Review of the 9 night New Caledonia (20-29 August 2014)

[fankhauser24]

I won’t talk about the embarkation process or the cabins or any of that stuff because it’s all been gone over many, many times before. However, what I will do is give first-timers a heads-up on what to expect if they, like me, have an aversion to any and all forms of douchebaggery.

 

Before we get to that, I just want to point out that the Carnival Spirit was absolutely spotless. There were hand sanitisers everywhere, all public sitting areas were neat and tidy, even in the Free For All the buffet areas, tables were swooped upon with offending dishes removed and tables wiped clean. In the public restrooms, there were paper dispensers on the backs of the doors leading outside for you to open the door handles with. I cannot fault the Spirit for its standards of cleanliness.

 

Also, before I take the piss out of the Carnival Spirit – the Kmart of cruise ships – I also want to say that I did enjoy myself. I went to all the shows performed by the Spirit dancers, all the comedy shows, ate in all the restaurants, met some really lovely people etc. I even bagged myself a pod in the Serenity area! Big high five to me!

 

If, like me, you are a person of larger proportions and you’ve picked a cabin with a deck, you won’t fit in the outside deck chairs comfortably. I squished myself in and then when I stood up, the chair came with me! Also in the library, the chairs will dig into you. Which hurts. Which is a good thing in a way because you’ll be so uncomfortable, you’ll want to leave quickly – which means that you won’t spend too much on the exorbitantly expensive WiFi. Note: you are at sea so the WiFi is slooooooow. People tried to logon and then get too frustrated with how slow it was and logged off again.

 

If you get fed up of all the cashed up bogans on board – and there are lots – a good quiet spot that nobody sits in, is the Safari Lounge area which is right next to the Pharaoh Lounge. It’s a bizarre little spot, almost like Carnival had extra room and didn’t know what to do with it. Most people who find it, just walk down one side and back up the other and leave again. So if you’re feeling like you need quiet time, you can always hide there.

 

If I was travelling on my own, I would have eaten in the Nouveau Restaurant every night. It was quiet, the staff were professional and the food – delicious!! But at $40 a pop combined with two scotch & cokes at $10 each, that’s $66. My sister-in-law poo-pooed the idea of $66 per night on dinner. How unreasonable!:p

 

Which brings us to the Empire Dining Room – Cringe Factor 101. Desi likes to whisper into the microphone “it’s showtime” to give all the diners fair warning of what is about to happen. When the music starts up, a lot of diners start swinging their serviettes about their head and woo-hooing. I looked around in astonishment. Then … wait for it … the opening notes of The Nutbush. Another night was the Macarena and let’s not forget Gangnam Style. Noooooooooo!!!! I know that the Spirit is the Fun Ship but seriously, I just want to eat dinner without being jostled by other diners and waiters crashing about between tables to Gangnam Style. I’m funny like that.

 

The shows that are on each night are absolutely fantastic. I can’t rate the Carnival Spirit dancers highly enough. Any cringe factor on the rest of the ship stops right here. The dancers were professional and polished, the shows were bright and colourful and just amazing. I cannot fault the shows or the dancers – well done to all of them.

 

One thing I will mention because I didn’t know about it – you may end up on the TV. After our first port stop at Isle of Pines, I was back in the cabin preparing for bed and flipping through the TV channels and I was very surprised to see people on the cruise on the TV! I never saw the cameraman myself but obviously one of the ship’s photographers wanders around the ports taking videos of everyone and then goes back to the ship, edits it all together and uploads it to the ship’s TV. So there you are – on TV and instead of looking windswept and interesting, you are looking sunburnt with wet hair and yelling at your kids! You will also end up on Spirit TV if you are called up on stage.

 

A lot of people that we spoke to were very disappointed with the weather. But it was August. It’s still winter in New Caledonia. Even though the sun only made a very rare appearance and it was overcast the whole cruise, I didn’t mind it because it was actually quite comfortable. It was about 22 or 23 degrees and a bit muggy. In summer, it would have been unbearable.

 

Another thing I should mention – buy your shore tours THE NIGHT YOU LEAVE SYDNEY. My sister-in-law wanted to do the Behind The Scenes tour. I told her it was popular and she should book it tomorrow (first day at sea). Well after dinner, we happened to be wandering past the Tour Desk so we decided that now was as good a time as any to book our tours. And a good thing we did – she got the last ticket!! And this was the night we left Sydney. As part of that tour (which I didn’t do) it goes for 3 hours and 45 minutes, you get a group photo, your photo with the ship’s captain, and that night when we got back to our room, there was a plate of little cupcakes for my sister-in-law that was part of the tour. She highly recommends it. So if you want to have a look at what happens behind the scenes on the Spirit – DO NOT DELAY or you will miss out. The same goes for snorkelling at Jinek Bay in Lifou. There were loads of people who missed out. I didn’t and it was fantastic! I highly recommend the snorkelling at Jinek Bay. It was just wonderful.

