The husband Factor - Off Topic

[Jane110]

If I didn't buy clothes for DH, he'd have nothing to wear.

 

Same here!

 

I buy DH everything. I'm always wandering through the stores. I hate malls and fortunately we only have one here. We have real streets and stores, so I pass many in my travels throughout the city. If it's too cold, too hot (like now!) or rainy, it's often easier to take a detour through Sak's or Bloomies rather than walk in the street. On those sojourns is when I find some of the best stuff. So I'll peruse the men's dept. Two weeks ago I was in Barney's and found DH a Brioni $350. shirt on sale for $120., quite a score!

 

When he needs a new suit, I'll go into Sak's (because I often pass it on my way home) and work with a particular salesman and tailor there. We pre-select a few suits and then DH and I go back together and he tries them on. Once I have him in the store, we may pick out some shoes, shirts, ties for him.

 

He generally doesn't like to shop for clothes and I enjoy shopping alone. If I need a formal dress for a special occasion, or a new pair of shoes or boots, he enjoys coming with me. But 90% of my purchases I make by myself.

 

I like to get his opinion because he has good taste and I like to wear thngs he likes, but I never have to ask his permission to spend money or buy something. I coudln't be married to someone like that!

 

He will shop with me on our trips though and he enjoys that. In Argentina this February he wanted to buy me a leather jacket. I never found one that I loved until almost our last day there, but he was the one that persisted in the search. I gave up after 2 days, but he perservered - he was determined to find me one I'd love. While strolling past a store window, he saw a jacket and said "That's it!". We went in, I tried it on and then we had one custom made for me which they had ready the next day. We got one for him too! :)

 

In Brazil, he was determined to buy me earrings and looked at every pair til we found ones that we both loved. He likes to buy me a piece of jewelry from each place we travel to as a lasting memory of our trip. I have gold bracelets and earrings from Italy, garnets from Prague, a watch from Switzerland, aquamarine from Brazil and rose quartz from Argentina. Gotta love a guy like that!

 

Jane

[CateW]

My husband hates to shop. He shopes only at Christmas and for my b-day. I'm pretty lucky because I buy pretty much whatever I want (for everyone). Our 3 sons, now 25, 24, and 19 have taken after their father and absolutely hate to shop as well. So I shop for everyone - clothes and gifts. I hope that they find nice women will continue the bad habits that I have contributed to over the years - oh boy!

[Happy ks]

Jane, I'm the absolute opposite about 3/4 length sleeves. If I have long sleeves on, I roll them to 3/4 length! I love it when I can find a great shirt with 3/4 sleeves, they are few and far between. It may come from living in such a warm climate, even in winter it's hardly ever cold enough for long sleeves.

 

I love the comments regarding husbands and shopping. When my DH and I first knew each other, one thing that attracted me to him was his good sense of style and clothing choices. We used to love to go shopping together, especially to a nicer mall, such as South Coast Plaza or Fashion Island in Newport. Over the years we have developed a totally different style of shopping than our first 5-10 years together. He really does not like to shop at all now, so I just buy him stuff and return it if he doesn't like it.

[Jane110]

Kathy,

 

You DH is a hairstylist right? That would explain a good sense of style - even if he doesn't like to shop.

 

Jane

[PlanningToCruise]

I'm just curious about something...........

 

It seems that as I read through these boards and the women here tell their shopping tales, the "DH factor" often seems to come into play.....not in terms of whether he liked or disliked a particular item, but in the money discussion.

 

Specifically, it seems that I've read comments about DH not approving of spending money on new things or rolling his eyes as the DW walks in with a shopping bag. On the other side, there are those DH's that get special accolades for being such a prince about going into a store and/or not complaining about how much money is being spent. Huh? I don't understand this.

