Deep question - would like input.

[grandmacani]

Glad you came back to tell us how your day went. Looks like hubby will be able to hit the ice cream machine as needed when you cruise. Have a great weekend

[cruise101101]

You just never know who you will help when you post something on here. Deep question - yes. Question and answers that helped me tremendously.

 

Will try to make this short. Dh had kidney cancer end of last year. Cancer surgically removed (whole kidney) but we have to have MRI's every three months for two years. He almost died during surgery and was in hospital for almost two weeks. Evil cancer cells/large tumor the doctor said so watching well. I think the cancel cell description from him was what got me most.

 

Although I am so very grateful God spared him and has told me so a number of times, I have felt just about everything everyone else has felt on here. I go up and down, up and down and try very hard to focus on positive, but when we go back for check-ups/scans, it seems to bring it all back.

 

Just this week-end I had a talk with God (again) and it was kind of a "For Pete's Sake, God! I really need to get this straight in my head and quit going back and forth. Give me more faith and show me how I can be stronger." So, I was playing around on CC last night and here you are on here. All of you. I know God pointed me to you.

 

Thank you so very much for all of your comments. So many of you said things I have thought often and I was like "Yes. Yes. That's exactly right. Yes!!! You get me!!! You have helped me, Carmel and I bet many others. I feel like I had a therapy session :) even though I have never had a real one. Wasn't opposed, just thought I would work through this eventually. Today feels good and something really clicked last night.

 

If I could hug each and every one of you, I would. My dh has a very good attitude. You have helped me let go of some of the dumb worrying and helped me on my way back to us and our happily ever after for however long God sees fit - be it today, tomorrow or many years from now. I have printed out this long thread. Thank you for the house call and put it on my bill. :eek: You just can't imagine how much this has helped me get things in perspective. The time was right.

 

I wish all of you your very own "happily ever after" of some sort - the way you had it planned or the way it ended up. I hope you will all find happiness.

[Amatuer_Travel_Agent]

"Comes down to a choice, get busy living or get busy dying" Andy Dufresne, 1994 (Shawshank Redemption)

 

Today is the greatest gift you got, use it to its fullest.

[Ms. Fun Bunch]

First my prayers are with you & your family. None of us knows what will happen to us in the next second so for me personally I remind myself that God promised that if I have faith the size of a mustard seed (look at a mustard seed and see how small it is) that if I told a mountain to move it would. Please read the book of Job in the Bible.

[momof4boys]

So much worry and sorrow........it is easy to understand where you are coming from.

 

I just know that it is important for me to live every day like it might be my last. If I worry about what might happen.......I've lost that day anyway.

 

Your husband received a gift that money can't buy......loving every minute of his life and not wasting a precious minute worrying what if......

 

I teach school and we study about people who made a great contribution to the world or society in general. What I try to impart to my students (and my children....and try to remember my self) is that it is not that something bad happens to oneself or another....but how one deals with those bad situations that defines one's life.

 

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers regardless of whether you believe.....because others have carried me through rough times when I doubted. Know that many of us on CC are hoping you find peace and joy once again.

[Carolina RagDoll]

You have been through a scary, frightening experience. And now you are going through another one. You have faced the possibility, hopefully very remote possibility, that you might lose your beloved much too soon. Your anger is normal. It is not fair that you should have to be considering these things and facing this kind of heartache at your age.

 

No serious illness affects only the person who is technically sick. It affects everyone in the family. Please talk to your doctor about how you are feeling. He or she will be a good sounding board and help you determine what will help you to deal with your situation, whether it is medication, someone to talk to, or some of both. There is no shame in being strong enough to say "I need a little help here."

 

You are probably not hiding these feelings as well as you think you are. Those who love you best are very attuned to your emotions.

 

I hope that your husband's situation has been completely resolved. Best of luck to you and I hope you will regain the obvious joy you have for life soon.

[Msbabynurse]

I have been through a very similar situation. I found a tiny lump in my breast Christmas Eve 2012. Thankfully I work in healthcare too. I pulled one of our doctors aside and explained what I found. He got me an ultrasound and mammogram that very day. Both were inconclusive. I had to wait a week for a biopsy and another week for pathology report. It was the longest 2 weeks of my life. I cannot tell you how low i was at that point. I totally missed Christmas. My body was there but I was so filled with worry it just consumed me. My husband was/is my rock during this time even though I know he was scared too. But before the pathology came back, something blindsided me. WHAT IF I HAD HAD NOT FOUND IT!! Mine was precancerous. They removed it. And what gives me peace is knowing that had I not found it ..,, it could have altered the course of my life drastically. But only by the grace of God I found it before it took over!

