Teenage safety

[SpicyI]

I know I'm asking lots of questions today.... but the weather is terrible and I can only think of our upcoming vacation!

 

I'm an overly-worried mom so if you have teenage girls, how safe do you feel letting them wander around the ship together but without adults? They are not excited about the teens club as they have done it before and were bored. Won't be able to text so plan on using the ships phone messaging system for checkins. Walkie Talkies are annoying so those will probably stay home. I trust them to check in but am just concerned about their physical safety.

[DorothyB]

How old / mature are they? Will there be just two of them?

 

There is a big difference between 13 and 16 :)

[SpicyI]

How old / mature are they? Will there be just two of them?

 

There is a big difference between 13 and 16 :)

 

13 and 15.5....Will have some younger cousins with them that may or may not be hanging out with them as well....(2 teenage boys and an elementary aged girl).

 

They are all very well behaved and know all about "stranger-danger", blah blah blah....but things can happen that they are unable to protect themselves from.

[mjkacmom]

My oldest was 14 on our last cruise, and she was with such a large group, I never worried. This time, my middle child will be 12 1/2, and I told herself she can sign herself out of the club, provided she's not alone, and lets us know where she is going (leaving a message in the cabin, or if the iconcierge on the Breakaway works). She is out and about a lot in town here with her friends.

[Overdue4cruise]

Thank you for posting this question. I have the same exact worries (DD will be 14) and my DH and I were just talking about it the other day. She is very mature and responsible, but I am worried about other teens, if you know what I mean:)

 

Hopefully we'll get some helpful tips from other seasoned cruisers.

[DevCruise]

I've been on three NCL cruises and never saw anything that would concern me. However, do remember you're talking the population of a small city onboard ship.

[Sparkygirl]

You may want to ask this over on the family cruise board as well.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[SpicyI]

Thank you for posting this question. I have the same exact worries (DD will be 14) and my DH and I were just talking about it the other day. She is very mature and responsible, but I am worried about other teens, if you know what I mean:)

 

 

 

There are reports online (if you google it) about various sexual assaults by other passengers and even crew members. I trust my kids but I don't neccessarily trust that all strangers are not out to harm kids.

 

Sorry if that sounds harsh......

[tammy531]

My DS will be 13 on our cruise and is teasing his brother (9) that he will have roam of the ship...I don't think I am ready for that! He is well behaved and has never gotten into any trouble, but as you said, anything can happen. I am hoping he likes the teen club and will want to hang out there.

 

sent from my Samsung galaxy s3

[Overdue4cruise]

There are reports online (if you google it) about various sexual assaults by other passengers and even crew members. I trust my kids but I don't neccessarily trust that all strangers are not out to harm kids.

 

Sorry if that sounds harsh......

 

I know, that's why we are worried. Also thought about walkie talkie, but annoying as you mentioned. Maybe we'll just have her hangout with us .. Better safe than sorry

[mjkacmom]

My DS will be 13 on our cruise and is teasing his brother (9) that he will have roam of the ship...I don't think I am ready for that! He is well behaved and has never gotten into any trouble, but as you said, anything can happen. I am hoping he likes the teen club and will want to hang out there.

 

sent from my Samsung galaxy s3

 

They tend to meet up there, but then head out. Dd went to lunch every day with her new friends, and some dinners. They all kept in touch on facebook. Although it's a small city, I find I run into my kids all of the time. Actually, a lot more than when they're in town. It's more like being in the same mall, on a smaller scale (since you only utilize certain decks most of the time).

 

This time, my teens are 15 and 17, so I'm not worried (dd17 has travelled alone via bus, train, and plane, and has done well).

[cruisecritiquer]

I doubt there is anything anyone can tell you to truly put your mind at ease about them roaming around on the ship. All you can do if you want to allow that is set all the boundaries/rules which you already know about.

 

The fact that 100 people can post they've done this or that and never had an incident doesn't preclude your children from being exposed to certain dangers but there are things you can do to try and help them.

 

Some suggestions:

 

1. Safety Air Horn

2. If you are on the Epic or the Breakaway the new app allows you to call/text each other on the ship for a flat fee of $7.95 per phone. http://www.ncl.com/downloads/iconcierge

3. In order to make sure my son knows the protocols even though he's cruised before I always play the "what if" game with him so I can have an understanding of what he thinks is an appropriate reaction to a bad situation.

4. Set firm rules that no one is to leave the other alone for any reason...not even to go to the restroom. If one needs to leave the pool to go to the restroom then they both have to go, etc.

5. Less obnoxious than the bulky walkie talkies are the walkie talkie wrist watches.

6. Go to the Kid's club and ask if you can check out a phone so you can call them on the ship. They usually reserve these for parents that have children in diapers, etc. but the last time I was on a cruise they told me they had plenty of them and I could have one if it made me more comfortable. I didn't check one out because I never let my son sign himself out but if I had made the decision to I would probably have used one of those phones.

