ADVICE IN Laws coming with us......Last vacation we had not so great read why.

[mom2351man]

Ok we are cruising together for the first time. I only have one cruise under my belt and they also....

We will be traveling seprate and have seprate cabins that are not next door more like down the hall about 7 rooms.

We all went to D.C. a month ago and it was very stressful not all the fault of them or us...... Just kids/hotel and we took a train that ended up to be a nightmare..I will spare you a ton of details.

Well its different now and I dont know really why.:( So now I am wondering about this cruise.......

I have done a ton of research because I dont like to not know what to do and in a place I dont know much about. D.C. they been there a few times and we were all walking in circles not knowing what to do next and I stayed in the background watching everyones frustration.

I dont want that......Trying to include her on a few things and its almost like I am pulling teeth....

I almost wish they were not going because instead of being happy about them going its stressing me a little.......

Has anyone have this happen and what did you do and what was the outcome and what advice would you have for me...................??:D

[uppitycats]

First, you have to be clear with yourself -- and with your inlaws -- that even though you all will be on the same ship together, that doesn't mean that you have to do everything together. Or for that matter, that you have to do anything together!

 

And you're all adults! You can all plan your own vacation, your own way. Some folks don't plan at all, and indeed DO "wander around" and are OK with that. Others need every detail pinned down, and are stressed when it doesn't go exactly as they planned. Many are somewhere in between -- we do some planning, but if circumstances change, then can comfortably switch mid-vacation.

 

So you figure out what you (and presumably) your family want to do..and do it. Let everyone know what you've planned, and if they want to join you, then they have to plan accordingly. Otherwise, you'll be following your plan -- maybe by yourself -- and that's OK. Maybe you'll all get together at dinner and share your day..or maybe breakfast is better, before you all head off doing your own thing. Or maybe only a couple of times during the week. There are no "right" answers..only what you all want to do!

 

And it's a VACATION, not a time for stress! You're trying to get away from stress!

[cb at sea]

Exactly! Set "ground rules" BEFORE you leave, so that everyone is on the same page.

[mom2351man]

Thank you to both above.....Great advice..sometimes when you are in the picture you cant see it.............:)

[akcruz]

I agree, make sure that everyone understand you don't have to be together all of the time. This is one of the reasons my family loves cruising as a vacation. We all have dinner together, go off the ship together, but the rest of the time we do things we want to do. Sometimes those things are together, sometimes they aren't. With your in-laws I would even go so far as to say that you don't have to do excursions together. Maybe you want to do something more active and they don't or vice versa.

 

Do your own thing and meet up at dinner each night to share your experiences. See who wants to do what the next day and if you all are together great, if not that is perfectly fine as well. Just make sure everyone agrees to this BEFORE sailing.

[mom2351man]

Yes I really like this idea for sure....Before talk about things....Have the hubby talk to mom because its better that way.....

 

This way its all settled before.

 

I am the type who likes to have a little structure but I dont like nothing at all and go off and wonder and get frusturated because no one can decide... I just sat back and walked with my boys and watch things get sticky.

 

This time I already have things I want to do and asked already if they would like to go if not that is fine but, I need some time to have things lined up.

 

It was told to me they needed to do some looking up....Good

 

I want to enjoy this trip/ been looking forward to it

[onthelake]

I am like you - I like to plan. So, look at the ports and see what would work best for your family. Then let your in-laws know what your tentative plans are for each port. Let them know they are free to join you if they wish. Also, since you have done your homework, let them know what other options are available to them. Also, point them to the shore excursions offered through the ship. That might be a good way to focus them. If you are just planning to have a beach day, a taxi is much cheaper than the ship's tour but maybe they want to visit some gardens or do an island tour. Your concern really needs to be the kids, not the grandparents.

 

It sounds like a good bit of the frustration from the last trip was that no one wanted to take the lead yet everyone had a 'wish list' of what to do. You can make that decision for your family and just guide them a little in making their decision. (Don't decide for them or if something doesn't go well, you may find out it is your fault!).

