Jilted honeymoon help!

[Arizona Cruz Chic]

Sorry but I have to ask, how old is your son and his bride?

Hard lessons learned for them both. ;)

 

***

[michigan tim]

Wouldn't the passengers get the insurance dough? It would seem the insurance policy would have to be in the name of the passenger.

[Laurie12820]

DH and I would have not missed our HM cruise for anything. We flew in from Providence to Philly the same day the Empress departed and we made sure that if there were any flight delays or cancellations we would have rented a car and drove to Philly. Come he** or high water we were going on that cruise! I just don't understand the logic here. I would have rather been angry at my new husband on a cruise than at my parents house! :cool:

[carenyllie]

They are both 19....WAY too young to get married IMHO but no one would listen to me on that one. My son, who is actually my step son since he was 8, got his new bride very upset with him about many, many things before the key thing. He is living at the Air Force base where he works and months ago he was supposed to get housing for them. Well, he didn't do it....then he lost his military ID, then their car broke down. We gave them ours, then he lost his cell phone, then he lost our keys! We couldn't just give them a ride to the airport because the cheapest last minute airline tix we could buy were from an airport 5 hours away and they were leaving to go out there and spend the night at my brothers. They were going to drive to Florida (from TN). Here's the killer.....has either of them said "Sorry" NO!!!! I'm very upset with my son....but this kind of immature behavior is not too shocking for me. And someone was right, I'm out the money whether they went or not but I've bent over backwards to try to get them on this cruise and now they've not gone and...and...and...I'm at a loss now....lol Thanks for all of your advice!

[SusieV]

I don't understand about them not going because he lost the keys. Sure, maybe the bride got pissed off, but man, deciding not to take a honeymoon because you were pissed off? I can't imagine anyone doing that unless they were planning an annulment!

[Mrsg324]

Sorry your son is being so horrible about this. I agree that is too young but then again my sister got married at 17, they have been happily married since Jan. 1988. Hopefully they will grow up soon.

Look at the bright side, if he is that irresponsible with important things, you would have gotten a call from the ship sayin, "mom, our seapass bill is 4K, I don't have that much." Therefore you are only out just over 1K.

Hang in there, I am a firm believer there are reasons why everything happens, regardless of how upset it makes us. For some reason, they were not meant to be on this cruise.

[jetskier]

I don't understand about them not going because he lost the keys. Sure, maybe the bride got pissed off, but man, deciding not to take a honeymoon because you were pissed off? I can't imagine anyone doing that unless they were planning an annulment!

 

You missed the post about it being a 5 hour drive to the airport.

 

And you can bet anything, that from this day forward she will not let him forget about not going on a honeymoon.

 

Dave

[brn2crz]

Just let it go..I know easier said than done...

All you can do,is what you did.You gave then a great,let me repeat great wedding present.The money spent was your gift to them,no different than if they would have taken the cruise,only problem is they chose the outcome.I would not try to re-coup the money,as that could even cause more of a rift..I assume they would expect the money given to them you would have spent..

All you can do is give the gift,and not micro-manage what they do with it.

 

Sorry you have to go through this,but for your peace of mind...I would just let it go...

[babyher]

OK

 

Flame me all you want , but here goes.

 

 

I truly doubt you will get one cent back from the cruise line . So what you do is be standing right next to the "happy couple" when they open up that pretty satin bag full of envelopes they got at the wedding. You make sure you get your $1100 "cut" out of that.

[DrivesLikeMario]

I'm sorry, but wasn't this a gift? "Gift" means you give it to someone. They have the choice to use it or not.

 

It's disappointing that he messed up like he did and they missed their honeymoon. I can't blame you for being upset. It was a gift, though, and you have no control over whether they use it or not. You can be cold to him, mad at him or find a way to 'punish' him, but it will only make a strained relationship. Let it go and don't do such a nice & generous thing in the future for him.

 

IF RCI happened to compensate you by giving you anything back, it would most likely be a credit toward a future cruise in HIS NAME, not yours, even though you're the one who paid for it. I just went through this for a client of mine who had paid for his employee to go on a cruise. The employee was hit by a drunk driver. The cruise line compensated the employee, not the employer who paid for the cruise! Stupid, huh? That's the way it works though.

[Cruisin' Ron VA]

Two things.

 

1. You are just now finding out your son is not a responsible adult?

 

2. You gave them the cruise as a wedding gift and now you want the money back for it? :confused:

 

It was a gift for them to do with as they pleased, it was up to them to use it or not. It is their loss, not yours. Let it go.

