Fashion/MissManners type question

[sgttami]

I was fortunate to retire at 50 three years ago but did get a bit "lazy" and gained about 15 pounds..(UGH!) I decided to go to Weight Watchers and had told a few people I was going. I was quite proud that I was following the program and never cheated and had dropped the weight in about a month. I informed friends of my progress but hadn't seen them for awhile.

 

Then I cruised and went on other trips over the winter and most of the weight crept back..

 

When I saw one "friend", she said.."I thought you were doing Weight Watcher's."

 

My first reaction was "I thought you had some class".

 

I just smiled and said , "I am, and this is the phase where we watch the weight go up!!"

[SantaAna,CA]

If everyone returned rude remark for rude remark, we'd have....well, we'd have a world that looks pretty much like it does right now, come to think of it.

 

A rude remark never has to be answered in kind. A person may not intend to be rude, but even if they do, a short, friendly reply is always, in my opinion, a much nicer way to go.

 

Jane

[Jane110]

 

A rude remark never has to be answered in kind. A person may not intend to be rude, but even if they do, a short, friendly reply is always, in my opinion, a much nicer way to go.

 

Jane

 

I agree, which is the whole point of my post. I asked people here how to reply without being in someone's face. I gotten some great answers, none of which are rude.

[Happy ks]

I wish I could give you a good comeback, but I'm always stumped when people open thier mouths and this sort of thing just spills right out :eek:

 

Coming from a hair stylists background, I can usually tell, but, so what??? If I see someone with a gorgeous hair color, that's all I will say to them "I love your hair color!" For the life of me, I cannot understand why people need to know, other than if they want the same color and (very politely) ask you for a reference.

 

At work we have rules for confidentiality regarding our kids. I am asked about their age, diagnosis, etc... frequently. I've come to the point where I ignore those items in their data and IEPs, so I won't be lying if I say "I don't know". I have also come to the point where I will just say "that's confidential information that I cannot discuss".

 

I think my reply would have to be "Yes, with a bit of freshening, why do you need to know?". Honesty, not being rude right back, but letting them know it's really none of their business.

 

BTW, I love red hair :) I even add a tad of auburn to my medium brown, when I "enhance" it!

[sgttami]

If everyone returned rude remark for rude remark, we'd have....well, we'd have a world that looks pretty much like it does right now, come to think of it.

 

A rude remark never has to be answered in kind. A person may not intend to be rude, but even if they do, a short, friendly reply is always, in my opinion, a much nicer way to go.

 

Jane

 

 

Responding with humor is sometimes the best medicine for the offender!!

(Even if they don't get it!!)

[tgo's]

I think my response would be "Why would you ask?". Let them explain why they would think that was an apropriate question.

 

In my case I have very dark brown hair - at at age 20 started getting some grey. Lucky for me my grandmother's genetics have kicked in and I inherited (sp?) a chunk of grey right above my right eye - four generations of women in my family have "the stripe". (My red-headed sister has it also but her's blends much better.)

Whenever someone is rude enough to ask why I don't have it colored or cover the grey, I say "With what my colorist goes through for highlights why would I cover it up?" -- Let them figure out my "colorist" is a genetic gift.

[Wadadli1]

Hey, thanks all for the input. I really appreciate the responses.

 

I think I'll probably go with "Why? Are you writing a book?" and then move on. I like that one...it suits me. Thanks, Water Baby. KAWS, I also like the "Thank you for noticing" and then move on.

Blue Herons, I see your point, but saying "yes" feels a little weird. But hey, you're right, it IS my natural color.

 

RCCLismyfav, I have to disagree. Just because someone asks a rude question, doesn't mean I'm obligated to answer it.

 

My Mother is also a redhead (her nickname is Rusty) and when we're together, no one asks if it's natural. <g> BTW, I have a neighbor who always calls me "Penny" and then laughs and says my real name. She says she can't help it because of my hair color. I think it's sweet, and she's never asked me if it was the color I was born with.

 

I know that some of you feel it's a compliment but I don't. Saying, "you have pretty hair" is a compliment, asking "is that your natural color or do you dye it?" isn't. I'm happy to say to someone, "you look great in that dress, what a nice figure you have", but I'd never say, "have you had lipsuction or breast implants?". There's a difference! LOL!

 

Thanks all. I appreciate the responses!

 

Jane

 

I have curly red hair. The curls just showed up when I was a teenager (no idea!), but the red comments started from the beginning. I still remember when I was, oh 4, someone saying to me, "Where'd you git that purty red hair, from the Milkman?" (dad had black hair (with red highlights) and mom had blonde hair). So for a while when someone asked me where I got red hair I would reply, "From the milkman."

 

All thru grade school I was made fun of because of the color of my hair. Then thru high school it was a mix of being made fun of and slightly letcherous comments from boys/men. College, all letcherous. After college, the same and then "Is that your natural hair color?" I would either say, "No, it's my unnatural color" or "What color would you ask for to make yours like mine?". Thankfully it's been ages since anyone has asked about the color, or the curls. No idea why, but I'm grateful.

