Cruising 11 days after mom's funeral...

[Sloop-JohnB]

Meslissa, if you weigh the benefits of staying at home vs. going on the cruise, I think it will be obvious that the cruise would be the better choice. It is not though you could do anything that would benefit your mother by staying at home.

 

Granted, it will take time to heal and you will experience sadness either way. But there is something very therapeutic about being at sea, just the peacefulness looking out at the ocean and up at the sky, watching the changing cloud formations, the sunrises and sunsets.

 

On the cruise you will be pampered and taken care of at this difficult time in your life when you can really use some pampering. It will provide you a respite from needing to cope with the problems and decisions and chores of everyday life for a little while. There will be time enough to deal with all that after you return home.

 

If you just ask yourself what the advantages would be of not going, I think you will have your answer.

 

 

TO FECKLE,

 

I like the way you think. Something can certainly be said for being at one with nature (Ocean - Sky - Clouds - Sunrises - Sunsets) to make one truly "see" that we are all part of a much bigger picture. And as the poem / verse goes "To Everything a Season"

 

As you say, there is always time enough for the mundane of "everyday**"... it is what we choose to do with "every other day**" in our lives that really matters to ourselves and those around us (be they here or gone)

 

**In truth they are the same days, just our perspective that is different !!

 

Cheers!

[Denny01]

Our thoughts are with you.

 

There is always a certain level of guilt over continuing our daily lives and enjoying things when we lose someone close, it's very natural, especially something as enjoyable as a cruise. But think about being at home, and starting to be your friends and family, going to the movies, enjoying a night out at dinner and socializing.....it's just part of life that we all continue our lives. We can recognize the pain of the loss, but we also need to continue to enjoy our lives . Many cultures have 'wakes' where people celebrate the life of the departed with stories, joking, laughing and socializing as part of the grieving.

 

As shared before, this is a very personal choice, but a lot of your concern has been shared by most of us - how do we go on and enjoy life after a loss....we just do. So I would cruise...meet new frieinds, think back on the good times, and personal times you had, and continue to enjoy life.

 

Den

[zelker]

Melissa - let me join with the others in expressing my sympathy for your loss. I, too, am an only child and know how hard it becomes to make decisions and deal with things alone (and yes, I had my incredibly supportive DH and my mom's two sisters to help, just like you, but still, I SO can appreciate how difficult it is to even find a moment to breathe sometimes).

 

Since you mentioned that your mom loved to travel, I wanted to share what I did to make some special memories of my mom on our cruise (which happend to fall over my birthday and Mother's Day and compounded my grief). We were in the Med and on our first cruise. I decided to take a few roses that I had saved from her memorial service with me and at sailaway and in each port, I found a beautiful place to spend a few quiet moments with my thoughts and then I scattered some petals (and took a photo of them when they didn't scatter too far). It's been 8 years now and I still cherish those memories of that trip so much. So if you go, maybe this can inspire you to find a special way to honor your mom's memory, too.

 

Your mom will live forever in your heart.

 

Barb

[packedandready]

Just recently cruised after just placing my mother in a nursing home with alzheimer's. I wanted desperately to cancel my cruise, but it was booked with my mother-in-law (as a favor to her) and I couldn't get out of it. If I cancelled it would have meant she, her brother and sister-in-law would have to cancel and I just couldn't see how I could do that to them.

 

It was the first time I was dreading a cruise and didn't see how I was going to make it for a week not being able to be reached.

 

Well, everything was fine. Can't say I didn't worry some and think about it A LOT but I was able to disconnect somehow and relax, something I hadn't done in months. It was a very different cruise but helped me recharge.

 

Go on your cruise without any expectations and relax.

[Presto2]

As you can gather from the title, my mom has recently died. She had a brain aneurysm rupture on Dec 23rd and never regained consciousness. Yesterday was her funeral.