[misty57]

Wow! 19 yo newlyweds. So young, and these type of mishaps are not out of character for alot of young people of this age. As the mother of two newlywed daughters, I would suggest that you try to let it go as others have recommended. They are on their own and the consequences of actions are the only thing that will get them to grow up. It was a very generous gift that you gave them, and yes it hurts when you sacrifice to give your kids something like that and they don't seem to understand that, but hopefully someday they will. As my grandfather used to say, " You don't pay for 'yer raisin' til you have kids of your own. Next time treat yourself to a cruise instead!

[Fran Harp]

They are both 19....WAY too young to get married IMHO but no one would listen to me on that one. My son, who is actually my step son since he was 8, got his new bride very upset with him about many, many things before the key thing. He is living at the Air Force base where he works and months ago he was supposed to get housing for them. Well, he didn't do it....then he lost his military ID, then their car broke down. We gave them ours, then he lost his cell phone, then he lost our keys! We couldn't just give them a ride to the airport because the cheapest last minute airline tix we could buy were from an airport 5 hours away and they were leaving to go out there and spend the night at my brothers. They were going to drive to Florida (from TN). Here's the killer.....has either of them said "Sorry" NO!!!! I'm very upset with my son....but this kind of immature behavior is not too shocking for me. And someone was right, I'm out the money whether they went or not but I've bent over backwards to try to get them on this cruise and now they've not gone and...and...and...I'm at a loss now....lol Thanks for all of your advice!

 

I really feel for you.....there's nothing like raising kids, is there? One teeny word of advice...don't offer them anything like that again, and insist that they pay you back, even if it's something like $10 a month. Time to get a little tough.

 

I'd be willing to bet that you've learned more from this experience than the kids have.....

 

If it helps, I've raised four boys to adulthood (and we're all still alive and talking to each other, though it wasn't always that way!). It does get better, although it's hard to see how sometimes. Mine are all over 30 now....and we still have some original-coloured hair, it's not all white, and one of them has presented us with three gorgeous grandchildren...

 

Chaplain Fran in Toronto

[piercetc4]

you did a lovely thing buying your son and new dil a honeymoon cruise- great gift- sorry they loused it up but you did all you could- hope you may get a credit for a future cruise- you certainly deserve it is all i can say....

being a mom can be a thankless job.............all us moms know that, right? just know you did all that you could and its not your fault things turned out like they did-

[Mrsg324]

I really feel for you.....there's nothing like raising kids, is there? One teeny word of advice...don't offer them anything like that again, and insist that they pay you back, even if it's something like $10 a month. Time to get a little tough.

 

I'd be willing to bet that you've learned more from this experience than the kids have.....

 

If it helps, I've raised four boys to adulthood (and we're all still alive and talking to each other, though it wasn't always that way!). It does get better, although it's hard to see how sometimes. Mine are all over 30 now....and we still have some original-coloured hair, it's not all white, and one of them has presented us with three gorgeous grandchildren...

 

Chaplain Fran in Toronto

 

 

I don't agree with asking for it back. She gave them this as a wedding gift. I wouldn't give them anything additional for a gift just because they didn't use this one but I wouldn't ask for payback either.

If you do manage to get anything back other than just a credit, I'd use that money to get them a gift. If you get a credit, they could possibly rebook a cruise, then turn around & put the cruise in your name at a later date. Not sure on that but I know we changed names on a cruise from myself with my best friend to her & her fiance in Nov.

[ebonybee]

I was 18 when I got married and we are celebrating our 30th anniversary this year...however...I wouldn't do it again and would probably assasinate my kids if they tried to get married at that age. Son's girlfriend wanted to get engaged on the day he finished college and I inquired about a contract on her(just kidding)." "

 

Last August, sister's husband severely broke leg on motorbike--no insurance but it was 30 days before cruise. RCCL gave them a credit for future cruise. It doesn't hurt to try! Besides goodwill toward a 19 year old might mean a lot of future cruises with RCCL.

[mollyeilis]

Oh man, poor you, and poor new wife! Sorry to not feel sad for your son, but I have younger brothers, two of which might do something just like that, and my sympathy level is low for people who forget to do things and lose things all the time!

 

I can understand why your new DIL might not have wanted to get on a ship over deep water with him!

 

 

I'm trying to figure out how I feel about the gift thing...if you'd given them a full set of china, and on their way home from the wedding they....hmm, were doing some sort of silly walk and dropped it and it broke (the silly walk meaning that it wasn't just an accident, they had a full and total hand in it happening, and if they'd done it in a proper, normal way things would have been fine)...you'd be sad, out the money, without them getting the benefit of your gift. Now there's no situation where you could get the money back with that, no matter what you did with it, unless it were somehow already under insurance and you wanted to deal with the ramifications of a homeowner's/renter's insurance claim...but I can see the feelings being there.

