Completely Depressed & Frustrated...HELP!

[Brenda33]

M.....Sorry to hear about the boyfriend thing. Everything seems to be worse when it happens at this time of the year. Just know that we have never met and I still know that you deserve so much more than that. So if it is true....and I hope its not, I know a much better catch will come your way.

 

Kelly...3lbs is wonderful to gain on a cruise...remember I gained 10! LOL Its true what you say about people with cancer and putting things in perspective. At least we all have our health.......so even if I am out a few dollars and gain a few eating xmas cookies......that is part of living and I am sure glad I am doing that.

 

Today I made yummy banana and pumpkin breads for the holidays......smelled wonderful in here.....also had a pot of homemade chicken soup going.....that's tradition for us whenever it snows.

 

Hope everyone is home safe and warm.....

[Chigirlcruzin]

Brenda, I'm sorry about the car accident and I'm glad you and your daughter are OK.

 

Menina, well, that just stinks! I really hope it's just some type of misunderstanding.

 

Kelly, whatever you're going through, I wish you the best.

 

You're right about cancer putting things into perspective. As I posted back in May, my sister's son has hemophilia. This sucks, but it's a managed condition. His specialist is a hemotologist. Hemotology and Oncology are paired together, so when they take my nephew to his specialist at Children's, they see kids with cancer. So while it sucks he has hemophilia, my sister's reminding herself at every appointment that he "only" has hemophilia.

[Gathina]

Well, it turns out it is true.

 

A girlfriend and I are duping him real bad. When we let the final boom down, I'll tell you what I did. I am ok. But feel sorry for her because obviously she's been lied to also and she has a child so now that's 3 people caught in his web of deceit.

 

Gathina, I hope it's not true about the BF. I really am feeling for you, brings back not so good memories. And his family will be hurt to because they obviously love you.

 

I hope you all have a good weekend. It's snowing here and it is so pretty!

Kelly

[Brenda33]

Well, it turns out it is true.

 

A girlfriend and I are duping him real bad. When we let the final boom down, I'll tell you what I did. I am ok. But feel sorry for her because obviously she's been lied to also and she has a child so now that's 3 people caught in his web of deceit.

Oh God....I feel so bad for the child.....they always get hurt the worst.

[bobandkelly]

Brenda, so true about the kid.

Gathina, you seem to be a strong woman so I know after a time you will get past all of this. For now it sucks but better to find out now that he is this way than after you're married with kids.

 

Where's Happy been? I hope all is well with you and your just busy with work, holidays...

 

Leslie, thanks for your thoughts. I know that God will bring us through this time. If I did not believe that I would be a mess!

 

Isn't Childrens hospital great! Everyone there is so caring & helpful. My nephew spent alot of time in the one in Milwaukee. He was born with downs. He is now 9 and doing great. Have another nephew that had to have some heart surgery there. He is good now too.

I feel for those parents that have to watch their kids go through cancer treatments. It is such a hard road to walk.

 

We are getting snow again! It's still so pretty! I can say that because DH is home and will snowblow. The year he was gone to snow was not so pretty to me. He actually enjoys the snowblower, me not so much!

Kelly

[Gathina]

I'm actually ok. I'd sure love to eat though. I am so hungry and my stomach is roaring but nothing "tastes right". Yesteday I had a cup of soup, a small salad, a couple of bananas, a yam, and a cup of coffee. The day before I had a piece of fish. I went to a diner with my now ex future MIL (who has no clue!) and just kind of stared at the pages of food. I ate a scone this morning. Yuck.

 

I think I'm going to drop the bomb on Tuesday sometime. I booked a trip to London for late Jan then I think am going to eurorail it to Germany to see another friend. Travel is the best revenge LOL. I am debating contacting the other woman and prsenting to her the evidence. If she didn't have a kid I wouldn't do that. So I'm torn and keep thinking of all the consequences if I tell her. I wouldn't be catty, just factual and let her decide what she wants to do with it.

 

Where's Smooth? Wondering how her trip near me was?? And this is so not like Happy to not check in!!

 

Brenda, so true about the kid.

Gathina, you seem to be a strong woman so I know after a time you will get past all of this. For now it sucks but better to find out now that he is this way than after you're married with kids.

 

Where's Happy been? I hope all is well with you and your just busy with work, holidays...

 

Leslie, thanks for your thoughts. I know that God will bring us through this time. If I did not believe that I would be a mess!

 

Isn't Childrens hospital great! Everyone there is so caring & helpful. My nephew spent alot of time in the one in Milwaukee. He was born with downs. He is now 9 and doing great. Have another nephew that had to have some heart surgery there. He is good now too.

I feel for those parents that have to watch their kids go through cancer treatments. It is such a hard road to walk.

 

We are getting snow again! It's still so pretty! I can say that because DH is home and will snowblow. The year he was gone to snow was not so pretty to me. He actually enjoys the snowblower, me not so much!

