The husband Factor - Off Topic

[Jane110]

I'm just curious about something...........

 

It seems that as I read through these boards and the women here tell their shopping tales, the "DH factor" often seems to come into play.....not in terms of whether he liked or disliked a particular item, but in the money discussion.

 

Specifically, it seems that I've read comments about DH not approving of spending money on new things or rolling his eyes as the DW walks in with a shopping bag. On the other side, there are those DH's that get special accolades for being such a prince about going into a store and/or not complaining about how much money is being spent. Huh? I don't understand this.

 

My DH and I know what we can spend and I'm not a 12 year old with my parent's charge card. When I come home with a shopping bag, he's happy to see what I bought and comment on whether he likes it or not....if I ask. I'll tell him if I scored a great sale but he doesn't ask and really could care less. He likes me to look good and he knows it costs money to do so. He knows I wouldn't put us in debt for a new handbag and shoes. If I come home with a bag and don't mention it he just figures it's nothing worth mentioning like some new tee shirts or some make-up. It just "ain't no big thing".

 

So, my fellow shoppers......do you need to "clear" your purchases with DH? Is he annoyed (a little or a lot) by your shopping? Do you give him "good guy points" for going shopping with you and not being grumpy about it?

 

Just curious..........

Jane

[Sassy Chassis]

Yes...and no. I don't think he cares, as long as it doesn't interfere with his "budgeting". He makes the world's most complex spreadsheets! ;) However, if I need something, i.e. a new suit for work, then he is all for going and getting whatever is needed. Neither one of us likes to go the mall and do the shop all day thing. We like to go to specific places with specific items on our list. It helps keep us focused. We also internet shop beforehand..a lot!

[MaryPoppinz]

If I were to spend $1,000, I'd probably let him know, since we're both using the same checking account and need to stay in touch about how much money we have at any given time. But, if he wants to play golf in the middle of the afternoon and blow a few dollars in the pro shop, I'm fine with that and if I want to make a pilgrimage to the mall, he's fine. As long as the debit makes it into the check register, it's all good.

 

Vacations, large appliances, vehicles, etc. -- those don't get made unilaterally. Pretty much everything else is fair game.

[trubey]

When we both worked and shared a joint checking account, we each had a $1,000 spending limit—meaning that neither person would go over that amount with any purchase without checking with the other one. It was more a way to make sure we left some cash in the bank then to limit each other. And then, there was the time, he bought a $10,000 print without prior discussion. I loved it, but because he broke the rule, I had to give him a hard time. susana.

[Jane110]

All those posts make sense. I agree that neither DH nor I would just "blow" $1000. on something or take a large amount of money out of our joint checking without telling the other person. That could wreak havoc on keeping the checkbook somewhat in balance! :)

 

Yes, of course, I agree that big purchases like appliances, vacations, cars etc are joint decisions. Even if they were free, there are other factors to consider.

[Happy ks]

My husband know better than to make any comments;) . Other than, if he likes what I bought,he asks if he can wear it, too (kidding!). We really don't discuss it much in advance, I take care of clothing the family, he takes care of the cars and yard stuff. He trusts me, I trust him. I'm probably harder on myself when I overspend than he is with me.

[Chevdiver]

Well perhaps I am the exception but I actually like to go shopping with my DW. I really like to help pick out the fancy clothes for her. For this cruise, we did the "Pretty Woman" thing in San Francisco. I was picking out the gowns and she was modeling them. it was a blast. we had 3 sales persons helping us and half the store watching us. we told them right up front we were buying formal gowns for the cruise and that money wasn't an object, within reason of course, if we found the right gowns. We spent almost two hours in the store and she tried on about 20 gowns. Well, we were succesful. I found one off the rack and one in the catalog, which the actually had in the back room. it was so much fun. the other ladies there all agreed that she looked stunning. Even the bride to be and her wedding party came out to see the show. So... to defend the DH's like me, it is fun to shop as long as we bring something home. What I really don't like is to spend all day and come home empty handed. that is no fun at all. Hence, the shoe experience. we now have awesome gowns and there are no shoes to be found anywhere. We are covered for one of the formal nights. the long gown will cover here flip-flops just fine. the other night will be the issue. the other gown is about 3/4 length and is calling out for a killer pair of high heels. I know high heels are not the best choice for the cruise, but OMG will she look good. we only have 2 more weekends left to find them so we will once again be powershopping San Francisco.