Edited November 2, 2013 by cruisecritiquer

[SpicyI]

Thanks for all the responses so far! Bumping so this post doesn't get lost on the 2nd page!

[AjBren2]

There was another thread on here where a person was inquiring about different devices that may be available on the market,like a texting device. Boy did that thread get nasty. People throwing their opinions around that there was no reason to have electronic devices and that they were annoying to others. My belief is that each person pays their own fare on the ship and if it makes my DW and I more comfortable to have our children carry a walkie talkie then that should be our prerogative. Last I checked this is a public cruise ship, not a library.

[pengu1n]

I felt that my kids were relatively safe as long as they stayed together (I have a son and a daughter.) We used a sticky dry erase board on the door of the cabin to keep everyone updated as to where we/they were.

[Irene7]

I completely understand your worries. I have two daughters and although one is now 19 and the other 22, I still worry and guess I will for the rest of my life.

 

I think the main thing is knowing where they are at all times. Never be out on deck late, especially if not many people are around. Never trust anyone including staff since there have been rapes by crew members. And never never go to anyone else's cabin, even if they met them on day 1 and are invited to go on day 6. Stay together at all times (buddy system). If someone makes them feel uncomfortable, trust your gut feeling and leave.

 

Like another poster wrote, just because others have not had a problem doesn't mean there never will be one.

[Keith1010]

We always had rules established for our kids and we went over it with them before and during each cruise.

 

Keith

[Cruising4]

Our biggest rule is the kids need to stay in public areas. Absolutely no visiting cabins or wandering the halls where the cabins are located.

 

NCL has a 1 a.m. curfew for kids.

 

The teen club is more of a hangout/lounge than a place for scheduled activities so I encourage you to force them to sign up (you will need to register them, they'll get a sticker on the card) then they can come and go to the lounge as they please.

[luddite]

Yikes.

[suzequ]

We've been cruising with our now 19 year old dd since she was 4. When she turned 12 she informed us that the kids clubs were boring and asked if she could please manage on her own.

So up until this summer's Alaska cruise we've always had "ship rules" which we discussed before every cruise (and changed somewhat as she got older). Most were common sense - no going into another cabin, no one else in our cabin, always let us know where you'll be/when you'll be back (we used sticky notes on the room mirror to communicate), dinner is always all of us together...

We never had a lick of trouble, but then she has always been well behaved. :)

[johnmpcny]

Major rule is stay in open spaces and use the voice mail on the phones to leave notes.

 

I tried a few times on Gem and Jewel and could find my son in under 15 min anytime I wanted, most often in under 10 and he was trying not to be found. There are only so many public places you can be... other rooms are the real issue.

 

This is all part of growing up and learning to survive in the world, we were brought up in the world of be home before dark or for dinner and we all made it. I think we parent over think and over worry about this. Will you tuck them in at college?

 

 

Son now 17 DD 22.

Edited November 5, 2013 by johnmpcny

[tempura]

Take those "incident reports" with a grain of salt, too, unless it's from a reputable source. Some people find it amusing to frighten others by writing up fictional encounters.

 

My personal favorite is the one where the dangerous dark-skinned person (all dark-skinned people are dangerous, right?!) stalks the lovely blonde-haired teenager who is described by her "mother" as having "a good figure."

 

Her daughter goes to a party and never comes back! :eek:

 

Her father (well, I think... the narrator said "my father" because she got confused about who was telling this story, but I think it's supposed to be the girl's father) goes to look for her and hears a conversation INSIDE a random stateroom! :eek:

 

"What do we do now? I put too much of that drug in her drink ... what do we do? What are we going to do with her?" One of them said, "I put her in a hole."

 

A HOLE!!!

 

They pound on the door! :eek:

 

My mother started shouting, "What have you done with my baby? Where is my daughter?"

 

(Except I think it's supposed to be the girl's grandmother.)

 

Then, the girl reappears! :eek:

 

She goes to the infirmary and the doctor prays to a deity and then announces that she's been drugged! :eek:

 

A mysterious phone call comes in!

 

Also that day, the phone rang in our cabin. When I picked it up, I heard the voice of a boy who seemed almost ready to cry. "I am so glad you got your daughter back," he said.

 

"Who is this? Who is this?" I asked.

 

He replied, "I can't say, but I'm just glad you got her back," and then hung up.

 

A security guard makes a mean comment! :eek:

 

"Where have you been, you little slut?"

 

The story ends with a warning about human trafficking and a statement that the family was told they had no legal recourse since it occurred in international waters.

 

My fondest wish is that someone will attempt a dramatic reading of this story.

[triptolemus]

I'm not sure what's worse. Telling that story or repeating it...

[sdmike]

My 12 year old daughter was allowed to check herself out of the kid's club and walk to our cabin if she had her cousin (also 12 with her). They could stop by for ice cream at the garden cafe "on the way", but there was no "free run of the ship". My boys, now 18 and 16, were allowed more freedom at 14 and 16 than when they were younger. We had rules:

 

1) Follow the ship rules

2) Make sure we know where you are

3) Check in at pre-determined times, including meeting the family for dinner

4) Nobody in our/your cabin, and don't go near anyone else's

5) Stick together when you can, although we know you will have other friends

6) Be good, respectful, and make us proud.

