Experiences in Dining part 2

[shepp]

I might have told this story on this board before, don't recall, but...

 

My very het mother, a PFLAG organizer, was on a HAL cruise when a tablemate began making disparaging comments and limp-wrist gestures about their waiter. Mom could have said nothing, safely remaining in her own closet, or she could have made some abstract remark about how people are entitled to respect. Instead, she said, "Well, some of us love our gay children very much."

 

Snap!

 

I'm thinking that on future cruises the bozo will keep his homophobia to himself. I may have many issues with Mom, but her rejoinder was just brilliant.

[Nobbi]

That is certainly an interesting story! Thanks for sharing Nobbi! Disney is supposed to be the ultimate family oriented cruiseline, are there a lot of gay couples interested in Disney cruises? Seems like there would theoretically be potential for disaster at dinner time with some very conservative families, but that would be a major guess on my part. I've heard of these families who don't want to "expose" their kids to gays, as if gays would be "contagious"...its almost funny if it weren't sad and pathetic! :mad:

 

 

We didn't see a lot of gay people. I saw 1 embarcation picture with what appeared to be a gay couple. We also met one solo gay man. I did not even perceive any askance looks from others. One photographer taking pictures at the deluxe restaurant on formal night who had directed all the straight couples to move together wanted to take our pictures separately. I just gave him a puzzled look and said, no, together. That was that.

 

Many of the bartenders got to know us. One woman whom we had not met commented that she was sad she hadn't met us yet, as all her colleagues at this particular venue greeted us. Of course I did have fun saying a few phrases to the crew in their respective native languages. That always breaks the ice. When I bought the picture package for the official photos, I thanked the woman in Turkish. We started talking about Istanbul and I told her I always wanted to have my honeymoon there and eat at this particular restaurant overlooking the Bosporus. The next night Jack was with me at the counter and she asked him if he knew he was to have his honeymoon there! It was so cute.

 

 

As for very conservative guests on DCL. I think it generally takes a somewhat different person to go on a Disney Cruise. Perhaps the "Magic" makes people react in a different way. And I think it's really difficult to be nasty to 2 generally pleasant guys who are really having fun together and eare enjoying what (most) others are enjoying.

 

Enough babbling, anyway!

[sexyaznboy]

I personally have not run into problems, I've only cruised once on Carnival, this will be my second cruise. Everyone seems to be pretty positive that despite varied cultures that homophobia only rears its ugly head on these cruises.

 

If it did, I honestly don't know how I'd react. If it was the same experience as my friend had, it would probably make me very sad for the rest of the cruise. I would hope it would not ruin the rest of my cruise!

 

 

Yeah, I know who I am (!)...but I never did get to ask you the (thoroughly on topic) question that I wanted to. Have you ever run into people making homophobic comments? And how did you deal with that?

 

I promise not to make any judgmental comments about being in the closet. (Not on this thread, anyhoo.) It's just that inquiring minds want to know...

 

Oh, and to answer the question. My bf and I just spent 11 nights on the Dawn Princess...held hands on the promenade deck, slow-danced in the atrium, learned the cha-cha together, celebrated our anniversary at Formal Night, never had a problem. Nobody said anything, and if they had, it would have been their problem, not ours.

 

I just ran across this quote from Eric Alterman, writing in the new issue of The Nation (about, as it happens, the late historian Arthur Schlesinger Jr.): "But who wants to live his life so as to avoid attack?"

[tompeter]

I think you just need to remember that if someone has a problem with you because of who you are...That they are the one with the problem.

 

And if this problem causes them to miss out on the opportunity to meet you (and your mother) it is going to be their loss...:rolleyes:

 

If you keep it all in perspective, I know you will have a good cruise...

We always do.

 

Tom

[sexyaznboy]

Thanks tompeter! You are so sweet! You are a big Celebrity fan right? It'll be really interesting to compare Celebrity to my experience 3 years ago on Carnival!

