The husband Factor - Off Topic

[Jane110]

You pegged me dead on. Sounds like your hubby and me have a lot in common on the shopping front anyway. When my DW heads for Ross or Marshall's, I will be no where to be found, but for those special occasions, when she really wants to look just right, she wants me to come along and share my honest opinion. And, she will do the same for me. We are going to party as a couple, so why not shop as a couple. It just adds more fun to the overall event. IMHO obviously.

 

I told you in another thread you sounded like my husband. And let's see, you're a diver too, just like he is. Hmmm.....what's your real name....perhaps I'm married to you!!! LOL!!

 

Jane

[Jane110]

Jane - I think that's a great deal on an Argentine leather jacket. That's supposed to be some awesome leather. I had gone to California to visit a friend ages ago and ended up coming home with a leather jacket that I can still wear and get tons of compliments on. I've never seen another one like it and am glad that I didn't pass it up.

 

Are you referring to a carpincho jacket? I just love mine. I wanted to buy a pair of carpincho boots or loafers but every pair of shoes I tried on in Argentina were too wide for me.

 

 

Jane

[ryansmemom]

Yes, my Gucci bag is Brown suede. My DH told me his secret. He actually did this twice now. He waits for me to by my dream Gucci shoes of the season and buys one of the bags to match. He does pick excellent bags. This season it was the Flora with the bamboo handle, for fall it's the brown suede. He has also become chummy with a salesman in the Handbag department at Saks. Go figure.

 

I really like the doctor's bags. I like the shape. They are large enough to hold everthing and shallow enough that you can still find everything. The compartments you mentioned also are a godsend. They really cut down on the digging around factor. I really find that annoying, especially when the weather is bad.

 

Linda

[ryansmemom]

scarletine,

 

My husband loves to buy things for me. We used to have a problem with his buying things I didn't like. It was a real problem because he would invest so much of himself in the purchase, especially if it was a spontanious gift. i would really have to be very gentle in letting him know I wanted to exchange it for something we both liked. One thing that we both understood was that we did not want to spend our money on something, especially something expensive we did not like. We do shop together. He does pay attention to what I buy. As I said in my previous post, he will match something I buy with a matching piece. I also fill in wish lists. However at the jeweler, he is on his own and I must say, he has great taste.

 

Iszu,

 

Thank you.

 

Linda :)

[Jane110]

He waits for me to by my dream Gucci shoes of the season and buys one of the bags to match. He does pick excellent bags.

 

Linda,

 

I want to go on a cruise with you so my DH can spend a week with your DH and maybe learn something!!! LOL!!!

 

He has also become chummy with a salesman in the Handbag department at Saks. Go figure.

 

Now that's really excellent! Sak's has the best salespeople. I've got "my guy" in the shoe dept and a pal in men's suits. They both call me before the sales start and if there was anything I was eye-ing, they'll put it aside and hold it for me! Do mention that to your husband! :)

 

I really like the doctor's bags. I like the shape. They are large enough to hold everthing and shallow enough that you can still find everything. The compartments you mentioned also are a godsend. They really cut down on the digging around factor. I really find that annoying, especially when the weather is bad.

 

Linda

 

Agreed!

 

Jane

 

PS - OT - I have a question about your screen name, ryans me mom. I've always wondered if it means that Ryan's your Mothers name? Not a criticism, it's just an odd one, so I was curious.

[momofmeg]

scarletine,

 

My husband loves to buy things for me. We used to have a problem with his buying things I didn't like. It was a real problem because he would invest so much of himself in the purchase, especially if it was a spontanious gift. i would really have to be very gentle in letting him know I wanted to exchange it for something we both liked. One thing that we both understood was that we did not want to spend our money on something, especially something expensive we did not like. We do shop together. He does pay attention to what I buy. As I said in my previous post, he will match something I buy with a matching piece. I also fill in wish lists. However at the jeweler, he is on his own and I must say, he has great taste.

 

Iszu,

 

Thank you.

 

 

Linda :)

 

 

I can get where you are coming from. Though mmy case is a little differant. My hubby knows I LOVE jewlery but his taste is not so good. Plus he would go to some little super expensive jewler and pay WAY too much.

