The husband Factor - Off Topic

[Lois R]

Hi Sarah:) You solo too?

[MizzCard]

"Head of Household" is for tax purposes only! We both work full time and have our own checking accounts. The bills are shared. He makes nearly twice as much as me, so he opts to pay the mortgage. I pay ALL the utilities..and with this heat wave, our electric bill is going to be sky high. I never have to get permission to go shopping or spend money....I earned it so it's mine to spend. He refers to me as Amalda Marcos....I love shoes! We both contribute money to the savings account for our cruise fund, which consists of paying for the cruise, air fare, pre-hotel stay and about $1,500 to spend. We've been together 7 years and have NEVER had an aguement over money :D

[suziescruzin]

Mizzcard

 

That sounds exactly like the arrangement my husband and I have. He makes WAY more than I do so he pays the mortgage also! It's funny to hear others that have seperate accounts like we do. Most people think we are crazy but it works for us and we NEVER fight about money like some people do. For big things we make decisions together but we do all our own clothes shopping and he always jokes about "that old thing" when I have something new to drag out of the closet. We both have our own credit cards also. I think it is so important for women to have their own credit established for "just in case".

 

 

 

Happy cruising

Suze

[MizzCard]

Mizzcard

 

That sounds exactly like the arrangement my husband and I have. He makes WAY more than I do so he pays the mortgage also! It's funny to hear others that have seperate accounts like we do. Most people think we are crazy but it works for us and we NEVER fight about money like some people do. For big things we make decisions together but we do all our own clothes shopping and he always jokes about "that old thing" when I have something new to drag out of the closet. We both have our own credit cards also. I think it is so important for women to have their own credit established for "just in case".

 

 

 

Happy cruising

Suze

 

Suze...Exactly! It's all about independence. Large purchases are shared, but I do make my own car payment....because I can afford to!

[Soxfan05]

I was a partner in a business until we had children. Early in the pregancy I was put on bed rest and was having a tough time dealing with not being able to contribute financially- I had always been very independent. Hubby knelt down and told me "You're doing the hard part carrying these babies, now let me do the easy part and bring home the money". That set the tone for my long hiatus from the working world.

 

He's never said anything to me about anything I buy and if anything, he will see me looking at catalogs etc. and encourage me to buy something I might be admiring and laughing at my "but it will go on sale attitude". I also have to say, he is incredibly thoughtful. Recently, I was on a tear looking for a lost silver shoe. We were going away for the weekend and I needed it to go with the outfit I had just bought for the wedding we were attending. He stopped at a shop on the way home bought me a pair of silver shoes!

[ladycaveat]

ok ladies, this is what works for me. take your hubby to a store where he can sit, relax, enjoy a cup of coffee, while you model for him. Nothing will open up my wallet faster than seeing my wife in a stunning outfit. My comfort range, dollare wise that is, goes way up if I have some say in how the outfit looks on her. If it just doesn't work, I tell her. And, if it is the right one, I buy it. This really makes it a fun experience for both of us and we usually come home with something that just right.

 

This of course is limited to the fancy party clothes. The normal everyday stuff I don't bother with. If she really wants my opinion, then I will go. I really don't mind my DW buying more clothes as long as they look good on her. What really doesn't make sense to me is when she goes out and spends $$ on clothes that are not flattering on her. Her reasoning is that she was trying to save money, but in my mind, it is more of a waste to buy something that doesn't look good on her. I would much rather she spend the cash on something that fits good and is the right color for her skin tone and eyes.

 

We have been married for 23 years now and still feel like newlyweds. :)

 

I really don't mean to offend . . . I'm sure you're a fantastic guy, but if my husband was half as "into" shopping with me, as you are with your wife, for her formal attire, and as interested in her buying was "flattering on her or looks good on her" . . . it would drive me crazy. Ya all have been married for 23 years. At her age (which I would venture to guess makes her old enough to know what she likes and doesn't like), I would think that she could probably pick out her own gowns. I just get the impression from your posts (and I am so sorry if I'm wrong) . . . you are more interested in how she looks than how she "feels" in the gowns (or anything else for that matter) that she has purchased. When you said you didn't mind her spending money on clothes that "you" felt were flattering on her but a waste of money on anything "you" felt was not flattering . . . sort of makes makes me think that you might have a tad too much input into what your wife wears.

[SerenadingSarah]

Lois, I'm as solo as solo gets. :-) Going on my first cruise alone in September! Can't wait!!