 

After all this time I still can't believe that people will ask such obviously rude and personal questions about red hair, but not about other, obvious items, like the implants. :p Irrelevent if it's a compliment, as you are well aware. It's still rude to ask strangers personal questions like that.

 

Dear Abby would suggest you say, "Why do you ask?", or "Why do you want to know?", or just give them a deadpan look and change the subject. Mind she never suggests saying, "From the milkman"....;)

[Andee]

When my son, who is now 30 and balding, was a little boy, he had a headful of blond curls. By age 3, he was so tired of people asking him, "Do you know how much it costs me to make my hair look like yours?" that he started responding, "Yeah, $40."

 

And I got tired of people asking, "Do you give her a permanent?"

 

His 18 month old daughter has inherited those blond curls, and they sure look good on her!

[Cruzfan34]

When my son, who is now 30 and balding, was a little boy, he had a headful of blond curls. By age 3, he was so tired of people asking him, "Do you know how much it costs me to make my hair look like yours?" that he started responding, "Yeah, $40."

 

LOL! Can I borrow that line? :D

But for the life of me, I could never figure out why someone would want to put a perm in their hair. I guess it's because I have so much trouble with my unruly curls. :rolleyes:

[celbercrz333]

I would wink, smile and say, "yes this is my natural color". Or something evasive like "I'll never tell!" or the old popular "Only my hairdresser knows for sure!" Let them go away wondering if you are playing head games with them. Serves 'em right!

[Andee]

Ann Landers once suggested responding to inappropriate personal questions by saying, "If you'll forgive me for not answering that question, I'll forgive you for asking it."

 

I've never had the nerve to use that line, and I think it would be hard to say without sounding rude, which Jane wanted to avoid.

[LoriLinay]

Andee! That's so funny you just mentioned that. Not 2 weeks ago, I was talking to a new temp at my job and the subject of divorce came up. I said that I was divorced 14 years prior and she said "Who left who?"

 

I thought it was an incredibly ballsy question and totally inappropriate. So I recited the Ann Landers line.

 

It was one of my better moments. Usually I think of something witty to say, 2 hours later when I'm alone in my car!!

[RI-Sailor]

My Aunt would use this all-purpose line: "I'm sorry, really I don't believe I've heard you correctly. Could you repeat that for me, please?". Chances are, they aren't brave enough to repeat what they said once they think about it for a moment!

[Mike&Nancy]

Hmmm, I always thought the classic Ann Landers (or was it Dear Abby?) line was "If that question was any of your business, you would already know the answer". I'm dying to use that line someday.

 

Nancy

[Jane110]

Ann Landers once suggested responding to inappropriate personal questions by saying, "If you'll forgive me for not answering that question, I'll forgive you for asking it."

 

I've never had the nerve to use that line, and I think it would be hard to say without sounding rude, which Jane wanted to avoid.

 

 

Thanks, I like that line and will try to remember it!

 

Jane

[Jane110]

Andee! That's so funny you just mentioned that. Not 2 weeks ago, I was talking to a new temp at my job and the subject of divorce came up. I said that I was divorced 14 years prior and she said "Who left who?"

 

 

 

Kind of a "When did you stop beating your wife?" question. There's no winning!

[Lois R]

Hi Jane:) I have been following your thread with interest....

 

This story is hair related but not the same thing~I was watching

my local "morning show"..not national but we have an independent

station with the same premise.

Anyway, I see one of the anchors and I know his hair was SALT and pepper.....actually, I thought he looked quite handsome.

Now this morning I turn on the news and I noticed something...the guy

definitely had his hair colored....there is NO SALT in it now:confused: :rolleyes:

I am thinking...."His hairdresser is NOT the only one who knows for sure"

It was so obvious he had colored it.....nobody needs to ask him

if they watch this show on a regular basis!:eek:

But I guess in the tv media, looking younger is better.......then again,

I think salt and pepper looks good on most men....but what do I know?

 

Oh as to your question, I think much of it has to do with upbringing

and manners....or lack of them.

[Jane110]

I think they probably did the wrong approach with your local news guy. I think it was too drastic a change too quickly. I think a better game plan would have been to partially put some color highlights to gradually cover the grey. It may take a couple of months but it would have avoided the "what happened ovenight" sensation that I'm sure many viewers, like you, experienced.

[KLLund]

On the other hand ... dramatic sometimes works quite well

 

I had been a red red head for years ( thank you Colorist Julie) .. when she suggested to me one day that she would love to do my hair in platiunum blonde .. I laughed outright and said never !!!!

 

Then i went home and thought about it .. had another discussion with her about the pitfalls of the process etc .. and decided to go for it .. sooooooo

 

I was going to visit my Husband .. who was working out of state and had not seen me for about a month .. and I had the Platinum done and set off to see him .. A memorable weekend to be sure !!!

 

And I love it and feel ten years younger with a whole new look !!

