Nowhere near LIVE trip report - The Schmoopies' Escape Mediterranean cruise madcap recap

[schmoopie17]

4 hours ago, Sugar Magnolia said:

You described my usual meal at Le Bistro. I knew we were twins separated at birth. However, I am disappointed that you did not try sardines in Sardinia. 

 

Say "Hi" to mom if you see her. She still refers to me as the son she never had.

 

I really wanted to get a malt in Malta, but we never got off the ship.

But I did go to the can in Cannes.

[mapleleaves]

Were you happy with your AirB&B choice in Rome? 

if so, please post the name or listing number. Thx!

[schmoopie17]

13 hours ago, mapleleaves said:

Were you happy with your AirB&B choice in Rome? 

if so, please post the name or listing number. Thx!

The location couldn't be beat. The accommodations, on the other hand, could be beat by a mile. On the second floor of a four story building. Each flight of stairs contained 16 irregularly shaped, slippery, concrete steps. It was an adventure, especially for Mrs. Schmoopie, who remains fairly mobility challenged due to a leg fracture last year. We felt sorry for the people who had to somehow make their way up to the fourth floor.

 

The shower was akin to a skating rink. So much so that Mrs. Schmoopie yelled to me to help her get in and out of the shower. Didn't need another leg fracture. And the bathroom had a solid glass wall separating it from the bedroom. If you aren't on an intimate basis with your roommate, it makes for an interesting bathroom arrangement. 

 

Edited Monday at 01:02 PM by schmoopie17

[graphicguy]

@schmoopie17...loving your review.  Sad you missed Malta.  It's one of my favorite Mediterranean ports.

[schmoopie17]

1 hour ago, graphicguy said:

@schmoopie17...loving your review.  Sad you missed Malta.  It's one of my favorite Mediterranean ports.

Yeah, that's probably the biggest regret of the trip. Was looking forward to it, as well as trying the Cisk Lager. At least we got to see the awesome port arrival and departure.

[Travel R]

On 9/27/2024 at 2:14 PM, schmoopie17 said:

Now that we are somewhat recovered from our September 14-24 Escape cruise, I'm finally ready to jump in on this report. That is, aside from the lingering sinus/allergy/phlegm thing...no, it's not COVID...so no need for anyone reading this to social distance or wear a mask. Although, you might want to wash your hands after touching your dirty keyboard, just to be safe.

 

We made reservations for this cruise over a year ago. A few months after that, our neighbors asked if we'd mind if they'd join us. At the time, it seemed like a lovely idea. (I'll re-visit this later). They had never cruised...or really ever been out of the country before. I handled all of the peripheral details, scheduling excursions, specialty restaurants, deciding where to eat and what to see in Rome for two days pre-cruise, transports to and from the port, etc. In short, I was a de facto travel agent for them and I felt the weight of them having a good time on my shoulders. But, hey...we're on a cruise. What could go wrong? (I'll also re-visit this later).

 

The trip got off to a flying start...or rather, a non-flying start. We had scheduled our flights many moons ago. We used points and upgraded our seats on an airline I won't name, but it begins with an "A" and ends in "can". Talk about a misnomer...it should end in "can't". We arrived at O'Hare at 2:30 for our 5:00 non-stop flight from Chicago to Rome. After a couple of drinks in the typically expensive airport bar ($14 for a half inch pour of bourbon), we arrived at the gate to see that the flight would be departing a half hour late. No biggie...but I wouldn't be returning to the bar for that thimble-full of bourbon. A half hour came and went when they announced that the flight would now be an hour late. Then two hours late. Sensing a trend, our fellow passengers at the gate started murmuring loudly and most were now skeptical that we would ever get our trips off the ground...both literally and figuratively. As they say on the TV infomercials..."But wait, there's more." This dragged on until around 8:30 when they announced that the flight crew had to leave because the delay would not allow them to fly to Rome. So, another flight crew had been summoned and they would be arriving in about an hour. (I don't know where they were able to scrape up another full crew in such short notice. People were waiting to see if the substitute captain would come staggering down to the gate after being pulled off a barstool at a nearby bar. Luckily, the crew appeared, one by one, and made their way onto the plane for pre-flight inspection (or whatever it is they do). Also luckily, none of them appeared to be inebriated...which is more than I can say about some of the disgruntled passengers.

