An amusing exercise

[rakkor]

6 hours ago, exlondoner said:

Check in and parking were OK, but then we had to wait because the ship wasn't 'ready'. How pathetic is that?

 

This was the same on our last two "Grills" cruises. It's more noticiable as a Grills customer since you're there so early,. The first cruise post covid was Britannia, so unaffected as we had a 15:00 check-in and no chance of disappointment in the fizz not being opened for us

Edited July 31, 2022 by rakkor

[sfred]

9 hours ago, exlondoner said:

II thought it would be fun to put together a really negative review focusing on all the things that weren't perfect.

 

A voyage to the heart of darkness...   The horror, the horror!

 

Thanks for starting off my day with a good chuckle.  🙂

 

 

[bluemarble]

@exlondoner, I'll play along by mentioning a hot-button topic. Were you charged the $13.50 daily gratuity (oh sorry, I mean Hotel and Dining Service Charge) for a Grills Suite during the days you were in isolation? If so, I figure that might merit a rant that your wretched situation did not deserve awarding an extra gratuity (or at least a reduction to $11.50 since you were moved to a Britannia cabin). 😉

[Lakesregion]

10 hours ago, exlondoner said:

I am in the process of compiling a review of our cruise, which will be very positive. However, I thought it would be fun to put together a really negative review focusing on all the things that weren't perfect. The facts will be accurate, though they were to me all unimportant, but for some I can imagine would have led to a ruined cruise and a one star review. So here goes.

 

Check in and parking were OK, but then we had to wait because the ship wasn't 'ready'. How pathetic is that? And nobody gave us a glass of champagne when we stepped aboard. There was a bottle in the cabin, but I would have had open it myself or wait for the butler to appear.

 

QG cabins much as expected, but bathrooms grim. In fact all the Grills facilities poor, dark, and inadequate. Our balcony had some specks of rust. Clearly nobody cares about the condition of the ship. Sometimes our time on the balcony was spoilt by the smell of varnish nearby. Why do they have so little regard for passengers that they do this sort of thing? And my progress round the promenade deck was constantly disrupted by having to walk around people working. You'd think they would do it at night.

 

Food and service were mainly good, I admit, but I once had to send a dish back because it was tough. Not good enough even in a school canteen.

 

The internet service was diabolical. Cunard seems to be stuck in the 19th Century, with its large intimidating public rooms and demands that people don't wear shorts for dinner. There are more important things than how people dress.

Hilarious and totally unbelievable as we all know that Cunard walks on water and all but 1% of the passengers would die before posting anything incorrect about the line. They will do anything they are told  just to be able to cruise.

[exlondoner]

6 hours ago, bluemarble said:

@exlondoner, I'll play along by mentioning a hot-button topic. Were you charged the $13.50 daily gratuity (oh sorry, I mean Hotel and Dining Service Charge) for a Grills Suite during the days you were in isolation? If so, I figure that might merit a rant that your wretched situation did not deserve awarding an extra gratuity (or at least a reduction to $11.50 since you were moved to a Britannia cabin). 😉

 

Actually, even at my worst I wouldn't rant about that. Our butler continued to look after us from a distance, organising our QG meals, sending down fruit and mineral water and more pillows, and ringing up several times a day to see what we needed. He was brilliant.

[2BACRUISER]

Whilst @exlondoner tongue in cheek review amused a few, i decided to go to the actual review pages for QM2 and QE (there are no recent reviews for QV ) and they DO NOT make happy reading, some from regulars to this board. Everyone has different perspectives on what is a game changer for them but the overall impression i got was the lack of and conflicting communication given by Cunard being the main bugbear along with appalling IT provision.  One hopes those upstairs in the Cunard offices take note. These reviews certainly don't give the impression of a white star service brand and make sad reading and make me a tad apprehensive about my forthcoming QV trip. A cruise with Cunard has been on my bucket list for a long time, i hope it will live up to my expectations. We shall see!

