Tomboy on formal night?

[Jungle Jane]

My teen daughter is a tomboy, will NOT wear a dress. She's such an awesome and easygoing kid that I can't see forcing her to do the one thing that makes her uncomfortable. She is a jeans and t shirt kid, but seeing how much I want to go to the formal dinners she has agreed to wear 1 of 2 choices:

 

1-dark sport coat, dress shirt, dress pants

-if she chose this can she wear it without a tie? she said she doesn't want to look like "an old man" LOL!

 

2- tux shirt bow tie and dress pants. prefers not to wear the jacket with this, again, not wanting to look like "an old man."

 

Which in your opinions would be the better of the 2 choices? #1 is what she's said she'd be most comfortable with.

 

Thank you so much :)

[JanineM]

This is my PERSONAL opinion ... I'd go with the first. I do think that the second will look cuter, but she will look like a member of the staff as they wear white shirts, ties and black slacks.

 

Is there any way you can get her into a cuter/more feminine shirt with her jacket and slacks? She'll differentiate herself from the staff that way. That probably wouldn't be TOO much of a stretch from her tomboy persona, plus there will come a time when she may need to learn how to modify her look a bit.

[ash4020]

Does she prefer more masculine clothing or would a dressy ladies pantsuit work? I usually dislike wearing dresses, so I understand. I think (unless she would refuse it as well) that a dressy pantsuit made for women would be more appropriate than going to guy's clothes to avoid the dress.

 

Otherwise, I'm not sure. :confused:

[vmom]

I'm not clear on either look. They both sound more masculine than tomboy to me. Its not necessary to wear a dress to still be dressy and yet have a feminine look. There are some adorable looks in the teen dept that involve dress pants and a top that would be dressy but yet not masculine. I'd take a look around there before making a decision.

 

I agree that the bowtie look may make her look like a waiter. The tux shirt sounds like it could be cute.

[Jungle Jane]

She hasn't worn women's clothes at all since she was about 7 years old, has always preferred boys clothing, a woman's pantsuit is out of the question. She's very tall and looks older than her age, has a feminine face and shape but prefers to wear men's stuff. I thought the same about the tux shirt with tie looking like a waiter, that happened at her friend's bat mitzvah! So do you think the tux shirt sans tie? With or without jacket? This is such a headache, but as I say she's such a great kid. (Sorry, I know everyone says that about their kids!)

 

We will probably stick with the jacket, shirt and slacks.

 

Thanks to all who replied :)

 

PS--Have I mentioned that she's really an awesome kid! LOL!

[happysinglemom]

She hasn't worn women's clothes at all since she was about 7 years old, has always preferred boys clothing, a woman's pantsuit is out of the question.

 

How old is she? Just thinking she might change her tune once boys enter the picture! :p

[kaseyoz]

My daughter 15 is also a sporty tomboy and does not wear dresses except for school uniform(compulsory over here)

the outfit you mention do sound more masculine than tomboy but you know your daughter best.

i would prefer my daughter to be confident in who she is rather than follow the crowd.

we compromised on our cruises when she wore pinstriped billabong pants and a billabong shirt (surf label if you dont have that brand)

here in australia we are more relaxed about dress and she fitted in ok. she has worn the same outfit for all 4 cruises and all formal nights so we got our wear out them

 

while i would love to see my daughter in a lovely dress i know it is just not going to happen so i am content to see her shine on the baseball field instead of the dance floor!!

[vmom]

I personally like the look of a tux shirt...but no bowtie.

 

Not sure about with or without a jacket. I think it would depend on the jacket.

I think with a short or more fitted jacket it could be a real cute look. With a bulky long jacket it could look frumpy. I guess I would have her try on jackets and see how they look and fit to decide.

[Jungle Jane]

Kaseyoz our daughter's sound very similar, my daughter also plays baseball! and basketball, soccer, softball, skateboards..etc etc etc

 

She is 13, likes to admire boys from afar, tells me who is cute and who is gross, LOL, has many guy friends.

 

IMO the jacket she has would go well with the tux shirt and slacks, that is our final decision!

 

Thanks for all the opinions!!!!!!

 

-Jane and Danielle :)

(sailing without daddy! girl's trip!)

[Langley Cruisers]

Is there any way you can pack both outfits? Surely, you may want to go to both formal nights so packing both is not out of the question? Perhaps she could try on her outfits in the cabin and then choose what feels best. I would personally try to dissuade her from wearing a tie of any kind, but I don't suppose you'll ask her to be any less than she is.

 

She sounds like a great girl and I know you'll love Freedom Have fun! Post pics when you get back, if you can - would love to know what she chose.

 

(EDIT - sorry, I see you have already posted your final decision. My bad for being late, sorry!!)

