Deep question - would like input.

[reerun25]

[YB Nrml]

I get irritated with hubby because he does live in the moment. When a song comes on the radio he likes and I'm trying to get dinner, he grabs me and forces me to slow dance with him. He calls me on the back deck when I'm trying to pick up toys in the family room to show me a sunset because he knows coral is my favorite color.

 

Wow! He sounds like a treasure and just like my DH. Aren't we lucky?!? :D

Dance with him, let the dinner burn, enjoy the sunset with your arms around each other, one day the toys will be gone. You truly have a soul mate, a priceless gift. Don't let fear take away one more moment from you.

[AmberTeka]

Wow! He sounds like a treasure and just like my DH. Aren't we lucky?!? :D

Dance with him, let the dinner burn, enjoy the sunset with your arms around each other, one day the toys will be gone. You truly have a soul mate, a priceless gift. Don't let fear take away one more moment from you.

 

your descriptive writing is so lovely. It is so romantic. it sounds like something out of a Norah Roberts novel. Or Janet Daily. You have a gift. You have real talent.

[sailingwithfriends]

Dear Carmel,

I'm sorry that you and your husband have had these health scares. You post touched my heart. I want you to know that I am a Christian. Jesus never said accepting him would cause your life to be problem free. The Bible even says you will have problems in this life. However, Jesus does promise to cover your with his grace to get through these hard times. All of us wonder why some people have more health problems and other bad things happen to them than other people. I just watched the movie, "God's Not Dead". (Good movie) In the movie, one of the characters hates God because didn't cure his mother's cancer and she died. He said he could not believe in a God that would allow horrible things to happen to people. Another character in the movie had the best answer I have ever heard. He stated that Satin allows some people, who are actually not very nice people, to have what seems like a perfect life. He does this because he doesn't want these "not too nice people" to call on and rely on God. If you think about it, some people only pray to God when life isn't going to good for them.

I am happy that your husband has been cured from the cancers he has had. I pray he and the rest of your family will remain healthy. I do know that bad things happen on earth. I have experienced death, accidents and diseases with people that I love. Most people will experience terrible events in their lifetimes. What we need to do is to appreciate the good times. A cruise is a perfect place to rest and experience God's beauty. I think when you are going through a tough situation, having something to look forward to makes you want to go on. I'm glad you and your husband will be able to enjoy yourselves.

I do understand that when you have had a lot of serious things happen in your life, you can live in dread. My daughter was in a serious car accident and spent 5 days in ICU, had surgery, followed by 13 more days in the hospital and months of Physical Therapy. We didn't know if she would survive. After she was considered "cured", it didn't take away the fear of something bad happening again. My suggestion for you is to talk to a counselor/therapist and a medical doctor to see if you could use some type of anti-anxiety medication to help until you are feeling less fearful.

I wish you well and hope you are soon able to enjoy each day.

[Cruising Golfer]

You go girl, get out there and dance!!!:D

[YB Nrml]

your descriptive writing is so lovely. It is so romantic. it sounds like something out of a Norah Roberts novel. Or Janet Daily. You have a gift. You have real talent.

 

You made my day! Thank you.

 

All of the posts to carmel have been wonderful. I think we can all put ourselves in her shoes to one degree or another. The bottom line is live life to the fullest, RIGHT NOW!

 

Carmel, you have touched all of us with your story and your feelings. You've got a whole community behind you supporting and cheering you on. You Go Girl!

 

Now I'm going to text DH and send him some X's & O's........

Edited April 7, 2014 by YB Nrml

[Miller_KC]

Carmel,

 

The feelings you have show what a wonderful life society, your family, and your faith has built for you. You have been able to see and feel life as more of an adventure instead of a struggle and have become accustomed to enjoying it. That doesn't happen by accident.

 

But no life is completely immune to the hardships and realities of surviving. Sometimes it feels like we are facing too much but here is where we all have to draw on whatever strengths we have available and work our way through. There will be numerous stories in your life and all have endings. Some will end before you want them to. It sounds like you still have more to go in this story. Make it a good one.

 

Too many stories in my life ended in the last few weeks and others are set to end soon. Take advantage of all the time you can get with the people that mean everything to you.

[sailingwithfriends]

Sorry, for the typo. Satan is not Satin.

