Question only for those who get upset by the underdressed

[Lucky Granny]

My husband spoke to someone in a uniform about his predicament on a HAL Alaskan cruise. My husband does dress appropriately on a Caribbean cruise, but he refused to bring a coat and tie to Alaska. He was quite agreeable to eating somewhere other than the MDR and I dressed up to go to the MDR alone, which I don't mind. Well, HAL fooled him....we had chosen the late seating for dinner and he discovered, on that dress-up night, that there is no other place to eat on the ship at that time. The uniform suggested room service so he tried that, but was told it would take an hour to get served. He returned to the uniform with his complaint and, so, then, the uniformed placed his order, apparently ahead of all the other room service orders, and included a complimentary glass of wine. He was also told he could eat in the MDR on the next dress-up night dressed as he was. He was fully clothed (no shorts, tank top or flip flops) but was more appropriately dressed for a hunting lodge than a cruise ship formal dinner. We really were surprised that there was no other place to eat...we are used to the 24-hour food of a large ship.

[DivasDare]

Formal, elegant casual, to do or not to do, does what some one else wears effect me. Nope, People spend to much time worrying about what the next person is doing or wearing.

 

I can't wait till we cruise so that my family can wear the clothes that i have planned. We will have two elegant nights and we are eating in the steakhouse we will be dressed appropriately. Causal nights will be causal, I made a deal with my tee shirt wearing husband that for the 8 day's we are cruising he will change his tee shirts for dinner.

 

This conversation reminds me of my very best southern friend, She is from Mississippi, and I am in Illinois, she has all the advantages in life, we sometimes struggle. She cruises the Mediterranean, I cruise the Caribbean, She would be dressed to the 9, I will be dressed to the 4.5. But my 4.5 will equal her 9's. And she would never look down on anything I would wear as being below her.

 

MAN I wish there were like buttons on this site. I love this response! I T A!

[cruise kitty]

Formal, elegant casual, to do or not to do, does what some one else wears effect me. Nope, People spend to much time worrying about what the next person is doing or wearing.

 

I can't wait till we cruise so that my family can wear the clothes that i have planned. We will have two elegant nights and we are eating in the steakhouse we will be dressed appropriately. Causal nights will be causal, I made a deal with my tee shirt wearing husband that for the 8 day's we are cruising he will change his tee shirts for dinner.

 

This conversation reminds me of my very best southern friend, She is from Mississippi, and I am in Illinois, she has all the advantages in life, we sometimes struggle. She cruises the Mediterranean, I cruise the Caribbean, She would be dressed to the 9, I will be dressed to the 4.5. But my 4.5 will equal her 9's. And she would never look down on anything I would wear as being below her.

 

Yes!! what a great post, kudos for your attitude of gratitude!

[AFS1970]

I think there is one key factor here that many of us are missing. Formal night is not in any way about meeting my or any other passengers standards. Formal night is all about meeting the Cruiseline's standards, that they wrote and included in their rules withing the contract they required all passengers to sign.

 

I for one am perplexed as to why they write such rules and then do not enforce them. As I said in another thread, I would assume that if they were going to deny entry to anyone in the MDR, it would be at the door not after they had entered and were seated. The funny thing is that they are so strict about some rules and very lax about others, which makes no sense to me.

[Drew's Wife]

We have just booked our eleventh cruise, and I have to admit...on our very first cruise we complained to the Maitre'd. It was the first night of the cruise, and we were to be seated at a table with three other couples. I had on a nice cocktail dress and DH had on a sportcoat, dress shirt and tie. We saw that a couple of guys at the table had on "baseball" caps at the dinner table, and so we asked the Maitre'd if he would have the "gentlemen" remove their caps or please reseat us at a table to ourselves.

 

He promptly reseated us at a table to ourselves and thankfully it has been that way for every cruise. And yes I would do the same thing over again if I were going to have to be seated at the dinner table with some man and his ball cap. I'm still fuming:mad: over some of the people I saw during Memorial Day services that didn't bother to take their ball caps off when the Colors of the Flag were posted and as far as not bothering to place their hand over their heart for the National Anthem and the Pledge of started....but then don't get me started on that!:rolleyes:

 

There are just some things that one does not do at the dinner table, and the baseball cap was kind of dirty and sweaty looking, and did not fit in with the occasion... I guess if they had been at the local "crab shack" having beer with their buddies and playing pool, then I would expect nothing less. However it was just plain rude to wear it at the dinner table,especially with ladies present.