 

Throughout the 2 weeks I spent at the hospital I didn't even think of our cruise and when I did, my intent was to cancel it. Now my family and husband have convinced me to take the cruise - and they are right in saying my mother would HATE to know that I cancelled a trip because of her. My mom loved travel and was supposed to go away for 2 weeks the day we got back.

 

It has been a very exhausting 3 weeks and I know the down time will do me some good, I am also well aware that this won't be the cruise we thought it would be.

 

I guess I am wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation - did you feel guilty (as I sometimes do) did you even enjoy it at all, am I going to be a downer for everyone around me? I honestly think I am still in shock at what has happend in the past few weeks and I find it bizarre planning for a trip and not being the least bit excited about it.

 

Words of advice????

Melissa

 

My mother in law died at the end of July 7 yrs ago and we had had to cancel a holiday as a result of her illness. We immediately booked a holiday for the 2 weeks after the funeral as we knew that that was the only break we would have together afterwards for a year ---- we really needed that break and do not regret it. It was not easy though -

 

My mother passed away in March 2011 after a 12 month battle with cancer. It was an horrific time from the diagnosis in Sept to her passing at the end of March 2011. We went on a holiday to Cyprus at the end of April just to spend some time together as a couple (we hadn't had much time together throughout her illness).

To us Cyprus was the place to go to escape and to rest --------- Paphos is one of the best places we have ever found to do that.

 

We do not feel guilty - our mums cared for us and loved us ----- and I am sure that they both would have wanted us to just chill (as much as you can) and to take care of one another,

 

We know that our mums loved us and know that they would want what was best for us --------

 

Am sure that your mum loved you too and you loved her ----- bet she would have wanted the best for you-

 

Our thoughts are with you and your family ----

 

xx

[Lois R]

Hi Melissa, sending you my most heartfelt condoleneces and best

wishes.

I can relate as I lost my Dad at the very end of August. I had a cruise

booked for Sept 4th (which was booked months before he died). Anyway,

he died on August 30th....there was no way I could go on the cruise.

He loved to travel as well but it was much too soon for me. We all

have our way of greiving and there is our own time for greiving.

I ended up taking a cruise in November (a replacement for the

cancelled one)....I had a good time but it was still very different than

my usual cruise. I spent alot of time thinking of my Dad.....and helping

my heart heal..though it has now been just 4 months and part of me

is still mourning.

 

You do what is best for you.....if you feel like you want to go...

then go...if you feel like you are not ready, then don't force yourself

to go.......there is no right or wrong. Just do what you feel best doing.

 

Again, my heartfelt wishes go out to you.......

[Laurab23]

So sorry for your loss.As others have said,do what you think is right for you.I think it will do you a world of good to go.I speak from personal experience.

 

Feb 2009 my daughter announced her engagement.March 2009 my Mom was diagnosed with overian cancer and given 3 months to live.She had to go to a nursing home because the cancer had invaded other parts of her body.My daughter and I were at the nursing home almost every day,along with planning all the wedding details.My daughters wedding was the first week of Nov 2009 and my cruise was the following week.These plans had already been made and we figured with what the dr said there was no way my Mom would last past 3 months.Well my Mom lived from March-Oct.Died Oct 31,one week before the wedding.I knew she would not want us to change any of our plans.As she had already said she would be dead and there was nothing more we could do by staying home.

So we had calling hours on Tues.funeral on Wed rehearsal dinner on Friday wedding on Saturday and the next Sat we left on our cruise.I so needed that cruise to relax and regroup.Yes,there were alot of moments I cried but I couldn't bring her back and I was where she wanted me to me.A different cruise but a good one anyway.

 

Laura

[backyardponder]

Very sorry for your loss.

 

What would you want your kids to do if they were in your situation? That should help guide your decision.

[Breezey]

So sorry for your loss. My mother died from Alzheimers a month before we were to go on an Alaskan cruise a few years ago. There was no doubt in my mind that I was going to go because that's exactly what she would have wanted me to do. Plus my family members encouraged us to go also because they knew my mother would have wanted it.