 

My DH and I know what we can spend and I'm not a 12 year old with my parent's charge card. When I come home with a shopping bag, he's happy to see what I bought and comment on whether he likes it or not....if I ask. I'll tell him if I scored a great sale but he doesn't ask and really could care less. He likes me to look good and he knows it costs money to do so. He knows I wouldn't put us in debt for a new handbag and shoes. If I come home with a bag and don't mention it he just figures it's nothing worth mentioning like some new tee shirts or some make-up. It just "ain't no big thing".

 

So, my fellow shoppers......do you need to "clear" your purchases with DH? Is he annoyed (a little or a lot) by your shopping? Do you give him "good guy points" for going shopping with you and not being grumpy about it?

 

Just curious..........

Jane

I didn't work for 16 yrs until last yr when I opened up my own small business ( Gift shop) ,but dh has never said a word about what I buy or spend. We have alway's had respect for each other in that any large purchases we discuss together ( cars, etc) My dh isn't a shopper, and he's not into "fashion", he's more comfy in his jeans, tee, boots and cowboy hat, lol He just shakes his head sometimes with all the clothes I have, he say's " I just don't get why you need it all", lol I admit I could never be married to someone that I had to account for money I spent. I had a friend many yrs ago back in our military day's, and she literally had to ask him to go out to dinner and shopping with me and ask him for money, he would hand her 20 bucks, I just didn't get it, but to each their own.

[Andee]

One of the things I most love about my husband is that he has always valued my contribution to our family, whether it is financial or not, and has treated me as an equal partner in all financial decisions.

 

Over the course of our 35 year marriage, I have been in graduate school, worked full time, stayed home with children, worked temporary full time, and (for the past 20 years) worked three days a week.

 

I do all the shopping (food, clothes, gifts, anything), all the cooking, am the social secretary, manage the day-to-day finances, decorate the house, plan the trips (in excruciating detail), keep the household running---and he's afraid that if I were to work full time, something would have to give.

[Jane110]

 

I do all the shopping (food, clothes, gifts, anything), all the cooking, am the social secretary, manage the day-to-day finances, decorate the house, plan the trips (in excruciating detail), keep the household running---and he's afraid that if I were to work full time, something would have to give.

 

Errr......sounds like you work full time to me. Sounds like you work overtime!

 

Jane

[Jane110]

.............I had a friend many yrs ago back in our military day's, and she literally had to ask him to go out to dinner and shopping with me and ask him for money, he would hand her 20 bucks, I just didn't get it, but to each their own.

 

Sheesh!!

I'd take the $20. and use it as a down payment for a divorce lawyer! LOL!

Like you said, to each their own.

 

Jane

[momofmeg]

 

 

I like to get his opinion because he has good taste and I like to wear things he likes, but I never have to ask his permission to spend money or buy something. I coudln't be married to someone like that!

 

He will shop with me on our trips though and he enjoys that. In Argentina this February he wanted to buy me a leather jacket. I never found one that I loved until almost our last day there, but he was the one that persisted in the search. I gave up after 2 days, but he perservered - he was determined to find me one I'd love. While strolling past a store window, he saw a jacket and said "That's it!". We went in, I tried it on and then we had one custom made for me which they had ready the next day. We got one for him too! :)

 

In Brazil, he was determined to buy me earrings and looked at every pair til we found ones that we both loved. He likes to buy me a piece of jewelry from each place we travel to as a lasting memory of our trip. I have gold bracelets and earrings from Italy, garnets from Prague, a watch from Switzerland, aquamarine from Brazil and rose quartz from Argentina. Gotta love a guy like that!

 

 

Jane it is like you and I are from differant planets we are so far apart. I just bought myself a lamb leather blazer from Lois's favorite shopping channel QVC. They do a thing where they give you deferred billing for your birthday so I have until Nov. to pay the cost of $110. I am tickled about this purchase because I have been wanting a wine lamb leather blazer for 2 years. Last year they had sold out of the wine color and I did not want to pay what Dilliard's charged $250 and ofcourse none of these jackets were left at the end of season at Diliards. Anyway I figured I would give you a laugh-I imagine your winter gloves cost more then my jacket.