 

As other posters have said, have dinner together every night and talk over the day, meet up for trivia or some other shipboard activity that you all enjoy but don't take responsibility for their trip, their decisions or, more importantly, their happiness.

[mom2351man]

I am like you - I like to plan. So, look at the ports and see what would work best for your family. Then let your in-laws know what your tentative plans are for each port. Let them know they are free to join you if they wish. Also, since you have done your homework, let them know what other options are available to them. Also, point them to the shore excursions offered through the ship. That might be a good way to focus them. If you are just planning to have a beach day, a taxi is much cheaper than the ship's tour but maybe they want to visit some gardens or do an island tour. Your concern really needs to be the kids, not the grandparents.

 

It sounds like a good bit of the frustration from the last trip was that no one wanted to take the lead yet everyone had a 'wish list' of what to do. You can make that decision for your family and just guide them a little in making their decision. (Don't decide for them or if something doesn't go well, you may find out it is your fault!).

 

As other posters have said, have dinner together every night and talk over the day, meet up for trivia or some other shipboard activity that you all enjoy but don't take responsibility for their trip, their decisions or, more importantly, their happiness.

 

 

 

 

Great! Just right on target! I did let her know what was going on so its in there court. I feel good about all the comments.

[gerif]

Speaking as an in-law here, I think you have received some great advice. We might compare things we would like to do and if they happen to be the same things, fine - if not, that's fine as well. We might just meet up for dinner (after all, DH and I only occasionally have breakfast and lunch at the same time - and often do different activities on sea days). No one feels pressured.

[VikkiGarcia]

We love cruise vacations for our extendend family. We all meet for dinner in the dining room together every night. But other than that we do our own thing on the ship. We never have done shore excursions as a group. We do run into each other all over the ship and will sit together if we see each other in the buffet or showroom. My kids love kids club, hubby and I like time alone, and his parents like to move at their own speed. Dinner is a great time to catch up and find out what everyone did that day. Before our first cruise together I sold them on the idea with saying we would each be able to do our own "thing" and how much more "relaxing" it would be if we were not in each others "hair" the whole time.

[tkportersat]

I agree with what others as posted as we have traveled a few times with my parents. We ate dinner together every night but when it came to excursions we planned what we wanted - did some together and other times we chose different options. I refuse to let anyone dictate what I do on vacation, they are too pricey and infrequent to not be happy with what your doing. Have fun!! :D

[mom2351man]

Asked the hubby to talk with them about the whole situation so that its smoothed over before the cruise. Like all of you said its a vacation I dont need to get like this..............:)

[Julienatul]

We have taken trips with my in-laws and my parents as well. Its great as far as having extra hands to help with the kids. Its also nice to do your own thing during the day so everyone can meet back and talk about what they did that was fun. I think if everyone knows upfront that they dont all have to agree on everything every minute it works out great.

[Kerry's Girls]

When I cruised with my in-laws, as others have suggested above, I told them ahead of time that aside from dinner, I would not be able to commit to anything ahead of time since I need to be flexible with the kids. I did not want to ever have a set time to meet for breakfast or lunch because I didn't want the pressure of getting the kids ready at a certain time, or have to wait with hungry kids because it was before the set time. One thing we did do was meet in a lounge before dinner each night, which was really nice because the kids loved getting to dance with grandma and grandpa. And at least with a lounge, if either party was 10 min late, it wasn't a big deal since the setting was nice.

 

I brought along post-it pads and pens for all of us. When we left the cabin, we'd leave a note on our door with the time and where we'd gone (main dining room, swimming pool, bingo, etc.) which ended up being a great way for one party to find the other when we felt like getting together.

 

One really nice thing about the cruise was each of my girls got to spend some alone time with each grandparent (go for a swim, get some ice cream, art project, etc), which wouldn't usually happen on another type of vacation.

 

Best,

Mia

[Marie51]

I have traveled in large groups, both with family and friends. I feel that the most important thing is to realize that all of you don't have to do the same thing all the time. Everyone do whatever they want and meet up later for a meal. Makes for a better time for everyone.