 

 

19, yowza. On one hand, my younger brother got married right out of college, and they are going strong at 35 years old! But our parents married at 17 and 19...their first date my dad stood her up, and she realized later she was "telling him who he was", and should never have gone forth into the relationship. Of course, then brother and I wouldn't exist, and probably our half-sibs wouldn't either (from dad's second marriage), and that would be sad. :) I myself was dating this guy at 17, before going off to college, and my mom was terrified I'd marry. He actually did propose the night before I left for college, but some of his conditions (his family was from a very un-female-centric country, and wanted to go back when he could, and there would be some serious dress-codes I'd have to live up to...as a sunny California-girl, that wasn't acceptable to me, and I just didn't like him enough!) were unacceptable, so I said no and ran inside the house. :)

 

 

I hope they end up being a long-term couple who looks back *together* at the first year or so of marriage shaking their heads but smiling!!!!!

[Jeanie821]

Missing a cruise on the Enchantment??????? :eek: I agree with the poster who said that you should take the cruise yourself if you can!!!

[JLC@SD]

They are both 19....WAY too young to get married IMHO but no one would listen to me on that one. My son, who is actually my step son since he was 8, got his new bride very upset with him about many, many things before the key thing. He is living at the Air Force base where he works and months ago he was supposed to get housing for them. Well, he didn't do it....then he lost his military ID, then their car broke down. We gave them ours, then he lost his cell phone, then he lost our keys! We couldn't just give them a ride to the airport because the cheapest last minute airline tix we could buy were from an airport 5 hours away and they were leaving to go out there and spend the night at my brothers. They were going to drive to Florida (from TN). Here's the killer.....has either of them said "Sorry" NO!!!! I'm very upset with my son....but this kind of immature behavior is not too shocking for me. And someone was right, I'm out the money whether they went or not but I've bent over backwards to try to get them on this cruise and now they've not gone and...and...and...I'm at a loss now....lol Thanks for all of your advice!

 

.....and after all of this......when people ask them where they went on their honeymoon.......they will say.......her mom's.......:p

[babyher]

Can't even imagine my 18 yr old and his girlfriend being anywhere near ready for marriage (thank God he knows it too :)) . One minute they are Romeo and Juliet , the next minute they are Alec Baldwin and Kim Bassinger *LOL*

 

They are good kids the both of them, they do well in school, they both work and have a good work ethic and are learning a healthy respect for a buck that the work experience should provide. but they are still kids !!!!!!!

 

Just last weekend his GF was upset because that day she went shopping and they didn't have the top in the color she liked , and they didn't have the jeans she liked in her size.

 

As she put it, "Its like Hollister was trying to make me sad " :)

 

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH yea , that is ready for marriage and child raiseing

[montgomeryfamily]

While I know you hate to see the money wasted, it was a gift to them and if they choose to waste it, then that was their decision. I also agree that you shouldn't ask your son for the money back. But it certainly does tell you about both the son and DIL's maturity and ability to be financially responsible. So I wouldn't buy them any more expensive gifts, cosign a mortage or lease agreement for them, cosign a loan for a new car or do anything else that is expensive, especially since they don't apparently don't understand how much money that is too waste for the cruise and will likely show similar understanding when it comes to leases, new car loans, etc.

 

Since your son is at an AF base in TN, then I assume he is at Arnold in Tullahoma since that is the only actual active duty air force base in Tennessee. I also assume the airline was in Atlanta, as that would be five hours away and I know that flights from Atlanta are cheaper than flights from TN. Since they were going to drive the night before the flight to catch the flight, I have to wonder why they didn't call AAA or a locksmith to make a new key for the van. They certainly have those in Tullahoma. Depending on the age of the van, a dealership might even still have the keycode and be able to make a key. Even if this took a long time and they had to drive late at night, they still probably could have made it to the flight in time. I imagine that the losing of the key prompted a huge fight/argument with a pronouncement of the bride of not going on the honeymoon--with no rational thought given as to the potential alternatives of how to get a key to the van and proceed with the trip. And while your son certainly is at fault for losing the key, it sounds like it was the bride who decided that this was the last straw for her and decided not to go on the trip. So both are responsible for the decision to throw away their honeymoon trip.

 

Console yourself that this may be a good thing. Spending the honeymoon at the bride's mother may force them to reevalute their marriage and their maturity for continuing in a marriage at this time.