 

I also like the 3 quarter sleeves. My reason is I am 5' 4" and am in between the short and average sizes on clothes. My arms are short but in the petite sizes blouse sleeves run a little short- in average they are too long. With 3 quarter sleeves I do not have to worry about the length and saves me on tailoring bills.

 

I do enjoy your posts though.

[Jane110]

 

Jane it is like you and I are from differant planets we are so far apart. I just bought myself a lamb leather blazer from Lois's favorite shopping channel QVC. They do a thing where they give you deferred billing for your birthday so I have until Nov. to pay the cost of $110. I am tickled about this purchase because I have been wanting a wine lamb leather blazer for 2 years. Last year they had sold out of the wine color and I did not want to pay what Dilliard's charged $250 and ofcourse none of these jackets were left at the end of season at Diliards. Anyway I figured I would give you a laugh-I imagine your winter gloves cost more then my jacket.

 

 

Why would I be laughing? You wanted something, you knew the price you'd be willing to pay and you waited til you found it. Kudos!

 

I wanted this kind of leather jacket (called carphincho which is a native Argentinean animal and very expensive here). for a few years. Here in the US, I've seen them for about $1500. which I wasn't going to pay. In Buenos Aires, I had one custom made for me for under $400.00. DH had been wanting a an italian black lambskin jacket for a couple of years and everyone we saw here was aboout $2000., which he wasn't willing to pay. In Buenos Aires, he got one for under $500.

 

If a few hundred dollars puts us on different planets, or makes me a snob as you've called me in the past, what can I say?

 

But as the point of the thread is husbands and mine was thrilled that I got a beautiful jacket for a third of the US price and I hope your DH is thrilled that you got one that you've been wanting too. Kudos to both of us!

 

Jane

[scarletine]

My hubby hates to shop, but if I'm just going to run into a store and get something basic, he has no problem going with me. If I'm going on a major spree, he stays home. :) He's as bad as a kid in the back seat on a long drive, always asking "Are you done yet?", so I'd rather shop alone.

 

He'll nag me about some of the money I spend and what I spend it on ("You need ANOTHER black skirt? But you already have eight of them!"), :rolleyes: but he knows I love to hit the sale racks, and look for a good bargain.

 

If it's a choice between buying one top for $50.00, or five $50.00 tops for five bucks a piece (gotta love those sales at Dillards), I'll usually go with the five for $25.00. (But if I feel like getting the $50.00 one too, I will.) ;) He knows by now that I'm not going to blow the checking account to buy something, so he generally just cocks an eyebrow when I bring the bags home, and that's it.

 

I work full time, make just slightly less, put more money into savings a month than he does, and I let him buy whatever he wants, which are usually large ticket items. So I expect him to do the same for me. And for the most part, he does.

[greatam]

DH never shops, never buys anything, unless it's from Home Depot, Lowes or Sears. We recently purchased an investment property that we rehabbed and he was all into buying lumber, appliances, hvac, windows, etc. etc. If I didn't buy clothes for DH, he'd have nothing to wear.

 

I'd never dream of asking him if he wanted to shop with me. He'd rather have needles stuck in his eyes. Besides, I prefer shopping alone.

 

I purchase the majority of my wardrobe online or from catalogs. I do not like malls or shopping in them, so DH usually just rolls the eyes whenever the UPS guy leaves another package on the front porch - lol!

 

We simply have an understanding that I shop, he doesn't, and it works. ;)

 

I agree, good topic!

 

Oh how true this is in my home. My DH doesn't even do Home Depot or Sears, unless it is for our boat. If it isn't on the list, it doesn't get purchased. And sometimes, even if it is on the list, it is the wrong thing. So he doesn't shop much. I won't let him. It takes way TOO much time to return the wrong things.

 

Dennis would actually wear the holey T-shirts and Levis he has FOREVER if I didn't buy him clothes. He will come out of the bedroom and my reaction is "You're going to wear THAT" "Yeah, what's wrong with it???" So I pick the clothes, he wears the clothes. Great Plan.