 

I would love to see them enforce a dress code and I would have no problem paying extra to be in a dining room that was elite and selective where the patrons are concerned. I even wrote to the cruise line a while back, suggesting a real formal night, with dancing, and a suggested that it be with reservation and a stiff little fee of at least a $100 dollars per couple. I wouldn't have any problem at all with this, would well be worth the money. Especially if it was in the tradtion of the "Old" Captain's Party, just more elegant.

[Soxfan05]

We have just booked our eleventh cruise' date=' and I have to admit...on our very first cruise we complained to the Maitre'd. It was the first night of the cruise, and we were to be seated at a table with three other couples. I had on a nice cocktail dress and DH had on a sportcoat, dress shirt and tie. We saw that a couple of guys at the table had on "baseball" caps at the dinner table, and so we asked the Maitre'd if he would have the "gentlemen" remove their caps or please reseat us at a table to ourselves. [/color']

 

He promptly reseated us at a table to ourselves and thankfully it has been that way for every cruise.

 

Thanks for sharing.

[Soxfan05]

She would be dressed to the 9, I will be dressed to the 4.5. But my 4.5 will equal her 9's. And she would never look down on anything I would wear as being below her.

 

Good for your Illinoismom.

 

The point of posing these questions and (the reason I keep interjecting) is to really find out why some people are so affected and what they have done about it in the past. I know we all have out own ideas on why they feel this way but rather than start a bashing thread, I wanted to hear them out. Get past preconceived notions and go to the source.

 

What I have found very interesting is this has stayed mostly civil. A few have gone off the rails but for the most part, this has been a very good discourse and those people who want people to respect dress code and other passengers are respecting the conversation. Those who really just go off on a tangent on other threads have stayed away. Perhaps because none of them every stepped up and wrote a letter, or spoke to a Maitre' D or did anything beyond bash people on internet sites.

 

I appreciate the candor of those who have answered. And especially those who answered without judgment of others, just giving reason for their thoughts and feelings.

[Happy ks]

Soxfan05, I think the reason this thread has remained civil is because it is in the correct forum. If you posted this thread on any line specific forum, there is where you will get the bashing.

 

I've been here a long time and enjoy Cruise Fashion and Beauty more than any or the other forums because people are kinder to each other and we can disagree and share different ideas without fear of being called names or belittled.

 

The moderators know how I feel about them moving fashion related threads over here that get too heated and rude. It makes it seem like the "bad guys" are here. If you read through the nastiest formal night threads, the vast majority of people who don't want to dress up are men...not women. And they don't want to put a tie on because it's uncomfortable. I've stated that perhaps they should go up a couple of neck sizes, perhaps that one shirt and tie that was purchased 10-20 years ago is now the incorrect size (I don't state that, but it is my opinion).

 

As long as women wear bras, Spanx, heels (some in pantyhose), take extra time to do their hair, makeup etc... I think any man is fully capable of wearing a nice shirt, tie and jacket to compliment his woman who took the time to look great for him.

 

I feel great next to my handsome husband, who is dressed to compliment me. While a tie isn't his favorite thing to wear, he says it's fine for the evening, since that is what is requested of him by the cruise line. They make the effort to make a fancy evening for us, we can comply.

 

Illinoismomof4, your friend has true grace, which is the same of the cruise line personnel. That is the real reason they don't "enforce" the rules.

[Alamogirl]

 

I would love to see them enforce a dress code and I would have no problem paying extra to be in a dining room that was elite and selective where the patrons are concerned. I even wrote to the cruise line a while back' date=' suggesting a real formal night, with dancing, and a suggested that it be with reservation and a stiff little fee of at least a $100 dollars per couple. I wouldn't have any problem at all with this, would well be worth the money. Especially if it was in the tradtion of the "Old" Captain's Party, just more elegant.[/color']

 

As I have said we enjoy dressing and would like to see some sort of dress code prevail on formal nights, to have a function for as you say ELITE AND SELECTIVE is... I bite my tongue. Let's just say WRONG!!:mad:

[Alamogirl]

Formal, elegant casual, to do or not to do, does what some one else wears effect me. Nope, People spend to much time worrying about what the next person is doing or wearing.