 

After about 15 yrs. of marriage he got smart and let me pick out my stuff myself. That makes us BOTH happy as he hates shopping anyway unless it is a book store, music store or electronics store.

[momofmeg]

This is a "Fashion" forum, not a "Budget" forum and it's no more innappropriate for me to write about a $400. jacket than for someone to write about their penthouse suite, even though there are some that can only cruise if they take an inside cabin.

 

I think many of the contributors to this forum would resent your comment that a $400. jacket is way out of their league and something they could only dream about.

My guess is that the people here who buy Gucci shoes, Louis Vuitton handbags, and Tiffany diamond jewelry might resent such a statement.

 

How the heck do you know what my income is? I buy much less than most people here.....according to their posts, anyway. I only wish I had the money you fantasize is in my shopping budget!

 

There are some who can't afford the things you buy or all the cruises you take. Should they call you a snob and tell you your posts are innapropriate because they don't have *your* income?

 

 

 

Well, thanks for clearing that up for me. I thought that there may have been reasons that were more complex, but it's good to know it's so simple. :)

 

 

 

 

Yeah, I figured you'd come around to making it all my fault. There's probably a whole generation of kids who won't go to college because their mothers try to dress like me.

 

 

 

I don't know why. If I had the answers I wouldn't have posed the question. I enjoy hearing first-hand experiences which will give me insight into others lives.

 

 

I am sorry Jane if I offended you but I notice there are PLENTY of budget wise women that come here to THIS forum and then you go and post your stuff bringing things completely off topic.

 

I must say back to what this thread was ORGINALLY about-husbands griping about wives spending too much money and wives hiding purchases it would be TERRIBLY sad if your husband was that way considering that YOU OBVIOUSLY have plenty of money.

 

Just look half of this thread-it is you and one other person posting back and forth to each other and has little to DO with the orginal post of this thread.

 

I know there have been many wonderful people who have posted here who no longer post here. I can't help but feel it is people like you who only want to brag about how much you have that has scared these people away.

 

The only reason I keep posting here is because I feel people do need to hear from people who have cruised who are not wealthy but more ordinary everyday people. After all which cruiselines have more of the market? Believe it or not it is CARNIVAL and RCCL.

 

But more and more I keep asking myself WHY do I keep coming here? One day you guys will see me "disapeer" also and then I guess It will be you and your little snobbish wealthy friends only private messageboard won't it?

[Happy ks]

Mom, I'm sure you noticed that Jane was the OP, right?

 

For me, the question of the attitude of the DH is the same, whether you can spend big buck on clothing or not. So, I don't think Jane really cares whether we shop WalMart or Saks.

 

While the majority of us cannot afford to purchase $400 shoes and handbags, I do enjoy hearing about them. I also appreciate what Jane has posted in many threads here, she has educated many of us with regards to style, fabrics, colors etc... I am a budget shopper to the bone, but I do appreciated good quality and I shop with the long term in mind. I would rather spend $100 on a good quality bag that I can keep for years than spend $25 4 times on cheap bags that only last a couple of months.

 

Unlike you, I have had fun conversations with her regarding my budget finds and I don't think she's snobbish at all, rather just the opposite. Of course, I'm not reading "snob" into her posts, rather, that she is well educated in the field of fashion.

 

You should have been here a few years ago, there was a gal who would write lengthy stories about her cruises and social life, all based on her expensive clothing and accessories. She was funny, though.

 

To ryansmom and Jane, I've looked up your bags and shoes and have to say I was absolutely drooling. Jane, I love those Carlos Falchi bags!

[momofmeg]

Mom, I'm sure you noticed that Jane was the OP, right?

 

For me, the question of the attitude of the DH is the same, whether you can spend big buck on clothing or not. So, I don't think Jane really cares whether we shop WalMart or Saks.

 

While the majority of us cannot afford to purchase $400 shoes and handbags, I do enjoy hearing about them. I also appreciate what Jane has posted in many threads here, she has educated many of us with regards to style, fabrics, colors etc... I am a budget shopper to the bone, but I do appreciated good quality and I shop with the long term in mind. I would rather spend $100 on a good quality bag that I can keep for years than spend $25 4 times on cheap bags that only last a couple of months.

