Too much spouse....??

[Offtune Angel]

I love the English language! When I read the title for this thread, I thought it was a reference to overeating on a cruise. :rolleyes:

My wife and I have been happily married for 23 years (unless you know something I don't know ;) )...we have worked at our careers for 23 years...does anyone else find that after 8-9 days, spending ALL our time together, on a cruise, that we've had a bit too much of one another??..is this what retirement is like???...

Doug and I have been happily married for 29 years. (He's happy -- just ask me:D) On our honeymoon cruise, the band could only play three songs. Our favourite became "(I'd Like To Get You On A) Slow Boat To China". All through our working lives, and raising the kids, we anticipated the time we could be together on long cruises - preferably a Slow Boat to China:D

 

Then Doug retired. After a few weeks of close contact, I was itching for him to get out of the house so I could do a proper, thorough cleaning. It was strange, after so many years of looking forward to Doug's retirement so we could be together all the time, I was shocked that I could want him away from me for a few hours. But I DID want some 'free' time. NOW, I'm just glad he's here.

 

Between January 26 and July 31st this year we had eleven funerals for people very close to us. The first was my younger brother's wife. Anne was only 52. She fought a hellish battle with cancer. My brother's loneliness has put so many more things into perspective for me.

 

We are the "hand-holding" type and cruises are our favourite method of travel. Together, we've been on five day, seven day and fourteen day cruises. The real test is coming up, 28 days on the ship, a flight across an ocean and two days in Florida post cruise. On a cruise, we are USUALLY together but there are times when he likes an afternoon nap, while I'm playing cards with Cruise Critic friends (he hates playing cards). So, we are not ALWAYS together but it works for us.

 

...Am I a bad person or just like everyone else... (Mind you, I've never found anyone I want to be tired of spending time with more that Mrs.Danno)??..

No you are NOT a bad person. (Ask Mrs. Danno, if you doubt me.) You are a PERSON. Now, go give Mrs. Danno a hug.

 

Terry

[janjay]

I for one look forward to the long uninterupted time with my man. And he hoes with me. We never plan vacations with friends for the very reason. In our lives all we have are distractions. Hubby works at our business 6 days a week and I also work full time. don't get me wrong we are not attached at the hip (or anywhere else) the whole time. We have some very different interests and prusue them. WE have been married 32 years and there isn't anyone I would rather spend my time with. By the way Danno, there is nothing wrong with being "bad"! ;)

 

Jano

[FreesiaE]

I agree-quit asking me if I want Evian; I'll only drink Aquafina :)

[moai]

This is a very interesting thread. Everyone posting here has been happily married for many years. Have we found the cure for divorce? Forget about counseling, arbitration or mediation, at the first sign of discontent the couple should go on a cruise and problem solve. What do you guys think? :D

[lougee1043]

there was a period of a few years where my wife and i worked for the same company--we would car pool together- and when the weekend came around and we went out it was exciting all over again

 

the both of us have traveled for 3 and 4 weeks at a time throughout europe and im not saying that it was 100% perfect but it was close enough that we continue to travel by ourselves most of the time----------- our biggest argument on board is that she likes to eat breakfast on the verandah and i want to go to the d/r where the service is a bit more leisurely----well we compromise and thats that ---if she wants to play blackjack and i dont --well she plays blackjack and i find another game and we meet up for a drink before turning in----------------------i never get tired of spending time with my wife and thats why she is my best friend--------------at this point in time i am retired and she works 2 days a week and i cant wait for her to come home so i can cook her dinner on those nites ------------got to run-she just walked in the door

[Cruise Junky]

I for one look forward to the long uninterupted time with my man. And he hoes with me.

Jano

 

Please tell me that's a typo ;)

 

Interesting question...on a cruise we have separate interests in the day when on ship and we'll do our own thing and then meet up every couple of hours....the real test was a 14 day all inclusive in Mexico last year. I honestly don't remember us doing anything apart and we loved it, not one fight, not one disagreement. We went through tons of books, reading and drinking under our Palapas (sp). That's a true test, not a cruise where there's lots to be distracted by in the day. "If we can survive....who's turn is it to roll off this lounger into the pool and fetch two double margaritas"...it's love :)

[Customcruiser]

My DH and I have been married almost 27 years. We have been in business together for the last 22 years, he is my best friend. We have many of the same interests, and some we do not(like what I am doing right now. He is watching "Law and Order"). When we go on a trip as our upcoming cruise, we each veg out and do our own thing. We love to play cribbage, bingo, horse races etc. not necessarily together. It is ok that we are not together every hour, but we do check on each other at times. I could not imagine being without him and vice-versa.

