Cruising 11 days after mom's funeral...

[Lois R]

Hi Cal.....thanks for your post. I agree with this..if I may quote you

"only you can decide what best fits your emotions, your ability to cope, and how you'd handle a myriad of emotions which would likely change [sometimes] almost moment by moment.

What's right for us may not be be right for you".

 

 

I have been reading this thread and I so agree with what you said....we are all

different...I could not cruise 5 days after my Dad died.....it was just

not something I felt I could do....not because of any type of guilt but

just because I had no feeling to cruise....hard to explain but I just had

no desire to go on one......

I see many folks can but I just wanted to thank you for the post.

Grief is something we all have to deal with in our own way.

 

And Melissa, again, please do what is best for you.:)

[Karen@Steve]

Melissa,

 

I'm so sorry for your loss. I was in a similar situation a few years ago when my mom passed very unexpectedly while we (Mom, Dad, dH and I) were getting ready for a special vacation we planned for them to Hawaii. During and after the flutter of dealing with everything my Dad kept insisting he couldn't go without Mom but we insisted saying we couldn't leave him behind and other family members changed their plans to meet us in Hawaii. It was very healing and left us with wonderful memories of the trip as we celebrated mom's life and made us remember how short our time is and to make the most of every minute. My dad never stopped talking about the trip right up until the time he pasted away just before a return trip was going to take place. Again we went remembering how precious every minute we have is.

 

Each time it made me more able to deal with the details when I got home, which btw were all still there. Please take that trip and know your mom will be with you in your heart.

[smellywax]

So sorry for your loss. Losing someone unexpectedly is very hard. I too had that happen and I can tell you one thing, the calm of the ocean really makes you feel a connection to them. I would talk to my dad on my balcony every night as if he was there...there were tears but also smiles as I remembered our trips together. When my husband and I would eat dinner, we would always say my dad would have liked that or he would definitely be ordering another one of those and we would laugh. Your mom is with you in your heart wherever you are and although there is a certain amount of guilt for traveling so soon, it will do you some good to relax and remember the good times.

[cantw8togo]

My sincerest condolences to you and your family. I have been sitting here reading all of the postings with tears in my eyes remembering the difficult time we had when my Dad passed away 20 years ago. Within a week of his funeral, my Mom, her best friend and myself were driving down to Florida in the middle of winter. Mom needed to get away and knew that was the best thing for her at that time. My hope is that you too will follow what you know in your heart to be the right thing for you.

 

Mom and Dad's dream had always been to go to Alaska, but they kept putting it off and then Dad became too ill to go; so the summer after Dad passed away, Mom and I made the journey. Skipping ahead 20 years, Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's last spring and with the daily slipping of memories, I decided that we need to embrace life while we still can and go on another adventure, (possibly her last, but hopefully not.) Next month we will be going on what will be Mom's first Caribbean cruise and while onboard we will be celebrating her 79th birthday and the 20th anniversary of my Dad's passing. It will be nice to do as much or as little as we want during our time away together.

 

As I read these posts, I have to come to realize that this trip too is a part of the grieving process for my mother's decline and the inevitable loss that is to come. Both my parents valued travel and made sure that my brother and I were bitten by the travel bug at an early age. I can't think of a better way to honour them.

 

Okay, I'm going to stop crying now...

[Mel&Ken]

Wow....I had no idea so many people have been in my situation. I feel as though I just had a break through therapy session. Reading these posts brought up things I didn't even realize I was feeling.

 

Thank you so much everyone for your kind words, your advice on what lies ahead and your encouragement. We are taking the cruise as planned. I will be taking the advice of many of you and just go with flow....it may be a quiet week, or a busy week - who knows. I expect there will be tears but I won't feel guilty for the laughter. I find myself often asking what my mom would want for me and without question she would want me to go.

 

Ironically my mom has been trying to get me to cruise for years and years and this is our first one - she was so excited for us. My mom and I were booked on a cruise in 2005 but got stranded in Miami during hurricane Wilma and our ship couldn't come to the dock.

 

I can't thank you enough for all your posts - thank you for sharing your stories with me and helping me in the difficult time.

