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MSC Divina Review......Lets make this about me!

Clarksfan1

By Clarksfan1,
in MSC Cruises

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Clarksfan1

Clarksfan1

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Next stop….I think…..Grand Cayman….this day was not the best day to start…...totally joking….who had bad days on vacation? That's like having bad pizza….does not exist (originally I would have said bad beer….but ohhh man did I drink poop in a can the other night). So in order we get to (can we agree to refer to Grand Cayman as GC for this post…..I feel like it’s a lot more hip and easier for me)......So in order to get to GC (such a thug) we have to tender…..BTW….I’m not a fan of getting into dinky boats run by whomever. But MSC used their lifeboats to tender and at first I thought that would be nice. But this was my first time in a lifeboat…..and I have a question to all of you…..what happens if the lifeboat capsizes? Its totally enclosed…..and HOT AS ****. But none the less we hop on one (doesn’t take too long) and we are in GC in no time.

 

Perhaps you could tell by my last installment that Mr. Fan can be a bit frugal (No honey…..I used Frugal instead of Cheap….no frugal…..not Froggle…...I SAID I USED FRUGAL NOT CHEAP IN MY MSC REVIEW…..oh heck it) well this is one time that it almost bit me in the Fun-Killer (ass).

 

I’m sure you heard of BC…..you know before Christ…..we all heard about it in Social Studies. You know it confused the daylights out of us…..you have to add these two numbers together to find out how long ago the Romans invaded…....well pick one….they invaded everyone. Well I have another one to add to the list that seemed just as long ago…….BK…...No not British Knights Shoes…..Before Kids. Now my wife and I came to GC before BK (that is soooo annoying...and I love it) and went to the stingrays. But that was all we had an opportunity to do and we really loved it…...it was like one of those great memories that can never be erased. I don’t remember all the details but it was great.

 

So since we had done the stingrays once before, my wife had her heart set on just going to seven mile beach and sweating the entire day. I had researched all over about the best part of the beach to go to….how to get there…..getting back. Now I don’t know how often this happens to you guys and girls….but I swear my wife watches me spend all this time, doing all of this research, knowing that she will probably change her mind. And the night before what happens…….BINGO…..she decides she wants the kids to see the stingrays. So I look at the excursion packet…..throw up in my mouth at the cost…..and decide we will look when we get off the ship. So fast forward to us being off the ship and getting jumped by at least 4 different companies wanting to take us to the stingrays. I ask…...45…...35…..25….I think we have a winner. So I pay and we sit around for 45 minutes until we have to load up into vans to the marina to board our luxury boat that will take us to the stingrays. BTW…...to the lady who stepped on my kids feet because she was in a hurry to get in the front of the line for the van….nice...real nice…...you fun-killer (jerk).

 

After we get to the marina…..I see all the beautiful boats…...loading people and getting ready to go. Then I see it….our boat…..I imagine this is how a conversation of Haitian Refugees would of had if they had to use this boat to flee and come to America…..

 

Hey mon…..we're going to America

How are we getting there?

See that boat over there?

That boat?

Yes that boat…...are you in?

Ummmm you know I think I will pass

 

And I we arrived I heard someone say to the one gentleman…..I can’t get it to start. So I’m not sure if we were all supposed to be on two boats originally, or if turning us into sardines was their original plan.

 

But we all get on….somehow and begin the journey.

 

It was about 10 minutes into the ride that the engine started smoking a thick….black….oily smelling smoke that engulfed the back of the boat. Now I bet I know what you're thinking...it was the same thing that I was thinking….way to save some money Mr. Fan. But our boat turned out to be the little engine that could (barely) and somehow we made it to the rays. We get out and I will tell you what the people who ran this death trap of a boat did a nice job when we got into the water. They were sure to give us a ll time with the rays and take pictures for us. But since we basically rode in one one engine, our time was cut short, both at the rays and snorkeling. They said we would have 30 minutes snorkeling, but actually it was like get in…….ok…..get out. What the heck man…...I paid $25 for this. In the end we were glad to have seen the rays and still be alive. Although the little voice in the back of my head wasn’t so sure it would happen.

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suzyed

suzyed

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Sooooo where were we…….OH yes tying up some loose ends…..there will be more loose ends I’m sure.

