Fashion/MissManners type question

[Jane110]

Hey fellow CC Fashion Board members:

I'd love some feedback on how you would handle this situation...

I'm a natural redhead. Blessed with a beautiful shade of coppery red hair. Even as a kid, I got tons of compliments on it.

When I hit my 20's, people would ask the rude question, "Is it your natural color?" After telling them how invasive I thought their question was, I told them, Yes, it was my natural color.

So now, I hit the 40+ mark and have a few grey's. My hair colorist colors them away in a shade that's as close to my natural shade as possible. Well, it's unbelieveable to me that people, who should know better by this stage in life, still will ask "Is that your natural color?". How utterly rude. And I just don't know how to respond.

To say, "oh yes, it's my natural color, but I have my stylist cover a few grays", is not only too long an answer, but frankly none of their damn business.

I can't just say "yes", because I'm not a liar. Besides, to someone "in the know", they can tell I've got color in my hair. So I'd look like a lying idiot.

Once, I was so annoyed, I replied by asking the woman (who was rather full breasted) if she had implants. She got the message. But I'd really rather not be so "in your face". (heck, some people here think I'm too "in your face" already,so no desire to do it in person! LOL!)

So, how do you let the idiots know how rude they are? How do I answer? If I say something to the effect of "it's none of your business" then it's like saying, "it's not my natural color" when, for the most part, it is my natural color. Besides, it's hostile and they'll think about my hostile remark rather than about their rude remark.

Oh, and for the record, it's so close to my natural color that my husband never noticed any change. But about 3 months ago, a friend who simply assumed my hair was colored (and that DH knows all my beauty secrets) asked me, in front of DH, who my colorist was because she did such a great job on red hair. DH looked at me with a "you color your hair?" look and then asked me again when we got home how long I'd been coloring my hair.

So ladies, how would you answer these boors? This is really perplexing me.

Oh and there's a part two also:

There are people who can tell (or just assume) that my hair is colored and will say, "I LOVE your color! Who colors your hair?"

So, I need answers for both questions.

Thanks!

Jane

[Hoyaheel]

Yikes! Some people do need to read Miss Manners more!

 

While I've been coloring my hair various shades since I was about 16, just for fun, I've recently had to start coloring for the greys at my hairline as well.

 

If someone asks "is that your natural color" and you want to be polite (I would be tempted to be rude in the face of questions like this from a stranger) you might say "mostly, with just a little help from my colorist".

 

You've already said you won't tell people it IS your natural color (which I might be tempted to do in your shoes) but you want some way of assuring people that the red is not all fake either. I might also say "does it matter?"

 

If people want the name of your colorist, I would just give it to them. Haven't many people on this board recommended that we ask people whose hair we admire for recommendation when looking for a stylist?:p

[scootersgirl]

When they ask for the name of your colorist you can give them your parents names or God!! Ha ha...just some humor!

[KAWS]

Well, it's unbelieveable to me that people, who should know better by this stage in life, still will ask "Is that your natural color?". How utterly rude. And I just don't know how to respond.

 

 

 

I can't just say "yes", because I'm not a liar. Besides, to someone "in the know", they can tell I've got color in my hair. So I'd look like a lying idiot.

 

 

So, how do you let the idiots know how rude they are? How do I answer? If I say something to the effect of "it's none of your business" then it's like saying, "it's not my natural color" when, for the most part, it is my natural color. Besides, it's hostile and they'll think about my hostile remark rather than about their rude remark.

 

 

Oh and there's a part two also:

 

There are people who can tell (or just assume) that my hair is colored and will say, "I LOVE your color! Who colors your hair?"

 

So, I need answers for both questions.

 

Thanks!

Jane

 

Well first of all, even though it doesn't seem like it, anyone that will ask you if it's natural or where you got it done is offering you an extreme compliment because they recognize you have full, beautiful, rich colour.

 

Second, I'd first of all ignore the question and simply look at them, smile sincerely and say, "Why thank you for noticing!" and then change the subject. If they persist, and you feel backed into a corner you can again smile and say, "Well it's pretty much all Mother Nature, with a little added boost of help now and again." And once more, change the subject.

 

Honestly I don't think they are being rude; they just really are envious that you have such a terrific colour and you'll find that most times: THEY DON'T.

[Kan't Wait]

I have a beautiful hard to match red hair as well and it's naturally curly so I always have people asking me "Is that natural?" First thing I think of saying is "No it's a wig!" But I just say yes it is. I don't have grey yet but I thought I would do some copper wisps of highlights for when I do need to cover the grey. ( My hair guy told me to just tell people he did it so he can get the business-:D you know the color and the curl )

 

I can usually tell when someone that isn't a red head has colored their hair to become a red head it just doesn't have the natural flow of color especially at the roots.

Most people that have to ask don't know a thing or they wouldn't be asking.

 

I tend to just ask a question with a question and then change the subject when it comes to things I don't want to answer. :D

 

Mrs.G

[illusions_on_the_sea]

Actually they are giving you one of the highest compliments they can by indicating that it is SO pretty that it must colored. You can always say thanks for noticing. it is natural with a few touch-ups from my hairstylist.

