Am I crazy......I can't leave my kids??

[terri23]

do it for them - kids at that age need to start to learn a little independence. and do it for you - sounds like you (and your DH!!) might benefit from a little independence, too :)

[simplelife]

With all due respect, IMO you are not doing anyone a favor by never going anywhere without your kids. I could understand if they were 1, 2, and 5, but ten years older than that? At that age most kids would enjoy the time away for mom and dad. Couples need couple time and kids (especially by middle and high school) need to develop some independence.

I can see two possible negative results of the "never without the kids' thinking - kids who fail to develop independence and are still at home far past the time they should have established thier own lives, or couples whose kids do leave home but who find themselves hopelessly out of touch with one another because they've defined themselves as parents and neglected their identity as a couple.

 

Our kids are now 21 and 29 (and living independently). From the time they were small, DH and I always made it a priority to have the occasional "date night" and couples getaway. Our kids have expressed that they found this comforting and reassuring and as they got older, even chose not to accompany us on outings, encourageing us to "have a date".

[wineandbeach]

My kids will be 18 and 20 next summer for our 25th anniversary cruise and they will be with me. Not because I have to take them but because I love our family vacations. They get old very quick and you'll have plenty of time without them - enjoy them.

[alwalaska]

I totally agree with the person who said you have to do what you feel is right.

 

Last year was the first time DH and I went away without the kids, other than an overnight trip to someplace less than an hour away. We enjoy traveling as a family and our family cruises gave us plenty of alone time as well.

 

Last year the kids were 13 and 15 and they were both going away for a week to band camp. DH and I decided it was our chance to get away. I was very nervous and signed tons of notarized forms giving everyone on earth permission to seek medical treatment for the kids. Band camp is hot, humid, hard work, with bees, and things like that.

 

We had a great time and everyone made it through just fine and didn't even need any of the forms.;) I did feel better knowing I had covered all the details before I left.

 

We did spend time time saying things like - "gee, the kids should be on the field right now", or eating, or playing, or whatever time it was.

 

Although all went well and we had a great time, since we have so little time left with the kids before they are gone to college, I don't think we will travel again without them until the time when they can't travel with us any more.

[bajathree]

Since it looks as though most responses are from women I would like to give you my opinion coming from a man.....for what that's worth:)

My wife and I went away to Italy for our 20th 2 years ago....it was the very first time we went away without the kids....we left them up in NJ with my sister-in-law and her husband. Both they in NJ and us in Italy had a blast....we had a cel phone and would speak to each other daily....the kids still talk about that special time they had for those 2 weeks and beg us to do it again. My wife and I really enjoyed ourselves and got to do what WE wanted to. At the same time we of course missed the kids and kept saying we have to do this again in a couple years with the kids. So when we got back we showed them all our pics and started planning for a Euro vacation in a couple years that we would do with them. Just this past summer we were fortunate enough that we did that vacation and both us and the kids have memories we shared that none of us will ever forget, it was a very special time. Both time were very different and both times were very special. Are we planning another trip soon without them.....NO. My daughters are 10 and 14 (this Wed) and my wife and I are already fretting that we only have 4 more years till our oldest heads off to college and want to enjoy all our vacations as a family.

I guess the bottom line to me is if you are fortunate to travel a lot then I wouldn't fret it....after all as long as you are leaving them somewhere that is special to them they will have experiences they will love...and so will you. If you only travel once a year....then I would have a hard time leaving them behind.

[babyher]

My mother (mother of 4, grandmother of 14, soon to be great grandmother of 2) always says (and I have learned as the father of 3 teens)

 

 

"A mother could be getting dressed for the biggest night of her life , expensive non refundable tickets, brand new frilly gown, brand new hair do, all made up ready to go. Two minutes before they are to leave a child sniffles and thats the end of that. The parents don't go to the affair, off comes the dress and the makeup and the hairdo falls apart while she is making soup for the kid.......... When was the last time a kid didn't go to his prom because Mom has the sniffles? :)

 

 

They will be fine.........GO.....ENJOY.......HAVE FUN :) :) :)

[evanandsamuel'smom]

Funny you should post about this subject!

I am leaving a week from today on a 7 night cruise with just MY mom! My kids will be home with dad. I too am fighting the missing them everytime I see a 6 or 10 year old boy! And I haven't even left yet......

 

I see no difference in taking time away with a spouse, parent, sibling, or friend. I am not just someone's mom, which I love, but also someone's friend, sister and daughter! I am looking forward to making memories with my mom that will last a lifetime. And I hope, someday, that my boys will feel the same way and want to take a trip now and then with just their mom!