7) Violation of any of these rules and you lose priveledges

 

This last trip we let them stay out until curfew, but other rules still applied.

 

Here's the thing...yes, there are dangers on the ship just like anywhere else. However, it is a much more controlled environment, perfect for offering up teens a bit more freedom. The ship is small (relative to a city) and self contained, and there is always a crew member near by in case of a problem. I'm always a proponent of being with a "buddy" for any reason, at any age. It's just safer.

 

Having said this, I hate when families let kids "run amok". That's not what this is about. In fact, I check in on my kids even when they are out and about. I make sure they are behaving, and not running with some big pack of idiots. There's a lot of joy when you realize your kid is responsible and making good behavioral decisions, and it's a great growth opportunity for them.

 

Back to the question at hand, I would set rules for your teens and make sure they understand them. I think the 13 year old is too young to be left alone. That's just me. With her 15 year old sister, probably ok as long as you know where they are and what they are doing. Remember, there are 16-18yo boys around too, so a 15.5 girl could get a lot of attention. Make sure you address this too. Attaching a 13yo to her might solve that problem as well :)

[Song and a Dance]

I was very skeptical about letting my boys come and go when we first started cruising. I set strict rules and then took someones advice and forced them to at least goto the teens club the first couple days so they could meet others. It IS more of a hang out, but the kids become fast friends and by day 2 are making plans to hang out together and have a bigger buddy network to safely explore the ship. Use this as an incentive for your teen(s) to attend teen club. My boys now look forward to meeting kids in the teen club for that reason.

 

I admit I rented ship phones on our 1st cruise (on RCI Oasis of the Seas) that allowed me to use a phone locator feature to see exactly where the kids were at all times - mainly because of the sheer size of that ship. But on cruise #2 we started the sticky note method because we were on a smaller ship and we didn't have phones. I agree 100% with sdmike's post and operate with those same 7 rules and really stress the buddy system regardless of age. I too found that if they're following the "public areas only rule" there are only so many places they could be and I run into my kids more than I'm sure they like. I'll just elaborate on our personal use of communication/check-in & sticky notes for more ideas on how to use them for your family. Those that have done this before with teens might think "duh"...but those who haven't might see something that sparks and idea for them.

 

1) Each morning at breakfast we go thru the activity guides and discuss everyone's plans for the day. Based on that, we set our next face to face check in time. We also always eat lunch and dinner together for family time, but they also serve as check-ins and we can discuss any further plans that have developed. For example, after hearing their plans at lunch, I might tell them to meet me at the room in 2 hrs or after the basketball tournament they want to go to. If their plans change they need to check in before that with sticky notes so I know where they are instead. Check in time is mandatory. Period. If I have to wait for you, or worse - come looking for you - all freedom is cut off and then the only places you can be are in the teen club or in the room. I don't play around when it comes these rules and they know it. We bought inexpensive watches for them to wear ahead of time so there were no excuses.

 

2) We use the room as home base and use the sticky note on the mirror system. It lets me know they were there and where they are off to next (in between face to face check-ins.) Often they went to the teen club 1st to see what people were up to and didn't quite know where they were going to go or maybe that basketball tourney was boring and they decided to leave. They can come back and check in with a sticky note reporting that they were heading to rock climbing or that they'd be on the pool deck for example. I also leave notes for them letting them know where they can find me & what time I'd likely be back to the room if they come back and I'm not there. 1 rule - all our stickies must include a time. I was pleasantly surprised how well this worked. They would stop by the room multiple times and if I wasn't there, leave me notes of where they were headed next and they'd put a check mark on my note letting me know they saw it. Sometimes they'd come find me to say hi based on my note. Sometimes they'd wait in the cabin to see me since they could tell when I'd be back based on my note. Last cruise only one of my boys went so he was flying solo and it really clicked with him. He made his buddy system a small group of friends he made on the 1st day and even put at least one full name of a fellow teen he was with on his notes. The boys say they really like the sticky note system because it shows them that I am willing to follow the same rules and let them know where I am at all times too. They also just like knowing they could find me too if they wanted which made them understand why I liked it! Peace of mind for us all. Added bonus - the sticky notes give you a time stamped bread crumb trail to follow should you actually need to track them down for some reason heaven forbid.

 

That's my long 2 cents. Many people use the note system as people have said here. I learned I needed to tweak it for our level of comfort. And a pad of sticky notes and a sharpie are easy to pack! Maybe you can try out the 1st couple days and see how it goes. I tend to be a tight reigns kind of person in general, but have found that this is a very comfortable method for us if we're on a ship without phones. This December will be our first time on NCL, but I know my kids are well versed on our little system now and can follow it well on any ship we sail on.

 

I hope you all enjoy your upcoming cruises! :-)

Edited November 6, 2013 by Song and a Dance