[janjay]

Please tell me that's a typo ;)

 

Hey what's wrong with alittle role playing...? Just kidding! Yep it sure was a typo...yikes. Freud are you watching?

[Jillc2]

I'm with Angel....Bill and I are both 54 and too many people have died this year. I look at my bro in law and can't even imagine how he's suriviving without his Penny. Hell, I'm barely surviving without her. Bill and I are hand holders and we are pretty joined at the hip on sea days and obviously in port. He has this thing about excercising and I bow out on that....if I don't take it off walking it becomes a little souvenier.

[Danno]

Ok...so as this evolves I'm beginning to look like a jerk who doesn't like being with his wife!! This couldn't be further from the truth...I just find that I'm not conditioned to be with one person from dawn to dark each day...sometimes I need some time by myself...if that makes me a bad person, then I guess I am :( .

[jturner901]

Been together 21 years, lived in sin for 6 of that and have been married for 13. I enjoy every second with her. Even those seconds when I want to strangle the hell out of her, I never have the need to get away. I know she would say the same about me too...er...I think?

[TEXASMUNK]

Trying to make trouble...again?

Seriously, Suzan and I have been married 29 years, I travel...alot. Crusing is our way of getting away from the never ending, day-to-day pressures of work, kids, kids asking for monye, kids asking for advise which leads to money, kids calling to tell us they love us and can we send money....

Some time during the cruise Suzan will always say, "why don't you go do this< I am going togo do that" seems she always knows when she needs some "space" or thinks I do.

Good question!

[marco]

Being married does not meet there is an umbilical cord between you or that you are joined at the hip. We usually travel with friends, so if it makes it easier to go off in different directions with other people, at times.

 

One may go golfing , the other shopping

 

One to the art auction, the other by the pool

 

One goes on an excursion, the other stays aboard and reads

 

One goes to a movie, the other the casino.

 

It give us more to talk about when we get togeather afterwards to "compare notes".

 

Even when not traveling with a group, it's easy to make friends, find common interests and on occasion, to things NOT with each other.

[LMKohler]

We have been married only ( :D ) 18 years. On our sixth cruise this year my DH went to a series of lectures (first time we have been apart on a cruise) and I had to find something to do!!!!!!!!!! Seriously, we both work all day every day and we want to spend as must time together as we can while on vacation.

 

Danno -- there are plenty of things you can do separately during the day -- question is -- how does your wife feel about this?

[Lois R]

Hi Dan:) ....I hope as an unattached person it is ok for me to reply to this post....last time I posted on a "non-drinkers" thread, I was told because I drink on a cruise it really wasn't appropriate to post on that thread.....

 

So, here goes.....Dan, I do NOT think, because you do things separately you are a BAD PERSON:confused: .......not sure where your thought process for that one came from.

I think only the 2 of you know what is good for each of you....from the way you have always spoken about Jill I am thinking you have quite a solid marriage.

I don't think there is anything wrong with doing things on your own. Now, this is from a person who has been divorced for 19 years;) .

 

If there is a chance I meet someone down the road one day....you can be sure I am not going lose my independence. That is part of my personality, part of who I am.

I would think you can be an indpendent person and still have a loving partner...to do things with on a cruise and to do things separately as well.

 

It sounds to me like you have a good thing!!!:D.....so, no, you are NOT a bad person!!!

[pjsugg]

This thread shows that you are not a bad person.

Tonight I am leaving for Phoenix to drive with a friend to Puerto Penasco, MX. She and I have been friends for 30 years and she recently had a relationship breakup. We were all supposed to go this long weekend, but of course, plans didn't stand. So, DH suggested that I fly and meet Monica and just the two of us have a ladies weekend. She is so very excited that DH suggested such a thing.