 

We never did get a satisfactory explanation for the hold-up (something vague about a cargo hold issue). Not that an explanation would have made any of us any happier. They did announce that each passenger could come to the desk and get a $12 food voucher (woo-hoo)! As if our wasted time was only worth $12. And speaking of $12, that will get you half of a Big Mac at the airport McDonald's. On the bright side, we later got a message that the money we spent to upgrade our seats would be refunded. Also, they were depositing 5,000 miles into each of our Frequent Flyer accounts (as if we ever want to risk flying with them again). At long last, the plane pulled away from the gate precisely at 10:00 PM...almost five hours late.

 

I somehow forgot to mention that when we checked in, we noticed that our aisle seats of 12C and 12D in the bulkhead somehow got magically transformed into 12D and 24A. They had moved Mrs. Schmoopie 12 rows back to an exit row window seat. We asked the gate agent if we could switch her back to the seat we had chosen over a year ago and were told that the plane was full and perhaps we could ask around once we got on the plane to see if there were any takers. Shockingly, we found another couple who had their seats switched, as well...and even more shockingly, Mrs. Schmoopie's seat was taken by the husband of the other victims...I mean couple. So we did some swapping with the other couple (shame on you for what you're thinking) and everything worked out. Well, sorta. I ended up giving up 12D for 24B (yes, a middle seat...but it was the exit row so lots of extra room and nobody sitting in front, jerking their seatback into my kneecaps.) But you just know there had to be something else coming. We were about six feet from two restrooms with toilets that sounded like sonic booms when they flushed and doors that slammed when they were shut. We spent the next nine hours monitoring everyone's bathroom habits and bracing ourselves, waiting for the next thunderous flush or door slam.

 

I'll bet you came here expecting to read a cruise review. Hold on. It's coming soon. But I need to get a beer or some bourbon, since re-living this flight experience is so traumatic I need something to soothe my nerves. More on the way...unless you read this far and decided you don't want or need to read any more. Can't say that I blame you...but I'll be back just the same.

 

We returned from the Med the beginning of last month. We had coughs and colds - as did a number on the FB page for this sailing also note that they had a cough upon returning from Europe.  I did visit the doctor, who gave me a COVID test, which was negative (as was a preliminary test I took while on the ship (yes, I took test kits, just in case))

Edited Monday at 03:12 PM by Travel R

[DCGuy64]

GREAT review, you write extremely well, with lots of detail and a heap o' humor thrown in. Thank you!

[dexddd]

Snails, never.  Must be a snail oil salesman recommending these.

 

Malta, was there in 2008 on Gem when Gem was new.  Was an embarkation port at the time.  Went to left which was some shops, to right was churches and such still showing much damage from WW2.  Heard lots of money flows through the area.

 

Saw sub cruise through channel while eating breakfast.

 

 

[schmoopie17]

If it's Thursday, it must be Mallorca. Scheduled the NCL City Tour and Beach Stop excursion. Since the tour didn't start until 1:30, opted for lunch in one of the dining rooms (can't remember which one...but it was one of them). I had always heard great things on CC about the Monte Cristo sandwich and I've never gotten around to trying one. When I saw it on the menu, I jumped at the chance. Turns out I should have jumped back and away from this sandwich. I don't know what people see in this thing,,,tons of batter/breading on top of lots of bread, with minimal sandwich ingredients. I know the prevailing theory on CC is always YMMV, and many people love it. But if this is as good as it gets...never again.

 

Stopped up in the buffet to see if there was something edible up there. Nothing appealed to me, so I made the mistake of taking an ice milk cone back to the cabin. I've been critical of the tasteless ice milk soft serve on NCL in the past, but this was beyond tasteless. No kidding, if I had been blindfolded and someone fed this to me, I would have thought it was cold, melty lard. Upon reaching the cabin, it was promptly flushed down the sink. I find it galling that NCL tries to pass this stuff off as "Ice cream", especially to someone such as myself, who hails from America's Dairyland. Actually, the big thing around here is frozen custard, which is far and away better than ice cream...and miles and miles and miles above that frozen mess on NCL.