[eastoftheboston]

I know this has negative connotations in some circles, but I think OP should find a really good therapist. I'm not talking necessarily about just throwing pills at a problem, often therapists will just let you talk it out and see situations from other points of view, and teach you coping skills for when these depressing thoughts seep back into your brain. My husband is a psychiatrist who specializes in treatment through therapy and coping techniques (he does prescribe medicine when necessary, but doesn't look to it as the first answer necessarily), and it sounds like psychotherapy could be a big benefit in this situation.

 

Make sure you take care of your mental health just as much as your husband is working to take care of his physical health!

 

Good luck.

[IResQU]

I lost my Best friend to cancer a few years ago. She had just turned 40, never smoked, rarely drank, and found out she had cancer 2 months prior to her passing. She had two teenage kids.

I spent a lot of time before she passed, wondering why, and how something like this could happen to her. She lived "right" she was a good person, etc..

The day before her she died, as I laid in her bed and we reminisced about our crazy life together, she said the best words I could hear.

She said " I worked hard all of my life, I worried about bills, and my kids, and my husband (he's a firefighter). I worried what would happen to them as they grew, or went to work, when they got in a car, when they slept. All that got me was wasted hours of sadness, and less time to enjoy WITH them."

She then pushed me to keep my vacation plans (we had a cruise booked and sailing 5 days after her passing, that had been booked and payed for almost a year) I felt awful going through with our plans. My husband offered to cancel and just lose our $$. In the end, she got through to me.

We had a wonderful vacation. Was it crazy, or amazing? no. BUT, it was healing for all of us. The saltwater washed our tears away, and rejuvenated my soul. With every wave, my fears of the unknown, were less and less. By the end of the week, I knew it was the right choice. My family needed to know that this wouldn't define us. That her passing would only make us grab life by the horns and take charge. I will always have bills, I will always have fears, (I am a trauma nurse, and see the WHAT IFs ALOT) But, I refuse to let this ruin my daily life.

You will find your strength and your way through this awful cancer scare. Just try to take it smile by smile and make positive memories with your family. I remember every vacation I took with my best friend, I don't remember the fear I felt leading up to her death. Just our laughter.

 

BTW, We leave on the 19th,on the Sunshine! so I will be praying while I am leaving for my vacation, that you will be enjoying yours as well!

[nodogkisses]

Sorry, for the typo. Satan is not Satin.

 

Lol. That's for sure--Satan is not Satin.

[LandlockedCruiser01]

First of all, I'm sorry to hear you're having life's difficulties, especially those involving your loved one. Psychologists talk about the classic five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Do some soul-searching to figure out what stage you're in right now, and take appropriate action to heal yourself. Get a prescription for anti-depressants and/or anti-anxiety if natural relaxation methods or talk therapy don't help. Don't forget that there are many kinds of therapy, from the cliche "how did that make you feel?" method that's become a butt of jokes, to some pretty non-traditional ones; shop around.

 

A quick suggestion on perspective about cancer. Think of those surgeries/treatments your husband had as multiple, distinct victories, rather than one huge battle. You've won two already. Granted, there may be more up ahead, but you can't fight a battle that hasn't started yet, which is what you seem to be doing in your mind right now. The way you described your husband's current health, you're in "peacetime". That's a good thing. Do whatever you can to restore your own health and rebuild your energy, for the real battles that may happen in the future. This includes taking that cruise you've been planning. There's something about the soothing movement of the ship, the low-pitched whoosh of the hull cutting through the water, and the long wakes trailing behind the stern, that can make even the most jaded pessimist break into a hopeful smile.