 

We truly have no control over some things. Take control over only the things you can. Your husband is ALIVE! Don't put him in his grave until God does!

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Forums

[SPacificbound]

To Carmel,

 

I can so identify with the feelings your words have described.

 

Sometimes we have to put all the ugly, awful, painful, horrible things in a box, and put that box in the very back corner of a closet somewhere, to give us time to slowly be able to deal with those things little by little as we gain strength.

 

There is nothing we can do to help except to listen, and let you read. Right now though give your hubby and each of your children a hug, take a deep breath and know that you will get in a better place.

 

Promise yourself that you will go on this cruise with your family and you will be thankful for every minute. Take lots of pictures so 10 years from now your children will look at those pictures and remember what a fantastic time it was.

 

Prayers for you and your family.

[luddite]

Satchel Paige said it----

Don't look back.

[skandls]

Your family has some problems to overcome. When you are on your cruise - you should enjoy the moments. You are not at the doctors or in the hospital - you have time to Live and Enjoy. What happens tomorrow can be dealt with then. I hope you can treasure all the times with your family - there will always be problems some big some small - but you can make happy times.

[Wayfairers]

Been there, done that except I was the one with cancer and my husband came out of it with more emotional baggage than I had. I was grateful to be alive and celebrated each day and thought he was feeling that way. After several months I started noticing we were having major fights over little things. Finally he broke down and told me how he really feels and we started putting our relationship back together. Talk to your husband and tell him exactly how you are feeling. You need to be in this together.

 

 

Done..

7d Royal Caribbean

7d Celebrity

10d Princess

14d Carnival

75d Holland America

 

Next..

7d Carnival Conquest

21d Carnival Triumph

[LindaM]

Your life sounds like mine. DH was diagnosed with an aortic aneurysm age 42. At that time, we figured we better start cruising more and seeing places we've never been. I didn't think it would be productive to stop living, but to start living more. OK....then I got cancer. A few years later, I got another type of cancer. What kept me going was thinking about all the places we have been and that we were fortunate to have traveled---and not waited until retirement. Fast forward 20 years....it is not easy to have things hanging over your head. This time, I got skin cancer, which had the nerve to come back after 5 years. Waiting for the other shoe to drop is no way to live your life. It's not helping anyone. Give yourself 5 minutes /day of worry, then forget about it! None of us get through life unscathed----we need to try to be happy and live life to the fullest while we can. If you are waiting for the other shoe to drop and it does, you would have wasted all the time in between, that you could have spent being happy!

[Hlitner]

Just got around to reading the OPs message and, having also spend some time in the healthcare sector, would not even think about dispensing advice on how to deal with her demons. This sounds like a situation where the OP needs to seek professional help/counseling from a professional. Adequate counseling now may well help her avoid years (or even a lifetime) of self-doubt, depression, sadness, etc.

 

Hank

P.S. We truly wish you well.

[h_blond2]

I have no idea what you're going through and I hope I never do. However, shouldn't you cherish every moment you have with your husband? Don't go through life in a depressed state if you don't have to. Seek whatever help you may need and start living your life. I've lost family members and friends over the years and I wish I had more time with them to create more memories. Your husband seems to have the right idea about life. Nothing is guaranteed.

[preschool teacher]

Lots of good advice here...I just want to bless you thru prayer for you and your family...give it up to God....also get some meds if need them...even if you use them for the short term....they help me live a normal life!

Edited June 5, 2014 by preschool teacher

[CruiseMore1]

I'm quite sure this is in the wrong forum but for the life of me, I'm not sure where it goes. I'm going on the Sunshine in two weeks so I figured I would stick it here.

 

I have a deep question for you all. I'm kinda struggling here. My husband has been diagnosed with two cancers in the past 7 years. The first was Hodgkins which he beat and is in year 6 of remission. The second is an in situ cancer (completely contained and not spread) where they simply surgically removed it. I found out about this last Friday.

 

I feel very broken in spirit. I used to have a very strong faith but that has diminished. For some, their faith grows when they beat cancer. For me, I got totally #@%#^ at whatever supreme being allowed it to happen in the first place. I work in a hospital and every time I see a bald child in the children's cancer wing, I question....WHY?