[madelinerose]

Gotta love 'em!!! :D :rolleyes:

 

Dennis would actually wear the holey T-shirts and Levis he has FOREVER if I didn't buy him clothes. He will come out of the bedroom and my reaction is "You're going to wear THAT" "Yeah, what's wrong with it???" So I pick the clothes, he wears the clothes. Great Plan.

[Jane110]

So I pick the clothes, he wears the clothes. Great Plan.

 

Works for us too! My DH wouldn't wear anything with holes and he's never sloppy, however, left to his own devices, he'll select the most boring items in his closet because he knows it matches. If it's something more than the basics, he wants me to put it together for him. He says he's just my Ken Doll!

 

He's blessed with a gorgeous thick head of hair, but sometimes he combs it flat and back and looks like an absolute nerd. So before he leaves the house, he'll ask me to "juuj it" for him! It's his favorite word from Kyan, the hair guy of the Fab Five. I've got him now using 2 different products - one for business and then wax for when we go out and wants a more fashionable look.

[momofmeg]

Why would I be laughing? You wanted something, you knew the price you'd be willing to pay and you waited til you found it. Kudos!

 

I wanted this kind of leather jacket (called carphincho which is a native Argentinean animal and very expensive here). for a few years. Here in the US, I've seen them for about $1500. which I wasn't going to pay. In Buenos Aires, I had one custom made for me for under $400.00. DH had been wanting a an italian black lambskin jacket for a couple of years and everyone we saw here was aboout $2000., which he wasn't willing to pay. In Buenos Aires, he got one for under $500.

 

If a few hundred dollars puts us on different planets, or makes me a snob as you've called me in the past, what can I say?

 

But as the point of the thread is husbands and mine was thrilled that I got a beautiful jacket for a third of the US price and I hope your DH is thrilled that you got one that you've been wanting too. Kudos to both of us!

 

Jane

 

 

My point was Jane that you talk about things that most of us can only dream about. I am sure I would love the jacket you are talking about but the price you are talking about would pay my way on a cruise. Now if I had your income I would want it too.

 

The whole thing with husbands getting mad at their wives for spending too much has to do with budget. There are women in MY income bracket that try to dress like they are in yours. No wonder they have to hide things from their husbands-with that kind of spending it could mean their children will not be able to go to college. I believe that is the kind of person this thread is referring to. If not and it is just a case of a selfish skin-flinting man who tries to control his wife in such a mean way-why would a woman hide purchases-it would make better since to see a divoice lawyer I would think.

[ryansmemom]

and bought me a new fall handbag. He chose it. I love it. He got it at the same store he got the last handbag he bought for me. It's from Gucci's fall collection. I'll post a picture below.

 

I am thrilled! :)

 

 

Linda

[Jane110]

 

My point was Jane that you talk about things that most of us can only dream about. I am sure I would love the jacket you are talking about but the price you are talking about would pay my way on a cruise. Now if I had your income I would want it too.

 

This is a "Fashion" forum, not a "Budget" forum and it's no more innappropriate for me to write about a $400. jacket than for someone to write about their penthouse suite, even though there are some that can only cruise if they take an inside cabin.

 

I think many of the contributors to this forum would resent your comment that a $400. jacket is way out of their league and something they could only dream about.

My guess is that the people here who buy Gucci shoes, Louis Vuitton handbags, and Tiffany diamond jewelry might resent such a statement.

 

How the heck do you know what my income is? I buy much less than most people here.....according to their posts, anyway. I only wish I had the money you fantasize is in my shopping budget!

 

There are some who can't afford the things you buy or all the cruises you take. Should they call you a snob and tell you your posts are innapropriate because they don't have *your* income?

 

The whole thing with husbands getting mad at their wives for spending too much has to do with budget.