 

[exlondoner]

I have just submitted a genuine, much more boring, but much more positive review. Part of my motivation for doing this was bafflement at some of the other reviews. Many give the impresssion that they allowed quite minor inconveniences - ghastly embarkation, or, in one case, the way pineapple was cooked, to ruin a holiday. I agree people can only write about their own experiences and how they affected them, and if they experienced it like that, so be it. But I, and almost everyone I encountered, was having a great time.

[Host Hattie]

Thank you for writing a review, I look forward to reading it once it's published.

I do think often the reviews say more about the person writing them than the subject of the review but if there is a pattern of complaints about the same thing then it's worth taking note.

[Victoria2]

26 minutes ago, 2BACRUISER said:

Whilst @exlondoner tongue in cheek review amused a few, i decided to go to the actual review pages for QM2 and QE (there are no recent reviews for QV ) and they DO NOT make happy reading, some from regulars to this board. Everyone has different perspectives on what is a game changer for them but the overall impression i got was the lack of and conflicting communication given by Cunard being the main bugbear along with appalling IT provision.  One hopes those upstairs in the Cunard offices take note. These reviews certainly don't give the impression of a white star service brand and make sad reading and make me a tad apprehensive about my forthcoming QV trip. A cruise with Cunard has been on my bucket list for a long time, i hope it will live up to my expectations. We shall see!

 

I see the positives in life and go with the lemons make lemonade take on life but there are sure to be elements of any cruise at the  moment which might not meet expectations.

I am a QV fan, and QE to a lesser extent and will be going on our first cruise post Covid not with high expectations exactly. but will be prepared to enjoy ourselves and try not to let any lemons spoil the overall picture.

I haven't read any reviews although I'll read exlondoner's as I trust her instincts, as my take might have been different to others'.

Go prepared to enjoy. Make sure any real grumbles are addressed if possible. onboard and do let us know your impressions of my favourite ship.

[Victoria2]

30 minutes ago, exlondoner said:

I have just submitted a genuine, much more boring, but much more positive review. Part of my motivation for doing this was bafflement at some of the other reviews. Many give the impresssion that they allowed quite minor inconveniences - ghastly embarkation, or, in one case, the way pineapple was cooked, to ruin a holiday. I agree people can only write about their own experiences and how they affected them, and if they experienced it like that, so be it. But I, and almost everyone I encountered, was having a great time.

For lazy items such as myself, please will you provide a link when it's published.

Thanks

[exlondoner]

One thing I meant to mention in my review but forgot was the awfulness of the internet, the worst I have experienced. Perhaps the fact I omitted it suggests simply how unimportant it was to me.

[Craigrlewis]

And you forgot the fact there wasn’t a priority line at the pursers desk for you 

[exlondoner]

3 minutes ago, Craigrlewis said:

And you forgot the fact there wasn’t a priority line at the pursers desk for you 

 

But there was a charming and efficient concierge, whom I also failed to mention.

[Photo Andy]

Thank you for this topic. Made me laugh, even the slouch wear?  Strange considering Cunard sell Hoodies on board,  have all three Queens Hoodies they keep me warm in the house in winter, pleased people on this site have a sense of humour. We have just come through a Global pandemic, UK has soaring inflation of food and energy costs so anything for a chuckle is good. 

We embark on QV sailing to Rotterdam and Zeebrugge and are choosing our shore excursions, looking forward to cruising since last cruise in Dec 2019.

Happy safe cruising to everyone. 

[alc13]

23 hours ago, exlondoner said:

I am in the process of compiling a review of our cruise, which will be very positive. However, I thought it would be fun to put together a really negative review focusing on all the things that weren't perfect. The facts will be accurate, though they were to me all unimportant, but for some I can imagine would have led to a ruined cruise and a one star review. So here goes.

 

Check in and parking were OK, but then we had to wait because the ship wasn't 'ready'. How pathetic is that? And nobody gave us a glass of champagne when we stepped aboard. There was a bottle in the cabin, but I would have had open it myself or wait for the butler to appear.