 

My husband and I are relatively young. Mid 40s. We have a 15yr old, 11 yr old, and a 3 yr old. I had my life all planned out to be sitting by him on the patio drinking coffee at sunrise well into our 70s. Now, I'm overcome with just how little control I have over that.

 

Hubby is looking at this cruise as a celebration. His cancer was 'good' - in situ. I refuse to attach the word 'good' to any cancer. I have fantasies of squeezing the life out of cancer cells and laughing at them taking their last, gasping breath. Yeah, I'm walking around pretty pissed right now.

 

I guess my question is - what is the use of enjoying this vacation? I know, some of you are like, this chick is crazy! But I'm being serious. If I'm going to make amazing memories of walking the Baths with my girls and hubby or watching our toddler build sand castles, won't it hurt that much more if something happens? The sweeter life it, the more it hurts when it all goes south. It is almost like I want to close myself into a dark room and not care about anyone or anything to avoid hurt. Selfish? Yes. But, my spirit is so broken right now.

 

I just don't see how people can fully enjoy life when there is always that threat of the other shoe dropping. I'm so blessed with my family. I love them so much that it is painful. Anything happening to them would destroy me.

 

Hubby looks at his Hodgkins as a gift. What was terrifying and horrendous to me was something that gave him great joy to parcel out just how precious life is. It left him grateful and happy. It left me angry and afraid.

 

I must say, if you met me on the street, you would have no idea I feel this way. I hold down a full time job, am a fabulous mother (if I do say so myself)....by all appearances, I'm not some seething, dark, afraid person. But it is there. Always. I was lucky enough to marry my soul-mate. I'm quite confident there is no one in this world who was better matched for me (and I for him). That knowledge is wonderful but also scary.

 

I guess I'm rambling at this point. I had been looking so forward to this cruise with my girls, my DH and my parents. It has been a bad winter and I couldn't wait to get in the sun and heat. Now, I don't even want to go. I have a sort of 'what is the use'.

 

The truth is, whatever cancer he had was either cut out completely or he will have another resection on Friday. I'm in health care and have access to all sorts of journals. Most journals don't even classify this as a true cancer. Pre-cancer is the term that is used. We see the oncologist on Friday and the best thing he can say to me is that I can view this as the skin cancers people get taken off. Those don't scare me. I've had a couple myself.

 

Please, if you could take a second and, I don't know, give some suggestions on how I can get back to that excitement I had before the path report came back. All of us are terminal. None of us live forever. I know there are people out there that are in MUCH worse places than I am. I'm in awe of their strength and courage. I want to be able to cherish the good times without this 'what if' hanging over my head.

 

Thanks - ya'll may think I'm a loon for posting on a cruise board but I've been on this board forever and so many share my feelings on so many things - we treat cruises as not just the week we are gone but the prep before, the planning.....it is so much more than those 7 days. For us, cruising is our reward for the years spent living on Ramen, studying until 3am. It is the week or two where we glue ourselves to each other's hips and get to know one another again. It is the week we talk about for months afterwards.

 

I've not read this entire thread yet. I'm feeling your pain, but........

 

You have been given the opportunity to enjoy every day with your loved ones until the end......however that may come. Please do not waste time expecting the worst. Your husband certainly has the right attitude - life is precious, enjoy it! None of us knows how long we have.

 

We lost our oldest son in a traffic accident 3 days before Christmas and only a few days away from his 25th birthday. This was in 1986. And while time helps the intensity of the pain, it does not take it away. Then just in 2010, our 43-year-old son died from a heart attack.

 

I certainly went through an "angry with God" period! Please be thankful for the extra time you have been given, rather than having lost a loved one. May you be blessed with comfort and the strength to get through this.

[blackpool belle]

Hello Carmel,

 

You are a fabulous Mum( your words) so don't you owe it to your children to give them a fabulous holiday that you all deserve. Do it for them and your dearly beloved too of course. You need a distraction and what better distraction than a cruise. Take a leaf out of your dear hubby's book and laugh in the face of cancer.

 

Carpe Diem.

[tessam]

Of course my heart is with you. It cost me big bucks to hear what my very special

therapist told me. Wallow in it for a while. It is the only way to get through to the

other side.

tessam