[njmomof2]

We are travelling with my mom next month on our cruise. We have cruised before with her and she is an experienced cruiser as well. Our last cruise with her was on RC Mariner back in 2008.

 

I think that we had some issues with that trip, simply because I had unrealistic expectations. We did the Eastern itinerary and because of my mom's mild mobility issues (she's just not good at walking far distances or handling the heat well), we just didn't have a plan. Wandered around just like you in DC and I was extremely frustrated. That didn't turn out to be a good day.

 

This time, we're also doing Eastern, and frankly, I have very different expectations. My kids are older (12.5 and 8) and we have decided to swap our cabins...originally it was me, dh and ds8 in one cabin, mom and ds12 in another. But since we are separated by about 5 cabins, we decided that dh will room with ds12, allowing him more freedom when it comes to kids clubs and such (mom cannot go to sleep until he's back in the room). So dad and boy can hang out, have fun, hit the promenade for late night pizza, etc. and gramma and me can relax more.

 

Plus, since ds8 is not a fan of letting me go off for an excursion when he can't participate (he's not heavy enough to do the segway tours in PR), I think I'm sending dh and ds12 and gramma, ds8 and me will hang out and enjoy the ship.

 

This time, I'm just not stressing about it. If we all want to go off, great. If not, then dad and boy can go, we will stay, or if we really want to, gramma is okay with staying behind if it's too much for her.

 

I think clear expectations are key. Either you or dh (since it sounds like it's better from him) must communicate with them that no one needs to be joined at the hip. You have some excursions you want to do, if they want to join great. If not, you are not cancelling because of it. Enjoy your vacation, and that way you can enjoy your ILs too.

 

And believe me, if it were possible, I'd be joined at the hip with my mom...we are thatclose. I spend a lot of time with her, and we have one of those relationships that I value. But on vacation, when it's hot and there is a lot of walking, we have to be honest about what we want to do and what she can and cannot do, and work around it. So there are often tensions and difficulties even with the best of relationships.

 

I hope you have a wonderful cruise.

[eh24fan]

You have been given great advice here!

 

In April, we travelled with a group of 12 people that included my parents, my mom's parents, my hubands grandparents, the 4 of us and two women who are friends of my mom's. We were all clear that while we were travelling to the port together and our rooms were all together, that we were not spending the entire trip together.

 

We normally went to breakfast with my mom & stepdad because we were all ready at the same time, then we would usual run into the grandparents in the buffet. After that we would hit the pool area for awhile with the kids, my parents joined us and everyone just kind of did their own thing. On sea days we would run into each other out & about, have lunch together sometimes, then most afternoons we all ended up in the rooms resting (we have a 10 yr old and 3 yr old) so we would wander back and forth on the balcony since we had the dividers opened.

 

Dinner was the one time we were all together every day and it was GREAT! We usually went to see that evening's show together too if it was something we were all interested in.

 

We went with the notion that we'd all do our own things, but honestly ended up together most of the time. LOL

[MamaParrotHead]

First things first, agree that they can join you when they wish and do their own thing when they wish. I think that was the main secret of success to our 50+ person group cruise (including ages 2-86) last fall.

 

We all met for dinner. My 86 year old grandma opted to do some things with us, other days she just stayed on the ship while we were in port and found a spot to read and meet some fellow pax. My dad wandered off and did his own thing a lot, hit the casino, whatever, in the evenings. No strings.

 

I think that's the main thing. Let them know what your plans are, and the're welcome to join you if and when they want. No pressure.

[mom2351man]

Thank you all for all the wonderful ideas/comments/suggestions!!!! Its been a great help!:D

[tamsocal]

have cruised with family, friends, in laws. I'm a planner most of the time. DH & kids happily follows along. on a past alaska cruise & interior land tour-- I had soooo many things I wanted to do & see. There were also things that DH & kids wanted to. I typed up our tentative plans & forwarded to those cruising w/ us-- me-- going to ANAN to black bear viewing -- DH & kid doing the DUCK tour & then going to Creek Street/Discovery Center, etc. THose traveling w/ us were able to decide they werent interested in anything we were doing & some of the ports picked tours I was doing or DH & kid. They also knew that we might change our plans at any point in time & were free to change w/ us or keep the old plans-- we were all very flexible with this.