 

So. lunch was a complete and total bust. The rest of the day could only be better. We were taken to a beautiful beach with padded beach loungers and palapas. Somewhere along the line we missed the fact that the chairs/palapas were not included in the excursion price. The official beach collection guy was making the rounds, charging everyone 20 euros for the privilege of sitting on his gorgeous beach. Luckily we were able to scrape together enough to not be forcibly evicted from our comfy chairs. Others in the group made the discovery of a grocery store across the street from the beach selling cheap beers. How cheap, you ask? How about one euro per can. (The bargain of the trip). 

 

Dinner was uneventful. Went to O'Sheahan's where I had their Wrangler burger and a Matador (okay, two Matadors). Mrs. Schmoopie had the nachos and probably some alcoholic beverage that escapes me at the moment. (A word about the Matador. It's a bourbon cocktail, which is probably my second favorite NCL cocktail...it may actually be first, since Grass Clippings are now nowhere to be found). You can only get a Matador in O'Sheahan's...don't ask me why.

 

I don't have anything in my notes about entertainment that night, so I guess there was none. We were left to entertain ourselves.

[schmoopie17]

Speaking of O'Sheahan's, I forgot to mention the day we stopped in and I had the wings. Some very astute CC'ers have pointed out that in order to avoid the mushy wings they typically serve, you need to order them crispy and with the sauce on the side. This technique has worked well the couple of times I have tried it in the past. However, this time when the wing cooker saw the order as "crispy", that somehow translated to him/her as overcooked and completely dried out. Essentially inedible. 

 

Again...YMMV...but in this case. My MV'd quite a bit and it may be a while before I order them again.

[Sugar Magnolia]

6 hours ago, schmoopie17 said:

Speaking of O'Sheahan's, I forgot to mention the day we stopped in and I had the wings. Some very astute CC'ers have pointed out that in order to avoid the mushy wings they typically serve, you need to order them crispy and with the sauce on the side. This technique has worked well the couple of times I have tried it in the past. However, this time when the wing cooker saw the order as "crispy", that somehow translated to him/her as overcooked and completely dried out. Essentially inedible. 

 

Again...YMMV...but in this case. My MV'd quite a bit and it may be a while before I order them again.

 

Sorry for the trauma. 

 

Were the wings served in the wire basket with the micro sliver of a paper lining, allowing for the wings to touch the sticky table? I've been told that they would be switching to stackable melamine plates.

 

[schmoopie17]

17 hours ago, Sugar Magnolia said:

 

Were the wings served in the wire basket with the micro sliver of a paper lining, allowing for the wings to touch the sticky table? I've been told that they would be switching to stackable melamine plates.

Yes, it was the typical wire basket. Apparently I didn't merit the fine china of melamine.

[schmoopie17]

We interrupt all of the MAS, FAS+, etc., confusion for another episode of our trip. Feel free to disregard and go back to all of the speculation/angst on those threads.

Now, where was I...?

 

Arrived in Barcelona to open the balcony curtain to see dismal, dreary skies, cool temps and pouring rain. Luckily, we had nothing planned for the day, as we had been there before and didn't feel the need to get off the ship. However, the weather was not conducive to lounging at the pool and showing off my Grandpa bod, so we had to come up with a way to kill the 12 hours in port.

Luckily, the bars had signs saying additional taxes would not be charged if you have the drink package (which we always do...don't leave home without it). So things were looking up.

 

Had an underwhelming lunch in the buffet. I just don't get the attraction. And yet somehow we went back. Oh, well...

 

The Freestyle said you could get tendering tickets on your TV. Well, ours was obviously not a Smart TV because there was no way to do it via the TV. Went to the theater box office, where the helpful young man was able to get us assigned to a tender for 10:30 the next morning. What the helpful young man didn't do was remind us that Latitude members get priority tendering...of which we were reminded by a voicemail message on the phone later that day. There have been numerous discussions about how various ships handle the priority tendering and it remains a mystery how they can be so different. Or what actually comprises "priority". (We were to receive a glimpse of the process when we actually endured the tender process the next day). Stay tuned.