[kaseyoz]

Kaseyoz our daughter's sound very similar, my daughter also plays baseball! and basketball, soccer, softball, skateboards..etc etc etc

 

She is 13, likes to admire boys from afar, tells me who is cute and who is gross, LOL, has many guy friends.

 

IMO the jacket she has would go well with the tux shirt and slacks, that is our final decision!

 

Thanks for all the opinions!!!!!!

 

-Jane and Danielle :)

(sailing without daddy! girl's trip!)

yes they are very similar then as my daughter also plays soccer and does skakeboarding

[RI-Sailor]

I know I'm late with this but for anyone else stuggling with the similar issues...

 

How about trying some accessories? A pin at the neck or on the jacket lapel would help distinguish her from the waitstaff. Red or metallic flats instead of black? Bigger earrings than normal if she wears them?

[angelkisses]

Our daughter's first cruise was at the age of 13. We joked that she would be wearing cleats under her formal. She would wear denim skirts or capris to church so perhaps she was not as big of a tom boy as we thought but to think about a formal or coctail dress was horrifying to her. Once she realized I would not give her a choice other than room service if she didn't dress on formal night she eased up a little. I never argued with her just simply gave her a choice of two options. I bought a very simple but elegant dress at a thrift store just in case it was never worn I wouldn't have so much invested. Turns out she wore it and it did her self esteem good. She loved the dining room after the first night and didn't want to miss out. Of course, she quickly changed as soon as diner was over. I think around our hometown she had a certain image and it would have been uncomfortable because everyone expected her to be a certain way and they would have made a big fuss over it. She still want wear a dress around home however we are getting ready for our 2nd cruise and had so much fun shopping for dresses and ended up with both a short and a long formal.

[3GR8Sons]

I think the tux shirt with a feminine colored/print bow tie and cummerbund would be a nice feminine look that would diferentiate her from the wait staff and from the men. She could look for a colored shirt (pastel) with the tie/cummerbund in a matching pattern/color. It would allow her to look like a lady and not wear a dress. I think the first option would make her look like a boy, which is probably not the look she is going for.

 

She can always eat at the buffet with kids she meets on the cruise. My son opted to eat with us each night.

[jp2001]

Maybe if you can find a suit that is not too too feminine she would agree?

Here is one I found if she wears it with a regular white shirt and flats, maybe she wouldn't be feeling too girly girl dressed???

 

http://s7d2.scene7.com/is/image/SpiegelBrands/F0767079_SDP08_019?$216x270$

[LambKnuckles]

Our daughters are sisters... tied together somewhere...

 

My DD wore her 'comfy' elastic waist black slacks and a nice pull over black sweater with a necklace her father gave her. She looked very chic -- but she felt like she was wearing sweats -- her words...

 

In chior, she used to wear the tux shirt and black skirt, but finally quit chior, in HS, when she wouldn't wear a skirt any more. She said she'd wear the pants, like the guys, but not a skirt. They wouldn't accept that, and she didn't want me to fight her battle.

 

Any way -- either outfit would be perfect for formal night. Let her pick the one she loves best. Remind her, she'll be photographed in it (if you do the photos) if it makes a difference. (In the dining room, I found I needed a sweater or jacket -- so she may want one.)

 

Good for you to accept and work with her on this!

[foxyroxy40]

how about a different color dress shirt it can still be mens just not white and have her wear pin stripe and a shirt that matches the pin stripe and have her wear a slide necklace there almost lie bolro ties and have fix her hair pretty and i think she'll look fine remember women used to wear men's suit's before there was womens how about a vest instead of a jacket that would be cute to my daughter is only eight but she's borderline tom boy she'll wear a dress if it doesn't itch and feels very comfy but my niece is all tomboy and she's seventeen and has a boyfriend she only wears a dress once every couple of years what ever she wears she's still beautiful and you can tell she's a girl just how she carries herself well have a good trip:)

[jp2001]

I also found this pantsuit that has more of a unisex look.

 

http://www.jcrew.com/catalog/product.jhtml?id=prod86558231&catId=cat280244

 

What do you think, do you think your daughter would wear something like that?

 

If she wears a man suit, I'm worried some other young people may not be nice to her and this could really ruin her cruise. You know better than us what your daughter needs though. Let us know what you two decided.