 

So my vote is, go for it! And have a GREAT time! I know I will, besides, we'll be taking a cruise at Christmas this year with the whole family! My kids and husband won't miss a thing!:p

[cassieroll]

I did miss my kids but I miss my kids even when I'm at work and they are at school. lol That doesn't stop us from cruising without them, though. We called when we could.. sometimes reception was sporadic or they weren't at home to catch the phone. We were all fine though in the end.

[Grayce]

Go for it! You will return totally refreshed! And your kids will appreciate a relaxed and happy mom. And I'll tell you how to relieve the guilt. Book a cruise with the kids next. We are doing a couples cruise this month and booked a family cruise next April. We get to spend time by ourselves and take another cruise with the kids (Bonus extra cruise for us, I'm always looking for an excuse to cruise;))

[arbypup]

My husband and I will be celebrating our 16th anniversary....we have the perfect opportunity to go on a cruise......BUT....I am on the fence about leaving our kids!!! We have NEVER gone anywhere without them.....I am the one having the problem....my husband has no problem, my kids who are older, 15, 12, & 10, are very secure and don't have a problem with us going away. They would stay with different friends for the week, I know they would be fine. I really want to go!!! ....but then....

 

Has anyone experienced this......it's driving me crazy. We have had a bad couple of years, losing our parents... I am a very level headed person...except for this issue!!!!:confused:

 

Personally, I think the very fact that it is freaking you out to think about being away from your kids, means you need to spend a little time away from your kids. Think of it as practice for when they go away to college. Plus, they will be jealous and way more eager to come on the next all-family vacation ;)

[waykaylincruz]

My husband and I are in the same boat. We are celebrating our 10 year wedding anniversary in 2 weeks on the Jewel of the Seas to Canada?New England. It was a hard decision but we are leaving our 2 daughters ages 6 & 8 at home while their grandparents come for a much needed visit. Yes, it is important to always take your children on vacation with you but it is equally important to have your couple time so that happy parents will mean happy children. My daughters grandparents will get to spend very much needed quality time with our girls since we will be out of the picture for a week. The girls AND grandma is really excited about their week together. We did take our daughters on a cruise last month for our "summer family vacation"

 

Will I miss them, absolutely!!! But I am also extremely excited to spend one whole week uninterrupted with my husband!!!! I have set them up yahoo e-mail accounts and will e-mail them daily as they will also e-mail me with how their day went, how was school, etc. Also, since I will be in a couple of US ports, I plan on calling them on my cell phone. Everyone will be fine when it is all said and done.

 

Good luck!!

 

Renee

[CruiseLover72]

My husband and I booked an anniversary cruise when our son was 10 years old. I started getting really anxious about leaving him a few days before we were to leave. We left the morning of our cruise and got all the way to the airport. In the airport parking lot, I told my husband that I couldn't go. It was a very quiet ride back home (hubby was not happy). :(

 

We have another cruise booked for November without our now 14 year old. Hope I make it onboard this time. :D

[kay995]

It's true....you do what you are used to and comfortable doing...

My hubby and I have left our kids since the beginning of our marriage

(we celebrate 25 years this June!)....even if just for a day or two...

every year! I tell people who tell me I am nuts...it was part of the marriage contract...to get away "alone" at least once a year!!! Does wonders

for our relationship...since both of us are full time nurses, often work shifts opposite from each other and spend tons of time with our kids doing "family"

stuff together. I do not feel guilty one bit...the kids are used to it because they know no other way. We also do family vacations as well...we budget it in every year as we feel it is important. We will go without other things

to be sure to get away ourselves...this Nov we go on the Serenade! Next year we will go to Key West(for our 25th) and Las Vegas(for hubby's 50th).

The kids all stay with family and/or friends and I type up a "schedule" for

both them and us and with cell phones today..we just stay in touch.

My girls are 14, 18 and 22 now and they LOVE when we leave them!!!

They also LOVE when we take them and they have been on two cruises

with us. They have also traveled alone without us...my 14 year old went on

a school trip out west and the other two went to Florida and California.

I go on a yearly conference with all my AOII sorority sisters and have traveled all over the US alone. We can still be a happy family and take independent and separate as well as together vacations.