 

Best drink I found on the ship…..some of you little devils sneaked a peek (before the fun killer came into the party…..BTW….YOUR NOT INVITED FUN KILLER…..LEAVE).....Angry Balls. How appropriate is it, given the last week, that this drink was my favorite. I said it before and I will say it again….the opportunity for a grown man, such as myself, to use the SECOND WORD of this drink (gotta be careful now with my language) doesn’t come around nearly enough. Most of my use of this word surrounds telling my son to get his hands off of his. Anyhoo my favorite thing to do was sit there with my wife in the Wine Bar (it has a name….but I’m lucky I call my kids the correct name most of the time) and when I would need a new Angry Balls, and would see the bartender coming over, I would have to then go to the bathroom and would ask my wife to order me a new Angry Balls. And after the first 3 times she figured out what was up. I find if you annoy or anger your wife for the sake of obtaining a funny story, they tend not to get as angry.

 

Coupons…..Get YOUR COUPONS…...No I’m not talking about the coupons your Grandma use to leave as a tip at Denny’s (she use to say they’re as good as cash). No I’m talking about drink coupons. I have no idea if MSC will continue to offer these bad boys, but man these were a better deal then the two for one special on fish tacos from the street vendors (BTW not a good choice). For those who don’t know….well MSC offers an opportunity to prebuy drinks in advance in the form of coupons. The first day you arrive you go to the casino and tell them your name and they give you your coupons. And I know what you're thinking…..Doesn’t MSC have the ability to just have these on your card and give you updated numbers with your receipt. WELL that would be too easy now wouldn’t it? Nope….I was constantly on the lookout for these little buggers all over our room. Once I found my kid getting ready to use it for their used gum. Now I don’t advocate violence on your children, but if they ruin a drink coupon with a piece of gum….by all means consider whipping em (just kidding…..kinda). Now at the beginning of the cruise I was a little timid about whipping out my coupons to pay for my drinks….but by the end of the cruise I was whipping these bad boys out like the neighborhood flasher (could this get me deleted….Naaaa).

 

On the last night of the cruise you will see people tying their hardest to get rid of their drink coupons. Someone tried to tip the bartender in the cigar bar with one….and so he bought me a drink. And some guy came in and got 18 cans of Diet Coke and walked out with them in a trash bag….You stay Classy San Diego.

 

Now I know what you’re thinking….”Mr. Fan this doesn’t sound so bad….why did the Fun-Killer feel the need to have you post deleted?” And to that I say……..So getting to the paragraph that may have caused the deletion. Daiquiris…..Women love em….guys do to. We just don’t like ordering them. I feel the need every time I order a “Daiquiri” to try to speak in a deeper voice and show off as much chest hair as humanly possible…..It’s just not manly. And I am a MAN…...sure you may find me under a sheet in the corner crying on occasion, but that is A story for me and my therapist.

 

I had originally come up with 4 words that men hate saying more than the word daiquiri…..and I fear that may have caused the trouble with my post. And for those of you wondering….I don’t think they were all that bad….they were funny but true…….and those that seen them know I was so right. So I had to think real hard for a new set of word that men hate saying more than daiquiri. And I believe I have actually done what my wife does all the time….proved me wrong. There are actually 8 words men don’t like to say. In addition to the first four (that shall not be named) but also I will include the words…..Feelings…..Emotions…...Fun-killer..…..and Sorry. Now if you're a fan of daiquiris I will recommend that you DO NOT order them anywhere on the pool deck. Why is that that you ask? Will the Fun-Killer come along and smack them out of your hands as you get ready to hand them to the bartender? Nope…...but they tend to use too much ice because their glasses are a bit bigger than everywhere else and they don’t add extra alcohol or mix. And if you order an iced drink on the pool deck it will taste like watered down crap. And if you order a mudslide it will look like it as well.

 

I actually LOL'd at the mudslide comment! :D

 

Keep it coming!

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  • 3 weeks later...
Clarksfan1

Clarksfan1

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So it was somewhere around here I where I had a disagreement with a certain lovely lady at the buffet.....and it went kind of like this....

 

My daughter and I are in the breakfast line waiting for it to move......

 

Some lady....lets call her Mom of the year....nudges my daughter out of the way for.....BACON....I know we talked about our love the the filthy little animal....but common.....my daughters 8 and didn't mean to stand in the way of your and your bacon withdrawals.

 

So my daughter looks up at me with her slightly disgusted eyes as if to say....what the heck

 

And I look at her and simply say....It's ok honey....some people don't realize they are being rude.

 

Then the lady turned back.....looked me in eye....Clint Eastwood style.....and says......I was already here once.