 

Upcoming cruise- we have been to every port we are cruising to-- not even sure if we will be getting off the ship-- we love sea days. I cut & pasted all of the old plans I had for each port we visited & what we did for the day & sent it to family members traveling w/ us so they could see if anything on our past done list interests them-- if yes-- we are happy to go with them-- since all of it was fun times or also told them if they research & find something they want to do-- let us know- we will go along assuming it is kid friendly. Has worked well for us as all the posts have noted above-- be clear w/ expectations. No firm meeting times for meal except dinner since we have a fixed time-- if you are hungry for bfast/lunch-- go eat or call us & see if we will be ready within an acceptable time-- but don;t be annoyed with us if we are not-- or if maybe we have already eaten because the kids got up at 6:30am & we weren't sure if you were up & didnt want to wake you-- so we just went to eat-- I also made no promises to call them at any bfast or lunch time if we were leaving 1st-- sometimes we remembered-- sometimes not-- getting 3 kids out the door at times was enough for me.

 

We all had a great cruise & the kids had great times w/ grandma & grandpa

[RoadTripFanatic]

I've not read all of the replies. I have cruised with my in-laws and my parents. Here is what I do. I tell them what I am doing. They are welcome to join us on our excursions. I set out the game plan. If they want to tag along they are more than welcome to join us. If they don't like what we are going to do they can find their own activities. It's also your vacation. You should do what you want to do. If they want to do that great! If not then they are on their own. If we skip excursions than I make sure we at least eat dinner together as a family. If we do an excursion then we don't have to eat dinner together. :) It's the only way to survive a trip. I have had trips where we only do one excursion the entire trip together. We all do what we want. :)

[TheCalicoCat]

I mentioned to a friend that we were going to invite my in laws to join us on a cruise. & She recoiled in pain, you see she did that with her in-laws (sister in law, brother, nephews, etc.) remembering how the biggest ship on the ocean felt like being in a dinghy...

 

They apparently did not have that pre-cruise talk about "doing our own thing on our own time table" or some one did not buy into it... (This is what would happen to us.)

 

My mil was going to suprise us & just show up... She waited too long to book & now the prices are too high - so they are not joining us - unless they are... ;)

[KAWS]

Tell them what you've got planned for your activities and if there's anything that you definitely want to do alone, tell them. Then they can decide if they want to come with you or do their own thing.

 

Agree to meet for dinner every night regardless of what activites happen during the day. That's always a nice thing when you're travelling together and personally I think it is a respectful thing to do all the way around.

 

We had sort of the opposite experience. We took DS and his fiance with us on a cruise. We had all our activities planned and encouraged them to book some of their own activities too. They did pick one excursion to do alone. The rest of the time they were with us. We were going for our idea of fun and they were a lot more laid back and seemed to be nervous about activities and excursion choices that we had planned. Sort of put a damper on things a few days. Either way we said NEVER AGAIN and don't want to go on vacation with them again. It's not their fault and it's not ours -- our ideas just differ tremendously about how we like to spend our time. Each evening though we did have dinner together and then sometimes they would come to the theatre with us (we always went).

 

One night it was really funny. We parted ways after the theatre and all said we were going to retire for the night. Dh and I snuck back out to go dancing by ourselves and we were right in the middle of a lively jive and we looked up and there they were standing at the entrance to the bar. haha Not sure who was more shocked! They left pretty quickly after that and hubby and I continued dancing and partying and having a blast.

 

Different strokes for different folks.

 

Just discuss things and plans ahead of time so that there will be no hard feelings. It's a lot easier to do that before you've left for the cruise than it will be once you're onboard. Parents or kids, depending on the situation tend to glob on to each other when they are unsure or afraid of new situations. So a little discussion aand understanding of each other's needs ahead of time will be very helpful.