Kay

[4havingfun]

We have the same issue last week of October. We are celebrating 20 year Anniversary and while we have the kids, twin DD 11yo, for weekend getaways, we have never really left them for an enjoyable vacation. They usually accompany us on all fun vacations. Feeling guilty, but still planning on going. I am sure we will miss them, but expect when all is said and done everything will be alright.

[Ashryn]

Hi Suzie

 

My husband and I went away for our 16th wedding anniversary without our kids. I booked the cruise and then tried at the last minute to get our kids on as well because I felt the same way as you! However, we couldn't get a cabin for the kids and ended up going on our own. It took us all of a day to get over not having the children with us and thoroughly enjoying our time together.

 

Just go and have a good time, if you know the kids are with good reliable people then there is no need to worry.

 

Enjoy your time together.

[sulolilo]

I totally undertand your thoughts. My inlaws are taking all their adult children and spouses on a cruise in Nov. If we wanted to bring our kids, we had to pay for them ourselves. At first, my husband was resistant to bringing them because of the cost. But I just couldn't imagine the two of us getting on a plane together and flying half way across the world. It wasn't the part of being seperated from them that bothered me - we've been away from them before. It was the fact that we would be flying together.... all I could think of was "what if something happened to our plane"? A couple of years ago, we had flown to New Orleans without the kids and I was a nervous wreck on the flight there and back.

 

Plus, we don't get many opportunities to take this kind of vacation and we wanted the kids to experience it too. I finally convinced hubby we were taking them!

 

Do what feels right for you and your family and not what other people tell you that you SHOULD do or NEED to do. Your kids are only young once!

 

Susan

[kg4pit]

When our DS was about 3 yrs old, DH and I went to Panama City Beach for the weekend. Of course I had to call and talk to DS, well before I got off the phone, I was crying. DH said I couldn't call back!! (He didn't mean it) Well, DH was trying to be tough, but he's the one that said, "if we leave early enough, we might get to Daniel's daycare by lunch time"! After that trip, we didn't go without him until he was about 10yrs old. DH and I have been on 7 cruises. On 3 of those, DS didn't go. The first time we cruised without him, he was probably 15 and I still felt guilty about leaving him. It cost us a lot for him NOT to go because I made sure I bought him something everywhere we went. Talk about Guilt!!! He had a great time with his grandparents. Even though he is 21 now, I still feel a little guilty going on vacation without him.

Go enjoy yourself and the time with your husband. Every couple needs together time without the kids!!

[lagbunch8]

My husband and I booked an anniversary cruise when our son was 10 years old. I started getting really anxious about leaving him a few days before we were to leave. We left the morning of our cruise and got all the way to the airport. In the airport parking lot, I told my husband that I couldn't go. It was a very quiet ride back home (hubby was not happy). :(

 

We have another cruise booked for November without our now 14 year old. Hope I make it onboard this time. :D

 

What are you going to do when your son is 18? or 20? What if God forbid he goes away to college:eek: or gets married:eek: and you have to share him.

 

Cut the cord woman!:eek: :D

 

Have you thought about the possiblity that you may be nervous about spending one on one time with hubby? Just something to think about. If my DH wouldn't leave the kids to spend a few days alone with me we would have some serious problems. Show DH that he is your #1 man.

 

It's one thing if people have a small child but, 10, 14?!? Wow!

[Jadai]

You're not as crazy as I am....I don't want to leave my 3 little maltese!!!!!! LOL. Just go and enjoy. I would have loved to have my parents go away when I was a teenager. I would have had a blast spending a week with my friends and away from my brother and sister :). Seriously though, do whatever feels right!

[Fran Harp]

My husband and I will be celebrating our 16th anniversary....we have the perfect opportunity to go on a cruise......BUT....I am on the fence about leaving our kids!!! We have NEVER gone anywhere without them.....I am the one having the problem....my husband has no problem, my kids who are older, 15, 12, & 10, are very secure and don't have a problem with us going away. They would stay with different friends for the week, I know they would be fine. I really want to go!!! ....but then....

 

Has anyone experienced this......it's driving me crazy. We have had a bad couple of years, losing our parents... I am a very level headed person...except for this issue!!!!:confused:

 

Yup, you're crazy! :D:D But I know how you feel. I had four kids, and we got to the end of ten years of marriage and realised we had never gone away anywhere without them. Friends took them for the week - three different sets of friends actually - made sure they all got off to school, ate well, looked after them. The kids had a ball and we had a good time.