[twosit]

Jane--Interesting to read all the varying types of responses to your question. Here is how it works in my house. Background--I don't work, stopped shortly after my babies and now that my babies are 21 and 22 (years not months) I have developed a taste for not working. We do great financially, but my husband is the nervous type about money. He has absolutely no clue about how much things cost and would buy all his clothes in Walmart if he could. He complains about money all the time. However, I am used to it. Here is the twist-- have lost over 100 lbs. and my husband actually loves it when I dress in nice clothes and hasn't complained at all about the clothes I buy. But he did lots of complaining about the cost of the cruise--still doesn't understand why we can't do it for $299. like we did shortly after Sept. 11 We always talk over big stuff though--but there is no set limit for each of us.

[Jan_In_Maine]

After 32+ years of marriage, I've found that what works in one marriage may not work in another. Each relationship has their own way of doing things. What is important is that both agree and are comfortable with their own arrangement. When our first child was born DH stayed home and I went back to work ... it was what we both wanted at the time .... child number 3 went to work with me.

 

Back in May I decided it was time to trade in my car, so I did, mentioned it to DH, but it is my car, this month he's shopping for a new one. I keep the books at home (I'm also an accountant) and we keep a budget discuss (usually in passing) what $$ are "going out the door" in any week. Normally anything major is discussed as we live our marriage as a partnership (except I still haven't mentioned this latest cruise .... but then again I am still enjoying feeling "guilty").

 

I enjoy shopping without DH so that he can admire my purchases when I wear them - although I shop with him when he needs new clothes (once a year or so) ... but he spends even more time than I do making sure that the slacks look ok from behind!

 

IMHO all marriages are and should be "uniquely wierd" that's what makes them so exciting! I am still truly amazed that I have what I want. Enjoy! Jan

[ryansmemom]

We have been married for a long time. Back in those days over 35 years ago, we merged everything and shared everything. That was the way our parents did it, so that is what we did.

 

We made it through the rough years, raised our kids and now it's pay off time. Not that we are old mind you. Back then my dad had to co-sign my marriage license because I was only 19.

 

Anyway, my husband, Chimera, does shop with me. He does enjoy shopping and recently I've actually gotten him to buy more things for himself. He believes in value for money and appreciates buying quality goods that look really good and have a timelessness to them. What can I say, it works for me. He tells me he enjoys seeing me well dressed. That works for me.

 

He is also prone to buy jewlery. He has been known to stop at the jeweler and pick something up. He has even contacted a jeweler we know in Oklahoma City who works for BC Clark because he can get a good deal on David Yurman. (He does like to get a good deal)

 

What can I say, he is fantastic. We have lived through a lot in our lives. We've had our ups and downs. We still pay for losses that money can't compensate us for. We also have joy that money can't buy.

 

You only go around once. (At least as far as we can guarentee) So, we do what we can to enrich the lives of those we love and also do what we can to enrich our lives as well. Part of that is indulging ourselves materially. We both enjoy it.

 

Linda :)

[Jane110]

Hi Jane:

 

I personally, could never be married to anyone who didn't give me breathing space!

By the way, just curious...why don't you like 3/4 sleeves?:rolleyes:

Esther

 

Esther,

 

I don't mind the way 3/4 sleeves look, I just can't stand the feel of them. They make me feel like I don't have my top on all the way and I just want to keep tugging at it to pull the sleeves down to my wrist. Some people can't wear thongs (either underwear or shoes) because they can't stand the way they feel. I have no problem with thongs, but the feeling of a 3/4 sleeve blouse just drives me up the wall!

 

I also couldn't be married to anyone who doesn't give me breathing space.

 

Jane

[Jane110]

Well perhaps I am the exception but I actually like to go shopping with my DW. I really like to help pick out the fancy clothes for her. For this cruise, we did the "Pretty Woman" thing in San Francisco. I was picking out the gowns and she was modeling them. it was a blast. we had 3 sales persons helping us and half the store watching us. we told them right up front we were buying formal gowns for the cruise and that money wasn't an object, within reason of course, if we found the right gowns. We spent almost two hours in the store and she tried on about 20 gowns. Well, we were succesful. I found one off the rack and one in the catalog, which the actually had in the back room. it was so much fun. the other ladies there all agreed that she looked stunning. Even the bride to be and her wedding party came out to see the show. So... to defend the DH's like me, it is fun to shop as long as we bring something home. What I really don't like is to spend all day and come home empty handed. that is no fun at all. Hence, the shoe experience. we now have awesome gowns and there are no shoes to be found anywhere. We are covered for one of the formal nights. the long gown will cover here flip-flops just fine. the other night will be the issue. the other gown is about 3/4 length and is calling out for a killer pair of high heels. I know high heels are not the best choice for the cruise, but OMG will she look good. we only have 2 more weekends left to find them so we will once again be powershopping San Francisco.