[cantw8togo]

Wow....I had no idea so many people have been in my situation. I feel as though I just had a break through therapy session. Reading these posts brought up things I didn't even realize I was feeling.

 

Thank you so much everyone for your kind words, your advice on what lies ahead and your encouragement. We are taking the cruise as planned. I will be taking the advice of many of you and just go with flow....it may be a quiet week, or a busy week - who knows. I expect there will be tears but I won't feel guilty for the laughter. I find myself often asking what my mom would want for me and without question she would want me to go.

 

Ironically my mom has been trying to get me to cruise for years and years and this is our first one - she was so excited for us. My mom and I were booked on a cruise in 2005 but got stranded in Miami during hurricane Wilma and our ship couldn't come to the dock.

 

I can't thank you enough for all your posts - thank you for sharing your stories with me and helping me in the difficult time.

 

No, thank you. It has been wonderful and theraputic to read through everyone's stories and to think back on my own experiences. I (and I'm sure everyone else for that matter too,) is glad to hear that you are going. The sea is a special place. If you don't have a balcony, be sure to search out a quite place where you can just sit and watch the waves roll by. Perhaps others who have sailed on the Eclipse will be able to tell of special places on board.

 

Since this is your first cruise and you have nothing to compare it to, all future cruises will be extra special as they will have a connection to this milestone in your life. I'm sure you will have a very special time and I wish you all the best.

 

Bon Voyage!

[artmc]

Dear Melissa;

 

Please accept my condolences.

 

Talk about close to home. My dear father died of cancer on December 23, 2010. My wife and I were scheduled to leave on a cruise in late November of that year. Though the doctors assured me he'd still be alive upon our return (and he would've been), I insisted on cancelling 2-3 days before our departure. I don't regret it as I got invaluable time with him - listening to his final thoughts, learning a family secret or two, and telling him good things he needed to hear from me. There's no way I could've enjoyed myself then.

 

Shortly after his passing, DW and I rebooked for early February, less than two months later, an 8-day Caribbean cruise. We also visited Key West, a place Dad had been and recommended to me in large part because he was, and I am, big Ernest Hemingway fans. (For the uninitiated, Hemingway's home and favourite watering holes are tourist attractions there.) He also told me how the highway to Miami is one of the great road journeys and we did it.

 

The cruise itself was extremely enjoyable. Quiet days by the pool with cold drinks and good books (one of them Hemingway's To Have and Have Not) were extremely therapeutic. Those who said how the ocean is soothing are right. To be sure, I shed a quiet tear or two, but I had warm thoughts arising from so many positive memories. I got to see the Panama Canal, a bucket-list item, and I thought how Dad, knowing how I had an interest in great engineering projects, would have been happy for me. Indeed, I like to think he was smiling above, happy that I was able to enjoy myself, despite my grief.

 

I'm guessing your mother would have similar thoughts.

 

Melissa, I assure you: shedding tears will not prevent you from deriving joy on your cruise. It may not be the "happiest" vacation you'll ever go on, but it might be the most valuable and cherished.

 

Again, I'm sorry for your loss...and Bon Voyage!

 

Arthur C.

[KeywestK]

Wow....I had no idea so many people have been in my situation. I feel as though I just had a break through therapy session. Reading these posts brought up things I didn't even realize I was feeling.

 

Thank you so much everyone for your kind words, your advice on what lies ahead and your encouragement. We are taking the cruise as planned. I will be taking the advice of many of you and just go with flow....it may be a quiet week, or a busy week - who knows. I expect there will be tears but I won't feel guilty for the laughter. I find myself often asking what my mom would want for me and without question she would want me to go.

 

Ironically my mom has been trying to get me to cruise for years and years and this is our first one - she was so excited for us. My mom and I were booked on a cruise in 2005 but got stranded in Miami during hurricane Wilma and our ship couldn't come to the dock.

 

I can't thank you enough for all your posts - thank you for sharing your stories with me and helping me in the difficult time.

 

Melissa, I am really glad you decided to continue with your plans for this cruise. Please check in with us when you get back, as I think we'd all like to know how you are doing.