[YumYumSweetiePie]

It IS your natural hair color...you're just covering your greys with the same shade. I don't see the need to be so specific with a stranger. If they asked you "wow, you have a great job, does your job pay you well?" I doubt you're going to say, "well yes, I earn ____ per year and sometimes I get a bonus of ________ but only when _______...etc." you get the picture. It's too much information for a simple question.

[romath]

Jane, I think you've been given some great responses. I had my children at a young age and when people I don't know well find out I have children aged 14-17, I constantly get asked how old I am and told how I'm too young to have children that age. For whatever reason, people don't seem to understand that is just as rude as if I said something like, "what! that can't be your daughter, it has to be your granddaughter?! How old are you?"

Also, we are former foster parents and adopted two of our foster children, so two of our four are biological and two are adopted. We don't broadcast this information, but there are lots that know because we had an adoption party a few years ago, kids were baptized at church, etc. Meaning we don't hide it, aren't ashamed, but also don't want to constantly bring it up to make our two adopted children feel inferior. I've had people I don't know well ask which of my two children are adopted! I've also been asked my children's background and why they were put into foster care!! On the one regarding their background, I normally say, "That's my children's private and personal information and if they want to share it with people, they will." People typically realize they have gone too far with the question and say nothing else. On being asked which two are adopted, I typically ask a question back, "Which two do you think?" and then I don't say anything if they respond to that question. I've also been asked, "which two are your real children?". My response, "All four are my real children." One person had the nerve to follow up with, "I know, but which ones did you give birth to and which ones did you adopt?"!!! My response, "I'll let you try and figure that out."

 

grrrr...sorry, thinking about this makes me astonished at the things people say and ask!! I'm one of the people who loves to see what Miss Manners says is the polite way to respond.

 

ETA: since I brought up the adoption thing, just a reminder that adoption jokes really aren't funny. We've been around people that will make jokes to others about "you must be adopted" (not necessarily saying it to our family, but others in the group) and people don't realize how hurtful that could be for an adopted child/adult to hear. The first time it happened, I was at a church picnic, I spun around so fast and said, "That is not funny. I have adopted children and comments like that are hurtful." We don't know the entire history of the people we are hanging out with and so it's best just to not make those comments.

[Jane110]

It IS your natural hair color...you're just covering your greys with the same shade. I don't see the need to be so specific with a stranger. If they asked you "wow, you have a great job, does your job pay you well?" I doubt you're going to say, "well yes, I earn ____ per year and sometimes I get a bonus of ________ but only when _______...etc." you get the picture. It's too much information for a simple question.

 

 

You're absolutely right and from the great responses I've gotten here, I know that it's a good answer to "Is that your natural color?".

 

The one that still stumps me is the one from those who simply assume it's not my natural color and ask, "Who does your color?" or "Where do you have your color done?". Saying "it's my natural color" really feels like a lie and while it's no ones business, I don't know how to cut them off other than by ignoring the question and talking about something totally unrelated. I think I just may do that.

This question was asked of me before I started running some color though it, I gave them an annoyed look and said it was natural, but don't feel quite right saying that now.

[Jane110]

Jane, I think you've been given some great responses. I had my children at a young age and when people I don't know well find out I have children aged 14-17, I constantly get asked how old I am and told how I'm too young to have children that age. For whatever reason, people don't seem to understand that is just as rude as if I said something like, "what! that can't be your daughter, it has to be your granddaughter?! How old are you?"

 

LOL! I hear ya'! My Mother, who had my brother and I at a very young age as well as always looked years younger than her actual age has "battled" with that all her adult life. People would always ask her age once she said my brothers age. Even now, she'll answer "I'm 21. My granddaughter is in college and if you can't do the math, that's your problem!".

 

 

I've had people I don't know well ask which of my two children are adopted! I've also been asked my children's background and why they were put into foster care!! On the one regarding their background, I normally say, "That's my children's private and personal information and if they want to share it with people, they will." People typically realize they have gone too far with the question and say nothing else. On being asked which two are adopted, I typically ask a question back, "Which two do you think?" and then I don't say anything if they respond to that question. I've also been asked, "which two are your real children?". My response, "All four are my real children." One person had the nerve to follow up with, "I know, but which ones did you give birth to and which ones did you adopt?"!!! My response, "I'll let you try and figure that out."

 

Yup, that's right up there with people who've asked me why I don't have kids!

 

Sheesh!

[romath]

[quote name=Jane110;10836134

The one that still stumps me is the one from those who simply assume it's not my natural color and ask' date=' "Who does your color?" or "Where do you have your color done?". Saying "it's my natural color" really feels like a lie and while it's no ones business, I don't know how to cut them off other than by ignoring the question and talking about something totally unrelated. I think I just may do that.

This question was asked of me before I started running some color though it, I gave them an annoyed look and said it was natural, but don't feel quite right saying that now.[/quote]

 

How about just saying "My stylist is _______"? This way you are ignoring the coloring/colorist part, neither acknowledging or denying anything.

[Jane110]

 

On the other hand ... dramatic sometimes works quite well

 

 

I'll agree with you in reference to a woman, but not for a male television newscaster. Just my opinion.

 

Glad you and your hubby love your new color! Enjoy!