspicious crew. 3) Send yourself a single long-stem rose with a card attached that reads "Can't wait. I'm counting the days!" 4) Buy a couple of drug-store romance novels, set them atop your carry on bag, and leave the bag by your front door.

 

Come to think of it, I may start doing all this myself! :D

 

Cheers,

 

Paul

[airlink diva]

Hey, don't worry about your family and friends reactions. Go on your cruise and enjoy yourself!!

I travel with friends and alone. When I go alone it's mainly because of the reasons that you also mention. Either no one have the money or the time to take off work to join me. What also upset me is when you plan a group cruise and when it come time to make payments, they back out.

I enjoy cruising by myself because I can do what I want when I want. If I want to stay in bed until 1 p.m. on a sea day, order room service and relax, I can. If I want to get up at 6 a.m. for a early walk or stay up until 3 a.m. I can. If I want to go zip-lining or relax on the beach, I can. A solo cruise is all about me and my inner diva :D :D !!

I also have the "haters" who tell anyone that I'm going on the ships to me my secret lover (that rumor at work really shocked me!!) otherwise, I just brush off the remarks.

Go ahead and have fun!! Let your inner diva come out and enjoy herself!!

[DiannaInVA]

Thanks for the comments, I feel much better!

 

I'll just have to go and have a lot of fun, take lots of pictures and make everyone jealous...and maybe I'll be able to find a really hot guy to take a picture with me... :)

[Bella930]

I can't believe the timing of this, I was just thinking about starting a thread with the same question. Many years ago I used to cruise with a friend but then life happened and my cruising days were put on hold. Last September I booked my first solo cruise and had a blast. I am now counting down the days for my next solo cruise to Alaska in May.

 

When people hear that I am going on a cruise their first question is usually "who are you going with". When I say by myself I either get a look of pity (poor girl has no friends, significant other, life etc) or envy (lucky girl get's to go by herself and do what she wants).

 

However, in thinking back, I realize that I have a better answer. Before my cruise in September I discovered Cruise Critic and made contact with people on the roll-call. I made arrangements to share a table with three other CC members and by the time we actually met I felt like I had friends on board. That's when I realize that the correct answer to the question "who are you going with" is simply "friends". (Now if said with a sly smile it usually stops people in their tracks.)

[moonpie906]

Oh boy, have I gotten some ideas from this. My mother tells I don't need to be travelling by myself. My response is that I am 50 yrs old and have a life...

My brothers on the other hand tell me to go for it.

NowI can just tell my mom I am meeting a mysterious stranger!!!!!!

 

Oh the build up will be fun!!!! Thanks for the ideas Paul:D :cool: :rolleyes:

[Lois R]

Hi,:) another one who has just decided she doesn't really

care about what people think about my "solo traveling".

Hell, I still get people on the ship who make comments....

"You are so brave"...or, "Really, you sail solo"?

More women make the comments than men.

Yep...I sail solo and I love it:D

Brave? I don't think bravery has anything to do with it!

I love cruising....it is probably the best vacation I can buy

and even better solo....I can do what I want when I want!

 

My Dad doesn't normally bat an eye anymore about it.

He knows I love to cruise and I go on my own.

 

Solo cruisers unite:) ;)

[Dee1161]

Dianna - I am going on my 1st solo cruise in April - the same one Paul will be on as a matter of fact :D

 

I get the same questions you do - I don't even let it bother me - I just smile big and tell them that I am SO excited to be going and I am looking forward to having some quality "me" time. My college age daughters have been great about it - they know I work hard and have done everything I can for them and that I deserve this time to myself.....altho maybe they just want me out of the house so they can have parties! :eek:

 

I kind of like Paul's idea tho.......gotta keep everyone guessing!

[Luvs2trvl]

When I first started solo travelling I used to get those reactions too "You're doing what?" "By yourself?" "Isn't that dangerous?" but now that I have survived a few trips my friends and family always look forward to my adventures. As long as YOU are comfortable with the trip you have planned, then go for it, and don't worry about explaining your choice to anyone. I have found that some of those that make such a fuss are actually very envious that they don't have the nerve to do that themselves, although they would really like to. Some years I go on trips by myself, and others, like this year and next I'll be travelling with a friend or my Mom.

With that being said - once I am on my trip I do keep in touch with my Mom not only for her sake, but it is an extra measure of safety.

Go for it, enjoy and let them make their own assumptions!

[Solo Cruiser]

I get the same responses from people that LoisR gets and I'm always shocked. I live in a house alone, drive to work alone and plan my own entertainment (sometimes alone :D ) every day and nobody seems to think that those are brave things. Why should getting on a ship and having a cabin to myself be all that impressive.

 

But just the same, there are people who think that cruising solo is either brave or pathetic as mentioned above. To those people I say.... oh well. I'm living my life and enjoying it. Sure hope they can say the same.

 

Can you tell by my screen name I'm sorta proud to cruise by myself?? LOL

 

Have a great time and let your own excitement guide you not the comments of others.

[Lois R]

I get the same responses from people that LoisR gets and I'm always shocked. I live in a house alone, drive to work alone and plan my own entertainment (sometimes alone :D ) every day and nobody seems to think that those are brave things. Why should getting on a ship and having a cabin to myself be all that impressive.

 

But just the same, there are people who think that cruising solo is either brave or pathetic as mentioned above. To those people I say.... oh well. I'm living my life and enjoying it. Sure hope they can say the same.

 

Can you tell by my screen name I'm sorta proud to cruise by myself?? LOL

 

Have a great time and let your own excitement guide you not the comments of others.