 

I can't wait till we cruise so that my family can wear the clothes that i have planned. We will have two elegant nights and we are eating in the steakhouse we will be dressed appropriately. Causal nights will be causal, I made a deal with my tee shirt wearing husband that for the 8 day's we are cruising he will change his tee shirts for dinner.

 

This conversation reminds me of my very best southern friend, She is from Mississippi, and I am in Illinois, she has all the advantages in life, we sometimes struggle. She cruises the Mediterranean, I cruise the Caribbean, She would be dressed to the 9, I will be dressed to the 4.5. But my 4.5 will equal her 9's. And she would never look down on anything I would wear as being below her.

 

You are terrific and have a great attitude and soul!!

[sgttami]

This question is just for those who feel strongly that the quality of their vacation is compromised by those who do not follow dress code.

 

Have you complained to the maitre d' or someone else who could, if they so chose, ask the offenders to leave and return properly attired?

 

If so, what was the outcome?

 

If not, why did you keep mum?

 

How would you feel about a formal only dining option where one would pay extra for that experience?

 

For those of conflicting opinions, please let's hear everyone out without judgment. I'm just curious what, if anything the cruiselines do for their customers who express their displeasure.

 

On our last 9 day cruise (RCL) we were seated for dinner on the first formal night (MDR.. family, table of 4) and had ordered from the menu and were enjoying cocktails and bread. A group of six were seated next to us shortly after. They were beautifully dressed and very attractive..tuxes and gowns.

 

Within a minute of their being seated, I smelled bad, bad big time body odor and VERY strong perfume. It was obviously from that table. My stomach did flips and I thought I was going to throw up. My husband remarked "what the F is that smell?"

 

Five more minutes seemed like eternity and I knew there was no way I could eat dinner with the ODOR. I went to the maitre'd who was busy chatting with guests and told him the problem. His comment, "Oh no, not them again!!" He went to their table and told them they would be moving to another table. I highly doubt he told them of the BO complaint but we never sat next to them again!! I wonder how many times they were moved during the cruise!!!

 

My vacation is not compromised by those that don't follow the dress code, especially after that trip. These people were in gorgeous attire and stunk to the high heavens!!

[Alamogirl]

sgattmi, Just goes to show you can't judge a book by it's cover;)

[Jane110]

I have an idea - how about if those who wish to dress casually in the MDR on formal night pay for the extra for that experience?

 

That's perfect! :)

 

But seriously, why would it even be suggested that those that want to dress formally pay more money for doing so??? :confused::confused:

 

On a formal evening, if someone wasn't formally dressed, I wouldn't say anything to anyone. However, if someone was very inappropriately dressed, to the point where they stood out in a negative way, I would say something to the maitre'D, not the sloppily dressed passenger. It's not my job, or my place, to enforce the rules, it's the staff's job.

[Jane110]

 

I would love to see them enforce a dress code and I would have no problem paying extra to be in a dining room that was elite and selective where the patrons are concerned. I even wrote to the cruise line a while back' date=' suggesting a real formal night, with dancing, and a suggested that it be with reservation and a stiff little fee of at least a $100 dollars per couple. I wouldn't have any problem at all with this, would well be worth the money. Especially if it was in the tradtion of the "Old" Captain's Party, just more elegant.[/color']

 

I understand your POV, but have to say that I wouldn't want to see something like that with an additional charge. What my crystal ball tells me is that what would happen is that those who want to dress formally will feel almost obligated to pay extra in order to be with people appropriately dressed. Those that can't afford the extra $$$, or feel it's not warranted, will then be even in a worse position as they elegantly stroll into the dining room in their formal wear to see a room full of casually dressed people with the new attitude of "hey, it you want formal, pay for it and go to the formal party".