[klct39lg]

This reminds me of the old Clairol commercial:

 

Does she...or doesn't she? Only her hairdresser knows for sure!:)

[KLLund]

How about a simple "Why do you ask?" or "And you would ask that because?" to the is it natural question!!

[Ollie_WA]

I swear in todays society people do NOT think before they speak....I am a 6'1" 47 year old female, and I always get the question...did you play basketball? My answer is always "No, I was a cheerleader"....they usually say "your kidding"? How am I suppose to take that??

I also get the question ..."were your parents tall"? Well, duh what do you think? If I am in a querky mood that day I will usually answer with ..." no they were both MIDGETS" that usually shuts them up!!!:D

[CDRMark]

People occasionally ask me if I wear a toupee...I do not; my answer is "Who would pay for something that looks like this?!"

 

I love Miss Manners, Jane, and I think she might have you reply "Thank you for asking; it is as natural as yours!"

Cheers

Mark

[BlueHerons]

I'm a blonde now but for about two years I was a redhead and got tons of compliments on my color from men and women.

 

It really shocked me that men would notice.

 

I think your best bet is to be honest and state, "Yes, it is my natural color".

 

After all your colorist is matching your natural color not dying it red.

 

Does that make sense?

 

Also, red is a very pretty color to have and very hard to hold so I think it is human nature most people assume it isn't natural.

 

People ask me all the time if my curley hair is a perm. No, it isn't.

[GORDONCHICK]

I guess it would depend on the mood I'm in when asked, and who was asking. If I'm not in smart-a** mode, I would probably answer something like "for the most part" or "mostly" or "I'm sure that was meant as a compliment", but in the other mode it would be anybody's guess what would come out of me. I do like the implant question though. And if asked who my colorist is, I like the answer someone else gave - "God".

 

My best friend has fiery red hair and her nickname (that she loves) is "Torch".

[GA girl]

Jane,

 

I surely enjoyed your post as it reminded me of puzzled looks I get. Don't mind saying that I'm many years ahead of you (actually am 72 and delighted that I'm still active and in good shape ... well, some things have certainly fallen, but still wear 8/10).

 

But the hair business ... have always had light red/blondish/brown hair and it's still that way - probably no more than 20 grey hairs on my scalp! Have actually asked my hairdresser about coloring my hair grey and she tells me I'm crazy. Am sure most people think I color my hair but they don't often ask - if they do I just say my mom was the same way and this is what God gave me.

 

Think the "back at you" comment about implants is perfect.

 

Just enjoy that beautiful coppery hair.

[ChefPeg]

I swear in todays society people do NOT think before they speak....I am a 6'1" 47 year old female, and I always get the question...did you play basketball? My answer is always "No, I was a cheerleader"....they usually say "your kidding"? How am I suppose to take that??

I also get the question ..."were your parents tall"? Well, duh what do you think? If I am in a querky mood that day I will usually answer with ..." no they were both MIDGETS" that usually shuts them up!!!:D

 

I can completely relate. I am 4'11' and I HATE it when someone asks "What's it like down there?" or "What's the air like down there?". I mean how much can we take? I am already self conscious about my height and then some BOZO reminds just how short I am. Gee whiz, I'm 48 years old for crying out loud. If I was quick witted, and I always think of it afterwards, I would say "The air is a lot better down here than up there and a lot cooler too!"

 

OH.. I'm sorry I got carried away.

 

Some people think they are really something that they can ask anything they want. They seem to think; who cares if it hurts someone's feelings.

 

You could always ask people who ask about your hair color; " What do you think?" and leave it at that.

 

Good luck!

[copper6606]

Well I have a very similar perspective to you. I am a natural redhead , but I am so white that I have to color it. I am also a colorist/stylist! The questions are never ending . If I'm in my shop - I will answer by saying "yes I was born a redhead but now I color the nasty ones" -but If I'm in a social situation I simply thank them for the complement and simply say 'Yes I was born a redhead." :D

[RCCLismyfav]

Why not be honest? :rolleyes: If someone ask me if my curls are natural I state the truth! If they ask me if I color my hair I state yes to cover those greys we all get in our 40's! IMO avoiding the true answer only shows 1, you could be ashamed, or 2 you enjoy lying!

 

 

It's always best to speak the truth....;)

[luckycruzer]

I am still SOOO blessed to have the hair color god gave me as a child..!!! end of nosey queries..bar-rum-pum

[codyody]

I have naturally curly red hair also; the rede has faded and for years I highlighted it so it was mostly blonde. When asked if I had a perm, I'd always answer, you can't color it this blonde and perm it, too. OK, you can, but that's what I'd say. Now I'm lowlighting it with my original color; when asked if it's my natural color, I say, "It used to be!" It is, after all a compliment.

[JanineM]

A very wise woman who was in the public eye once told me the best way to respond to questions that don't deserve a response is to grin and say, "why, are you writing a book?" and then throw your head back and laugh. Stops people dead every time, and rarely offends.