Edited April 7, 2014 by LandlockedCruiser01

[Mrsfabo]

All we can do is cherish the time we have sometimes I stare at my husband in his sleep and get sad because I know this won't last forever but then I shake it off and say enjoy the moment. My hubby and I have been through indescribable pain first my dad then both his parents so that makes us even closer because he doesn't have that support group anymore. But your healthy your hubby wants to celebrate so celebrate we only live once the years your worrying could be on celebrating . I hope I can give you a little comfort.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Forums

[elou]

10 years ago, out of the blue, I was diagnosed with Hodgkins. No family history. I gave myself 2 choices, LIVE OR NOT LIVE. I wanted to LIVE. I had 6 months of chemo ---no hair, no eyelashes, no eyebrows. I told myself that if that was the WORST thing, then I'm lucky. My husband, on the other hand, had 6 months of "nervous nausea". As soon as I was in remission, he was okay. Yes, it's been 10 years, but each time I have a PET scan or a checkup, I am petrified. The only thing that calms me ---- is to say "Okay, God, it is in your hands". When I went into remission, I kissed my husband, kissed my mother and THEN called my travel agent. I told myself, I'm going to keep booking until I can't anymore; and I cruise about 3 times per year. Don't look at it as a celebration cruise, but another day that you and your family WOKE UP today and aren't you lucky and glad that you did. Most of us dwell on the negative "what if". You know what, THAT STINKS. One baby step at a time girl.

[PlanoTim]

I just don't see how people can fully enjoy life when there is always that threat of the other shoe dropping. I'm so blessed with my family. I love them so much that it is painful. Anything happening to them would destroy me.

 

Hi, Carmel. One thing to keep I mind is that we all live with the threat of that other shoe dropping. We may not know what type of shoe it is or when it will drop, but the potential is there. We took a cruise a couple of weeks before my cancer surgery (at a rather young age). I guess I could have been glum, mad or resentful. But I chose to make it my best cruise. And it was – until my next one that was even better, and the one after that…

 

I think you’ve received some great comments from others here. The one quoted below sums it up well.

 

Every good memory you can make will be one more to treasure whether you both live a to a ripe old age or not. Being pessimistic will ruin any time you have together. Each day we have is a gift. There are no guarantees. You could be hit by a car tomorrow. I'd suggest some counseling for you to get some professional help in dealing with this, but I know there isn't much time for that before your trip. Even if you have bad feelings, act as if you are having the time of your life on the cruise. It will help the others in your family to enjoy the vacation, and you may surprise yourself by finding out that you actually are having a great time. Attitude is everything. Good luck to you and your husband. Saying a prayer for your husband's health and your peace of mind. I hope the trip is a wonderful time for you all.

 

I think actions can shape our feelings more than our feelings shape actions. If you choose to act happy, you'll feel happy – at least happier than if you don't act happy. I encourage you to be thankful for what you have now (like the opportunity to cruise with your family). Remember - gratitude is the mother of happiness.

 

I hope you choose to have a happy cruise.

Tim

[driftingaway2017]

First of all, I am sorry for all that you have went through. Secondly, I would talk to your doctor about what is going on, especially if these feelings have been going on for a while. Hallmark symptoms of depression include feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, not enjoying things that you used to enjoy, cognitive distortions (seeing the negative in everything),

sadness/irritability/anger along with many other symptoms. These do not go away on their own. Treatment can be highly effective and help you enjoy life again:) . Good luck!

 

 

I'm quite sure this is in the wrong forum but for the life of me, I'm not sure where it goes. I'm going on the Sunshine in two weeks so I figured I would stick it here.

 

I have a deep question for you all. I'm kinda struggling here. My husband has been diagnosed with two cancers in the past 7 years. The first was Hodgkins which he beat and is in year 6 of remission. The second is an in situ cancer (completely contained and not spread) where they simply surgically removed it. I found out about this last Friday.

 

I feel very broken in spirit. I used to have a very strong faith but that has diminished. For some, their faith grows when they beat cancer. For me, I got totally #@%#^ at whatever supreme being allowed it to happen in the first place. I work in a hospital and every time I see a bald child in the children's cancer wing, I question....WHY?

 

My husband and I are relatively young. Mid 40s. We have a 15yr old, 11 yr old, and a 3 yr old. I had my life all planned out to be sitting by him on the patio drinking coffee at sunrise well into our 70s. Now, I'm overcome with just how little control I have over that.

 

Hubby is looking at this cruise as a celebration. His cancer was 'good' - in situ. I refuse to attach the word 'good' to any cancer. I have fantasies of squeezing the life out of cancer cells and laughing at them taking their last, gasping breath. Yeah, I'm walking around pretty pissed right now.