 

Unlike you, I have had fun conversations with her regarding my budget finds and I don't think she's snobbish at all, rather just the opposite. Of course, I'm not reading "snob" into her posts, rather, that she is well educated in the field of fashion.

 

You should have been here a few years ago, there was a gal who would write lengthy stories about her cruises and social life, all based on her expensive clothing and accessories. She was funny, though.

 

To ryansmom and Jane, I've looked up your bags and shoes and have to say I was absolutely drooling. Jane, I love those Carlos Falchi bags!

 

 

I am not surprised that you take up for this gal- I offended you though I did not mean to by thinking you were from Kansas. I tried to apologize to you and even made a silly joke calling you Happy in CA and really offended you which was not my intention but the complete opposite. You then tried to upset me by pointing out what a bad speller I was. It didn't though- I already know that and I am not one to pretend I have no faults.

 

You know until this past post I had NEVER called Jane a snob. I do regret that as that was petty and mean. I certainly do not blame her for people who blow their budgets and then their children have to suffer. SHE said that. What I was trying to say was there are 2 reasons husbands (or wives) get angry about purchases. Either they want to be controlling or else their mate cannot handle money. There is absolutely nothing wrong with spending money if you have it.

 

I do feel if a husband or wife is so controlling that the other feels they have to hide purchases that that is really sad.

 

Yes I now see she was the original post of the thread. But still she took and turned the topic from the orginal post.

[Happy ks]

Mom, you have never offended me. I don't really take anything written on a message board personal. Now I remember you and the happy Kansas comment, it really didn't mean a whole lot to me then or now.

[ryansmemom]

Momofmeg,

 

As the other poster who has been conversing with Jane on this thread, I want to say I am sorry that you are upset by our conversation. However, if you read the posts you will see we are on topic for this thread. Most of what we are discussing is in the context of oue husband's attitudes.

 

Also, I don't fully understand why you are so upset with Jane. She and everyone else on this board have their own lifestyle. We are all here to have fun and give each other hints. I think you are making a lot of assumptions about what others have felt and done and that is not fair.

 

I did not always have the money to buy the things that I buy now. I struggled and raised my children and did not take lavish vacations. I would not have been able to take a budget cruise at that time.

 

There is another side to this. People with knowledge of fashion, like Jane and several others have a lot to teach people. They have shared their experteise and we all have benifited. I've learned volumes. If people are envious that is their problem. If people blow the family budget and cause suffering to their families, that is their fault, not Jane's. That's like saying it's the bank's fault that they were robbed because they should not have tempted people with all that money laying around.

 

One other thought. Conversations ramble on. Just look at any other thread on any other topic. You can't control the flow. That's what makes it interesting. If you don't like it or it makes you uncomfortable, stop reading. We are all just human beings.

 

Momofmeg, I hope I haven't offended you. That was not my intention. I just wanted to give you another point of view.

 

Linda

[momofmeg]

Mom, you have never offended me. I don't really take anything written on a message board personal. Now I remember you and the happy Kansas comment, it really didn't mean a whole lot to me then or now.

 

Okay I accept that. You know I do feel you are a gal I can learn from. that is why I asked you if you had priced the Oceania European cruises-I figured maybe you would know if that would be affordable for everyday people. You never answered me either. And yes I love most of Jane's posts also-she does definetely know what she is talking about-I just do not like it when she starts bragging.

 

Now you say you love "stories" so I will tell you one and this is a true story.

 

I have a relative married to a self made millioniare. Second husband. He owns a lot of rental property and this is where his money comes from. He also works about 80 hours a week not 4 hours a week as those "no down payment" imfomericials try to sell people on that that is the "easy life." So unture.

 

This relative and hubby #1 had wonderful excellent paying jobs. But they did not know how to handle money. They went bankrupt and that destroyed their marriage.