We saw her slowly decline over an 8 year period and while at certain times I was sad, I knew that for me, I did the right thing.

[madelinerose]

Melissa, trust your intuition. It will never steer you wrong.

 

My sincere condolences to you.

[cruzngrl]

Go on the cruise. I learned Thanksgiving day that my Father has terminal Cancer and was told by the Dr. that he has three months. Our cruise is scheduled for March....My first thought was to cancel as well. My Father loved cruising and would do several a year. He hasn't been able to in the last few years because of other health issues and this saddens me because he loves it so. I am in a dilema as well. He could pass right before I go which would make for a miserable trip, pass while I am on the cruise which will make for a miserable trip, or pass when I return. I was told in no uncertain terms that I was to go and to enjoy it for him. What the future brings I do not know but I do know that every day I am on the ship I will be looking at his fondest memories and to make them mine as well. I will go, and as I am looking at what he loved I will tell him every day how much I love him and wish he was here.

[Ma Bell]

My heartfelt sympathy to you as well. There's not a lot to add to what have been some caring, insightful posts from others. I'm sure you will do what is right for you. Whatever you decide, I wish you strength, peace and healing.

[coldweathergirl]

Sorry for your loss. This spring my husbands mother unexpectedly developed a perforated bowel and quickly deteriorated. She passed away within 12 hours. My DH and I had a trip planned to Las Vegas later that week which we had planned months prior to her illness. We debated whether we should cancel. After much consideration we decided to go. It was great to just get away and spend some time together. We were sad about her passing but glad we took the trip.

 

Approximately 1 month later, my mother became very ill and passed away approximately 3 weeks later. We again had a trip planned to take our kids to Europe on a cruise and post cruise week in Barcelona. Our trip left one week after she passed away. Again we contemplated cancelling but felt that we again needed the time to spend together.

 

On both of these trips, we were able to reminisce about the good times we had with our respective mothers and family. I'm glad we didn't cancel.

 

In the end though Melissa, it is what you feel right about. I did contemplate cancelling because initially I thought "what people will think" if we go away right after their deaths but spending time alone with your family is a great way to help heal.

[Blue Lagoon]

This has happened twice to us.

 

The first time my Dad died suddenly two days before our cruise. We got arrangements in place and then let my brothers take over with the details until we arrived home.

 

The second time, my husband received news of his mother's passing while we were 2 days into a transatlantic crossing. We knew she was fading and anticipated the worse while we were absent. A lot of decisions we made before we left land. We carried on with our travel plans and funeral details, etc. were handled by email and phone.

 

I know it's hard to know what to do. What will people think of us having a good time when we should be in mourning crossed our minds. But I often find that my most contemplative moments are when I am at sea. I was grateful for the quiet time onboard to remember the good times and fond memories of our loved ones who were no longer with us.

[Project_gal]

Melissa

 

First, please accept my condolences.

 

I have not been in your situation but I hope I can add a little because of a conversation I had with my mother a few days before our last cruise. My uncle [by marriage] died suddenly in his sleep 10 days before our cruise. My mother said to me that she would hope to go that way and I said that I hoped that it would not be as close to us due to leave for a cruise. Her response was that, if it did happen, she would hope that we would still go on our cruise. I am sure that, if you had been able to have that conversation with your mother, she would have said the same thing.

 

I do know that, when my father died, I did not get the opportunity to let myself grieve. At the time, work was frantic and I was torn between supporting my mother and work. I thought this was OK because my mother was going to my brother, in Canada, for Christmas and work would calm down around then. Unfortunately, at that point, I developed health problems culminating with major surgery a few months later. I never found the time to work through my grief. You will have the space and calm to do this on your cruise.