 

I guess my question is - what is the use of enjoying this vacation? I know, some of you are like, this chick is crazy! But I'm being serious. If I'm going to make amazing memories of walking the Baths with my girls and hubby or watching our toddler build sand castles, won't it hurt that much more if something happens? The sweeter life it, the more it hurts when it all goes south. It is almost like I want to close myself into a dark room and not care about anyone or anything to avoid hurt. Selfish? Yes. But, my spirit is so broken right now.

 

I just don't see how people can fully enjoy life when there is always that threat of the other shoe dropping. I'm so blessed with my family. I love them so much that it is painful. Anything happening to them would destroy me.

 

Hubby looks at his Hodgkins as a gift. What was terrifying and horrendous to me was something that gave him great joy to parcel out just how precious life is. It left him grateful and happy. It left me angry and afraid.

 

I must say, if you met me on the street, you would have no idea I feel this way. I hold down a full time job, am a fabulous mother (if I do say so myself)....by all appearances, I'm not some seething, dark, afraid person. But it is there. Always. I was lucky enough to marry my soul-mate. I'm quite confident there is no one in this world who was better matched for me (and I for him). That knowledge is wonderful but also scary.

 

I guess I'm rambling at this point. I had been looking so forward to this cruise with my girls, my DH and my parents. It has been a bad winter and I couldn't wait to get in the sun and heat. Now, I don't even want to go. I have a sort of 'what is the use'.

 

The truth is, whatever cancer he had was either cut out completely or he will have another resection on Friday. I'm in health care and have access to all sorts of journals. Most journals don't even classify this as a true cancer. Pre-cancer is the term that is used. We see the oncologist on Friday and the best thing he can say to me is that I can view this as the skin cancers people get taken off. Those don't scare me. I've had a couple myself.

 

Please, if you could take a second and, I don't know, give some suggestions on how I can get back to that excitement I had before the path report came back. All of us are terminal. None of us live forever. I know there are people out there that are in MUCH worse places than I am. I'm in awe of their strength and courage. I want to be able to cherish the good times without this 'what if' hanging over my head.

 

Thanks - ya'll may think I'm a loon for posting on a cruise board but I've been on this board forever and so many share my feelings on so many things - we treat cruises as not just the week we are gone but the prep before, the planning.....it is so much more than those 7 days. For us, cruising is our reward for the years spent living on Ramen, studying until 3am. It is the week or two where we glue ourselves to each other's hips and get to know one another again. It is the week we talk about for months afterwards.

[SMSACE6]

I have not read the other posts and others may have said this.

 

I think that you can live every day to the fullest, take every day as a gift. You probably will live out many years together and get to sit on that veranda together and reminisce. But to dwell on the situation and stress over it is not going to make your life or his any better

 

Just grasp every day and enjoy it together, be it on your veranda, or on a cruise or wherever you are.

 

I also hope that you have a support group, such as families, and caregivers of people who are fighting cancer. Often input from a group who are in similar situation to yours is the best thing.

 

Best wishes to you and yours and hope that good blessings are coming your way.

[tdnosnhoj11]

we treat cruises as not just the week we are gone but the prep before, the planning.....it is so much more than those 7 days. For us, cruising is our reward for the years spent living on Ramen, studying until 3am. It is the week or two where we glue ourselves to each other's hips and get to know one another again. It is the week we talk about for months afterwards.

 

This.

 

This is YOUR reason to go on this cruise, even with the darkness that is surrounding you right now. Always look back at these reasons, and add in all the additional reasons the other posters here have given you, and you've given yourself.

 

I'm happy you're feeling better this afternoon, and hope it continues on. Best wishes to you, and your extremely romantic husband!

[Laurie S.]

I feel your pain. My fiance was diagnosed with an in-situ liver tumor last September. Without treatment, he has four or five years, but with treatment, there is a 90+ percent chance of full recovery. We were supposed to cruise in mid-November, but his daughter suddenly reported she was having her first child two days before our cruise. He wanted to be there, so I cancelled the cruise and rebooked for mid-February. Turned out, her date was wrong, and she actually gave birth two days before Christmas.

 

He was supposed to start chemo, but didn't want to do it until after the cruise. So now, we had to wait until after February, although he's been on prechemo since September. He finally should be starting this week. Had another delay because his doctor wanted one more test with a specialist.