 

After marrying hubby #2 she went on a spending frenzy-ran up charge cards etc. Well hubby #2 paid off these cards-closed the accounts. He told her any charge cards she had in the future she would have to pay with her income- not his. He pays all the household expenses, vacations etc. for them. He buys her a new volvo every other year. His gifts to her is very expensive jewelry. For ex. her engagement ring is a 3 carat top quality marquise diamond. She also has top quality 2 carat solitatre diamond earings he bought for her among other things. Too many for me to list. He gives her a $10,000 yearly allowance for clothing.

He has established trust funds for their children's college plus additionial trustfunds that they will come into at age 35. They live in a million dollar home which here in GA translates to a 5000 sqaure foot house.

 

Guess what this woman says about her husband. She says he is a tightwad and a cheapskate. I say becasue he is a tight wad and cheapskate that- that is WHY he has money. I do not believe he is controlling at all-he loves her very much and would give her anything. She is just the type of person who does not know how to handle money.

[ryansmemom]

Linda,

 

I want to go on a cruise with you so my DH can spend a week with your DH and maybe learn something!!! LOL!!!

 

 

 

Now that's really excellent! Sak's has the best salespeople. I've got "my guy" in the shoe dept and a pal in men's suits. They both call me before the sales start and if there was anything I was eye-ing, they'll put it aside and hold it for me! Do mention that to your husband! :)

 

 

 

Agreed!

 

Jane

 

PS - OT - I have a question about your screen name, ryans me mom. I've always wondered if it means that Ryan's your Mothers name? Not a criticism, it's just an odd one, so I was curious.

 

 

Jane,

 

You are on for that cruise. I'll give you a full report on Radisson.

 

Ryan is my grandson and he calls me Memom. So I am Ryan's Memom. :D

 

Linda

[Jane110]

I am sorry Jane if I offended you but I notice there are PLENTY of budget wise women that come here to THIS forum and then you go and post your stuff bringing things completely off topic.

 

I'm not offended. You remain so annonymous you won't even share your first name with us or the place you live, so why would I be concerned what you think of me?

Off Topic? Well, if you look at any of the threads that go on for so many pages, they often get off-topic. In this thread we've drifted to finding a husband, 3/4 length sleeves and solo cruising - none of which came from me. It's just the nature of how "conversations" flow. If a thread drifts to subjects that no longer interest me, I simply stop reading them.

However, it is you, yet again, hijacking the thread - taking the fun away - and making me the bad guy. It's getting old megsmommy.

 

I must say back to what this thread was ORGINALLY about-husbands griping about wives spending too much money and wives hiding purchases it would be TERRIBLY sad if your husband was that way considering that YOU OBVIOUSLY have plenty of money.

 

I AM the original poster, hence I have a pretty good idea what the original topic is about. It's actually been a lot of fun for me hearing how different people relate to their spouses and sharing points of view.

And I wish you'd stop making assumptions about my income. It just makes me jealous of the online persona you've created of me....I really wish I had the money you fantasize I have!

 

I know there have been many wonderful people who have posted here who no longer post here. I can't help but feel it is people like you who only want to brag about how much you have that has scared these people away.

 

Oh great. Now, not only am I responsible for kids who can't go to college because their Mothers have spent the education fund on Manolo's, but now I'm also scaring peple away from this forum.

 

The only reason I keep posting here is because I feel people do need to hear from people who have cruised who are not wealthy but more ordinary everyday people.

 

I've always been a believer in doing community service. Thanks for doing your part.

 

 

But more and more I keep asking myself WHY do I keep coming here? One day you guys will see me "disapeer" also and then I guess It will be you and your little snobbish wealthy friends only private messageboard won't it?

 

I think this thread is very interesting and has to do with *attitudes* about shopping between spouses, not whether someone spends $20 on a purse or $2000. I think that everyone understands that, other than you.

 

I've never once, in any thread, made a disparaging remark to anyone about how much they spend or how much they should spend on something. I keep my comments to others about style, silhouette, proportion, color or detail.....never about cost.

 

Snobbish? Not hardly!

Wealthy? Also sorry to report.......Not hardly!

 

Can the rest of us go back to having fun now? :)

 

Jane

[Jane110]

Jane,

 

You are on for that cruise. I'll give you a full report on Radisson.

 

Ryan is my grandson and he calls me Memom. So I am Ryan's Memom. :D

 

Linda

 

Thanks in advance for the Radisson report. I'd love to try and cruise on that line one day.