Kelly

[smoothdancer]

I am here, just hanging out! We have had so much snow this week-end. We got around 10 inches on Friday, and now it has been snowing again since early morning, predicting another 8. Cabin fever setting in!

 

We had a great vacation, from the many formal nights on the QM2 with lots of dancing, to our time in FLL, and then we went on for a few days in Disney. I dont see another vacation coming up soon, this one just about broke the bank! I do though have to get back in gear, I am about 10 pounds over where I want to be. We are attempting to bring our dancing to the next level, (note I said attempting!). For us this means 4 nights of dance instruction, 1 night practice. On Sunday we drive to Boston (5 hours round trip) for a 2 hour coaching session... All of this leaves little time for the gym. I of course know there is time, I only use this an an excuse, just have to get my butt in gear to turn into a morning person! I have just about got myself to the motovational level to do this.

 

Well G, I am sorry to hear about your man situation and glad you are handling it well. I though having been there with small children would strongly suggest against contacting the other gal. She is not your girlfriend or someone who you can join up with to share stories and plot revenge. Although you are a strong person you have no idea as to what this gal is made up of and how she would handle such a conversation, especially and completly without warning. I am going to guess even you had time to take it all in, resolve it in your mind before you were able to say " I am OK".

 

I was married for ten years to a man I was just crazy about, beyond crazy really, who had no clue what faithful was. Did I know there were many other women, sure, but I just was not ready to accept it. I dont think I would of taken well at all to even a friend telling me about his affairs..... It was something I had to come to terms with on my own, in my own time, my own way.. then and only then he got the boot! ....I am going to guess this other gal probably also knows what is what.... It is only so long one can hide this type of personality flaw. So there you have it, my 2 cents!!

[Chigirlcruzin]

Menina, I have to agree with Smooth on this. It's a bad idea to contact the other woman - you aren't allies, and it could end up ugly. So I'm a little confused...you said ex future mother in law helped uncover some of it but yet she's clueless? Is this why you didn't get to see him a few months back when he was supposed to come home? I'm glad you're making travel plans to see other friends. I don't know what you have planned for your "bomb", but please be careful.

[Brenda33]

I think you should let the other woman know. It will only be worse in the end for both her and her child. However, I don't think she should be told until after the holidays. Spare her and her child the pain of a "loss" around a time when any pain hurts that much more. After that you don't have to face her face to face....you can send her mail with the evidence. This way she has the facts and can make her own decision, but nothing "ugly" can happen between the two of you. Good luck with whatever you decide....In the end only you can make the right decision for you.

[Gathina]

Chi: No, my girlfriend helped uncover it. Did I say future MIL..who the hell knows what I said..I am having one giant brain fart this weekend.

 

Smooth: How did you like Delray?

 

Brenda: I am not sure what I am going to do. Another friend suggested I just email him and tell him I married someone else and wish him well. LOL

[Brenda33]

Chi: No, my girlfriend helped uncover it. Did I say future MIL..who the hell knows what I said..I am having one giant brain fart this weekend.

 

Smooth: How did you like Delray?

 

Brenda: I am not sure what I am going to do. Another friend suggested I just email him and tell him I married someone else and wish him well. LOL

 

Yeah!....send him a "Dear John" letter!!!!!

[bobandkelly]

Gathina, from my own experiences revenge or just trying to be alittle mean has only brought me more bitterness & hurt. I would tell him that you are breaking up with him and let him know why. You found out he was cheating. I would also tell him that because of the relationship you have with his mom that you are telling her that you are breaking up with him and why. Then I would let my heart heal.

 

As far as telling the other girl. You never know how someone will take it, she may even know. But I would tell her. I would want to know if I was dating someone who was not being faithful to me.

 

I hope you have fun planning your trip. It will be something fun to look forward to!

 

Again I wonder what happened to Happy?

Kelly

[Gathina]

How about this one? A guy friend told me I should just email him and tell him I didn't know how to break the news to him but I married someone else over Thanksgiving.:D

[bobandkelly]

For me I would still go with the truth. He would find out you didn't really get married. You've been so involved with his family. Don't disrespect yourself by lying, even if it is to make a dig at him. Walk away knowing that you deserve better. And he is the one that is losing out by being unfaithful to you.

Kelly

[happysinglemom]

Hi guys..... My life has been filled with bad stuff. My daughter and I were in a bad car accident that totaled her car last Friday. We hit an 18 wheeler......they don't move. In any case, we are OK...thank God....car totaled.....I honestly don't know how we walked away with only cuts and bruises.....a true miracle. My head smacked the windshield before the air bags saved us......my daughter was bleeding from her mouth and received cuts and bruises on her chest. Since then we have been crazy trying to figure out a car situation. It is now going to cost her $5700 in insurance!!......other quotes were close to $8,000.......and she didn't have any money saved so another $220 for a lease. I guess I just needed to share all I've been through with you all. I'm feeling really down right now....not looking forward to xmas at all. I am afraid too that I am going to mess up all the progress I have made with the diet and exercise.