 

Sue

[ladylemondrop]

Hi Melissa, the sea can be very healing, there will be areas you can sit in quiet, it will be good for you, if you stay home you will always wonder "what if" as others have said, your mom would want you to go of course! And as they also say, she will be with you in spirit, you are being so brave already!:)

[NorthCarolinaBelle]

Melissa, my heart goes out to you. I lost my mother almost seven years ago, and I still miss her so much. Please don't feel pressure to stay home from your cruise, but on the other hand, don't feel pressure to go ahead with it either. People mean well, I am certain, when they say to go because your mother would want you to. But if you don't feel up to it, then stay home. We all handle grief differently. If you want to postpone your cruise, then do so, but by all means plan to take one during the next few months. Grieving is exhausting work. Be gentle and patient with yourself. I have prayed for you and will continue to keep you in my prayers.

[cage keeper]

Sorry for your loss. Mothers and Fathers are so special to us and so hard to loose at any age. We did a huge family Disney World vacation a couple of weeks after my Father passed. It really was great for the kids and Disney was Dad's favorite place. When ever we went on one of his favorite rides or ate in a restaurant he loved I felt as though he was enjoying it with us.

[TPCRUISER2]

This is the time of year my mother also died and i took a cruise also a few days after she had been buried and it was also just before a big birthday. Remember that cruise and was glad i went. Sounds like you need your cruise. Try to enjoy and pamper yourself. Thoughts and prayers!

[CaroleLee]

As you can gather from the title, my mom has recently died. She had a brain aneurysm rupture on Dec 23rd and never regained consciousness. Yesterday was her funeral.

 

Throughout the 2 weeks I spent at the hospital I didn't even think of our cruise and when I did, my intent was to cancel it. Now my family and husband have convinced me to take the cruise - and they are right in saying my mother would HATE to know that I cancelled a trip because of her. My mom loved travel and was supposed to go away for 2 weeks the day we got back.

 

It has been a very exhausting 3 weeks and I know the down time will do me some good, I am also well aware that this won't be the cruise we thought it would be.

 

I guess I am wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation - did you feel guilty (as I sometimes do) did you even enjoy it at all, am I going to be a downer for everyone around me? I honestly think I am still in shock at what has happend in the past few weeks and I find it bizarre planning for a trip and not being the least bit excited about it.

 

Words of advice????

Melissa

 

Melissa,

My sympathy for your loss. Its a very difficult thing both emotionally and financially. You are probably spinning and the reality of the loss has hit. Do not feel guilty. Getting away and breathing may be the best option for you & your DH. I assume that you hvae alreday done a great deal of planning etc. Personally I would take the trip. One evening a sunset stand on you balcony, raise a glass in Mom's memory & say a prayer. She will hear you.

Carole

[Poconolady]

Melissa,

Please accept my sincerest sympathies for your loss. We have faced similar situations recently. Several years ago my Father passed away suddenly fouur days before we were to leave on an Alaskan cruise. My mother urged us to continue with our plans since Alaska was my Dads favorite place,he went yearly to various fishing camps around the state. I said my final goodbyes to my Dad at a minuscule island in a lake outside of Ketchikan. We were on a private flight tour and landed, my Mom had given me a quarter to throw into the water to remember him by, that quarter was one that had saved from his trip the year that Alaska was admitted as a state.

My Mom passed this past summer, my mother in law and two aunts passed this past fall. We went ahead with our plans to take a TA in Nov and I am so glad that we did. Those two weeks of being away gave me plenty of time to think and reminisce about all of the wonderful times that I had spent with these f our great ladies. They all would have loved that cruise--I like to think that they were worth us, following us every step of the way.

Ultimately you will have to decide what is right for you-- I found it very healing.

[Grandma Rambo]

I am so very sorry for your loss.