 

We knew going into this cruise that we needed clothes, so we had no reservations shelling out the cash for a couple killer gowns. I, on the other hand, am going the tuxedo route through cruise line formals. that will same room in the suitcase as well. This is our first cruise and we wanted to do it up big. so.... we did. It might take us a while to dig out, but what the heck. We are going to have a blast. And, to top it off, I think the 2nd formal night will be on her birthday. How special will that be for her!

 

As for other shopping adventures, I have to admit I am much worse than my DW. She is much more conservative. She will contemplate even small purchases, but if I want something, I will just buy it. We do share a checking account and do consult each other on major things, but for the most part we just don't worry about it too much. Or at least I don't. If she needs something, I encourage her to just go get it. I would much rather her go buy it than spend weeks trying to justify it.

 

Not sure if all of this applies to this topic or not, but it was fun to write.

 

Good Luck ladies.

[critterchick]

I hate to shop. I buy 75% of my clothes from Land's End or J. Jill. I wouldn't dream of taking DH clothes shopping with me, either. He would be bored to tears, as would I.

 

Now Home Depot, that's another story! When I told him I was going to pick stuff for my bridal registry, he said, "ok, see you when you get back." When I told him I was registered at Home Depot, he drove!:D

 

And as far as the amount I spend, I earned the money, I'll spend it as I see fit. He's pretty much the same way. Fortunately, we both have a tendency to make dollars cry out in pain as they leave our clenched fists.

[Lois R]

Hi:)

 

Chevdiver, that was a wonderful post and you sound like a terrific guy.:)

 

But one comment...please don't tell us after spending whatever it was on

those beautiful long formal dresses that flip-flops will be worn with the first

one:eek: :confused:. Please...even if she doesn't want a pretty strappy heel...at least

find a lovely pair of ballet slippers.

 

And I don't mean to bring down your post...it was really outstanding and it sounds like you are in the minority of men who love to shop (Straight men anyway;)).

 

But please...see if she will wear shoes with the gown..rather than flip-flops.

[Andee]

My DH and I make our significant spending decisions together, and sharing our finances is a reflection of our "we're in this together" philosophy about marriage. We both have a committment to live within our income, and neither one of us would spend more than we can afford.

 

He hates to shop, so I buy all his clothes, and take back what he doesn't like. In return, he keeps both cars gassed up and running well, because he knows I hate doing that.

 

When we're (rarely) in a store together, and I can't decide between two items, be they socks or diamonds, his response is always, "get both." It strikes us funny that clerks almost universally seem to think that they need to convince him to spend the money, especially if the item is for me.

[SerenadingSarah]

Thanks, Ladies! And I mean this with NO disrespect at ALL!! Everytime I start to get sad that I don't have a husband, I'm just going to read this thread over and over again! Helps me see the grass isn't always greener.....and makes me love the freedom that I have to buy whatever I want whenever I want!

[kayred]

I may be the odd ball but in my house my husband does have final say in spending. He knows in advance what I want (I am good at telling him that) so he can tell me first if it's not in the plan. I do work...full time...(we both do) and I am blessed to never want for anything (did I mention I am going on a cruise:D ). But in my house my husband is the head of the house, and if I plan on going shopping he knows first. To me it's about respect and he is the leader in our family. We have been married for almost 15 years and it is wonderful. He is a loving man who always thinks of me first.

[laughoutloud]

I think most men just don't "get it" - you know, how we women need a lot of different clothes. When I tell my husband I'm going shopping, he says "but you already have dressy black shoes, (or evening bags, or skirts, tops, dresses, etc.) I think they can't see the differences in women's clothes & don't understand why we need something new. It's the old "I have nothing to wear" story even though our closets are bulging with clothes!:D

[laughoutloud]

Oh, I forgot to mention, my husband never seems to mind if I go out & buy fancy new lingerie...:cool:

[Chevdiver]

Sorry, I couldn't resist the flip flop thing. there have been so many negative posts about flip flops I just tossed it in for the humor factor. Seriously though, there will be an equally impressive pair of heels under that nice gown. the trick will be finding them. I am sure all you ladies probably can understand our challenge.