 

Memom - cute grandma handle. So he's got Mom and Memom. Any cute names for grandpa?

 

Jane

[momofmeg]

I'm not offended. You remain so annonymous you won't even share your first name with us or the place you live, so why would I be concerned what you think of me?

Off Topic? Well, if you look at any of the threads that go on for so many pages, they often get off-topic. In this thread we've drifted to finding a husband, 3/4 length sleeves and solo cruising - none of which came from me. It's just the nature of how "conversations" flow. If a thread drifts to subjects that no longer interest me, I simply stop reading them.

However, it is you, yet again, hijacking the thread - taking the fun away - and making me the bad guy. It's getting old megsmommy.

 

 

 

I AM the original poster, hence I have a pretty good idea what the original topic is about. It's actually been a lot of fun for me hearing how different people relate to their spouses and sharing points of view.

And I wish you'd stop making assumptions about my income. It just makes me jealous of the online persona you've created of me....I really wish I had the money you fantasize I have!

 

 

 

.

 

I've never once, in any thread, made a disparaging remark to anyone about how much they spend or how much they should spend on something. I keep my comments to others about style, silhouette, proportion, color or detail.....never about cost.

 

Snobbish? Not hardly!

Wealthy? Also sorry to report.......Not hardly!

 

Can the rest of us go back to having fun now? :)

 

Jane

 

I have mentioned many times I live in Douglasville, Ga close to Atlanta and that I shop at the Dilliards at Arbor Place Mall and the Marshalls and Rosss close by.

 

As far as my name-I am also a Jane I guess I am Jane 111 and I will never tell any more. If you were wise you would not either with the purchases you have mentioned. Someone really smart might decide to steal your idenity.

 

This is what is says when you click on discussion topoics of Cruisecritic-

Fashion board

 

"Deck yourself out on your next cruise. What should you bring and waht should stay at home. Offer packing tips and SAVVY shopping info."

 

I believe both of us comes under that definition.

 

I do remember a certain thread that was removed just a week or so ago where you slammed a Carnival cruiser for not wanting to dress. I do not know if you saw what I posted to you. I said you should not go down to that person's level. Why did I post that? Because not every Carnival cruiser has that mentality and I knew you had no intention of hurting those who cannot afford the nicer lines.

 

The next day the thread was gone.

 

As far as wealthy I guess everyones's definition on that is differant but with all you have mentioned you have purchased and the things you have done in my book you must be wealthy.

 

Well I am tired of this so don't bother to post back- I will not be here.

[Happy ks]

Why, oh why, am I responding to this?

 

"Okay I accept that. You know I do feel you are a gal I can learn from. that is why I asked you if you had priced the Oceania European cruises-I figured maybe you would know if that would be affordable for everyday people. You never answered me either. And yes I love most of Jane's posts also-she does definetely know what she is talking about-I just do not like it when she starts bragging."

 

Mom, I've never been on an Oceania cruise, but I'd love to in the future. I probably didn't answer your post because I didn't see it, I do try to be polite and answer any questions that are directed to me. I know I spend way too much time on these boards, but I just cannot read the whole thing. Ask Jane about Oceania, she has sailed on them. What I've been seeing is they are having great pricing on fall cruises, 2 for 1, included airfare, etc. But, since I can't get away that time of year, I just throw the ads and emails out.

[bazarr2]

I think your married to my husband, he does see every purchase I have been making but he does not seem to mind, I think he sees it going to a good cause, for our cruise.

[craftsnvines]

If I were to spend $1,000, I'd probably let him know, since we're both using the same checking account and need to stay in touch about how much money we have at any given time. But, if he wants to play golf in the middle of the afternoon and blow a few dollars in the pro shop, I'm fine with that and if I want to make a pilgrimage to the mall, he's fine. As long as the debit makes it into the check register, it's all good.

 

Vacations, large appliances, vehicles, etc. -- those don't get made unilaterally. Pretty much everything else is fair game.

 

Vacations------If I didn't plan prepare and book, I'd never go anywhere.

Large appliances -------If I didn't buy them, I'd have ones from the 60's or be using a cooler and a grill.