 

If you want fantastic photos of your holiday – DON’T USE A MOBILE PHONE! A simple “point & click” camera will do a much better job of capturing the memories than any mobile phone will ever do. How do I know this? Because so many people, my sister-in-law included, missed opportunities because their phones shut down on them. She was forever staring into her phone, stabbing at the screen like it killed her family and almost throwing the phone at the wall out of exasperation. Eventually, she stopped bothering and I took all the photos on my camera. While at Amedee Island, one of the passengers got up on stage for a coconut husking demonstration and he asked someone to take his photo with his phone. Of course, the phone shut down. There was a group of people on board who all dressed up in full costume as Duffman, Jack Sparrow, Yoda, the Incredible Hulk, etc and I offered to take their photo. Duffman handed me his mobile and you guessed it, it shut down. So I took a photo of them on my camera and told Duffman I would put it up on Carnival Australia’s Facebook page for them. I don’t know if they found it. I hope they did. So if you want great photos of a relaxing holiday, relying on your mobile phone to take the photos will cancel out any peaceful feelings you might have at the time. Don’t do it to yourself – just buy a “point & click” camera. Much less stressful and much better photos.

 

One thing the Spirit does need is a mini-pharmacy and I was very surprised that it didn’t have one. A few times on board at around 4pm, I felt like a having drinky-poo and some chippies just to keep the munchies at bay. I didn’t want a full meal, I just felt a bit “snacky”. I hadn’t thought about it before but when I went looking for a little shop selling Pringles, chips, crackers etc, I couldn’t find one! I later discovered that in one of the shops that sells t-shirts and Carnival memorabilia, there is a small (and I mean miniature) wall with crisps etc. but keep in mind that on port days, the shops aren’t legally allowed to open until 6pm. So where do you go to buy tampons, Panadol, bandaids etc?

 

Mare was the island that made a lot of effort to welcome us. Isle of Pines, Lifou and Noumea did not. Maybe those ports are sick to death of Australian cruise passengers. I enjoyed the snorkelling on Mare and Yejele Beach is beautiful. But because of the weather, almost all of us went back to the boat early.

 

Coming back to Sydney, the ocean was rough!! So rough that on the last night, the farewell show by the Spirit dancers had to be cancelled because it was too dangerous. And the crew had to lock all the doors to the decks in case anyone got blown overboard. This is when Kwells come in handy! I had caught a cold by then so I slept through most of the to-ing and fro-ing of the ship but my sister-in-law didn’t. She was packing her bag when she had to make a mad dash for the bathroom to throw up.

 

The Cruise Director for our cruise was Emma Dixon (?) who was referred to as Giggles. Now whilst I agree that she was fairly annoying with her constant "lovely jubbley" and forced giggles, to be a Cruise Director is a tough gig. To have to be constantly "up" from 6am one morning right through to 1am the next is a big ask. On a few port days, she sounded close to losing her voice as she was announcing the tenders. I felt a bit sorry for her. A lot of people were slagging her off but I felt she was a nice girl who was a bit awkward and hasn't really found her feet in how to deal with thousands of cruise passengers.

 

Anyway, I will sign off here. All up, I did have a good time, I did enjoy myself, I took great photos and made new friends. But I wouldn't do it again.

Edited September 4, 2014 by fankhauser24
The formatting on Cruise Critic doesn't have strike-through.

[MicCanberra]

Thanks for the review. Glad you enjoyed it.:D

Edited September 4, 2014 by MicCanberra

[Aussieflyer]

Frankhauser, thank you for taking the time to post about your cruise. It sounded like you had a good time - and you have a wonderful way with words. I particularly like the reference to being sunburnt rather than windswept and interesting. I can relate to that. The serviette waving would perhaps annoy me in the MDR. I am with you in that I like to eat, not fun IMO.

Anyway thanks so much. I enjoyed reading your review.:)

Hope you have many more happy sailing experiences.

Edited September 4, 2014 by Aussieflyer

[icat2000]

Thanks for the review. I was on the same cruise. Re the wifi. I found it to be pretty good. I brought some Carnival minutes and it seemed work okay similar to other ships.

[MicCanberra]

Thanks for the review. I was on the same cruise. Re the wifi. I found it to be pretty good. I brought some Carnival minutes and it seemed work okay similar to other ships.

 

I thought this must have been the cruise you were on. It is nice to read peoples reviews and see how similar things are compared.:D

[dancinman66]

Great review

Lots if information and usefull info for newer cruisers

Very thoughtfully put together

Nice to see

Great also you had fun

Greg :)

 

 

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[joejoe 59]

Great review thanks[emoji4]

[fankhauser24]

Thank you all, for your kind words.

 

I wasn't sure what reaction my review would get to be honest!

 

:D

[dancinman66]

Thank you all, for your kind words.

 

 

 

I wasn't sure what reaction my review would get to be honest!

 

 

 

:D

 

 

It was worth it

Please post

More on other cruises you do

 

 

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[erewhon]

Enjoyed reading your review.

Thank you.