 

Three and a half years ago our daughter died from brain cancer. She had it from age 28 and battled it for 14-1/2 years. I didn't realize how much of my life was spent being with my dear Susie. The void she left was almost all consuming. My husband was very supportive and took me to Spain for two weeks. It was totally different, not even a cruise. I know that I cried frequently and he feared he made an error in taking me away. But, I remember that trip as being right there on top of my most favorite -- and we've have many. I knew for sure that Susie came along on the trip with us when the attendant on the plane called me "Mamma cita" (don't know how it's spelled). Susie called me that all the time. When we asked several locals the meaning and they said it is not a term used in Spain, but one of respect and endearment. We have four cruises planned and the one coming up on March 29 is #17. It is true what others have posted that you will be in a totally different "space" and will be waited on with those big smiles. You can do anything or nothing, but the point is that it won't be the normal day to day stuff at home. It will all be there when you get home. Give yourself all the time you need to heal. There is no "time enough" and if someone tells you it's been long enough, just walk away because they mean well, but do not know what they are talking about. Go on the trip. Yes, it will be different, but will give you a little breather for the present time. I am crying with you and will pray for you.

 

My best,

Jennie

[sazzinfredericton]

It has been my experience and others as well that you will feel your mom's warmth, love and spirit wherever you are and for as long as you need her.

 

The heartache will be there no matter where you are. Should you decide on the cruise, you will have time to re-energize, seek the solitude and the beauty of the peace and serenity the ocean brings.

 

 

 

Nancy.

[CelebrityMan]

Melissa,

 

First of all, I join the others in this thread in offering my sincere sympathies to you & your family in the loss of your mother.

 

Seven (7) years ago this spring I was in your shoes. My father was terminal with cancer and we knew his time was short. Our first impression was to cancel our 16-day cruise and try to recoup the vacation time by just being at home — either to be with Dad in his final hours or to mourn his passing.

 

He died on April 2nd. His funeral was on the 9th, and 12 days later we flew to Ft. Lauderdale to spend a couple days of 'down time' before leaving on the cruise.

 

It was, for us a very good thing to do. Having a wonderful, encouraging, supportive group of Roll Call/Celebrity Connections participants helped immensely. It was one of the most rejuvenating cruises we've ever done.

 

But only you can decide what best fits your emotions, your ability to cope, and how you'd handle a myriad of emotions which would likely change [sometimes] almost moment by moment. What's right for us may not be right for you.

 

We pray that, if you decide to make the trip, you will find a wonderful time of relaxation, refreshment and renewal on your cruise. I'm sure you will, as I did, feel your parent smiling upon you and sense their presence of reassuring comfort.

 

Peace and wonderful memories by yours.

 

 

 

CM

[cruise love]

Melissa,

 

First of all, I join the others in this thread in offering my sincere sympathies to you & your family in the loss of your mother.

 

Seven (7) years ago this spring I was in your shoes. My father was terminal with cancer and we knew his time was short. Our first impression was to cancel our 16-day cruise and try to recoup the vacation time by just being at home — either to be with Dad in his final hours or to mourn his passing.

 

He died on April 2nd. His funeral was on the 9th, and 12 days later we flew to Ft. Lauderdale to spend a couple days of 'down time' before leaving on the cruise.

 

It was, for us a very good thing to do. Having a wonderful, encouraging, supportive group of Roll Call/Celebrity Connections participants helped immensely. It was one of the most rejuvenating cruises we've ever done.

 

But only you can decide what best fits your emotions, your ability to cope, and how you'd handle a myriad of emotions which would likely change [sometimes] almost moment by moment. What's right for us may not be right for you.

 

We pray that, if you decide to make the trip, you will find a wonderful time of relaxation, refreshment and renewal on your cruise. I'm sure you will, as I did, feel your parent smiling upon you and sense their presence of reassuring comfort.

 

Peace and wonderful memories by yours.

 

 

 

CM

 

I was not going to reply to this post. Many of the responses have brought me to tears, but this last one said it all for me. my dad died some years ago and after about 6 months we all took a family holiday to Israel (somewhere he had been and always wanted to go to again). I can not tell you the rush of emotion that I felt. I still cry today when i think about it Somewhere, and it could be anywhere and at any time you to will have this experience. You don't realize till to you stop how draining hospital visiting funerals and the aftermath is. you need time to regroup (hate that expression) and I think that the cruise is just the place to do this.

 

Cruise Love