Vehicles-----------------If I didn't buy them, I'd be driving a clunker or walking.

 

Clothes-----------------If I didn't buy them, I'd be wearing clothes with holes in them. same for him, I have to go and buy him clothes or he'd be wearing the same ones he had 15 years ago.

 

some men just don't want to spend money. at least my dh doesn't. He complains all the time about being broke, and me spending 5-10 thousand a year on vacations, well my opinion is, when I die, it's not going with me. and he sure ain't getting any of it.

He's not lazy either, he makes good money but he is a tight wad and doesn't want to give it up.

Why would I want to take my dh anywhere but vacations, that's what friends are for, shopping , shopping, shopping!

Happy Sailing!

[ryansmemom]

I think your married to my husband, he does see every purchase I have been making but he does not seem to mind, I think he sees it going to a good cause, for our cruise.

 

 

I know I like you and your husband. We are interested in the same "good cause."

 

Linda ;)

[ryansmemom]

Thanks in advance for the Radisson report. I'd love to try and cruise on that line one day.

 

Memom - cute grandma handle. So he's got Mom and Memom. Any cute names for grandpa?

 

Jane

 

 

My husband is "Grandpop." That is what he chose. Actually Ryan changed it to Pampop for a while.

 

Jane, here is my e-mail address. Drop me a line if you are interested.

 

Ryansmemom@aol.com

 

Linda :)

[lszu]

Jane - Not sure how this thread tood the turn it did. Back to the leather jacket, nope, mine is just a "regular" leather jacket that I couldn't pass up. I'd love to try the Argentine leather some day!

 

Momofmeg - We are all from different backgrounds here and I don't think Jane's purpose was to look down on any one else. Seems like you're making issues where none existed. If you don't like Jane or if she makes you uncomfortable for some reason, why did you even bother to read a thread that she started? And I do believe it was you who took it "off topic".

 

All - As for modelling for our husbands, I do try on things and ask his opinion, I know if it's not the right outfit for me, he'll tell me.

[Lois R]

Hi folks:)

 

WOW...lszu...I agree with you. Not sure what happened for this thread to take this tone.

And I agree with you on your other part of the post. We are all from different

backgrounds.

 

Momofmeg, it is clear you do not like Jane...One does not have to even read

between the lines to see it.

 

It seems there are things you don't get either. Don't you realize New York

City has a totally higher standard of living? Of course people have to make

more money living there.......the rent is higher, the mortgage is higher, the standard of living is higher...so deductive reasoning would say, salaries

would be higher.

But I have never seen Jane throw anything about what she makes for a living

at any of us. Actually she had never said anything about her finances.

 

I am not trying to hurt your feelings either but you seem to feed on being

critical of Jane. Because her idea of a sale and my idea of a sale are different doesn't make her less human or a snob.

 

 

I don't even have a husband:eek: so not sure about shopping with one:eek:

[happysinglemom]

I just do not like it when she starts bragging.

 

Honestly I just don't see any attitude like that in Jane's posts. It does seem that she can afford more expensive clothing than I, (although I would bet that I have spent more in the past 12 months than she has - had to replace my wardrobe TWICE!) but I kinda like hearing about that stuff - some of it I run across in my own shopping, but many times I look up things that she has mentioned, and find a new favorite - or at least one to save up for!:o

 

I enjoy this board - I like the variety of people here, and I learn about a lot of things I never would have otherwise.

[Jane110]

Jane - Not sure how this thread tood the turn it did. Back to the leather jacket, nope, mine is just a "regular" leather jacket that I couldn't pass up. I'd love to try the Argentine leather some day!

 

Iszu,

 

My mistake. I reread your post and now understand you meant regular leather. Think I originally read it too late at night. Carpincho is native to Argentina and it's leather is similiar in texture to either pigskin or ostrich. If you google the word, you can see what the animal looks like as well as some products.

 

 

All - As for modelling for our husbands, I do try on things and ask his opinion, I know if it's not the right outfit for me, he'll tell me.

 

Yup, same here. Even though DH doesn't usually shop with me, I think that trying things on when I get home and seeing if he likes them makes him part of the process and he enjoys that.