I think it would serve to turn formal night into an even more casual one.

 

So with an extra charge involved, I don't agree with the idea.

 

Additionally, I don't support the idea of all the extra charges anyway. With the excepton of alcohol, spa treatments, gambling, photos, shore excursions and other incidentals, cruising should stick to what it does best, and that is, offer a great time for an inclusive price. Enforcing a dress code in the dining room shouldn't be something extra people need to pay for.

[cooncat_mom]

Hmmm....am now a little nervous about formal nights on our upcoming cruise! As a short dumpy woman, I don't wear formals because of cost and really, a long dress just makes me look shorter and dumpier - especially since I can't wear heels! I tend to wear velvet pants and a red and black velvet burn-out blouse with pearls, which makes me look like a cross between the Queen Mother and a couch.:eek:

That said, Drew's Wife's idea of a truly elegant formal dining experience apart from the MDR sounds like a great compromise. Since fewer people are wanting to dress in an actual formal manner and many are restricted by money for clothes they wouldn't normally wear or not wanting to take the amount of luggage they'd need to (a lot of folks just do carry-ons now), why not a special luxury dining experience? The specialty restaurants are popular, so for $25 extra you'd be able to experience an evening of dining and dancing in a truly formal atmosphere. The small extra cost would make enforcing the dress code much easier since they'd be working with a smaller population. That way the

MDR would be "Cruise Elegant" and those of us who change after dining would be fine, while those who prefer to have a true formal evening would also be able to enjoy themselves.

[Soxfan05]

 

But seriously, why would it even be suggested that those that want to dress formally pay more money for doing so??? :confused::confused:

 

It's not my job, or my place, to enforce the rules, it's the staff's job.

 

Hi Jane,

To answer the question, since I was the one who posed the idea:

You have been on the boards long enough to know that there are some people who truly feel their vacation is compromised by the under dressed. They lament that even if the MDR is full of formally dressed people for dinner, many change after dinner and the intended atmosphere of the evening is lost. They want a full, formal evening.

 

My thought is by using a venue solely for a formal event- complete with a nice dinner, and dancing, where those passengers who want to experience a full evening of formality, the cruise line could provide that experience in a controlled atmosphere. My assumption is this would not be free and as such, the question was "Would you be willing to pay for that experience?" It was not a suggestion but rather a question.

 

You are correct it is the job of the staff to enforce rules, it's too bad it seems like more often than not, they don't. I was disappointed to hear on Cunard, passengers police themselves and there is little or no reaction from staff.

[Pennypocket]

Hi Jane,

 

 

You are correct it is the job of the staff to enforce rules, it's too bad it seems like more often than not, they don't. I was disappointed to hear on Cunard, passengers police themselves and there is little or no reaction from staff.

 

Actually, I preferthe passengers control the situation. Otherwise it becomes "government" controlling how we live and not we our selves. We are where we are in terms of the "it's my vacation" route because we as a society have not stepped up to the plate when we have seen poor behavior and said something or put the offending people out of our circle etc. Back when there was a civilized society people knew how to act in most all situations and did so. Those that did not were not invited back, etc. Time to begin taking back that which we have given up and complain about losing.

[Happy ks]

Hmmm....am now a little nervous about formal nights on our upcoming cruise! As a short dumpy woman, I don't wear formals because of cost and really, a long dress just makes me look shorter and dumpier - especially since I can't wear heels! I tend to wear velvet pants and a red and black velvet burn-out blouse with pearls, which makes me look like a cross between the Queen Mother and a couch.:eek:

That said, Drew's Wife's idea of a truly elegant formal dining experience apart from the MDR sounds like a great compromise. Since fewer people are wanting to dress in an actual formal manner and many are restricted by money for clothes they wouldn't normally wear or not wanting to take the amount of luggage they'd need to (a lot of folks just do carry-ons now), why not a special luxury dining experience? The specialty restaurants are popular, so for $25 extra you'd be able to experience an evening of dining and dancing in a truly formal atmosphere. The small extra cost would make enforcing the dress code much easier since they'd be working with a smaller population. That way the

MDR would be "Cruise Elegant" and those of us who change after dining would be fine, while those who prefer to have a true formal evening would also be able to enjoy themselves.