 

Happy cruising!:)

[MattInFLL]

Shepp - love your mom! When my brother passed on, at his very Catholic service, my mom insisted that my partner - Jewish no less - sit with the family during the service and be regarded as family by the blanched priest (and be listed in the obit as my partner). His mom always calls me her son-in-law...

 

As for cruiselines - it's funny - the cruiseline with probably the most gay cruisers at any one time - Cunard - wants it to be kept the most on the down low. Must be an english school boy thing. On QM2 they were so upset when we renamed the Commodore Club the Commodorothy Club. On QE2, they were a little ruffled by our dancing together in the nightclub, but didn't seem to mind the straight couple having sex in hot tub in full view of the early morning coffee goers in the Lido. And the most mainstream, common denominator, middle america - whatever - lines, like NCL and RCI have been some of the most relaxed, with some of the nicest people.

[Gator83]

My partner and I have never had a bad experience at dinner with tablemates. In fact we became quite friendly with some of the people and would try to dine together when we had Anytime Dining on Princess.

[akysmom]

Hey guys! Straight middle aged woman reading your thread because I read lots of CC threads and yours sounded (and is!) interesting. Apologies for all the rude and ignorant straight folks out there. I hate to see anyone treated poorly for any reason. Now my question...what the heck is a "friend of Dorothy?"

 

Happy cruising to you all!

[miss_jevious]

I personally have not run into problems, I've only cruised once on Carnival, this will be my second cruise. Everyone seems to be pretty positive that despite varied cultures that homophobia only rears its ugly head on these cruises.

 

If it did, I honestly don't know how I'd react. If it was the same experience as my friend had, it would probably make me very sad for the rest of the cruise. I would hope it would not ruin the rest of my cruise!

 

Am I reading this right? Homophobia ONLY rears its head on carnival cruises or cruises in general? It can happen anywhere and anyplace.

 

I find it hard to believe that you would let one persons hang ups ruin your cruise. I personally feel that you have a choice. You empower them by letting them have that much control over you and your actions. Or you empower yourself by shaking it off and moving on. We have never had any problems on our cruises and my wife is butch, so she gets some looks. But we have run into homophobes in our lifetime. She was bashed years ago when we were walking across the street to a gay bar. Even though I tried to get her to go to the hospital or at least home. She would not do it. She said they are not ruining my night! She was determined not to give them that. Now they had no idea that she continued on with our original plans, she knew. And that was what mattered.

[sexyaznboy]

Hey I just re-read my post, I definitely did not mean that homophobia only exists on cruises...

 

Its hard not to let these sort of things get to me. Most on the board don't seem to think its a problem...

 

Am I reading this right? Homophobia ONLY rears its head on carnival cruises or cruises in general? It can happen anywhere and anyplace.

 

I find it hard to believe that you would let one persons hang ups ruin your cruise. I personally feel that you have a choice. You empower them by letting them have that much control over you and your actions. Or you empower yourself by shaking it off and moving on. We have never had any problems on our cruises and my wife is butch, so she gets some looks. But we have run into homophobes in our lifetime. She was bashed years ago when we were walking across the street to a gay bar. Even though I tried to get her to go to the hospital or at least home. She would not do it. She said they are not ruining my night! She was determined not to give them that. Now they had no idea that she continued on with our original plans, she knew. And that was what mattered.

[Toronto1970]

Hey guys! Straight middle aged woman reading your thread because I read lots of CC threads and yours sounded (and is!) interesting. Apologies for all the rude and ignorant straight folks out there. I hate to see anyone treated poorly for any reason. Now my question...what the heck is a "friend of Dorothy?"

 

Happy cruising to you all!

 

Hi Lynn and Welcome.