 

QG cabins much as expected, but bathrooms grim. In fact all the Grills facilities poor, dark, and inadequate. Our balcony had some specks of rust. Clearly nobody cares about the condition of the ship. Sometimes our time on the balcony was spoilt by the smell of varnish nearby. Why do they have so little regard for passengers that they do this sort of thing? And my progress round the promenade deck was constantly disrupted by having to walk around people working. You'd think they would do it at night.

 

Food and service were mainly good, I admit, but I once had to send a dish back because it was tough. Not good enough even in a school canteen.

 

The internet service was diabolical. Cunard seems to be stuck in the 19th Century, with its large intimidating public rooms and demands that people don't wear shorts for dinner. There are more important things than how people dress.

Those large intimidating public rooms do not get enough attention.  Agoraphobics, take note!

[ddgarner1]

My complaints are only with the passengers.  The cheek of those who wear a clip on bow tie with their rental tux.  The real thing is not expensive;  you're not too old to learn to tie one.   It's embarrassing when some of the crew even tie their own bow ties.  

    

[cruiseny4life]

20 hours ago, ddgarner1 said:

My complaints are only with the passengers.  The cheek of those who wear a clip on bow tie with their rental tux.  The real thing is not expensive;  you're not too old to learn to tie one.   It's embarrassing when some of the crew even tie their own bow ties.  

    

Gosh - how dare they! It is ghastly to not tie a bow tie. I guess I better get to bow tie school before my Cunard cruise. I appreciate the warning of this most detrimental matter.

[P2l]

I printed out a crib sheet that with I took with me in case I had any tie difficulties whilst aboard. Imagine my embarrassment on discovering I'd inadvertently left it where the steward could have seen it!

[exlondoner]

11 hours ago, P2l said:

I printed out a crib sheet that with I took with me in case I had any tie difficulties whilst aboard. Imagine my embarrassment on discovering I'd inadvertently left it where the steward could have seen it!

 Completely unable to imagine why on earth you should be embarrassed.

[colinhogben]

From our recent QV cruise:

 

• The chocolate cremeux for lunchtime dessert was far too large.  To choose between the health risk of eating it all, and the environmental irresponsibility of leaving some of it, caused me considerable mental anguish.
• We had requested to be put on a table of six for dinner, but found ourselves on the middle of three parallel tables for two.  Although providing complete protection from COVID transmission, the 8-inch gap between tables was a significant barrier to conversation.
• During dinner on at least one night, the low sun was almost blinding some passengers who were facing the side windows, despite the net curtains being drawn.  The very least the captain could have done was to sail due West during dinner to avoid this inconvenience.

[exlondoner]

3 minutes ago, colinhogben said:

From our recent QV cruise:

 

• The chocolate cremeux for lunchtime dessert was far too large.  To choose between the health risk of eating it all, and the environmental irresponsibility of leaving some of it, caused me considerable mental anguish.
• We had requested to be put on a table of six for dinner, but found ourselves on the middle of three parallel tables for two.  Although providing complete protection from COVID transmission, the 8-inch gap between tables was a significant barrier to conversation.
• During dinner on at least one night, the low sun was almost blinding some passengers who were facing the side windows, despite the net curtains being drawn.  The very least the captain could have done was to sail due West during dinner to avoid this inconvenience.

 

I always wonder if they have to measure the QG waiters before appointing them,  to make sure they can squeeze through those very narrow gaps between tables. 

 

 

[Victoria2]

1 hour ago, colinhogben said:

From our recent QV cruise:

 

• The chocolate cremeux for lunchtime dessert was far too large.  To choose between the health risk of eating it all, and the environmental irresponsibility of leaving some of it, caused me considerable mental anguish.
• We had requested to be put on a table of six for dinner, but found ourselves on the middle of three parallel tables for two.  Although providing complete protection from COVID transmission, the 8-inch gap between tables was a significant barrier to conversation.
• During dinner on at least one night, the low sun was almost blinding some passengers who were facing the side windows, despite the net curtains being drawn.  The very least the captain could have done was to sail due West during dinner to avoid this inconvenience.

Or provide sunglasses [Dior/YSL or equivalent as this IS Cunard after all] at the table for said sun blinded passengers if directional changes can't be achieved.