[Jane110]

Hey, thanks all for the input. I really appreciate the responses.

 

I think I'll probably go with "Why? Are you writing a book?" and then move on. I like that one...it suits me. Thanks, Water Baby. KAWS, I also like the "Thank you for noticing" and then move on.

Blue Herons, I see your point, but saying "yes" feels a little weird. But hey, you're right, it IS my natural color.

 

RCCLismyfav, I have to disagree. Just because someone asks a rude question, doesn't mean I'm obligated to answer it.

 

My Mother is also a redhead (her nickname is Rusty) and when we're together, no one asks if it's natural. <g> BTW, I have a neighbor who always calls me "Penny" and then laughs and says my real name. She says she can't help it because of my hair color. I think it's sweet, and she's never asked me if it was the color I was born with.

 

I know that some of you feel it's a compliment but I don't. Saying, "you have pretty hair" is a compliment, asking "is that your natural color or do you dye it?" isn't. I'm happy to say to someone, "you look great in that dress, what a nice figure you have", but I'd never say, "have you had lipsuction or breast implants?". There's a difference! LOL!

 

Thanks all. I appreciate the responses!

 

Jane

[Cruzfan34]

I have naturally curly hair and people are contstantly after me to straighten it. Well, I finally gave in one day and spent about 3 hours at the salon having it blow dried straight, then flat-ironed. Well, it was straight...only until that night when the humidity hit it.

So, now when a person with stick straight hair gets after me to straighten it, here is my reply...."Well, I spent 3 hours at the salon having it straightened, but I don't do it anymore because it just wasn't worth it...it came out looking just like....yours". :D That usually shuts 'em up.

I love my curly hair and it's staying that way!!!!

[Jane110]

I can completely relate. I am 4'11' and I HATE it when someone asks "What's it like down there?" or "What's the air like down there?". I mean how much can we take? I am already self conscious about my height and then some BOZO reminds just how short I am. Gee whiz, I'm 48 years old for crying out loud. If I was quick witted, and I always think of it afterwards, I would say "The air is a lot better down here than up there and a lot cooler too!"

 

OH.. I'm sorry I got carried away.

 

Some people think they are really something that they can ask anything they want. They seem to think; who cares if it hurts someone's feelings.

 

You could always ask people who ask about your hair color; " What do you think?" and leave it at that.

 

Good luck!

 

I swear in todays society people do NOT think before they speak....I am a 6'1" 47 year old female, and I always get the question...did you play basketball? My answer is always "No, I was a cheerleader"....they usually say "your kidding"? How am I suppose to take that??[/font]

I also get the question ..."were your parents tall"? Well, duh what do you think? If I am in a querky mood that day I will usually answer with ..." no they were both MIDGETS" that usually shuts them up!!!:D

 

 

WOW! Good grief. I guess there's no end to the list of idiots out there!

What a shame you two are subjected to them on a daily basis.

 

I guess I would probably answer something like, "Gee, what an original and thought provoking comment".

 

DH and I don't have kids and when asked, "how many kids do you have?" and say "None", people have said to me, "oh you're young, there's still time left" and two people have actually asked "how come?".

 

Ignorance can be fixed, stupid is forever. :(

[kitty9]

Jane, you're not lying when people ask if that's your natural hair color, because it really is. Now, if they ask you if you color your hair, and you say no, that's lying, but since red is your natural born color, it's not at all lying to say, "why yes, this is the color I was born with".

[Cruzfan34]

Jane, you're not lying when people ask if that's your natural hair color, because it really is. Now, if they ask you if you color your hair, and you say no, that's lying, but since red is your natural born color, it's not at all lying to say, "why yes, this is the color I was born with".

 

Exactly. Just say yes, it's my natural color. If they don't believe you...and pardon my French....screw 'em.;)

[sgttami]

WOW! Good grief. I guess there's no end to the list of idiots out there!

What a shame you two are subjected to them on a daily basis.

 

I guess I would probably answer something like, "Gee, what an original and thought provoking comment".

 

DH and I don't have kids and when asked, "how many kids do you have?" and say "None", people have said to me, "oh you're young, there's still time left" and two people have actually asked "how come?".

 

Ignorance can be fixed, stupid is forever. :(

 

 

 

I have one son who is 28 and recently married and way back in the late 70s when he was born I knew that I did not want any more than one child.

 

When my son was about 2 or 3 I had a relative ask me when I was planning on having another child. I said that I wasn't having any more children and

was told.."Shame on you..you can't have only one!!" I was dumbfounded that someone would say that.

 

My sister, who also had one son (our boys are 4 months apart) didn't want any more kids either, went through the same thing. She was told by an in law that she shouldn't have had any kids, if she was only going to have one!!!

 

Enough of Miss Manners!!

 

My response to a question of my hair coloring would depend on who asks and what mood I'm in. From a very "polite" answer to a "why are you interested" would depend on who's doing the asking!!!

 

 

 

Pam