 

We knew going into this cruise that we needed clothes, so we had no reservations shelling out the cash for a couple killer gowns. I, on the other hand, am going the tuxedo route through cruise line formals. that will same room in the suitcase as well. This is our first cruise and we wanted to do it up big. so.... we did. It might take us a while to dig out, but what the heck. We are going to have a blast. And, to top it off, I think the 2nd formal night will be on her birthday. How special will that be for her!

 

As for other shopping adventures, I have to admit I am much worse than my DW. She is much more conservative. She will contemplate even small purchases, but if I want something, I will just buy it. We do share a checking account and do consult each other on major things, but for the most part we just don't worry about it too much. Or at least I don't. If she needs something, I encourage her to just go get it. I would much rather her go buy it than spend weeks trying to justify it.

 

Chevdiver,

 

You sound a lot like my husband. Before our first cruise, we went shopping to buy some formal dresses for me. In the store, they sat him in a plushy chair and handed in a glass of wine while I paraded in and out of the dressing room in dress after dress. We ended up with three.

 

Also like you, he needs to be on "a mission" and hates to just wander into stores. I'm in the fashion business and need to know what's going on at retail and I enjoy browsing as well. He won't come with me for anything like that. However, if I say I need a pair of specific style shoes, or a dress for an occasion he'll come with me and go to a zillion stores and help me look the "the" perfect pair of shoes or the "the" perfect dress. He'll even look at lipstick & blush colors and give his opinion.

 

I hope you and your wife have a great cruise. What a wonderful birthday she'll have!

 

Oh and BTW, I have no problem wearing my killer heels on a ship! Thanks for the flip-flop chuckle! :)

 

Jane

[stevekc]

Well as a man I am grateful to have a wonderful wife who is willing to stay at home and (really work) to raise our two children!

She gets most of the money each month and pays all the household expenses and shops whenever she needs things or feels like it.

I enjoy seeing her in the new outfits and know she really likes to shop for new clothes.

I always roll my eyes to tease her but try to never give her a bad time about it.

In fact she just got 4 pairs of shoes from the Nordstrom sale???

Now I could ask something like "how can you wear 4 pairs of shoes out so quick?" but I shouldn't...err won't.

It seems that we might be in the minority but we have fun going together when we have a black tie event to attend or something while she picks out the "perfect dress and shoes".

After 15yrs of marriage I am thankful we have the ability to do this when we want.

Just my 2 cents

Steve

[CruzerKim]

My husband loves to shop! Polo is his favorite. He took more clothes on this cruise than I did! He likes to look nice as well as his family. I buy what I like and he is always eager to see what I bought. He has never once complained about a dime my daughter (23) or I have spent. I love my husband, he is the best!!!

[Armchairtravelwoman]

Mizzcard

 

...he always jokes about "that old thing" when I have something new to drag out of the closet.

 

That is so funny but very true for some of us! I alway used to say I've "had it forever" or "I bought it at a garage sale". DH has lightened up a bit in his old age but still squeezes every nickle twice, except where vacations are concerned. As for clothes shopping with me, it hasn't happened once in 38 years! ;)

[Lois R]

Hi Sarah:) If you have any questions about sailing solo, let me know. I will be

glad to answer anything I can for you.

 

Jane, I figured this topic would get lots of replies. And I am pleased to see

it is staying civil.:)

 

Everyone has different ways they handle things...money included.

While I was growing up both parents worked. Both shared the checking account

and decisions were made together. Then again during my childhood probably

most folks shared the $$$ part. I really don't remember my Mom asking my

Dad about buying clothes:eek: now, they say the mind is the first thing to go;)

 

Again, I have been on my own so long, I am not sure what it would be like

to share anything.

[caviargal]

As a formerly married woman, I read this post with interest.

 

I have always worked, been very independent and taken care of myself. It would honestly never have occured to me to discuss my shopping expenditures with my ex.

 

I love clothes and used to shop all the time. I travelled for my career extensively for over 20 years and that was when I did most of my shopping, while visiting wonderful cities like NY, Chicago and San Francisco. Now I own a home based business so my needs are very different. I still love to shop but do so much less frequently. I also have a small home with few closets and they are packed to capacity with my things! I still shop when I travel and shoes and black cocktail dresses are my two greatest weaknesses.

 

I was raised to believe that if you cannot afford to pay for it, you should not buy it. I discovered layaway when I was a teen and used it often. I also was raised to believe that owning once item of excellent quality was preferable to having lots of things of lesser quality and I still shop this way.