 

Thanks for listening.

 

Hey girl. I am so so sorry. But you are both okay...I know, everyone has said that, but man, it's true. You both are OKAY. That means everything else is just tall grass. You can get through it...you are tough, you've already shown us that. You'll figure things out, and go on. I am just so glad you both came though it alright.

 

Yanno, I don't know WHAT the heck it is about the holidays. :mad: On Thanksgiving night, my car decided to drop the tension pulley and the timing belt slipped...and that was all she wrote. Had to have her towed to the dealer, and to the tune of several thousand :eek:, I had a new engine installed. Needless to day, I did not enjoy my Thanksgiving weekend one bit. However, it is what it is, and by the following Monday, I had mentally adjusted. The following weekend I went to NYC with my son, and met my sis and her family, and stayed overnight, saw a broadway musical, and had a great dinner. I even met one of our CC's from the fashion board, so that was very cool! Anyhoo...the money I am spending on the car, would have paid for about 6 Christmases, so needless to say, there is nothing under the tree this year. But I do have a tree!!:o My son is being so understanding...he actually made me cry I felt so bad about not being able to get him anything. But...we'll get by. We have each other, and a close family. And that is really what matters the most, right?

[happysinglemom]

Geeezzz Gathina....I just caught up on your situation. That sucks girl...I am really sorry. But, always better to find out before things get more complicated. I have no advice for you, I just don't know what I'd do, but perhaps the truth is best. Just let him know that you discovered a situation that he neglected to mention, and you will be moving on. As strong as you are, you'll be fine. Still....I really am sorry. Man...the holidays are kickin' our butts this year! :mad:

[bobandkelly]

Happy, isn't it great having a great kid! We had a rough spot with one DD but now they are both wonderful young ladies. We are having a small Christmas (gift wise) this year too. I am actually enjoying it. No shopping in overcrowded stores buying things no one really needs.

 

I've never been to NY. Someday I'd like to go. I've always wanted to go ice skating at Rockefeller center. What show did you see?

Kelly

[Gathina]

The dog emailed me last night..a bunch of surface crap..I didn't respond except to say "ok, great" and left it at that. I still am torn on what to do. When in doubt do nothing, I guess so there is no regret until I am sure of what to do.

 

Another idea I had was just a simple email. "Goodbye.", period, nothing more nothing less and let him hang himself by his bootstraps.

 

I am feeling like crap today. I worked out but was so weak from not eating. I went to a diner and had eggs,grits, bacon and toast now I feel like throwing up.

 

I am having christmas with my little godsons tonite so that will help.

 

Hope everyone has a great day!

[happysinglemom]

Happy, isn't it great having a great kid! We had a rough spot with one DD but now they are both wonderful young ladies. We are having a small Christmas (gift wise) this year too. I am actually enjoying it. No shopping in overcrowded stores buying things no one really needs.

 

I've never been to NY. Someday I'd like to go. I've always wanted to go ice skating at Rockefeller center. What show did you see?

Kelly

 

Kelly, you are so right. My son is a Christmas Eve baby (he turns 16 tomorrow :eek:) and he has been a gift to me every day since. It's been kinda weird not doing any shopping, but certainly more relaxing. I didn't get into the decorating of the house like I usually do...I mean I'm not moping around, but I just didn't feel like going through all of this year. It did help going to NYC - this is an annual trip for us, and the hotel is free (my BIL uses his travel card points). We took one of those Chinatown busses - $60 roundtrip - and man do they fly! My original plans had been to taky my son to see the Radio City show (I love it and have seen it many times, my son has never been) but after the car fiasco, I felt the tickets were just too much. We decided to check the TKS prices to see if there was something reasonable, and we found "13". It was absolutely hilarious, and the music was just incredible - such a talented cast. I think this is the first Broadway show with a full teenage cast. Our boys just loved it, they've developed quite an appetite for Broadway now. :rolleyes:

 

The dog emailed me last night..a bunch of surface crap..I didn't respond except to say "ok, great" and left it at that. I still am torn on what to do. When in doubt do nothing, I guess so there is no regret until I am sure of what to do.

 

Another idea I had was just a simple email. "Goodbye.", period, nothing more nothing less and let him hang himself by his bootstraps.

 

I am feeling like crap today. I worked out but was so weak from not eating. I went to a diner and had eggs,grits, bacon and toast now I feel like throwing up.

 

I am having christmas with my little godsons tonite so that will help.

 

Hope everyone has a great day!