 

Go on the cruise, don't miss the opportunity. It will be good for all of you. There is internet access on the ship, and you can phone if you have a cell. You can remain in contact and still have fun. - and if you don't do it, you'll kick yourself. Remember, when your kids are gone you and your hubby still have to live with each other.....don't miss the chance to do this with him.

 

...and have a blast, and get a really sexy formal dress and a pair of spikey heels and some new jewelry......

 

Fran in Toronto

[happysinglemom]

My husband and I will be celebrating our 16th anniversary....we have the perfect opportunity to go on a cruise......BUT....I am on the fence about leaving our kids!!! We have NEVER gone anywhere without them.....I am the one having the problem....my husband has no problem, my kids who are older, 15, 12, & 10, are very secure and don't have a problem with us going away. They would stay with different friends for the week, I know they would be fine. I really want to go!!! ....but then....

 

Has anyone experienced this......it's driving me crazy. We have had a bad couple of years, losing our parents... I am a very level headed person...except for this issue!!!!:confused:

 

My son is 15, and I've never taken a vacation without him. I am single, so that probably makes a difference, but he enjoys being with me, and as long as he does, then we travel together. :o

[ehfl]

Have you seen a mental health professional? People need to learn how to be indepent of their kids....and more importantly, teach their kids independence. This is not healthy behavior. Seek professional help.

[CondoDiva]

Thank you all for your support!!!! You just don't know how much better I feel reading all the posts!!! ....and knowing that I'm not the only Parent that feels that way!! I am 99.9% we are going to go on the cruise... :D

 

Everyone brought up so many good points...I was smiling and laughing so much reading the posts!! but y'all are right..My husband and I really do need some time together, we just live such busy lives (him with work, me with the kids/"moms taxi"/my at home business) and seem to pass each other daily just to give a kiss goodbye or hello!!

 

My kids have gone away without us, with their friends, band trips, etc., but we have never been away together from THEM!!! We always have taken them on wonderful vacations, including just getting back in May from the Disney 15 day Panama Canal Cruise.....so they are not lacking in the vacation department!!!;)

 

I'm sure like some of you said the first day on the ship I will relax....and I will just love it......I will "Take a deep breath"!!!

 

My husband is so understanding.....but in the back of his mind I know he thinks that I will make us turn around and go home!! .....some of those stories you told were too funny!!! (because I see myself doing that!!)

 

Thanks again....I just love y'all on Cruise Critic!!!:p

[babyher]

What are you going to do when your son is 18? or 20? What if God forbid he goes away to college:eek: or gets married:eek: and you have to share him.

 

Cut the cord woman!:eek: :D

 

Have you thought about the possiblity that you may be nervous about spending one on one time with hubby? Just something to think about. If my DH wouldn't leave the kids to spend a few days alone with me we would have some serious problems. Show DH that he is your #1 man.

 

It's one thing if people have a small child but, 10, 14?!? Wow!

 

 

RIGHT ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

DW and I do everything for our kids and have taken them plenty of places so we don't have a bit of guilt when its our turn.

 

A child gets a certain age , although he will miss home, he/she won't think twice about taking a job offer or attending a college they have been accepted to across the country.

 

And that is the way it should be.

 

Mine are 20, 17, and 16. So I know its coming soon. Am I gonna miss them Of course. But I would never think of keeping them on the other end of the apron strings.

 

I have a cousin 48 yrs old , my aunt wasn't supposed to be able to have kids so when she did have him he bacame her everything. The kid couldn't go 2 feet without her being there. She worked at his school and then his high school all the years he went. She litearally went to school with him everyday.

 

When my uncle passed it was worse. He doesn't date, he doesn't go out he just goes to work and comes home and does for Mama.

 

I wish her 100 years but eventually she is gonna pass away and this poor guy is gonna be alone as alone can be , no wifeor family of his own, no nothing.

[jhk1206]

I'm with the majority of the other posters - I've got 3 children myself - 11, 11 & 13. We like to vacation with them - it's fun. But, when my husband and I can vacation without them, it's makes us so much better. And better us mean we're better parents, better everything. I love my kids with all that I've got, but sometimes they need time away from us too... Just ask 'em - I'm sure they'll tell you!

 

And besides - it sounds like you could use a little away time, given the rough patch in your life. In 3 weeks, we go on our 1st 7 day cruise without the kids... We plan to keep up with their goings on via e-mail when we're at sea, and we'll call each day when we're in port. And that's more for our benefit than theirs - I just want to keep on top of them school wise, since they're just getting back for the new school year.

 

Go, have a great time! Bring them back a present or 20! You'll love it!

- Jill