 

I know what you are thinking....I had no idea being somewhere once gave you any kind of rights. Suddenly I start thinking of all the places I could go and use the excuse.....I was already here once.

 

These are probably my top.....

1. Obviously this lady had a great idea....all lines for food....If I'd been there before.....I'm just gonna say.....I was already here once.

2. The bar....I'm not waiting behind some schmuck who doesn't know who I am...I'm just gonna strut in front of him and say.....I was already here once.

3. Imagine the surprise on the face of my ex-girlfriend from High Schools husband when I barge into the bedroom and say.....I was already here once.

 

I'd like to say I was the bigger man in this scenario.....but sadly I was not. I decided to engage this lady.....and it went like this......me.....blah blah blah......her....blah blah blah.

 

 

I immediately knew the consequence of this verbal little spat....Would I have to walk the plank....eat 50 hard boiled eggs....dance in public?.....Nope, my punishment was that I would see this lady everywhere for the rest of the cruise.....I could guarantee it....4000 ppl on this ship and I just knew I would see this lady over....and....over....and over. And I was right.....Walking through the wine bar....BOOM.....walking to the restaurant....BOOM......going into the mens restroom.......BOOM.....If I got a dollar every time I saw this lady I'd have like 14 and half dollars.

 

I will be back sooner than last time.....maybe.

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PGPrendy

PGPrendy

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Awesome, entertaining review! Laughed through much of it thus far... looking forward to more of your review! I'm planning our first MSC cruise for our family of 5, and I'm wondering what room category/experience you had... Bella, Fantastica, Aurea, etc? What's your opinion on the category/experience that you chose? How, if at all, did it affect the quality of your cruise? Thanks for sharing your review with us!

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Clarksfan1

Clarksfan1

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This review will be completed in 2020.

 

 

Haha.....you're being optimistic.

 

 

Somewhere in here was our day at Cozumel....Now I had been to Cozumel several times in the past since it's a popular cruise destination. Since we had been here before we decided to go with Paradise Beach since we were there before and it seemed as if the reviews were still pretty solid. We did consider Mr. Sancho's but the idea of paying $50 and having all I could drink, not only excited me, but also could have lead to one of the three things to happen...

 

1. Divorce----I fear I may have drank so much my wife would have had enough and left me for one of the waiters.

 

2. Prison----Who knows who you could piss of in a foreign country when you are loaded as much as I would have been had I drank unlimited amounts of alcoholic goodness.

 

3. Me passed out and left for dead.....only to be claimed by a local Cozumelian (?) and taken to their house and forced to massage their feet and grind their callused feet to a silky smooth finish.

 

So for the above reason we picked Paradise Beach....and it was great. Sure the water wasn't the greatest thing in the world....and to be honest walking into the water was a mixture of torture and frustration as you had to walk across the hardest rock in the history of rock....stubbing toes and chipping nails all along the way. But once we remembered that all the way down at the other end was a sandy entrance...it was much better...sure I broke my toes but that's a small price to pay for Mexican goodness.

 

While at PB we indulged in a few buckets of beer (not cheap...but again that's expected) ate some nachos and quesadillas and had a great time. The pool was amazing, but as with most pools in Mexico it was hot as heck…..so not so much refreshing as much as just nice. The bathrooms were top notch and new….and that means a lot to my wife.

 

My daughter and I paid the additional fee to use the inflatables and we really enjoyed them….that was until I forgot I had on my sunglasses and they fell off my face into the water…...if only there was someone I could blame….because it couldn't be my fault......hmmmm. We spent the entire day there…..found a cab….and boom….back on the ship.

 

I was not a huge fan of docking at the downtown pier….this was the first time we docked there and I didn’t hate it….but really didn’t like it either. Just like the warm beer at Jamaica. It felt too much like a mall….but I kinda hoped that would have stopped some of the pestering from the sellers…..but guess what….I was wrong. And at one point some man who was selling bracelets with names on them grabbed my daughter's hand and pulled her into his store…..btw she’s 8. Now I was walking beside her and I followed right behind them but I didn’t think that was appropriate.