 

I don't think I would take the time to write a letter requesting a credit when it would be issued in their names and they would get the benefit of your continuing to take care of matters for them. They won't learn much from your continuing to bail them out. Perhaps this might be the catalyst that causes them to start acting more responsibly.

[RareBird]

simply amazing! I feel so sorry for you.

 

One thing about keys... don't you have a second backup pair? Each new car comes with at least 2 sets.

[babyher]

You think its aggravating now ?

 

Wait til they have a baby , then the real party starts for grandma and grandpa. because as much as you may cut the money train from the parents , the thought of that poor baby doing without will break your heart. So the viscious cycle will just keep going.

 

Trust me I know where of I speak.

 

 

Either set them straight and make them fend for themselves , or else just tattoo "WELCOME" on your foreheads and be prepared to be walked on for a LOOOOOOOOOOng time

[joyceyw]

While I know you hate to see the money wasted, it was a gift to them and if they choose to waste it, then that was their decision. I also agree that you shouldn't ask your son for the money back. But it certainly does tell you about both the son and DIL's maturity and ability to be financially responsible. So I wouldn't buy them any more expensive gifts, cosign a mortage or lease agreement for them, cosign a loan for a new car or do anything else that is expensive, especially since they don't apparently don't understand how much money that is too waste for the cruise and will likely show similar understanding when it comes to leases, new car loans, etc.

 

Since your son is at an AF base in TN, then I assume he is at Arnold in Tullahoma since that is the only actual active duty air force base in Tennessee. I also assume the airline was in Atlanta, as that would be five hours away and I know that flights from Atlanta are cheaper than flights from TN. Since they were going to drive the night before the flight to catch the flight, I have to wonder why they didn't call AAA or a locksmith to make a new key for the van. They certainly have those in Tullahoma. Depending on the age of the van, a dealership might even still have the keycode and be able to make a key. Even if this took a long time and they had to drive late at night, they still probably could have made it to the flight in time. I imagine that the losing of the key prompted a huge fight/argument with a pronouncement of the bride of not going on the honeymoon--with no rational thought given as to the potential alternatives of how to get a key to the van and proceed with the trip. And while your son certainly is at fault for losing the key, it sounds like it was the bride who decided that this was the last straw for her and decided not to go on the trip. So both are responsible for the decision to throw away their honeymoon trip.

 

Console yourself that this may be a good thing. Spending the honeymoon at the bride's mother may force them to reevalute their marriage and their maturity for continuing in a marriage at this time.

 

I don't think I would take the time to write a letter requesting a credit when it would be issued in their names and they would get the benefit of your continuing to take care of matters for them. They won't learn much from your continuing to bail them out. Perhaps this might be the catalyst that causes them to start acting more responsibly.

 

 

I agree with you regarding getting another key made, and the bride being just as responsible. Both of these kids are still obviously very immature. The son constantly losing the keys etc. is actually annoying me just reading it. It makes no sense this kid is in the airforce and he cant keep up with simple car keys, and where the heck did they go that fast that he lost his keys? But he's 19 so he's entitled to a little irresponsibility (I know I was a little irresponsible, not like this) he just picked the absolutely wrong day to do it. Anyway, as for the bride, I can kinda understand the events that lead up to her canceling the cruise, but again it shows her immaturity that her first inclination was to cancel the cruise without thinking it through. Whether it was a gift or not, (I don't think they should pay the money back) it still comes off a little ungrateful to just "blow off" a cruise cause you're mad at your husband. I'm wondering had they both scrimped and saved and paid for the cruise themselves would she have been so quick to cancel. Just a thought. These kids have a long, long road, and I hope they both grow up fast.

[Sally Forth]

Can't even imagine my 18 yr old and his girlfriend being anywhere near ready for marriage (thank God he knows it too :)) . One minute they are Romeo and Juliet , the next minute they are Alec Baldwin and Kim Bassinger *LOL*

 

They are good kids the both of them, they do well in school, they both work and have a good work ethic and are learning a healthy respect for a buck that the work experience should provide. but they are still kids !!!!!!!

 

Just last weekend his GF was upset because that day she went shopping and they didn't have the top in the color she liked , and they didn't have the jeans she liked in her size.

 

As she put it, "Its like Hollister was trying to make me sad " :)

 

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH yea , that is ready for marriage and child raiseing

LOL! Thank you for starting my day with a great laugh. I have sons 19 + 20, and know exactly what you mean. Although they have done a lot of travel and have lived to tell the stories, I can't imagine them getting their act together enough to go on a cruise with the proper documents, let alone get married!

 

Viv