 

I think there are probably other threads around here discussing the meaning of the term (and if using such coded words is demeaning to the LGBT community), but the Wikipedia entry sums it up pretty well:

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friend_of_Dorothy

[jeffs55]

Slightly off topic but we always join in on the "main" roll call board in addition to the gay one, making it clear that we're a gay male couple. While it doesn't

affect the dining situation it always leads to us meeting pleasant people who are comfortable with gays. And if some of the others are not so comfortable

and choose not to associate with us that's fine too.

[Jim_Iain]

I have really been enjoying reading this thread. We have been on 11 cruises and never had a problem being a Gay Couple. All of our previous cruises we have always been either with a Gay Group Cruise or traveling with family members. I am always an active participant in the regular CC groups and have had a ball meeting the other members. We have met some fantastic folks from CC who have become good friends.

 

This December we will be traveling on a two week cruise by ourselves. I have had some queasy feelings about what our table mates will be like. Fear of the unknown I am sure.

 

The stories here have calmed me down. Like many say if the first night is a total disaster just ask to be changed to a more agreeable location.

 

The one thing that has always bugged me is your profile when you book. The question Single or Married. Last Cruise I put down married. All of Iain's Elite invitations came to Ms. Iain xxx . He was not impressed.

 

Jim

[Schplinky]

Slightly off topic but we always join in on the "main" roll call board in addition to the gay one, making it clear that we're a gay male couple. While it doesn't

affect the dining situation it always leads to us meeting pleasant people who are comfortable with gays. And if some of the others are not so comfortable

and choose not to associate with us that's fine too.

 

We do that, too. Our feeling is that most people are swell and they are just excited about their vacation. We've never had a rude remark. I did get a "you go girl" from some woman the other day who I think was just trying to relate to me, although I think she thought I was Queen Latifah, not just some old queen.

 

I also think that because the majority of people are friendly, potential homophobes on the roll call don't make cold comment, knowing it would alienate them as much as us. To my mind, living you life proudly is the best defense. If we ever get a table for two, it will be for romance and not to avoid others.

[akysmom]

Hi Lynn and Welcome.

 

I think there are probably other threads around here discussing the meaning of the term (and if using such coded words is demeaning to the LGBT community), but the Wikipedia entry sums it up pretty well:

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friend_of_Dorothy

Thanks Toronto!

 

Splinky - Saw your cruise pics, very cool!

[Schplinky]

 

Splinky - Saw your cruise pics, very cool!

 

 

Thanks. We've had some our best holidays on ships.

[Blazerboy]

Hey, akysmom, How's Greenville?? My parents lived in Clemson for years (well, actually in Central, but my step-dad taught at the university). We always flew in and out of Greenville! I was going to answer your question yesterday, but glad someone did....there's been quite the thread about it...something about "Straights attending FOD parties" but it's a long thread to slog through to get your answer.;)

 

The one thing that has always bugged me is your profile when you book. The question Single or Married. Last Cruise I put down married. All of Iain's Elite invitations came to Ms. Iain xxx . He was not impressed.

 

Jim

Jim, we travel often with another couple (straight) and often have the same kind of cabin. Last time, we both had identical cabins immediately opposite eachother on either side of the ship. The only link in booking, though, is that our reservations are linked for dining in the dining room. When we went to put our bags away, they had a note to welcome Ed and Joel on our cabin, a note to welcome Joel and Marjorie in their cabin...and I guess that, what?...that I was supposed to depend on the kindness of strangers...:eek:

 

Andrew

[VibeGuy]

RCI managed to greet me and my (at the time, relatively new) husbear as:

 

"Mr. Jon <Husbear>" and "Mrs. Vibeguy <something else altogether>". This despite the booking being in my name and *neither* of us having first names that were remotely feminine. I can only assume they thought we were having an intrigue....

 

This was the trip with the cabin steward "Mario"....who was so all over my husbear it was comical...."Good morning Meester Jon", "Enjoy your breakfast, Meester Jon". "Did you enjoy the jacuzzi Meester Jon?" I got "Hrmph". Fortunately, said husbear prefers fat pale boys like m'self. ;0)

 

E

[Jim_Iain]

Andrew - It would be interesting if the cruise line had a designation of Domestic Partner or just Mr. & Mr. - It really doesn't bug me it's just that the Mrs. forgot to shave off her beard.