 

Did Bayamo Ocean Blue (home of my previous favorite appetizer, prior to my new-found snail infatuation) for dinner. The spicy shrimp appetizer (I know it has a name, but can't recall it at the moment...maybe it has "Blazing" in the name...) never fails to wow me. After practically inhaling the bowlful of scrumptiousness, the waiter asked me if I'd like a second helping. Be still my heart...first two servings of escargot...now this! I honestly don't recall what I ordered for my entree...and truth be told, I really didn't even need an entree after two servings of the shrimp.

 

Speaking of appetizers, Mrs. Schmoopie ordered the scallops. The sauce was wonderful and the scallops were seared perfectly. (I've watched enough Gordon Ramsay shows to know what properly prepared scallops should look like.) Once again we were visited by a Maitre d' who asked how everything was so far. Mrs. Schmoopie asked if she could get the recipe for the scallops. The next morning, the recipe magically appeared at our cabin. (NOTE: On a previous cruise we asked for the recipe for the spicy shrimp appetizer, and again it was delivered to our cabin the next day. Now I just need Mrs. Schmoopie to actually make them..)

 

We typically are red wine drinkers. Almost without fail. However, with fish or seafood, I never drink red wine because I feel it enhances the fishy taste of fish and seafood. (Mrs. Schmoopie thinks it's all in my head. After all, she knows what my taste buds are sensing better than I do.) So I ordered a Rose wine, instead. It was a very good Rose (I know, it's pronounced "Rosay"...but I don't know how to properly type the little ' mark above the e). She sarcastically said that it was very "masculine" of me to order the wimpy wine...but I liked it, anyway. And I will be looking for it at our local liquor emporium to have with fish/seafood at home...especially the scallops or spicy shrimp (assuming she ever makes them). 

 

 

 

Edited Wednesday at 03:54 PM by schmoopie17

[Sugar Magnolia]

16 minutes ago, schmoopie17 said:

...prior to my new-found snail infatuation...

 

So I ordered a Rose wine...

 

With your new found love of escargot and rosé, you will soon start speaking in Français, Monsieur Schmoopie.

 

[schmoopie17]

55 minutes ago, Sugar Magnolia said:

 

With your new found love of escargot and rosé, you will soon start speaking in Français, Monsieur Schmoopie.

 

Showing off your ability to type the little thingy above the e. Do you have a magical keyboard?

[Sugar Magnolia]

6 minutes ago, schmoopie17 said:

Showing off your ability to type the little thingy above the e. Do you have a magical keyboard?

 

No, I have minions do all of my typing. They are fluent in French and Aramaic.

 

[vacation44]

@schmoopie17, I am really enjoying your "no where live trip report".   Thank you for taking the time to tell your stories and share your thoughts.    You do have a great way with words and I look forward to the rest of your report.

[schmoopie17]

4 hours ago, Sugar Magnolia said:

 

No, I have minions do all of my typing. They are fluent in French and Aramaic.

 

In a previous life I was essentially fluent in Cambodian. I know...who speaks Cambodian? (HINT: Millions of Cambodians).

 

However, not having anyone to speak it with in the last 49 years (try finding a Cambodian restaurant) has left me with maybe 30% fluency. 

And finding a Khmer keyboard is next to impossible.

 

Edited Wednesday at 09:19 PM by schmoopie17

[Sugar Magnolia]

12 minutes ago, schmoopie17 said:

In a previous life I was essentially fluent in Cambodian. I know...who speaks Cambodian? (HINT: Millions of Cambodians).

 

However, not having anyone to speak it with in the last 49 years (try finding a Cambodian restaurant) has left me with maybe 30% fluency. 

And finding a Khmer keyboard is next to impossible.

 

 

Fascinating...I must learn more about the multilingual mysterious Monsieur Schmoopie.

 

Cambodia...what a shell-shocked country still. The haunting faces and images are forever seared in my mind.

 

And, did you know that Lon Nol spelled backwards is Lon Nol?

 

[CptBoatface]

On 9/30/2024 at 4:26 PM, schmoopie17 said:

If it's Thursday, it must be Mallorca. Scheduled the NCL City Tour and Beach Stop excursion. Since the tour didn't start until 1:30, opted for lunch in one of the dining rooms (can't remember which one...but it was one of them). I had always heard great things on CC about the Monte Cristo sandwich and I've never gotten around to trying one. When I saw it on the menu, I jumped at the chance. Turns out I should have jumped back and away from this sandwich. I don't know what people see in this thing,,,tons of batter/breading on top of lots of bread, with minimal sandwich ingredients. I know the prevailing theory on CC is always YMMV, and many people love it. But if this is as good as it gets...never again.