[esther e]

Hi Jane:o

 

After 47 years of marriage, I can buy whatever I want! Seriously, I don't ever abuse shopping and never have to "ask permission" or show receipts. I think if two people are both employed and have their finances in order, they can shop for what they want, within reason. However, if there is a financial problem then perhaps one has to be stronger than the other to keep a balance. I never had a "real" job before my husband retired, and I loved shopping and having lunch with friends. I personally, could never be married to anyone who didn't give me breathing space!

By the way, just curious...why don't you like 3/4 sleeves?:rolleyes:

Esther

[Lois R]

Oh...you were kidding?:D And you have a great sense of humor too?...Do you

have any single brothers?;)

[shan&steve]

For what it's worth, my dh and I have been married 2.5 years. In my house, I handle all the finances. He hands over his paycheck, and I do all the budgeting with it. He knows that he will have a roof over his head, food to eat, a phone to use, electricity, and cable to watch and that's good enough for him. He gets an allowance, which is the same as my allowance, and we spend it the way we choose. The rest goes into savings so we can afford things LIKE A CRUISE!!!:D

 

Occasionally, there is something either one of us wants to purchase that may exceed our "allowance", in which case we discuss it to make sure we aren't doing so at the same time. He usually uses his discretionary funds for music stuff (he is a musician) and I usually use mine for new clothes & jewelry, or kitchen stuff (I am a baker.) This arrangement seems to work out well.

 

Shannon

[Chevdiver]

ok ladies, this is what works for me. take your hubby to a store where he can sit, relax, enjoy a cup of coffee, while you model for him. Nothing will open up my wallet faster than seeing my wife in a stunning outfit. My comfort range, dollare wise that is, goes way up if I have some say in how the outfit looks on her. If it just doesn't work, I tell her. And, if it is the right one, I buy it. This really makes it a fun experience for both of us and we usually come home with something that just right.

 

This of course is limited to the fancy party clothes. The normal everyday stuff I don't bother with. If she really wants my opinion, then I will go. I really don't mind my DW buying more clothes as long as they look good on her. What really doesn't make sense to me is when she goes out and spends $$ on clothes that are not flattering on her. Her reasoning is that she was trying to save money, but in my mind, it is more of a waste to buy something that doesn't look good on her. I would much rather she spend the cash on something that fits good and is the right color for her skin tone and eyes.

 

We have been married for 23 years now and still feel like newlyweds. :)

[LandLockedInAZ]

My DH has a tendency to be an eye-roller, but he would never tell me not to make the purchase. It is more that he doesn't see the priority in clothes or accessories just as I'd roll my eyes when he buys some expensive piece of stereo or video equipment. We both work hard for our money and deserve the occasional splurge.

[Chevdiver]

well, sometimes I wish I did. But, unfortunately no. a couple are struggling through their 2nd marriages though. They went from bad to just different. I was hoping they would improve their lives, but just married into different problems and personalities. oh well.

[Carol Anne]

Glad to hear there are other men out there like my DH. He loves to shop. I went out just this afternoon and brought home three pair of shoes for dresses for our upcoming cruise in September. Part of the fun of crusing is getting some new clothes. We spent the afternoon Saturday at the Mall looking for evening bags. He actually found one of the bags for me as we went store to store.

 

As I'm the one who does the budget ( he earns the money) I know what I'm comfortable spending. he never says a word.

 

Lois Hi!!! We miss you!!I was at Stein Mart ( I know how you love the store) this afternoon and got a great chiffon tunic and a pair of strappy gold sandals (Gloria Van Furstanburg) for $10.00. Big shoe sale.

[happysinglemom]

As you can tell from my handle, I have no DH to be concerned with. So I buy what I please...though it would be nice to get a man's opinion occasionally!! ;)

[Lois R]

Hi Carol:)

 

I miss you and Bob too!!! Hope you are both doing well.

And yes, your hubby always looks nice!

 

Carol, there is a wine thread over on the X BB....and the question of sharing

is brought up. Of course I thought about our Connie cruise together:D ;)

 

And I am another gal without a hubby. Haven't had one of those in forever.

Not sure what I would do if I had a mate anymore.

I will be on the Summit in October and it happens to fall the week I will

be divorced for 20 years.

 

Of course I will never say never but haven't found anyone I want to share

anything with...money included.

[SerenadingSarah]

You said it, sister.