 

 

 

You are in need of a good girlfriend who is honest with you! Someone who will go shopping and help you select clothing that doesn't make you feel "dumpy".

 

There are clothes out there for you and there is no need for you to settle for velvet pants and a top that makes you look like QE or a piece of furniture.

 

It may take some time and a whole lot of searching, but I truly believe every woman deserves to feel beautiful.:)

[AFS1970]

Actually, I preferthe passengers control the situation. Otherwise it becomes "government" controlling how we live and not we our selves. We are where we are in terms of the "it's my vacation" route because we as a society have not stepped up to the plate when we have seen poor behavior and said something or put the offending people out of our circle etc. Back when there was a civilized society people knew how to act in most all situations and did so. Those that did not were not invited back, etc. Time to begin taking back that which we have given up and complain about losing.

 

I don't think it ever gets to the level of the government telling us how to dress, but it does get to the point of the property owner telling how to dress on their property. I know it is not unique to cruising, but I think it is more prevalent on cruises, the idea of seeing just how far we can push the envelope. However I do not like the idea of passengers self policing themselves because there really is no way to do this without sounding rude. If it is done the next morning at breakfast it does not solve the perceived problem the previous night at dinner.

 

Oh and as for the baseball caps in another poster's earlier post, no matter what your level of dress, it is never acceptable to wear a hat indoors and certainly not at the dinner table, not even at the Windjammer.

[Palmetto Lady]

Whenever I see an adult male wearing a baseball hat in a nice restaurant, I want to to say"Honey, didn't your mama teach you better?" However I bite my tongue especially after seeing my fifty year old son wearing a baseball cap in a restaurant. I expressed my displeasure, but I don't know if it "took".

[Pennypocket]

A baseball hat is the easiest hear gear to control. It fits in your back pocket or if that is too uncomfortable due to a level of heft vs trouser size then it draps easily over one knee when seated. When standing, hold it in your hand. This can even be done while carrying a tray piled high with food from the buffet.

NEVER ever, unless you are of an orthodox religious order, are heading into surgery or are a victim of a particulaly poor transplant job, wear a hat indoors. Yes you may not care to or have time to return to your cabin, but you can and should take the thing off in doors.

[Pennypocket]

However I do not like the idea of passengers self policing themselves because there really is no way to do this without sounding rude. If it is done the next morning at breakfast it does not solve the perceived problem the previous night at dinner.

 

quote]

 

Too bad if it comes off as sounding rude. The offender earns zero right to a free pass to not be treated in such a manner. However, it can be done in such a way as to get the message across with out a direct confrontation other than a mass rising from the table and a request for other seating. As to the morning after, true it does not solve the problem immediately nor would the maitre d' solve it as they usually make a request but do not insist. The morning after usually solves the problem going forward unless of course the offender is tone deaf which many tend to be. Time to begin to recapture that we have given up yet complain we have lost it!

[Alamogirl]

Hmmm....am now a little nervous about formal nights on our upcoming cruise! As a short dumpy woman, I don't wear formals because of cost and really, a long dress just makes me look shorter and dumpier - especially since I can't wear heels! I tend to wear velvet pants and a red and black velvet burn-out blouse with pearls, which makes me look like a cross between the Queen Mother and a couch.:eek:

That said, Drew's Wife's idea of a truly elegant formal dining experience apart from the MDR sounds like a great compromise. Since fewer people are wanting to dress in an actual formal manner and many are restricted by money for clothes they wouldn't normally wear or not wanting to take the amount of luggage they'd need to (a lot of folks just do carry-ons now), why not a special luxury dining experience? The specialty restaurants are popular, so for $25 extra you'd be able to experience an evening of dining and dancing in a truly formal atmosphere. The small extra cost would make enforcing the dress code much easier since they'd be working with a smaller population. That way the

MDR would be "Cruise Elegant" and those of us who change after dining would be fine, while those who prefer to have a true formal evening would also be able to enjoy themselves.