 

Someone did ask about what level of experience we had and I can tell you we used Bella experience with a balcony. Since we were a family of 4 we were upgraded to one of the next level up rooms on the 10th deck, because I guess Bella Balconies can’t accommodate 4? But we did not receive any of the perks of being in this level (fantastica?) The only thing we would have liked to have had would have been the option for room service in the morning. We felt we would have liked to have woke up…...had some small bites delivered….ate while we got ready….then left the boat. This would have prohibited me from eating like they were running out of food every morning. And I couldn’t take the bacon lady again…….As I told her “Oh no you weren’t wrong…..I guess my daughter was wrong for being born and in your way”......I should have walked away….maybe.

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PGPrendy

PGPrendy

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Someone did ask about what level of experience we had and I can tell you we used Bella experience with a balcony. Since we were a family of 4 we were upgraded to one of the next level up rooms on the 10th deck, because I guess Bella Balconies can’t accommodate 4? But we did not receive any of the perks of being in this level (fantastica?) The only thing we would have liked to have had would have been the option for room service in the morning. We felt we would have liked to have woke up…...had some small bites delivered….ate while we got ready….then left the boat. This would have prohibited me from eating like they were running out of food every morning. And I couldn’t take the bacon lady again…….As I told her “Oh no you weren’t wrong…..I guess my daughter was wrong for being born and in your way”......I should have walked away….maybe.

 

Thanks! We too are booked with 4 in a Bella balcony room: my husband and I, and our two little ones. My mom is booked in a Bella interior across the hall from us. The pricing on this is amazing! I'm really happy to read a great review from someone who had the Bella experience because I've been wondering whether we're missing something huge by booking the basics only. I'm hoping not to run into bacon lady, but will look out for price drops that may make Fantastica options a possibility. Again, I'm loving your review... looking forward to reading more [emoji3]

 

Sent from my SM-G360T using Forums mobile app

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lastchamp64

lastchamp64

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Here are a list of things I can always assume...

1. If you take a plane ride to Orlando....expect babies and kids on the plane

2. If I come home drunk with beads around my neck, I'm going to get a talk to

3. The Cleveland Browns will lose most of the games they play

4. When I board a ship that advertises "kids sail free"....there will be kids...lots and lots of kids....some of them may even suck....but not mine.....remember perfect in every way.

 

 

My user name says it all concerning this observation of yours. :)

 

I just discovered your review and love it.

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Clarksfan1

Clarksfan1

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Ever have a friend, that has a friend, that you can’t stand? And your friend says “_____________________ is great you just have to get to know her”. Well that's kind of how we felt about Nassau. We had been there before, and honestly I didn’t care much for it…..the feeling of being attacked the moment you walk off the ship like sharks feeding on chum out in the ocean. But going on a cruise is like going out with your friends…..you don’t always get to go where you want…..sure you want to go to Chilli’s and just chow down on some tasty chips and salsa, but you may have to go to McDonalds and chill on some crappy nuggets…...you’re not super excited, but once you eat a few you realize things could be worse.

 

So we waited for about 2 hours after we docked and decided to leave the boat and make our way towards the public beach. And our hopes were actually proven to be accurate….the sharks apparently filled up on the chum of people who exited the ship when we docked and they pretty much left us alone as we left. The walk seemed long…..and hot…..but really it was just…..well…...hot. Once we found our way to the beach it was really great, sure it’s not as nice a private beach but it was free….the water was nice….the music was playing…..and there were food and beverage stands available for your buying pleasure.

 

Perhaps you have picked up on my previous posts, but Mr. Fan likes the occasional adult beverage, and Nassau really had some great options…..4 beers and 4 shots for $10! You bet. But the combination of long lines and heat made me decide not to wait and enjoy these surely tasty treats that were being sold for next to nothing. So we found a little spot near the water and really enjoyed the day…..the kids made sand castles…..we swam in the water…..there were some nice waves pushing us all around, but that didn’t really bother us much. And after a few hours we made our way back to the ship.

 

Now, every time I come to Nassau I encounter them…...you know who I’m talking about…..you see them from a distance…..carrying a bracelet…...just looking for an opportunity to strike….then POW….POW….POW…..the pounce and put that bracelet on your wrist and tell you a donation would be welcome (as long as it’s at least $10). I thought it was impossible to avoid these ladies, but I found out how they avoided me…..As we walked down near the water I seen one coming our way…..and when she came within 10 feet of me I said nice and loud…..”hey I hope one of those ladies don’t put a bracelet on you because I only have 3 dollars left” and that lady turned as fast as she could and made a b-line to the next group. Ahh…..success…..then I bought a bottle of water from a little boy and his mother who were selling them out of a cooler…..and all was good.

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