 

E. - Your Mario story has me in hysterics. I can just imagine that happening.

 

Jim

[MattInFLL]

This problem is endemic - I mean I booked our anniversary dinner on the Ruth's Chris Steakhouse web site... and the only option they had to go with my name other than wife was "guest"... and there we are standing in front of the maitre d' and she looks at us and says "Welcome Mr. ___, thank you for celebrating your anniversary at Ruth's Chris with....your guest.." I said in a stage whisper "His name is Ralph"... she just kept saying "your guest". Even the waiter kept saying... Mr. __, would you and your guest like such and such?" Even after we introduced ourselves as Matt and Ralph at the beginning of the meal, and tried to point this out to no avail. Finally, we just asked for the check. "But Mr. __, you and your guest have a special cake." We declined the cake. It was comical, but not comical at the same time. We will never go back there... just so silly. Two people standing in front of you, and you can't even work up the courtesy to use both our names?

[txflyer]

This problem is endemic - I mean I booked our anniversary dinner on the Ruth's Chris Steakhouse web site... and the only option they had to go with my name other than wife was "guest"... and there we are standing in front of the maitre d' and she looks at us and says "Welcome Mr. ___, thank you for celebrating your anniversary at Ruth's Chris with....your guest.." I said in a stage whisper "His name is Ralph"... she just kept saying "your guest". ....We will never go back there... just so silly. Two people standing in front of you, and you can't even work up the courtesy to use both our names?

 

Matt your posts are so enlightening. I guess even with their internet booking tool being gender-specific, one would think the staff would be real, rather than programmed like a robot. I really wonder if their booking tool was intentionally designed that way.

 

Honestly, I dont blame you for saying you will never go back. Its just so silly... even Target, Crate & Barrel, Pottery Barn and many other forward thinking companies respect the same-sex relationships by offering same-sex gift registries. ...>>jack

[pnhmrk]

This problem is endemic - I mean I booked our anniversary dinner on the Ruth's Chris Steakhouse web site...

 

Not endemic - we booked our honeymoon on Cunard last year (following our Civil Partnership) and Cunard did get things right - our certificate came Mr & Mr, the photographers didn't appear to be taken back by two men, we even got the free bottle of Champagne!

[Schplinky]

Not endemic - we booked our honeymoon on Cunard last year (following our Civil Partnership) and Cunard did get things right - our certificate came Mr & Mr, the photographers didn't appear to be taken back by two men, we even got the free bottle of Champagne!

 

That is reflective of the way we've been treated on ships, too. It seems to be one of the environments where were are most likely to be treated just like any other guest. Interestingly, Vegas is another. Whenever we check in to hotels on the strip, we are standing at the desk and they always ask if we need one bed or two. I've gone to the spa and told them I want to arrange a massage as a treat for my partner and they are nothing but gracious and enthusiastic to be a part of the treat. We've stayed in quite a number of strip hotels and have had similar experiences in all of them.

[pnhmrk]

[ships] seem to be one of the environments where were are most likely to be treated just like any other guest.

 

Not quite - Two years ago we went on the Christmas Cruise with my parents; they got one present between them, we got one each. Last Christmas we were there on our honeymoon - Cunard knew this and we therefore assumed that we would only get the one present between us. Not so, we still got one each whilst married couples onboard only received one between them!:)

[Schplinky]

Not quite - Two years ago we went on the Christmas Cruise with my parents; they got one present between them, we got one each. Last Christmas we were there on our honeymoon - Cunard knew this and we therefore assumed that we would only get the one present between us. Not so, we still got one each whilst married couples onboard only received one between them!:)

 

sorry, when i said "we" I meant michael and me, not the whole community. Your mileage may vary.