 

You shouldn't be so hard on yourself, everyone has a certain beauty, either inside or out. A short dressy dress would be perfect, you say you can't wer "heels" have you tried the little kitten heels, most are barely an inch but are

thinner. One of my friends is short and a little chunky, she had velvet pants but tossed them for something lighter in material and she look and felt much better. Perhaps omit the pearls and add some "bling". There are some very reasonable nice looking bling pieces. I seldom take my good jewlery on the cruise, I prefer to take costume pieces incase of loss.

 

So please smile, because a smile always makes anyone prettier. FYI.. don't worry about Drewswife and her comments, just be happy and enjoy your cruise..

[satxdiver]

A baseball hat is the easiest hear gear to control. It fits in your back pocket or if that is too uncomfortable due to a level of heft vs trouser size then it draps easily over one knee when seated. When standing, hold it in your hand. This can even be done while carrying a tray piled high with food from the buffet.

NEVER ever, unless you are of an orthodox religious order, are heading into surgery or are a victim of a particulaly poor transplant job, wear a hat indoors. Yes you may not care to or have time to return to your cabin, but you can and should take the thing off in doors.

 

Men wear hats indoors and outdoors in the US west where I live. It is an old tradition. It all depends on where you live on this earth.

[Drew's Wife]

FYI.. don't worry about Drewswife and her comments, just be happy and enjoy your cruise..

 

That said, Drew's Wife's idea of a truly elegant formal dining experience apart from the MDR sounds like a great compromise. Since fewer people are wanting to dress in an actual formal manner and many are restricted by money for clothes they wouldn't normally wear or not wanting to take the amount of luggage they'd need to (a lot of folks just do carry-ons now), why not a special luxury dining experience? The specialty restaurants are popular, so for $25 extra you'd be able to experience an evening of dining and dancing in a truly formal atmosphere. The small extra cost would make enforcing the dress code much easier since they'd be working with a smaller population. That way the

MDR would be "Cruise Elegant" and those of us who change after dining would be fine, while those who prefer to have a true formal evening would also be able to enjoy themselves.

 

Tis very true..coon-cat mom...You don't need to be so hard on yourself. As some of the other ladies have mentioned there are many inexpensive clothes, made from some wonderful fabrics, that would fit you well and look younger without being over the top. Try some type of flowy pants in a Georgette material. It will sweep and looks and feels very elegant with just the right top and a little sparkle in your accessories.

 

AlamoGirl ,...I believe you might want to reread Coon-cat moms post. It apprears that she is in agreement with ME!:rolleyes::)

 

I understand many of the viewpoints posted on here, and this is clearly mine. Am I better than anyone else? No Way! Does some yahoo in a baseball cap and cutoffs affect my cruise? No Way! Reason, I won't allow it too...he won't be ruining my dining experience as we will do nothing more that make sure that we are reseated. For your see, I also pay my fares and dues for that suite....I too should be able to dress in a way that I deem proper and enjoy dinner without having to be subjected to that anymore than they want to be subjected to me and my husband's evening attire.

 

As another poster stated that some people were seated next to them and were dressed to the nines...but they had a terrible body odor....well I will say the same things for these people. If they have enough sense to dress for dinner, then they should have enough sense to come clean to dinner. There is NO EXSCUSE for it whatsoever. However there is always someone that is lacking in the social graces where common sense and etiquette just do not prevail. As far as being seated next to somone one that had terrible body odor, that is not an option either. With that being said....I don't want to "smell foul odors" or hear "foul F language" at the dinner table. Just another one of my little social quirks..:)

 

 

As far as having a special paid venue for the evening for those that would like the full package experience....there are many things on ships that already have a degree of "elitism" and "Selectiveness"...If there is a private party in a club, a wedding, reception, no one but the person invited or the person that has paid a certain fee is allowed in...This would be the same concept, only it would be "ship" related. I believe they call it separting the "wheat" from the "Chaff".

 

So once again if I have offended anyone, then I am truly sorry and would hope that I did not cause you any distress. I was always taught to respect others even if sometimes things sound a little harsh. I simply have certain high expectations from myself and those that I care for. And for that I do not apologize as I will not lower the bar or my standards just because everyone elsefeels they can.. :)