 

Well, thanks for clearing that up for me. I thought that there may have been reasons that were more complex, but it's good to know it's so simple. :)

 

 

There are women in MY income bracket that try to dress like they are in yours. No wonder they have to hide things from their husbands-with that kind of spending it could mean their children will not be able to go to college.

 

Yeah, I figured you'd come around to making it all my fault. There's probably a whole generation of kids who won't go to college because their mothers try to dress like me.

 

If not and it is just a case of a selfish skin-flinting man who tries to control his wife in such a mean way-why would a woman hide purchases-it would make better since to see a divoice lawyer I would think.

 

I don't know why. If I had the answers I wouldn't have posed the question. I enjoy hearing first-hand experiences which will give me insight into others lives.

[Jane110]

and bought me a new fall handbag. He chose it. I love it. He got it at the same store he got the last handbag he bought for me. It's from Gucci's fall collection. I'll post a picture below.

 

I am thrilled! :)

 

 

Linda

 

 

Linda,

 

I can't believe you got THAT bag!!! I love it! I saw it in Sak's a couple of weeks ago and it's a great one!

 

What a sweetie your DH is!

 

I bought a new black leather Carlos Falchi bag for fall and I still have another black fall bag (Louis Vuitton Epi leather), so I'm set for daytime black leather bags for a couple of years. However.........if I *was* buying one, the one your fabulous husband surprised you with, would definitely be a contender!

 

Enjoy your gorgeous new bag!

 

Jane

[ryansmemom]

Linda,

 

I can't believe you got THAT bag!!! I love it! I saw it in Sak's a couple of weeks ago and it's a great one!

 

What a sweetie your DH is!

 

I bought a new black leather Carlos Falchi bag for fall and I still have another black fall bag (Louis Vuitton Epi leather), so I'm set for daytime black leather bags for a couple of years. However.........if I *was* buying one, the one your fabulous husband surprised you with, would definitely be a contender!

 

Enjoy your gorgeous new bag!

 

Jane

 

 

Jane,

 

Thanks so much. I would love to go shopping with you one day. I think we are shopping sisters! :)

 

I have looked at the Carlos Falchi handbags and they are wonderful. I adore the soft, soft leather. Just beautiful. Which handbag did you buy?

 

I believe that being able to purchase these lovely things is one of the rewards of growing old and working hard. A dear friend of mine has been trying to find an upside of menopause, this may be one! At one time my husband and I had to put our family first. We had young children to feed, cloth, house and educate. We struggled along. No cruises, heck, no vacations. Now it's our turn. Fortunatly we started out young.

 

Anyway..Remember what Carl Rogers said about the evaluations of others..it's good advice for all of us.

 

Linda :)

[Jane110]

Hi Linda,

 

I bought the Doctor's Bag by Carlos Falchi in the large size. I bought the small on in pink last summer and it was my favorite bag. Looked pretty, is lightweight and the way the compartments are set up, I could always find anything in that bag. DH suggested I buy it in black for the fall and for travel since I love it so much. So, he may not surprise me, but he's a real good guy when it comes to shopping.

 

I certainly understand what you mean by priorities. Sometimes we can do the things we like and have the things we want and sometimes we can't. That's life.

 

Sure, come to NY, I'll go shopping with you anyday......even show you my favorite haunts! :)

 

Your bag is brown suede, right?

 

Jane

[scarletine]

OK, so on a slightly different note, but still husband related, what do y'all do when your husband does something sweet, like buy you a handbag, or some jewelry or something, and you don't like it? (Luckily my husband would never consider buying me a handbag, and his taste in jewelry is wonderful.) But on the occasions when you're less than enthralled, how do you handle it?

[Jane110]

OK, so on a slightly different note, but still husband related, what do y'all do when your husband does something sweet, like buy you a handbag, or some jewelry or something, and you don't like it? (Luckily my husband would never consider buying me a handbag, and his taste in jewelry is wonderful.) But on the occasions when you're less than enthralled, how do you handle it?