[grammax3]

Melissa, sorry for the loss you have endured.

 

So happy to hear you will go on this cruise, being it is your first and especially since your Mom was so happy you were going. You will probably enjoy this cruise more than you realize since you will be among strangers and not have to answer a lot of questions about your Mom. It will give you a lot of down time, which you probably need right now.

 

Never, whether on this cruise, or in the future, feel guilty about having a good time. You were put on this earth to be you, not what others expect you to be. Enjoy life, for as they say....life is short.

 

It seems from your posts your Mom was a remarkable person, having raised a fantastic daughter.

 

Enjoy your cruise, and let us know how it was. You may be surprised that just by chance you will find others on this cruise going through the same things as you are experiencing now.

[dln929]

Wow....I had no idea so many people have been in my situation. I feel as though I just had a break through therapy session. Reading these posts brought up things I didn't even realize I was feeling.

 

Thank you so much everyone for your kind words, your advice on what lies ahead and your encouragement. We are taking the cruise as planned. I will be taking the advice of many of you and just go with flow....it may be a quiet week, or a busy week - who knows. I expect there will be tears but I won't feel guilty for the laughter. I find myself often asking what my mom would want for me and without question she would want me to go.

 

Ironically my mom has been trying to get me to cruise for years and years and this is our first one - she was so excited for us. My mom and I were booked on a cruise in 2005 but got stranded in Miami during hurricane Wilma and our ship couldn't come to the dock.

 

I can't thank you enough for all your posts - thank you for sharing your stories with me and helping me in the difficult time.

 

My heartfelt condolences to you, Melissa. I think you honor your beloved mother' memory by going on this cruise. She would be so proud of you.

[CelebrityMan]

Melissa, I am really glad you decided to continue with your plans for this cruise. Please check in with us when you get back, as I think we'd all like to know how you are doing.

 

I heartily agree. Your Cruise Critic sisters & brothers would like you to check back post-cruise. :D

 

 

CM

[sealover155]

Hello Melissa - Your situation resonates with me also.

 

Several weeks before our Baltic cruise I had the same experience. My Mother died suddenly and I was responsible for most of the arrangements, 2500 miles from my home.

 

We decided to go through with the cruise as we had planned and studied for so long. Like so many others, I found the sea air and exquisite beauty and the adventure of it all to be healing. And, it got me away from well-intensioned well wishers' phone calls and cards. After awhile, you just need a break from all of that.

 

For my husband and me, it was the right thing to do. Had it not been such a special trip I might have given it a second thought, but in retrospect it was the correct decision for us.

 

One more thing you might find interesting: when we returned, I accompanied my husband to our acupuncturist - yet another gym injury. The acupuncturist asked me how I was and I told him about my Mother's death and that I was fine except I was having trouble sleeping. He said, "Oh, you're still grieving". I said, no I was fine, she lived a good, long life and I was OK with it. He told me to go into the next room and lay down on the table. After he finished setting up my husband, he came into see me and put several needles in my back, painlessly I might add. Within a minute I was sobbing, heaving uncontrollably for about 10 minutes - I'm not a crier. That night, and thereafter, I slept.

 

Celebrity offers acupuncture.......

 

All the best to you.

 

Mary Anne

[buffi001]

Melissa,

 

Every case is so different, and the way we cope with things is very

individual, but I will tell you my circumstance and see if it helps. My dad

died in September of this year. He was my last remaining parent, and, although 91, he died suddenly. I had two events scheduled.....knee

replacement, three days after he died, and a cruise in November. I labored

over whether to cancel the surgery, and ultimately, whether to cancel the cruise. I decided to go ahead with both, and I'm glad I did.

 

First of all, there's not a single thing you can change about your situation. For me, it was good to occupy my mind something other than the death, funeral, will etc. The rehab from the surgery kept me busy and took my mind off the miserable circumstances that are unavoidable. The relaxation of the cruise was an escape from the immediate stress and grief you can't avoid, and the calming presence of the ocean was a welcome relief . There is no escaping that you are going to be sad wherever you are, but I found the cruise experience to be soothing, while still giving me options to keep my mind occupied.