 

Have I been sweating all this? Of course. Did we have a blast on our cruise? You bet. He even gained 15 pounds, which he badly needed.

 

Hang in there, enjoy the cruise, then get the treatment

[tkportersat]

Best of luck to you :) I too have had moments like you where I find it difficult to be happy when I have so much to be thankful for. My first husband committed suicide when I was 31 and had a 9 and 11 year old to raise....I took paxil for a bit to function. I then took up exercise which helped me tremendously and I got off the paxil (only took it for about 6 months).

 

Now I am 42 with a great husband and almost 4 year old (older two are now 21 and 19) and I still have days where I worry about my family so much it stresses me out. On our last cruise we came home to my MIL being sick, she watched our 3 year old while on our cruise. That was Thursday, she was on life support by Saturday. She died of bacterial meningitis. The woman was never sick, 62 years old. I can't imagine having more loss, it scares me to the core. Thankfully I don't feel like this every day all the time...if you do, I think it best to see your doctor.

 

I hope you are able to enjoy the cruise and enjoy this valuable time with your family. Sounds like you desperately need the time away.

[rarasnake]

Anger is completely normal...

 

As a person that has seen way to much cancer, both personally and within very close family members, please remember, we have them now, lets make memories...

 

It surprises me the people that say, "I have my whole life mapped out. Married at __ age, kids at __ age, retired at __ age." We are never guaranteed that time.

 

I lost my "father" at a very young age. My Mom has beaten breast cancer, three times. I almost lost my Hubby 10 years ago, in a work related accident (the doctors did lose him 3 times on the table). Finally, I have had so many medical issues and surgeries, that each time, the doctor has warned of the possibility of not waking up...

 

It is hard to get told that at age 30, when you have 4 small kids (age 10, 7, 5 and 5) but we learned, it is NOT what we have in the bank account, it is what memories we create with what we have... We might not have the nicest vehicle or the biggest house but our kids will remember vacations, having fun and loving the life that we gave them, even maybe for the small time that we are around..

 

I remember the only vacation that my "father" took us on. I was 10 years old and it was such a big deal. Those times stick with us..

[JudyOh]

I noticed then starred out the drug I told you about but several other post also mentioned drugs and they left them alone. I'll try again it was pros**. Maybe they will let that go thru. I would never have thought under any circumstance I would think about taking it, but when you cry constantly for long periods of time you need something and this really helped. I too have battled several cancer scares and have a history of cancer on my dad's side (he died of lung cancer at age 57), plus many in his family died of cancer. In just the past week two of my best friends have been diagnosed, it's a horrible disease and it seems there is no escape from it.

 

Enjoy life, make memories and have fun. By the way my husband had his heart attack and surgery in Dec, we went on a cruise in Feb, his doctor said go so we did. Enjoy!!!

[Winterstale]

In the words of Jimmy Buffett...."according to my watch the time is now - the past is dead and gone - don't try to explain it, just bow your head - breathe in, breathe out...move on"

 

Take the cruise. And take it ONE. DAY. AT. A. TIME.:D

[Seago2]

You are not a loon. You might need to (air quotes) talk to someone. I don't know how I would feel in your shoes. But one thing I have learned in life is if you feel things, really feel things from all angles, as you are doing, they are less likely to come along and bite you in the arse later. PTSD happens when feelings are shunted away and not dealt with. You are dealing with them. They may not be pretty but you are recognizing them, labeling them appropriately, and explaining them cogently. You will get through this. The anger will slip away and the fear of the bittersweet- enjoying things that may not last- will recede.

 

Good luck to you and get on the ship.

 

Carla

[ourfamilylovescruising]

I am sure I may get yelled at for what I am about to say but this is how I feel. :o

 

I had a brother die in a car crash when he was 16 when I was older one of my best friends husband died of a heart attack with both of these cases your life is turned upside down in a moments time.

so my mother in law and dad both died from cancer and as hard as it was to me it was a blessing in disguise because it gives you time to say what needs to be said you can say your good byes even as hard as it is it gives you a warning to take the time and spend it with your love one, where in other cases you don't have that chance to do that. I am not saying I hope your husband has cancer no I hope he is cancer free! but just in case something does happen maybe this will give you another way to look at it. good luck and have a great cruise enjoy what you have.