 

Stopped up in the buffet to see if there was something edible up there. Nothing appealed to me, so I made the mistake of taking an ice milk cone back to the cabin. I've been critical of the tasteless ice milk soft serve on NCL in the past, but this was beyond tasteless. No kidding, if I had been blindfolded and someone fed this to me, I would have thought it was cold, melty lard. Upon reaching the cabin, it was promptly flushed down the sink. I find it galling that NCL tries to pass this stuff off as "Ice cream", especially to someone such as myself, who hails from America's Dairyland. Actually, the big thing around here is frozen custard, which is far and away better than ice cream...and miles and miles and miles above that frozen mess on NCL.

 

So. lunch was a complete and total bust. The rest of the day could only be better. We were taken to a beautiful beach with padded beach loungers and palapas. Somewhere along the line we missed the fact that the chairs/palapas were not included in the excursion price. The official beach collection guy was making the rounds, charging everyone 20 euros for the privilege of sitting on his gorgeous beach. Luckily we were able to scrape together enough to not be forcibly evicted from our comfy chairs. Others in the group made the discovery of a grocery store across the street from the beach selling cheap beers. How cheap, you ask? How about one euro per can. (The bargain of the trip). 

 

Dinner was uneventful. Went to O'Sheahan's where I had their Wrangler burger and a Matador (okay, two Matadors). Mrs. Schmoopie had the nachos and probably some alcoholic beverage that escapes me at the moment. (A word about the Matador. It's a bourbon cocktail, which is probably my second favorite NCL cocktail...it may actually be first, since Grass Clippings are now nowhere to be found). You can only get a Matador in O'Sheahan's...don't ask me why.

 

I don't have anything in my notes about entertainment that night, so I guess there was none. We were left to entertain ourselves.

Monte Christo sandwich is to be derided and shunned. No stars

[dlh015]

Oh my goodness, Mr. Schmoopie...I do believe you have convinced me to give the snails a go. I have indeed sworn in the past that such would never (ever!) be on a plate in front of me...let alone making their way to my mouth voluntarily.

 

Enjoying your 'not live' presentation. Good info and lots of laughs!

 

  

[QuattroRomeo]

13 hours ago, schmoopie17 said:

I will be looking for it at our local liquor emporium to have with fish/seafood at home...especially the scallops or spicy shrimp (assuming she ever makes them). 

Umm, maybe you could make them..😁..if..there isn't a plethora of ingredients..!

 

ps thanks for the fun review!

[schmoopie17]

8 hours ago, QuattroRomeo said:

Umm, maybe you could make them..😁..if..there isn't a plethora of ingredients..!

 

Mrs. Schmoopie is a gourmet cook, so I pretty much stay out of her way in the kitchen.

 

Actually, there is a plethora of ingredients in the sauce...most of which would require a trip to the grocery store, since some of them aren't stocked in our house.

[schmoopie17]

15 hours ago, Sugar Magnolia said:

 

And, did you know that Lon Nol spelled backwards is Lon Nol?

 

Being a fan of palindromes, I noticed that pretty much immediately after undertaking that language. By the way, not only do you need to learn how to speak Cambodian, you also need to learn how to read it. Not easy, since, to the untrained eye, it looks like hieroglyphics.

 

I'll bet you didn't know that Schmoopie spelled backwards is eipoomhcS.

[schmoopie17]

12 hours ago, dlh015 said:

Oh my goodness, Mr. Schmoopie...I do believe you have convinced me to give the snails a go. I have indeed sworn in the past that such would never (ever!) be on a plate in front of me...let alone making their way to my mouth voluntarily.

 

In the words of an old Alka Seltzer commercial..."try it, you'll like it."

 

(Which is ironic since I am the pickiest of eaters and when someone says that to me, my usual response is, "I already know I won't like it".)

 

Then when they say, "think positive", I say, "I'm positive I won't like it".