 

Sandy, we are clones LOL just kidding....

But I do ALL of those items you mentioned too.....

I have lived alone for so many years I don't know what I would

do if I had to share the clicker again;)

Retirement? Well, I will be 49 next month so that is almost

20 years away..but I do plan it on my own. 401k at work

and another IRA outside of work too. Its all my own $ and lets

hope I will be receiving SS when the time comes:eek:

Drive to work, buy my own appliances, call the a/c guy or the plumber if

something needs to be fixed that I can't do.....

Cruising? Gawd...it is a piece of cake solo!

I could live on a ship:)

[Tenngal]

I'm just like Sandy and Lois, too! I think our numbers are growing...

Personally, I prefer solo travel now.

My first solo vacation was inadvertent--my mom had to cancel on our cruise to Alaska, due to Dad's health taking a bad turn. After thinking about it a bit, I realized that her travel insurance would cover her portion, and that I could still go. I did, and had the absolute BEST time! Going solo is a TRUE vacation--I get to vacate and, doggone it, get a chance to do what I want to do, without being concerned about what anybody else wants to do.

I just got back from a week in Puerto Rico, solo, and loved it! Yet, at Bellecino's last week, while sipping the requisite pina colada, I struck up a conversation with two British ladies, who were truly shocked at my "bravery" to travel alone.

For cruising, which I love, the ONLY sour note is that dreaded single supplement!

[lilcricket]

I personally am impressed by the women who have the courage to go solo, although after reading all the posts I have read on here it is actually something I might consider myself in the future. It is difficult to find friends/family memebers that not only have the time but the finances to go as often as I would like to go and I must say that even when I do go on vacations with family/friends we still always have times when we go it alone and do our own thing. I think a cruise would be a perfect solo vacation as there is never a dull moment!

 

I like Pauls advice on what to tell the nosey/concerned friends/family:):) You can always find some cute guy to get your pic taken with, that is never a problem so GO FOR IT!!!

 

Your fellow cruiser in Virginia....(and dang it I wish our warm weather would get here and stay....lol):)

[snowbird1]

I also agree with everyone on this. Over the years I have gone solo, have had a roommates and have gone solo but had friends on the ship as well with their own cabins. Truthfully I have had a great time in all cases. As others have probably said, cruising really works well for singles and solos because you have so many opportunities to meet people and make friends. Yes you need to use common sense in ports and places that you are not familiar with but after cruising a lot you will find you know some ports pretty well and plan what you are going to do well in advance. There is the chance that you will meet people on the ship to do tours with and yes there are ship tours which you may feel more comfortable with to start with. Over the years I have met some wonderful people and made many new friends. I look at it like this, you can sit home by yourself and stare at the walls or watch TV or you can get out and enjoy life while you can and see things you may never get a chance to see later in life.

 

Have fun

[Iggipolka]

Hello, my name is Iggipolka and I'm a proud female solo traveler! :D

 

I love cruising by myself and also doing land vacations alone. I am married and my spouse and I take vacations together, but once a year (at least) I want to travel alone. I generally take my solo trip during my birthday month and it's my birthday present to myself that I get to be excited about and plan for, for months in advance.

 

My spouse wasn't too happy the first year I did this and my family/co-workers/friends were a bit puzzled as to why I wanted to travel alone. The reason is very simple: I want a whole week (or more) to do whatever I want, when I want it and how I want it (within reason of course). I don't want to hear anyone else's problems, needs or wants. I work a very high stress job in the mental health field where I take care of other people every day. I need time to recharge my own batteries and let myself be taken care of for a change. If that means a glass of wine and a dish of ice cream at the same time, then that's exactly what I'm going to do AND I don't have to worry about what anyone else thinks. :p

 

Selfish? You bet! I'm just fine with being selfish for one or two weeks out of the year and I am going to revel in it. ;)

[OHCruisin]

I cruise solo as well. The biggest thing I get is "be careful". In fact, I have one friend who makes me e-mail her every day so she knows I'm alive and well. I haven't lived to see 40 by being stupid about personal safety for heaven's sake!

 

Hey, Paul. I've read a few of your posts. You have a unique, and hilarious, take on life sometimes!

[Lois R]

Hi, you are correct, common sense can go a long ways:)

I have 9 years on you;) (well it will be my bday on Sunday:D )

and will continue to sail solo....I love it too!

 

I guess we all travel differently. I rarely use the net while

on vacation. Maybe to post a "LIVE FROM" over on the board

I am sailing to let them know a bit about my trip but then again

sometimes not..LOL..sometimes I never log on the net.

You mentioned checking in with a friend every day?

That is not for me.

I don't bring a laptop (don't own one) and while I am away that

is what I am..away:)

[OHCruisin]

I don't bring a lap top either. And I don't want to be logging in to the computer on vacaton. I would go to the internet cafe to send an e-mail. That lasted for one cruise. I refused to be tied to a computer while I was on vacation. I'm on one all day at work. So now she gets a call when I leave and a call when I get back.

[Lois R]

Hi:) Oh...ok..it sounded like you emailed her every day.

 

I let my Dad know when I get home;) and usually have dinner

with him before I leave so he knows when I am gone:)

[cusyl]

Bon Voyage Lois R and Happy Birthday. :D

[Lois R]

Thanks for the good wishes:)

[OHCruisin]

Lois,

I'm envious. You leave Sunday! I still have 7+ weeks to go. But you did read that correctly, for one cruise I e-mailed her every, single day. It was nuts and not how I wanted to spend my vacation. So when I got back from that cruise, I told her never again.

 

Have a great time:)