I must say that I already know I will miss him as we work, drive, live, socialize, shop and cruise together. But, I need to understand that sometimes it is healthy. You never know what is in store for you, especially as we get a bit older. 53, and 57. I look forward to being with my friend, and I look forward to coming home to John.

Lois, glad you joined in on the thread. Someone may be on the next cruise for you. Your input is always appreciated.

Patti

[StephenJohnson]

[quote name='Danno']Ok...so as this evolves I'm beginning to look like a [b]jerk[/b] who doesn't like being with his wife!! This couldn't be further from the truth...I just find that I'm not conditioned to be with one person from dawn to dark each day...sometimes I need some time by myself...if that makes me a bad person, then I guess I am :( .[/QUOTE]

Not at all, Danno.

What I see here just makes me think y'all should have some more separate time during the day. Pick solitary activities - reading, listening to music, what have you to get some solo time. I'm in the state of never getting enough time with my wife, at least in part because of travel for work. You probably aren't any more (lucky sod, not that I'm jealous or anything :rolleyes: ), so you probably ought to schedule some separate activities during cruise days - I bet you have them at home, no?

[NJGRANNY]

[size=3][color=blue]Danno,[/color][/size]
[size=3][color=#0000ff][/color][/size]
[size=3][color=#0000ff]DH and I have been married 45 years. The interesting thing is that throughout our marriage, we've gotten along better when we were together more rather than less - vacations, etc. I don't know if it's the absence of work stress or what, but since we've both retired, we get along fine. (and we've had our rocky times in the past). But, we each let the other pursue their own hobbies, interests, etc. We're not in each other's pockets all the time.[/color][/size]
[size=3][color=#0000ff][/color][/size]
[size=3][color=#0000ff]It's easy on the ship to have your own time - there are so many activities.[/color][/size]

[Desertbelle]

Maybe I misunderstood the original thought here. I never meant it to sound like my husband and I do everything together while cruising (or at any other time in our lives). We diffinitely do things on our own. We've even done separate vacations on a few occasions. He enjoys hunting, I cruise with my sister....stuff like that.

After all these years we still have a great time together...but together doesn't have to mean connected to each other 24/7. :)

[MISSYLOU]

No Danno you are not a jerk. DH says we have had 25 wonderful years together. Thing is we have been married 39 years. Don't know which part of the 39 were the most wonderful.:rolleyes:

We have the most fun together when on vacation and we enjoy having our own space during the day. Sometimes we have a table for two sometimes a large table at dinner. He likes to read. I like the casino. He takes in a movie. I relax on the balcony. And we enjoy meeting others together, having a few drinks and casual conversation.

So yes you can have "too much spouse" if you don't break away and follow your own interests for part of the cruise.

[Lois R]

Hi Patti, thank you:)

[Offtune Angel]

Danno, there is [b]absolutely NO [/b]way that you are a jerk. A jerk would be someone who didn't even think of addressing this issue because he is so wrapped up in himself. You have [b]never [/b]come across as "an egocentric, patronizing, ignoramus who has no respect for a partnership or another person" (my personal definition of a 'jerk').

In my opinion, the mere fact that you have raised your concern proves that you are a caring, thoughtful man who loves his wife and their relationship and wants to continue to have the best possible relationship -- but being human, you wonder if you are "doing the right thing" (whatever "right thing" may be). It's our nature to second-guess our actions, especially if you are surrounded by others who seem to be inseparable.

Continue to do what works for you two.:)

[marco]

Gee, Danno, I guess we need to reevaluate here. You may in fact, be a jerk.

But it would have nothing to do with whether or not you spend some time on a cruise without your spouse!!!

(Just kidding!!!!!!!)

Also, read your "Zenith" review. Glad you enjoyed the city prior to the cruise. And of all the cruises I've ever taken, NOTHING compares to sailing out of NY!!!!

[Danno]

[quote name='marco'] You may in fact, be a jerk.[/QUOTE]
Marco...I looked for you in NYC!! But all I could find were nice people :D !!

[marco]

Actually, someone called me as said, "Danno is going to be in town, so you will have to leave". So it did. Gee, what a jerk I am!!!