 

And, Lois, I totally agree about being alone for such a long time that the idea of sharing everything and having to compromise seems very foreign.

[momofmeg]

I'm just curious about something...........

 

It seems that as I read through these boards and the women here tell their shopping tales, the "DH factor" often seems to come into play.....not in terms of whether he liked or disliked a particular item, but in the money discussion.

 

Specifically, it seems that I've read comments about DH not approving of spending money on new things or rolling his eyes as the DW walks in with a shopping bag. On the other side, there are those DH's that get special accolades for being such a prince about going into a store and/or not complaining about how much money is being spent. Huh? I don't understand this.

 

My DH and I know what we can spend and I'm not a 12 year old with my parent's charge card. When I come home with a shopping bag, he's happy to see what I bought and comment on whether he likes it or not....if I ask. I'll tell him if I scored a great sale but he doesn't ask and really could care less. He likes me to look good and he knows it costs money to do so. He knows I wouldn't put us in debt for a new handbag and shoes. If I come home with a bag and don't mention it he just figures it's nothing worth mentioning like some new tee shirts or some make-up. It just "ain't no big thing".

 

So, my fellow shoppers......do you need to "clear" your purchases with DH? Is he annoyed (a little or a lot) by your shopping? Do you give him "good guy points" for going shopping with you and not being grumpy about it?

 

Just curious..........

Jane

 

Not a problem with hubby and I either-because he kows I am the one that worries about money. I am a very thrifty and conscious shopper as alot of you can tell by my posts- I do like quality but I go for the sales-instead of buying poor quality stuff I wait and buy my stuff during the end of season sales-sometimes hubby feels I am a little overboard with it but not when he looks at our savings account.

[esther e]

Jane, I figured this topic would get lots of replies. And I am pleased to see

it is staying civil.:)

 

I agree. This is a fun topic and I'm so glad people aren't arguing!!!! I hope it stays like this. :o

Esther

[Ms Belvedere]

After 32+ years of marriage, I've found that what works in one marriage may not work in another. Each relationship has their own way of doing things. What is important is that both agree and are comfortable with their own arrangement. Jan

That's true, I've worked with women who would shop at lunch and hide the purchases in the trunks of their cars so their husbands wouldn't know how much they spent. I've also known women who would spend a weekend together shopping at the outlets, leaving their husbands home with the kids.

 

DH and I shop together a lot, we both consider it a hobby. If I ask his opinion on anything it's to make sure the fit of an outfit is right.

 

When it comes to clothes, our disagreements are on closet space. Mine's mine and his is mine too! :p :p :p

 

Ms B

[madelinerose]

DH never shops, never buys anything, unless it's from Home Depot, Lowes or Sears. We recently purchased an investment property that we rehabbed and he was all into buying lumber, appliances, hvac, windows, etc. etc. If I didn't buy clothes for DH, he'd have nothing to wear.

 

I'd never dream of asking him if he wanted to shop with me. He'd rather have needles stuck in his eyes. Besides, I prefer shopping alone.

 

I purchase the majority of my wardrobe online or from catalogs. I do not like malls or shopping in them, so DH usually just rolls the eyes whenever the UPS guy leaves another package on the front porch - lol!

 

We simply have an understanding that I shop, he doesn't, and it works. ;)

 

I agree, good topic!

[lszu]

Generally, if either one of us is going to spend over $100, we tell each other first.

 

I do the clothes shopping for both of us and usually don't drag him along if I go to an actual store. I show him all the stuff that I buy (for both of us). He teases me, but doesn't really care.

[esther e]

When we go to the mall, I tell him to meet me in 5 hours and off he goes to Sears (where he says he knows every piece of merchandise they have--particularly in the tool dept.) or Brookstone. And off I skip. He's a good sport. Home Depot is another matter; he knows to meet me in the garden department. Ace hardware is the only not on my list of places to be!!!

 

Since this is the week of no sales tax, we are taking our 16-year old granddaughter to the mall Friday. This has turned into a tradition. Lunch and shopping...but I hate her taste in clothes.

 

Esther

[Ehpride]

My grandpa used to drive my grandma to the mall and then either sit in his truck and wait or go inside and claim a bench. He'd usually find someone he knew or make a new friend. Sometimes, if my brother and I went along, we'd sit with him and people watch.

[Allis154]

I used to have a problem with clothes shopping and my DH. He works uniforms to work and would spend the extra money in the budget on some unnecessary piece of junk (like camp stools...we don't camp or fish!). Eventually I took over the finances and made sure there was money to buy clothes for work. He enjoys shopping with me, and I model everything for him in the store. His opinon matters, and I trust that he will not lie.