[Jungle Jane]

Ok jp2001-you just totally FREAKED ME OUT! I was coming on to update that we changed our minds, I dug into the back of my closet and brought out a black jacket that I used to wear when women were wearing a lot of boots/jackets/jeans combos (90's?) and figured it was worth a try, DD liked it better than her sport coat! It has no shoulder padding like the men's sport coats have, so she doesn't look like she's wearing her dad's coat! It's a bit more of a feminine cut and is a bit shorter than a man's coat, but we won't tell her that!!!!!! We paired that with her black dress pants, a baby clue oxford shirt open one button at the very top. She wears the same necklace every day, it's a leather thing with some cool stone on it and the stone coordinates with the shirt really well. She looks SOOOO awesome and even smiled at herself all dressed up in the mirror!!!!!!!! For a 2nd formal night we'll pair the same coat and slacks with the tux shirt.

Anyway jp2001, the jacket is almost identical to the JCrew one that you posted!!!!!!! Freaky!!!!!!!

 

Anyway thanks so much everyone for helping us with this decision, it's helped with more than just the cruise, she now has a nice outfit to wear for any other dressy-ish upcoming events!

 

Your input is very much appreciated, and thanks for supporting me in my decision to let my daughter be herself :)

 

-Jane

[Jungle Jane]

Ok jp2001-you just totally FREAKED ME OUT! I was coming on to update that we changed our minds, I dug into the back of my closet and brought out a black jacket that I used to wear when women were wearing a lot of boots/jackets/jeans combos (90's?) and figured it was worth a try, DD liked it better than her sport coat! It has no shoulder padding like the men's sport coats have, so she doesn't look like she's wearing her dad's coat! It's a bit more of a feminine cut and is a bit shorter than a man's coat, but we won't tell her that!!!!!! We paired that with her black dress pants, a baby clue oxford shirt open one button at the very top. She wears the same necklace every day, it's a leather thing with some cool stone on it and the stone coordinates with the shirt really well. She looks SOOOO awesome and even smiled at herself all dressed up in the mirror!!!!!!!! For a 2nd formal night we'll pair the same coat and slacks with the tux shirt.

Anyway jp2001, the jacket is almost identical to the JCrew one that you posted!!!!!!! Freaky!!!!!!!

 

Anyway thanks so much everyone for helping us with this decision, it's helped with more than just the cruise, she now has a nice outfit to wear for any other dressy-ish upcoming events!

 

Your input is very much appreciated, and thanks for supporting me in my decision to let my daughter be herself :)

 

-Jane

Oops- meant to write "baby BLUE oxford shirt" not "baby clue"!

[jp2001]

Ok jp2001-you just totally FREAKED ME OUT!

 

Sorry, I didn't want to freak you out but you know how teens may not always be nice.

 

I'm glad to hear you found a jacket that fits her better and since you say she smiled at herself in the mirror, I'm sure she will enjoy formal night in this outfit!

Post a picture if you can when you return.

 

Have a great cruise!

[Jungle Jane]

Sorry, I didn't want to freak you out but you know how teens may not always be nice.

 

I'm glad to hear you found a jacket that fits her better and since you say she smiled at herself in the mirror, I'm sure she will enjoy formal night in this outfit!

Post a picture if you can when you return.

 

Have a great cruise!

No, I meant you freaked me out b'c you posted that pic of a jacket and that is just the jacket we settled on before I even saw your post!

 

She has never had any problem with other people being mean to her for being herself, she knows it's possible tho'. She is well liked by all and makes friends very easily, has never been one to be "too cool", doesn't mind hanging out with kids that are younger than her or different in any way. I think many kids are envious of her ability to be self confident and not feel like she has to dress and act like all the other girls do. Believe me, I'm glad she dresses and acts the way she does, rather than wear slutty clothes and act like an idiot! She is her own person, marches to the beat of her own drum and I'm proud of her for it :)

[JanineM]

Believe me, I'm glad she dresses and acts the way she does, rather than wear slutty clothes and act like an idiot! She is her own person, marches to the beat of her own drum and I'm proud of her for it :)

 

You can be very happy about that. On our cruises most young women dress relatively modestly, but there are always a couple who seem to think that we're in costume dress and their choice is hooker/streetwalker. ;)

[happysinglemom]

I also found this pantsuit that has more of a unisex look.

 

http://www.jcrew.com/catalog/product.jhtml?id=prod86558231&catId=cat280244

 

What do you think, do you think your daughter would wear something like that?

 

Wow - I like that suit myself!

[happysinglemom]

I think many kids are envious of her ability to be self confident and not feel like she has to dress and act like all the other girls do. Believe me, I'm glad she dresses and acts the way she does, rather than wear slutty clothes and act like an idiot! She is her own person, marches to the beat of her own drum and I'm proud of her for it :)

 

You should be proud. Most of the young girls these days dress like they are sleaze bags...and the boys dress like they are ready to mow the lawn. I am also lucky enough to have a child that marches to their own beat. He has discovered that he wears nice clothes well, and enjoys looking good, staying fit and eating healthy - no matter what the current fad is. :)