 

The dinner will absolutely help. Nothing like hangin' with the little ones to put a little cheer in our hearts, when we are down. Hope it goes well, M. Chin up. :o

[Gathina]

Well, Christmas was a delight with my boys. They gave me a beautiful ceraminc fountain (with a big angel in it), pictures, and of course lots of little kid trinket gifts. The fun part was watching their faces and of course I embellished it a lot..."OH IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL!"..."OH I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG HOW DID YOU KNOW?" etc. :) They just gobbled up the love! The 5 year old wanted to me to sing Jingle Bells with him but demanded that we stand FACING the Christmas treee and we HAVE TO hold hands (that's the way it's done, he explained!).

 

I am so loved. Stopped by the "soon to be ex future MIL" and she had baked me a cake from scratch and made ms some Sorrel drink. She still doesn't know..yikes..

 

Kelly, you are so right. My son is a Christmas Eve baby (he turns 16 tomorrow :eek:) and he has been a gift to me every day since. It's been kinda weird not doing any shopping, but certainly more relaxing. I didn't get into the decorating of the house like I usually do...I mean I'm not moping around, but I just didn't feel like going through all of this year. It did help going to NYC - this is an annual trip for us, and the hotel is free (my BIL uses his travel card points). We took one of those Chinatown busses - $60 roundtrip - and man do they fly! My original plans had been to taky my son to see the Radio City show (I love it and have seen it many times, my son has never been) but after the car fiasco, I felt the tickets were just too much. We decided to check the TKS prices to see if there was something reasonable, and we found "13". It was absolutely hilarious, and the music was just incredible - such a talented cast. I think this is the first Broadway show with a full teenage cast. Our boys just loved it, they've developed quite an appetite for Broadway now. :rolleyes:

 

 

 

The dinner will absolutely help. Nothing like hangin' with the little ones to put a little cheer in our hearts, when we are down. Hope it goes well, M. Chin up. :o

[Brenda33]

M....Are you planning on continuing your relationship with your "ex MIL"? Is she the reason that you are waiting to break off this relationship? I think you should get this over with.....why keep the torture of yourself going? Your brain must be spinning 24/7. Good luck!!! You CAN DO IT!!

[Gathina]

Hi, not sure what I will do. Am trying to get through Christmas tomorrow then will make a move.

 

Honestly, my brain isn't spinning. I am still in shock stage. I keep thinking "what does he see in a woman with store bought breasts??".

 

We'll see. One day at a time.

 

M....Are you planning on continuing your relationship with your "ex MIL"? Is she the reason that you are waiting to break off this relationship? I think you should get this over with.....why keep the torture of yourself going? Your brain must be spinning 24/7. Good luck!!! You CAN DO IT!!

[Brenda33]

Merry Christmas to all!!!! Have a safe and happy holiday!!!!

[smoothdancer]

Store bought breasts, you say!

I was about to say…wait a minute, this is or was a long term relationships and sometimes lack of judgment occurs. Perhaps that is what this is, perhaps not, but if you go the Dear John Email route rather than a discussion of why you are ending the relationship, you and he will never know what happened, find closure. Some can find a way to get past it, forgive, others cannot. Both are fine, really, but only you know into what category you fall into...This situation though, joking aside, has nothing to do with the other girl at all, but is just between you and your boyfriend.

 

It is interesting that us here have pretty different opinions on what we would do if in your shoes. I strongly disagree with some opinions here as a result of my past life experiences, which surely are different from others here. So, are you getting close to giving us the whole story??? All we can do is throw out our opinions based on our own personal experiences and probably be of little help to you, not to mention perhaps even give bad advice. Ahhh, but I guess in the end who cares what we think or feel, it is your life and your heart after all, isn’t it!!

 

This year my husband and I decided not to exchange gifts because of a costly vacation I am still paying off.. Well. sure he breaks the agreement, buys me a gift. I had to scrabble to think of something clever and I decided on a digital picture frame for his office.

 

So last year at this time we were only home a few weeks from Mexico where I had the emergency surgery. Last year on this day I could not even walk from the living room to the kitchen table for X-Mas eve dinner without help. I remember thinking that I did not know if I was going to recover at all and my life would never be the same again. So now here I am a year later, looking at pictures to put in his frame, some from last year. A year later I am healthy, happy and even have fond memories right before the incident... At the time it seems your world is falling apart, I guess it is, but we get past it, move on, life goes on and we find happiness again. I truly understand your pain on a few fronts but I absolutely can say with confidence that a year from now it wont matter that much. You won’t forget it, but it will just be one of those things that make you who you are, even wiser and stronger….

Wishing everyone a great holiday.

[bobandkelly]

Merry Christmas Everyone! I hope you all have a wonderful day tomorrow.

 

Smooth, thanks for the words of wisdom and the perspective on where each of us is. Why we are who we are. And who we will be a year from now. You wrote it for Gathina but it spoke to me and I am guessing it will to others.

Kelly