 

Good question.

 

My DH almost never surprises me, he's the kind that likes to take me shopping for my birthday or Valentine's Day. We go to one of our favorite jewelers and select together. I've tried to encourage him to surprise me by telling him what great taste he has but he prefers buying together. Only a couple of times in our marriage did he surprise me with some jewelry when he went on a business trip. They were always gorgeous pieces.

 

However, before I was married I was engaged to a man who loved to surprise me with gifts and he loved to buy me jewelry. Most of the time his taste was wonderful. But one time, he gave me a birthday gift, a pair of pearl earrings that were so ugly I was in shock and didn't know what to say. They were too expensive to put away in a drawer and never wear, but I also knew I could never wear them. So in a moment of very quick thinking, I ooh-ed and ahh-ed them and told him how beautiful they were and how much I appreciated all his efforts (that part was true). Then I tried them on and looked closely in a mirror and in a very mild way asked him negative questions....like "do you think these are too big for me?", "do you think they're too faddish - I know they're expensive, you think they'll be out of style in a couple of years?", "Do you think these are as elegant on, as they are in the box?". He was easily swayed and I used that to my advantage to make him the one that doubted how nice they were. It was He who then suggested that we go back to the jewelers and perhaps exchange them. I of course, said things like earrings are difficult to buy for another person since you can't see them on, as well as other nice things. We went back to the jewelers and let him believe that he picked out a pair of elegant 20K gold earrings that I still wear 15 years later and just love. :)

 

On a general note I think that people buy us gifts that they think we're going to love and that gives them pleasure. They WANT us to love their choices. So if a DH gives a gift that you don't love, I think that it's fine to exchange it. However, I think it has to be handled diplomatically and gently. A little white lie about how beautiful it is and what great taste they have but it just isn't the *right* shade of black, or doesn't look right is approrpriate. Find something that's not in their control like the fit to use as an excuse. I would avoid anything that sounds like "I'd never wear something like this", or "this is ugly", "this is something your Mother would wear" can only hurt his feelings and lead to him being turned off to buying you anything.

[lszu]

Jane - I think that's a great deal on an Argentine leather jacket. That's supposed to be some awesome leather. I had gone to California to visit a friend ages ago and ended up coming home with a leather jacket that I can still wear and get tons of compliments on. I've never seen another one like it and am glad that I didn't pass it up. I've got a Dooney & Bourke bag that my family thinks I'm crazy over. Yeah, it was quite the splurge, but I bought it with a gift certificate. Of course now I'm spoiled an bought another one on my own ;-)

 

Linda - That bag is gorgeous!

 

Scarletine - I'm pretty lucky. My DH has really good taste in jewelry and clothes. I always love the things he picks up for me. If he were to bring home a "clunker" I'd tell him. I'd rather say it straight out than have something I never wear and have him wonder why.

[lel5344]

I enjoy shopping and my wife has taught me a great deal about being a good shopper.

 

I have a job where I get to dress nice and I have lost about 35 lbs in the last couple of years - so shopping has been a real pleasure.

 

And I love to help my wife shop. She respects my taste and my honest opinion (although I don't have a very good eye for color). I can tell what my wife will look good in and I can also tell when she finds something that she really wants to buy.

 

Neither of us is extravagant - both of us love to buy quality clothes at sale prices (a recent purchase of mne was a wool/cashmere blazer at Jos. A. Bank - regularly $395 and I got it on clearance for $49).

 

We'll be celebrating 32 years of marriage inn September and we still spend as much time together as we possibly can. That includes shopping!

[Chevdiver]

You pegged me dead on. Sounds like your hubby and me have a lot in common on the shopping front anyway. When my DW heads for Ross or Marshall's, I will be no where to be found, but for those special occasions, when she really wants to look just right, she wants me to come along and share my honest opinion. And, she will do the same for me. We are going to party as a couple, so why not shop as a couple. It just adds more fun to the overall event. IMHO obviously.